Intro Video - It was awesome! It was Old man Joey Janela trying to make it back for Spring Break 2! Lio Rush cameo.
Eli Everfly vs DJZ vs Tony Deppen vs Gringo Loco vs KTB vs Teddy Hart - 6/10
Fuck, this Everfly kid is small and has an weirdly long tongue. Teddy Hart's name banner had a cat obviously. So no longer than 3 hours ago, I just watched Teddy Hart and DJZ on the Impact vs Lucha show. Now they're here. It's a crazy schedule.
Match had a lot of early flippy shit spots, everyone had at least one. Teddy continued his amazing ability to not have facial reactions to neither selling or his amazing looking moves. The match was short and one third of it was literally just Teddy Hart hitting all of his moves, which I guess it's a good spectacle, so I guess fans can't complain. One thing I did notice was that when everyone else was doing their dives, Teddy Hart couldn't be bothered enough to try and catch the guys, he would just pretend he was hit and take one or two steps back, he wouldn't even fall. The rest of the spots were like 2006 X-Division spots with guys hitting hurricanranas as counters to powerbombs that were counters to frankensteiners. Finish was a Canadian Destroyer (banned move) from the top rope from Everfly into Deppen. Hart put over Everfly after the match. This is Spring Break, I think a spotfest was the only way this show could start.
It really sucks that there exists a guy like Teddy Hart, with so much natural talent yet zero the interest to make something out of it.
Champion vs Champion
"Inter-gender Champion" James Ellsworth vs "EVOLVE Champion" Matt Riddle - 6.5/10
This is champion vs champion, but no championship on the line. Ellsworth is acting all cocky during his entrance, he jumps Riddle during his entrance and immediately targets Riddle's barefoot leg, but Riddle just quickly gets the upper hand. They played a bit with Ellsworth getting out of Riddle's hands due to not having a chin and hitting some superkicks for a near fall. Finish came off quickly via Bromission submission. Fun match, it was never supposed to be a mat clinic anyway.
Virgil does stuff in the ring - Virgil came out, grabbed a mic, he said something that was impossible to hear, he acted like a dick to Larry, and then just left trying to grope fans. What the fuck was this? I'm just gonna assume this wasn't scripted.
PCO vs WALTER - 8/10
Old Man PCO is getting chopped by WALTER tonight, I kinda feel bad. Before the match, WALTER thanks PCO for all he has done for the business, but he gives him one last chance to go to the back. PCO won't. He had a chance.
Match was kinda built on PCO's last stand against WALTER. PCO being much older, had a lot to lose as WALTER had age, strength, ability, everything over PCO, but regardless, PCO wouldn't give up. On many occasions, WALTER had a face of I don't want to kill this man. WALTER had the offense since early in the match, with PCO having some hope spots here and there, some that got some good momentum for PCO, but WALTER would just come back with chops and tosses.
At one point, PCO went for a moonsault from the top rope to the outside, he didn't fully rotate, but he did kinda landed ok. He did seem to take out the ref. PCO was slightly busted open. It seemed like they were going for the finisher afterwards putting PCO through a table and hit a powerbomb for the pin, but PCO kicked out. They changed refs and both guys just started chopping each other like crazy, PCO's chest was just purple. PCO hit a suicide dive and a tope con giro, while everyone hoped that he wouldn't die, and he topped it off with a FUCKING FRANKENSTEINER! And then...and then he did Omega's "You Can't Escape" but with a Slip-legged Moonsault to a standing ovation by the fans. A Swanton Bomb later, PCO pinned WALTER. This PCO dude, he just earned a lot of people's respect, and while the win we know is BS, the punishment he took and spots he moved were incredible.
Post-match - WALTER and PCO chop each other one last time and shake hands before WALTER leaves.
GCW World Championship Match
PENTA El 0M vs Nick Gage (C) - 5/10
Penta came out with the LU/Kavinsky mash-up and I thought for a second we were already getting the Janela match. Crowd is hot and right in the middle between MDK and Cero Miedo chants. Match from the get go started with chair shots to the face, both men breaking doors with each other and on each other. They broke about 4 doors, last one with Gage putting Penta through a door and hitting the Chokebreaker for the underwhelming win. Finish kinda came out of nowhere because knowing Gage's reputation and knowing the lengths that Penta goes for Cero Miedo matches, this was incredibly tame with only a few doors and chairs. I wonder if this was a commission issue, but finish surely came when people thought they were barely starting.
Post-match - Fans were chanting 'You Still Suck" at Gage, who cut a promo on the fans but I couldn't understand much about it other than 'Fucking" a bunch of times. This is what happens when you put all types of fans with all types of wrestlers.
David Starr vs Mike Quackenbush - 8.5/10
David Starr had to do his own entrance and the fucking commentary was talking all over him. Fucking annoying.
There was a hidden story here that Quack is getting old and at points, when getting too much advantage, Starr kinda felt bad, especially since he asked for this match and was taking advantage of Quack's shortcomings. Match initially saw Quackenbush dominate Starr with his unique Wrestle Factory style, and so Starr would get annoyed and would use a totally legal move that when hitting on Quack, you just feel like a dick because we know Quack's style is all nice and proper, and well, we all know of Quack's history of injuries. Regardless, Quack worked over David's arm and Starr worked over Quack's head, leading to the final hit which got him the pin.
WALTER was on commentary. He was annoyed with Starr's behavior vs Quack.
Post-match - Quack and Starr shake hands. After Quack left, Starr put him over on the mic saying that professional wrestling wouldn't be what it is today if not for him and after saying that he only has a few matches left, he chose to fight tonight for Spring Break of all places.
Spring Break Clusterfuck Match
Jimmy Lloyd vs Session Moth Martina vs Orange Cassidy vs Will Judo vs Curt Stallion vs Facade vs Swoggle vs Grado vs Kikutaro vs The Invisible Man vs Joe Gacy vs Bryan Idol vs Chris Dickinson vs Dan Severn vs The Fattest Doink The Clown vs Ricky Shane Page vs Marcus Train vs Crazy Boy and ??? vs Rory Gulak vs The guy that went around hugging people vs Ethan Page vs MJF vs (after like 15 minutes) Mikey Whipwreck - CLUSTERFUCK.
Eliminations are submission, pinfall, over the top rope, OR death. We get an intro video and once again fucking commentary is talking over the video that we're all trying to listen to. I know it's Spring Break, but could we get some organization here? Also, prepare for me to botch a bunch of names because there's no name plates.
First two were Jimmy Loyd and Session Moth. I don't think fans really understand what a Session Moth is nor what she is about. They started and after rejecting a grind, Loyd then kissed Moth. Martina will probably make out with everyone tonight.
Orange came out, but didn't make it in the ring until much later. While he was still coming out, we got some dude called Will, Curt Stallion, Facade, who eliminated Stallion. Swoggle came out and he is brown now and went all Suplex City on everyone. Then we got Like a Prayer! it's 2015 all over again! We got Bullet Club Kikutaro doing flippy shit. Invisible Man came next, who eliminated Kikutaro and submitted Swoggle. Joe Gacy was next. Bryan Idol came out and commentary couldn't remember his name. Dickinson came out to Hogan's music, wearing a mask, smoking a cigar, and eliminating everyone. Severn came out and fought with Dickinson. Then the fattest Doink The Clown came out, he was wearing a mask instead of face paint, he eliminated himself and then Dickinson eliminated Severn. After a bunch of guys came out and did nothing, two luchadors came out from DTU, I think one of them is Crazy Boy? Rory Gulak came next and had no idea what to do with the luchadors, so they just ran around. Then another dude came out and just went around the fans hugging people, nothing is happening at all in the match, like nothing at all. That dude eventually pinned Rory. Ethan Page was next and the MJF, the both eliminated the luchadors. They eliminated RSP. Martina did a Mr. Cocko on Page and then the finger break with her vagina before getting eliminated by Page.
At this point, Orange Cassidy finally made it to the ring. He took on both Page and MJF by himself. Double chokeslam on Page and MJF, and as he was about to do flippy shit, he fell asleep and got pinned. Invisible men then made a comeback took out Page and MJF, but Lloyd came back too, hit a piledriver on the invisible man, and per the Louisiana commission, he was ejected from the show. Then Page and MJF started fighting Bryce Reinsburg. Then, like 15 minutes after the last entrant, we got another one, Mikey Whipwreck, who actually performed pretty good versus Page and MJF. Page was eliminated by the dude that went around hugging people and MJF pinned Whipwreck. MJF eliminated that hugger dude, and while celebrating, the Invisible Man rolled up MJF for the pin. The Invisible Man won the match, he got "You Deserve It" chants.
It lived to it's name, it was a clusterfuck. It was also waay too long.
"Bad Boy" Joey Janela w/Penelope Ford vs The Great Sasuke - 7/10
Sasuke came out with a mask that had hair, dressed as a monk, he had some kind of goblet and was blessing fans. Match started with Janela being a slight dick to Sasuke, who was all monk calm and shit, but then everything turned and they brought out all the weapons that Pentagon and Gage were not allowed to use. They started doing ladder spots soon after and using some of those unbreakable Japanese tables. There was a really really ugly spot with Sasuke doing a swanton onto a ladder, but landing head first. Joey then took another ugly bump into a bunch of opened chairs. The broke all the doors that were left in under the ring. Sasuke kept breaking stuff with his head, Janela with his back, and finally Penelope Ford got involved trying to seduce Sasuke, and Sasuke started dancing, and the distraction actually worked allowing Janela to take out Sasuke. They kept fighting and now Sasuke is putting a trashcan over himself and jumping over the third rope into Janela that was on a table, this spot obviously didn't work and he just ended up throwing the trash can over Janela then hitting a Swanton on an empty table which didn't break. Finish was finally a foot stomp on Sasuke who had a chair on top.
Match was a destruction derby that went too long, fans were feeling it, wrestlers looked out of it, I'm almost sure that Sasuke had a concussion long time ago. Sasuke looked in bad shape at the end and I don't think Janela really needed to win this match. While watching this match, it did at one point reach around an 8-8.5 rating, but it kept going and I ended up losing both interest and liking for the match.
I forgot to mention that at one point, Sasuke was using monk hypnosis. Also, this match had rope breaks. Fucking rope breaks in this match.
Post-match - Janela tries to put over Sasuke by bringing up his age and how injured he probably is. He asks the fans to give proper respect to Sasuke, but maybe he should had booked himself to put him over in a well wrestled match. Janela kept talking while the venue was mostly empty, and while you could tell that Sasuke just wanted to take off and say thanks to the fans, but Janela fucking started singing and making Sasuke sing. As much as Sasuke may like to karaoke, this is not the time and Janela is just trying to get himself over.
I can't say this show under delivered, because well, I wasn't expecting anything anyway. Some matches definitely were disappointing like Penta vs Gage, but WALTER vs PCO ended up being a lot more awesome. Seeing Quack was a great treat, but that's about where it ends. Opener and Clusterfucked sucked, Riddle vs Ellsworth was super short, and the main event got really uncomfortable at one point.