By Big Red Machine
From April 07, 2013
WWE Wrestlemania XXIX (4/7/2013)- East Rutherford, NJ
The proud New Jerseyan in me is extremely pissed off at the set. The show is in New Jersey, not New York, so why the hell is the entire damn set based around Manhattan? And this isn’t just an isolated thing, either. In Zeb Coulter’s racist promo he was picking out various immigrant groups, but, despite being less than twenty minutes from Newark, he didn’t mention the Portuguese at all?
WWE INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE MATCH: Wade Barrett(c) vs. The Miz- 3.75/10
An hour-long pre-show and they can’t even give the Intercontinental Title match five minute? I’m sure giving this match more time would have entertained a lot more people than the same damn video packages we have been seeing for weeks already.
THE SHIELD vs. RANDY ORTON, THE BIG SHOW, & SHEAMUS- 5.75/10
Some good stuff, but I wish they had done more to tell the story of Show, Orton, and Sheamus’ teamwork breaking down. Maybe have Show accidentally get him by Orton or Sheamus rather than just having Orton get a tag that Show wanted. That seems a bit too petty of a reason to turn.
After the match Big Show hits Sheamus and Orton with WMDs (the one on Orton looked pretty lame).
FIVE MINUTE VIDEO PACKAGE FOR ROCK VS. CENA- was this really necessary? You’ve already sold us the Pay-Per-View. You don’t need to hype a match that is three hours away! This time really could have been used by the last match.
MARK HENRY vs. RYBACK- 5/10
Well… there go my pick’ems. Henry wants to dish out more punishment after the match but Ryback gets up, gives him a spinebuster, then a Shell-Shock. Yeah, I guess doing it this way builds to a rematch (although not well because Ryback did lose cleanly), but I’m not sure what these two could possibly show us in a rematch that they didn’t show us here
WWE TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: Team Hell No(c) vs. Dolph Ziggler & Big E. Langston (w/AJ Lee)- 6/10
I really liked the spot in the beginning of the match with Ziggler kissing AJ and Dragon hitting him with the big kick for a nearfall. It was a nice callback to last year’s match between Dragon and Sheamus. Big E was not particularly impressive here at all.
CHRIS JERICHO vs. FANDANGO- 2/10
Of course, because it is Wrestlemania, Fandango has about fourteen girls dancing at the beginning of his entrance, which is actually fourteen times more boring than when it is just one.
Now that it is Wrestlemania, Fandango doesn’t seem to mind that Lillian mispronounced his name.
So Fandango’s debut match starts with Jericho kicking his butt. And I really mean kicking his butt. Both figuratively and literally. When Fandango actually hit his first move it was impressive, but almost felt like he got lucky to actually get a move in because he was getting his ass kicked so bad. Jericho took control of the match back soon after, and Fandango took control back and hit his diving leg drop for a nearfall. Then Jericho took control of the match right back and kept it until he tweaked his knee on a Lionsault and Fandango got a lucky roll-up.
Just a horribly disappointing match that didn’t do anything for anyone. Jericho dominated the whole match until he hurt his knee and Fandango got lucky. Easily Jericho’s worst Wrestlemania match. The announcers then trying to put this over as “impressive” was just laughable.
ZEB COULTER PROMO-I popped for the Yiddish joke but they I think this promo crossed a line. If you want to say that illegal immigrants are taking American jobs, that is fine, but to say that all immigrants are “plotting against us” crosses a certain line of xenophobia that doesn’t need to be crossed for the sake of the angle.
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Alberto Del Rio(c) (w/Ricardo Rodriguez) vs. Jack Swagger (w/Zeb Coulter)- 6.5/10
Didn’t get anywhere near enough time. They did some stuff, then when straight to trading finishing submissions. It felt like the middle of the match was missing.
THE UNDERTAKER vs. CM PUNK (w/Paul Heyman)- 8.5/10
An awesome match with a few amazing false finishes. Going in to this match I didn’t think Punk had a chance in hell of winning, but when Punk hit him with the urn, I didn’t think Taker had a chance of kicking out. Awesome facials from both men throughout the match, too. The look on both men’s faces when Taker sat up while locked in the Anaconda Vise is one of those images that I am sure we will see in video packages for years and years to come.
NO DISQUALIFICATION MATCH WITH TRIPLE H’S CAREER ON THE LINE: Triple H (w/Shawn Michaels) vs. Brock Lesnar (w/Paul Heyman)-8.75/10
Shawn really didn’t need his own entrance, and having Shawn enter, then Brock, and having Triple H enter last was awkward. Fortunately, that would be the biggest flaw in this match. An absolutely awesome match between these two.
HALL OF FAME VIDEO PACKAGE- nice, but (and I know it’s an odd thing to pick on) I would have really preferred if Trish dyed her hair blonde at least for the night. Every time I see her now it takes me a few seconds to recognize her.
WWE TITLE MATCH: The Rock(c) vs. John Cena- 8.5/10
Another awesome match between these two, but once again not as epic as it needed to be. This was somewhat reminiscent of Triple H and Taker at Wrestlemania XXVII in that it wound up as not much more than trading finishers back and forth but they managed to make it work.
Overall a very good Wrestlemania, but entirely on the strength of the top three matches.
STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. JBL- “This is Wrestlemania. This is Fandango’s debut. There is no more pressure you can put on a young guy than this… and so far Fandango seems to thrive on it.”
The world “thrive” means to do better than you have been before when you are put into a new situation. So far all Fandango has done is get beaten up by Jericho, so that really doesn’t fit the definition of the word “thrive.”