Vampiro is wearing a suit?
STEEL CAGE MATCH:
El Dragon Azteca Jr. vs. "the Monster" Matanza Cueto (w/Dario Cueto) - 7/10
El Dragon Azteca Jr. got to do some Lucha spots but then Matanza cut him off and threw him around a bit before giving him a big overhead Belly-to-Belly suplex that knocked down one of the panels of the cage and El Dragon Azteca Jr. tumbled out of the cage to a completely accidental victory. Then Dario ordered the match restarted, and even though he was, technically, screwing a babyface for totally heelish reasons, when Dario ordered the match restarted, the first thought through my head was "thank you, Dario, for making sure that I, your viewing customer, do not get f*cked out of this highly-anticipated match because one dude got his ass kicked so hard that we won by accident." And of course, because this is the one time that I don't side with the babyface, it also happens to be the one time that Matt Striker actually does his job and acts outraged that a babyface is being screwed.
Matt Striker said the following: "Airports see more sincere kisses than wedding halls and hospitals here more sincere prayers than church walls." While this all sounds nice, I would love it if someone could possibly explain to me WHY Striker decided to say this.
Matanza went after El Dragon Azteca Jr. on the outside but El Dragon Azteca Jr. reversed something into a DDT, then went after Dario. He almost got Dario's shirt ripped off by Matanza made the save. I'm pretty certain Dario might just order Matanza to end El Dragon Azteca Jr.'s life right here and now.
They did more stuff, all revolving around the fact that Matanza is much bigger and stronger than El Dragon Azteca Jr. BLACK LOTUS made her return to Lucha Underground, climbing up the cage and jumping in to attack El Dragon Azteca Jr. and I popped HUGE. I was actually expecting her to help him but I'm still happy because this should finally mean that their story is going to move forward after not doing anything for an entire season. Plus, her being back on Dario's side should the writers an opportunity to give us more of Dario's backstory.
One Wrath of the Gods later and Matanza picked up the win. The fans were very unhappy with this finish.
POST-MATCH SEGMENT - It's a Russo Swerve. Black Lotus waited for Matanza to climb the ropes, then hit him in the nuts and powerbombed him down. She then started to throttle Dario and called him a liar. He offered to give her information if she let him go. She did... and Matanza then came up behind her, goozled her, then hit her with Wrath of the Gods while Dario proudly accepted the label of "liar."
ELIMINATION MATCH FOR THE GAUNTLET OF THE GODS:
Cage vs. Jeremiah Crane vs. Mil Muertes (w/Catrina) - 9.5/10
Before the match started, Dario came out and added the elimination stip, which makes perfect sense with Dario's real goal here, which is to ensure that the strongest, most worthy Luchador gets the gauntlet, so it makes sense to eliminate the chance of the person who is actually the second strongest pinning the third strongest to win the match.
This match was a f*cking FIGHT. This was three dudes who would settle for winning this wrestling match, but they honestly didn't care if they did so by getting a three count or because the other two were unable to compete any longer because they were maimed or dead, and that's all there was to it. They each wanted to win and if that meant killing the two then so be it.
There was lots of bleeding, as you would expect. Most of it was from Crane, who got busted open early and bled all over. Cage bled from the top of his head when Jeremiah Crane STABBED HIM IN THE SKULL WITH A HANDFUL OF SKEWERS. And even DDTed him with them still in! Mil Muertes bled from his arm after going shoulder-first through a big old pane of glass that was wedged right up against a cement wall so there was no way the glass wasn't going into his arm.
They beat the sh*t out of each other, both with their hands and with weapons (including a hammer!) and threw each other off of things and through things. Mil Muertes even gave Cage the smoothest headscissors you've ever seen. This match was AMAZING!
The only negative here was, as you might have guessed, Matt Striker. Matt Striker decided that when Cage and Mil Muertes were fighting on the top rope would be a good time to go on a pointless tangent thanking the Lucha Underground officials for everything they do. Because he had to finish this f*cking stupid tangent, he had no emotion whatsoever when he noted that Cage had just done a freakin' Frankensteiner. Then, what Crane grabbed some of those wooden skewers that you see used in deathmatches sometimes and STABBED CAGE RIGHT IN THE TOP OF THE HEAD WITH THEM, Striker was all jokes and smiles, talking about a "shish-Cage-bob." Then he referred to this match as a "barbeque of brutality." How did he even get a job in the first place?
POST-MATCH SEGMENT - Mil Muertes won so Catrina retrieved the Gauntlet of the Gods from Dario. She gave it to Mil Muertes who put it on and punched the ancient Aztec seal in the center of the ring, which caused the lights to go out for a moment. That was really cool.
But when they came back on KING CUERNO was in the ring behind Mil. He kicked Mil in the head, bodyslammed Catrina, then started wailing on Mil. Cuerno eventually left, taking the Gauntlet of the Gods with him.
I really didn't like this. In a vacuum it was a well-executed angle, but within the greater context of the show, I think it was a bad idea. This is a show that needs to be decreasing the number of characters it has, not increasing it. We were done with King Cuerno and I sure as hell wasn't missing him, as he wasn't a particularly interesting character, so let him be gone. I also don't like the fact that we got screwed on a stipulation, and not just any stipulation, but a stipulation that promised to move things along. Mil Muertes won the Gauntlet of the Gods, which should lead to the next step in the story, which is going to be Catrina trying to get Mil to give her the gauntlet so she can trade it to her mother, Captain Vasquez, for the other half of the medallion to restore her to life, or Doctor Claw is going to come after Mil Muertes to try to get Mil to use the gauntlet, thus quickening the pace of whatever god/s is/are inhabiting the gauntlet possessing Mil. Either way, sh*t moves forward. What we have now- King Cuerno with the gauntlet and Mil presumably trying to get it back from him feels like a step backwards, as not only are Mil and Catrina chasing the gauntlet again but we're now also going back to Mil Muertes vs. King Cuerno again.
WE FINALLY GET TO SEE TAYA'S DOCUMENTARY ON JOHNNY MUNDO - Fun.
TITLE VS. CAREER MATCH:
Johnny Mundo (Lucha Underground Champion) vs. Prince Puma (career) - 7.5/10
I could have done without Rick Knox doing a dive, but other than that the match was exciting and felt huge. This was an example of overbooking helping a match, although I will admit that I wasn't so excited for Angelico's return, simply because it feels like his fourth return already. It's no one's fault that he's been injured at bad times, but that doesn't change the feeling.
POST-MATCH SEGMENT - Dario announces that there will be one more match tonight, because Pentagon Dark will be cashing in his Gift of the Gods Title for a Lucha Underground Title shot right now. Dario said that Pentagon Dark actually came up to him last week, so he is still obeying the one-week rule, and I am totally fine with Dario not actually promoting this match in advance like the rule is supposedly in place to allow him to do because this is Ultima Lucha and thus everyone is already watching anyway. This whole thing has been a pretty clever way to have Prince Puma not walk out of Ultima Lucha as champion while still not going back on the "career on the line" stip.
Or not. Dario just announced that in addition to the title, both men's careers are on the line. He's just lost it at this point.
LOSER LEAVES THE TEMPLE MATCH FOR THE LUCHA UNDERGROUND TITLE:
Prince Puma(c) vs. Pentagon Dark - 6.75/10
They were limited by the time they got, but they tried to make the most of it. Pentagon Jr. did his arm-breaker move early, but Prince Puma taped his arm up and kept going. I know that sounds dumb, but they made it work. Prince Puma made a comeback and Vampiro got up to cheer for him and Prince Puma went up to the top rope t hit the 630... and Vampiro pulled Pentagon Dark out of the way. That is something that I definitely didn't see coming. I guess Pentagon Dark is now Vampiro's master? Either way, Pentagon Dark soon pinned Prince Puma to get rid of him forever and become your new Lucha Underground Champion. Vamp and Pentagon hugged and Vamp strapped the belt around Pentagon Dark's waist.
And now the moment we've all been waiting for...
THE SEASON-ENDING MONTAGE!
- Prince Puma drops his mask on the ground and walks out of The Temple.
- King Cuerno admires the Gauntlet of the Gods, which he is keeping in a display case in his trophy room.
- Sexy Star is going a promotional event when a little girl brings her a box. She tells Sexy Star that "she hasn't forgotten about you." Sexy Star opens the box... and there is a spider inside. Sexy Star screams in rage.
- The Rabbit Tribe bow down to Mascarita Sagrada. He tells them that he is not The White Rabbit, but says that he will take them to him. They follow him out the door.
- Melissa Santos and Fenix leave in Fenix's car. Catrina is walking behind them. Jeremiah Crane is standing above them on a ledge, looking wistfully at Catrina.
- Kobra Moon tells a shirtless swordsman to her his place as her new king. He obeys, and also decapitates Pindar, who has been chained up as a sacrifice. Drago watches, also chained up, and very unhappy.
- We get to see Vampiro's master. He has a cool mask. Vampiro says "I have done as you instructed: Puma is gone, and Pentagon has ascended to new heights." Vampiro's master responds by saying "now I will make him fall." Then they disappear.
- We see Matanza in his cell. There is someone in the other cell, too. It's Rey Mysterio Jr.
- Dario and Agent Winter are drinking in Dario's office. Dario is holding the red bull statuette. He asks Agent Winter to tell their boss that he will get the Gauntlet of the Gods back. Agent Winter tells Dario "Don't even worry. You get a pass." Dario is surprised at this and asks why. Agent Winter says "because you'll be dead." Then he stands up and pulls out his gun and fires- and we cut to outside the office for a moment and see a flash of light, almost like there was a small explosion. Then we cut to back inside the office, looking from behind Dario's chair. We see Agent Winter calmly saying "new management will take care of the gauntlet. And all of your other messes." He leaves.
Dario has been shot, and is a bloody mess... but he's still alive! He reaches for the red phone. He can barely dial it. He has called HIS FATHER... but he passes out before he can talk, and we fade to black.
Quite the show from Lucha Underground. The in-ring stuff was all pretty lackluster aside from the three-way, but that finishing sequence was quite crazy. More than other seasons, though, there seemed to be quite a lot of unexpected zig-zagging in this one. Hopefully there will be a Season Four to tie it all together.
STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES
1. Matt Striker- "In the city squares of Mexico City, there are family and friends of Fenix watching."
How do you know that? He's enmascarado. If you don't know who he is then how do you know who his family is to be able to tell if they're watching or not?
2. Matt Striker (while Taya and Sexy Star were chopping each other)- "As the owls of the night beg for flesh, they have come to the right place."
Only Matt Striker would ever say this.