WCW Mayhem 1999

WCW Mayhem 1999WCW Mayhem 1999

By NWK2000
From November 21, 1999

-I think they played that one White Zombie song that was in ever ECW video package in this video package.
- Wait a second, if Sting attacked a referee, you strip him of the belt, and then you book a huge tournament, wouldn't you go out of your way not to book Sting in it?
-Medusa was in it, but fought Meng and we don't know what happened
-Bret Hart is the plucky underdog about 2 years too late.
-David Flair took out DDP, because clearly no one would've bought a WCW PPV with DDP's name attached :D
-Yayyy pointless stips and cheap Jeff Jarrett win
Benoit beat the s**t out of Medusa, in what must've been super uncomfortable in hindsight
-Yeah, this is so confusing I can't even keep track.
Oh, and we aren't even in the PPV yet, just the intro package.

Semi-final World Championship Tournament match
Jeff Jarrett vs Chris Benoit
The announcers make no bones about Jeff Jarrett getting plenty of rest from the powers that be, which is why he's on first.
-Yeah, let's ruin what otherwsie has been a great contest with breaking kayfabe with creative control and having the Harris twins interfere
OH the name of the team is Creative control.
-Let's ruin a Benoit advancement by Jarrett and Co interfering.
Jeff Jarrett and co beat up Disco Inferno during a backstage interview.

Evan Korageous w/ Medusa vs Disco Inferno w/ Tony Marinara for the Crusierweight Title and $25,000
- Disco Inferno walks out to the ring, gets beat up by Evan, and Tony doesn't give any shits.
-Tony gets on commentary and is the most annoying dude ever. Apparently Disco's in with the mob?
"All you people, you can't get this watch, because you can't afford it" This guy is magical
-The crowd is chanting 'boring' my sentiments exactly.
-People marked for Medusa slapping Disco
-Tony is off commentary there is a God
-Tony got hit with a chair there is a God.
-Apparently the amount changed to $45,000
2.5/10 for no other reason than Tony Marinara

-Off camera Vince Russo says Jeff Jarrett needs to prove himself
-Norman Smiley gets scared by construction in a pre-match interview.
Brian Knobbs w/Jimmy Hart vs Norman Smiley for the WCW hadcore championship
-Norman comes out in a face mask which immediately gets ripped off, awesome.
-The crowd LOVES Norman Smiley
-The thing I don't like about early late 90s hardcore matches is that if I wanted to watch people fight like this, I wouldn't by a WCW PPV, I would watch two homeless dudes fight outside of a Burger King
-Norman took a table bump against a wall in what has to be the safest looking table bump ever.
-Oh no, the dreaded cardboard box wall spot.
-Oh no, the dreaded *Irish whipped into hamburger buns spot

1.5/10 for super safe, super dumb Hardcore spots.
Great Revolution promo, Saturn stole the show by comparing the Filthy Animals to dinosaurs
Filthy Animals promo Torrie just called everyone in Revolution half pints
We got a backstage segment with Tony and Disco, with Tony telling us what we knew already, he's bringing the boys to beat up Disco

The Revolution (Shane Douglas, Dean Malenko, Perry Saturn, and Asia) vs (Konnan, Torrie Wilson, Billy Kidman, and Eddie Guerrero
-The "Who Booked this crap sign" nice Saturn moonsault
-Some guy just poked Malenko with a Canadian flag and got kicked out.
Malenko's got the tights and eliminates Kidman
Apparently Konnan is a manager as well as Douglas, speaking of which he just walked out.
-Torrie's ankle is messed up so yeah.
-Everytime Asia gets moves on Eddie a puppy dies
-The only reason why it's 1 on 1 now is because the Revolution have miscommunicated
-"Perry went up and that enabled Eddie to move out o fthe way" Yes Tony because that's how physics work.
-Perry Saturn punched Torrie in the vagina and got the pin.
1.7/10 for the vagina punch, and pointless overbooking

We get a backstage segment in which Jeff Jarrett and Creative Control beat up Buff Bagwell who's fighting for his career next
-Pretty much what this show us is that Hennig hasn't won or lost clean in months in fighting for his career.
Jeff Jarrett and Creative Control come and beat up Hennig, Buff makes the save and so with a cheap shot by Hennig, we begin....

Buff Bagwell vs Curt Hennig , loser gets fired
-Everytime they mention Creative Control (the tag team) I die a little
-OW that chop
-At least you can't screw up the booking of the rest hold.
-Bobby Heenan calls Buff "young without irony
5/10 Not bad not good either.

Sting vs Bret Hart in the semi-finals of the World Title
-Good match, but of course it ends on interference, and Bret Hart's declaring the match restarted in the ultimate babyface move, but he ended up working the leg Luger worked over with the bat, so it doesn't matter anyway

6.5/10 for Dusty Finishes Inverted
Why couldn't it have been Bret/Sting in Canada without this swerve s**t?
So Lex got clocked by the bat and Lex can't compete.

Vampiro vs. *censored* BERLYN (Berlyn is best gimmick) in a chain match, in which the chain is hooked to the neck
Oh man it's Oklahoma, because this isn't a terrible gimmick or anything.
-So Berlyn hasn't even gotten in the ring, it's all The Wall, and Ed Ferrarra is being Jim Ross, this is my hell
-Ferrarra if you go "Vampiro, Vampiro, Vampiro" I will transverse time and beat the s**t out of you.
-The Wall is walking out and f**k OKLAHOMA!
-Literally I don't even care what happens in this match, Oklahoma has ruined it for me.
-Steve Williams just gave the world's weakest side kick to set up the moves on Vampiro
0/10 for ruining Berlyn and excessive Oklahoma

Scott Hall drunkenly tells us that he's going to issue an open challenge for the US and TV Titles while simultaneously stealing Road Dogg's "Down Where? Down Here" catchphrase

Lex Luger (w/Neckbrace and Miss Elizabeth) vs Meng
Lex Luger sells a neck injurt he didn't actually have, whoop dee doo
-Miss Elizabeth sprays Lex Luger wrongly with mace and that leads to Luger getting the pin

Bret Hart promo- okay

Scott Hall vs. ??? for the TV/U.S Titles.
Scott Hall cuts a promo to tell us that Kevin Nash is on his way here (why do people show up so late to PPVs) and whoever wants to challenge for it, come out.
-Booker T's music hits for about a second, stops, there's a pause and it hits again

Scott Hall vs Booker T
Decent match until Jeff Jarrett interferes in like his fifth segment and screws booker, lights go out, and some black lady is in the ring, She helps Booker T fight off Jeff Jarrett and goons.

-Luger searches for Elizabeth, stupid.

Kimberly apparently was going to screw David Flair, but gets screwed by Ric, and this causes David to stalk Kim, Bam Bam was cool helping Kim, until he disappeared.... Alright?

David Flair vs. Kimberly
-Kimberly kicks David in the nads, but he has a cup on, and now it looks like she's going to blow im mid ring, instead she grabs his cup out of his pants and kicks the s**t oout of him.
She makes him eat the cup and chokes him, she gets shoved away, Kanyon comes out by gets a nut shot with the crowbar, DDP comes out now, Arn Anderson interferes and tells the Pages to back out, and they leave.
For his trouble, he gets a crowbar to the back.

-500/10. This was beyond terrible. People paid actual money for the PPV

Sid Viscious vs. Goldberg in an I Quit match
-Huh, the actually used "Invasion" this PPV. I guess they figured no one would watch it so they just used the actual music edits.
-Goldberg's security look like chumps in WCW shirts. Remember when they actually looked like Police Officers?
-Tony Schavone just tried to tell me that we're going to see lots of submissions, and I broke. I fast fowarded.

Bret Hart vs Chris Benoit for the WCW Title
-Good match, until you realize the fan that hit Dean Malenko with the flag was....Dean Malenko.
-Oh yeah, let's cut away from the MAIN EVENT to cut to Goldberg vs. Outsiders back stage
And my WWE Network feed cut out, praise God
5/10 because Bret and Benoit legit tried.

My feelings are legitimately hurt that somewhere in time, WCW expected us to pay for the attrocious PPV, to goad us in with Bret vs Sting. I'm gonna go watch a well-booked PPV now.

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