AUSTIN ARIES PROMO- good.
It has been one week, and they have not bothered to inform Taz what he is supposed to call the former Ezekiel Jackson other than “the man formerly known as Big Zeke.”
Do you remember how King Mo debuted as Dixie’s bodyguard last week? Well he wasn’t here. What a sh*tty bodyguard.
Content-wise, Dixie’s promo was great, and her delivery was very good, too. The problem is that when you are trying to cut a heel promo burying ECW and claiming that WWECW was the “true” and “real” ECW, it helps to actually be able to say “ECW.” Saying “E-C-Dub just sounded moronic. Like Dixie has some sort of weird disability where she can’t say “double-yoo.” This was made even worse by the fact that EC III and Dreamer both did say “ECW” during their promos tonight.
EC III’s promo renamed Zeke as Rycklon. He also said Rycklon was the true ECW Champion, which is true. He also said that “whenever you chant ECW, you are chanting for Gene Snitsky.” This all got GREAT heat.
After that (and putting over Rhino), Ethan cut one of the promos that you know he was instructed to recite word-for-word from a script because of how painfully unnatural it sounded. The gist of it was that he challenged Team 3-D & Tommy Dreamer to one final match.
TNA WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: The Wolves(c) vs. The Hardys- 8.25/10
All action, all awesome. TNA’s match of the year so far. Post-match handshakes all around.
LOW KI VIDEO PACKAGE- great. He and Joe had a staredown backstage. I guess they’re both going to wind up in the finals of the X-Division Title Tournament. Way to give things away there, TNA.
X-DIVISION TITLE MATCH QUALIFYING MATCH: Low Ki vs. Manik vs. DJ Zema Ion- 7.75/10
Even more action! Lots of great three-way spots.
JAMES STORM PROMO- Great!
He says Sanada is his new protégé, and claims that he is a legend and the Great Muta isn’t.
X-DIVISION TITLE MATCH QUALIFYING MATCH: Brian Cage vs. Sanada (w/James Storm) vs. Crazzy Steve (w/the Menagerie)- 4.25/10
I know I rant about this every time, but I’m going to rant about it again because this Crazzy Steve title shot sh*t has got to stop.
This is Steve’s seventh match in TNA. He debuted with a DQ loss to Kazarian. Since that point he has had six matches, and ALL SIX OF THOSE MATCHES HAVE EITHER BEEN TITLE MATCHES OR #1 CONTENDERSHIP MATCHES. HE HASN’T EVEN WON A SINGLE F*CKING MATCH YET, AND THIS WILL BE HIS SIX TITLE OPPORTUNITY! WHAT THE F*CK?!!!!!!!!!!!
Continuously giving this man title shots kills any and all credibility the titles are supposed to have!
Why is he even still employed? Dixie and MVP probably don’t give three sh*ts about the Knux Family carnival, and Kurt Angle should be all about people earning things. This f*cker hasn’t done anything to earn his roster spot and he hasn’t done anything to prove that he deserves it.
The match was okay. They did stuff. There was no real story to it. Sanada won clean, pinning Crazzy Steve.
ECW GUYS PROMO- Bully says that he, Devon, & Dreamer are about to go out to the ring and cut a promo. Well… that makes this kind of pointless, doesn’t it?
ARIES & ROODE BACKSTAGE- GREAT!
Roode admits to Aries that Aries’ victory over him at Destination X 2012 for the TNA World Heavyweight Title was not a fluke. I like it when someone who has recently turned face admits to and attempts to apologize for their wrongdoing as a heel.
SEGMENT TO SET UP NEXT WEEK’S DIXIELAND VS. ECW GUYS MATCH- pretty bad.
First Devon cut an awesome promo. Then Dreamer put over everyone in the locker room for having a great work ethic. Well… that was out of place. And borderline kayfabe-breaking, too. He finished off well, though, saying he would go to war with Team 3-D against Dixieland and he didn’t want to wait. Dixieland came out, and EC III said that the match would take place next week. Throughout Ethan’s promo, Dreamer, who had just said that he didn’t want to wait to fight, did nothing. Bully then cut a promo saying that he didn’t want to wait for next week, Dreamer didn’t want to wait for next week, Devon didn’t want to wait for next week, and the fans didn’t want to wait for next week. He also threatened to start a riot. I’m sure that made management happy. Anyway, after the babyfaces made this whole big deal about not wanting to wait for next week… Bully said they would wait for next week because Ethan wanted to. He then insisted that the match be an “eight-man weapons extreme hardcore war.” Whatever that means.
Bully then swore that “by this time next week,” Dixie would go through a table. I hope Kurt books this as next week’s main event, just so that it will be impossible for Bully to fulfill his promise.
Despite the fact that none of these men has any booking power, Tenay just accepted this match as fact. Additionally, both he and Taz failed to pick up on the fact that the babyfaces had challenged the heels to an “eight-man” match, but there are only three babyfaces instead of four.
KURT & JOE HAVE A MUTED CONVERSATION- pointless and dumb.
We see Kurt and Joe talking, but we can’t hear them because I guess the secret spy-cam guy forgot to turn on his audio. Joe walks off, and the cameraman remarks to Kurt that his conversation with Joe seemed “intense.” It didn’t. It wasn’t even close. They even shook hands at the end of it. Kurt says that “Destination X is about to have no limits.” Obviously this means that Joe will be in the final X-Division Title Tournament Qualifier. Despite how obvious this is, I will bet fifty dollars that when Joe comes out, Tenay will say that “this must be what Kurt Angle meant!” as if Kurt’s statement had been some kind of impossible riddle.
DIXIE LAND BACKSTAGE- King Mo is here now.
THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE PROMO- they say they broke up Gail vs. Taryn III because Taryn hasn’t done anything to deserve a title shot. And she’s right. Kurt is apparently blocking her from getting any more rematches with Gail. So the X-Division job squad all get infinite title matches, but someone who has actually done something in TNA doesn’t get any just because Kurt doesn’t like her? Did Kurt get this job because he was supposed to be fair?
She also says she will have a big announcement next week.
WEIRD VIDEO- There will be a wrestler in TNA. His name has five letters and starts with H. I think that’s what we were supposed to get out of this. This could be fun. Anyone want to play hangman?
SAMOA JOE PROMO- eh.
What do you know? I was right about Tenay’s obtuseness. Taz also apparently didn’t figure it out.
As I predicted, Joe said that he asked Kurt to add him into this match. Why did Kurt not have all the spots already booked?
X-DIVISION TITLE MATCH QUALIFYING MATCH: Samoa Joe vs. Tigre Uno vs. Homicide- 4.25/10
When Tigre Uno was making his entrance, Tenay said that “since arriving in TNA last March, Tigre Uno, the Luchador from Mexico, has been THIS close- he’s been on the verge of winning the X-Division Title on a several occasions. Now he’s in a must-win position in this qualifier.”
No, Mike, he’s NOT in a must-win position. Since his first loss in an X-Division Title match, Tigre Uno has had five matches. He has lost all of them. Despite this fact, of those five matches, FOUR OF THEM have been title shots or #1 contendership matches. THIS is why you need to have people EARN title shots by getting a bunch of wins! Because if you don’t losses become completely inconsequential, and as a result, the matches become inconsequential.
Oh. And it was actually THIS March that Uno debuted. You’d think someone would have caught and corrected that mistake in the month since this was taped.
Homicide got a big pop in his home city. Tigre Uno did what appeared to be a Senton Bomb to the testicles of Homicide. Joe won a short match.
ABYSS PROMO- great
Apparently he will be facing Bram in a Monster’s Ball next week. This will be the second time in just over a month that they have competed against each other in a Monster’s Ball. This should NEVER happen.
TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Bobby Lashley(c) vs. Austin Aries- 8/10
I was expecting a great match, but this was even better than I had expected. Lashley hit Aries with the BIGGEST RUNNING POWERSLAM EVER! Aries was in top form here, making a totally awesome comeback, and Lashley was a great monster.
A GREAT show from TNA, especially in the ring. Hell… in the ring, this week’s Impact was better than most of the PPVs TNA has put on in the last few years. They also did a great job of building up next week’s show. I really liked this week’s Impact. It was a GREAT show… Until this happened:
ENDING VIDEO- WHAT THE F*CK?!
This was another kayfabe killing video package using clips for next week. Even worse, they completely spoiled the fact that Dixie goes through a table, which will totally kill all of the drama in next week’s match. Even when they put on an awesome show, they can’t help but screw it up in the end.
STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Tenay referred to the Wolves as specializing in “high-risk offense.”
Umm... not really, Mike.