HANDICAP MATCH IN WHICH IF EL TEXANO JR. LOSES, HE MUST SIGN A CONTRACT WITH FAMOUS B'S STABLE:
El Texano Jr. vs. Famous B & Dr. Wagner Jr.- (w/Brenda) - DUD!
The first thing that happened was that Matt Striker said that "Famous B's arm has been broken longer than 'Cowboy' Bob Orton and Mike Sharpe combined." This is not even remotely close to being true. In fact, it hasn't even been two months, which isn't in any way an unreasonable amount of time. F*ck it. His dumb ass is getting muted.
Dario double-crossed El Texano Jr. by letting Famous B have Dr. Wagner Jr. as his partner. WHY? What does Dario gain from this? And if you were Famous B, why would not just walk out right now? The wording of the stipulation was that he would have to sign with Famous B if he lost, but Dario changing the stips on him gives him the right to ignore his part of the stip, so he wouldn't be doing anything morally wrong or damaging to his reputation as a man of his word, and what is anyone going to do to him? I guess Dario could fire him, but so what? Why can't he just go work AAA again? We know AAA exists in this universe, so why should Texano really care that much about working for Dario. Surely he could make up any lost income by working for other promoters. But apparently Texano is going to go through with this because I guess he's an idiot.
Speaking of idiots, whereas a competent babyface announcer would be outraged that Texano is getting screwed here, Matt Striker all giddy and excited to see Dr. Wagner Jr. again. This is the second straight year where they've just had Dr. Wagner Jr. randomly show up at Ultima Lucha to screw a babyface. Last year it wound up resulting a feud of Famous B & Dr. Wagner vs. Son of Havoc & Masccarita Sagrada that did nothing for any of those guys, so I really don't have high hopes for whatever might come out of this.
Apparently this is a No DQs match, too, because Dr. Wanger Jr. just nailed Texano with some sort of big heavy object and the referee just let it go. Texano ripped Famous B's cast off and slammed his arm into things and he sold it, but then, when he was later tagged into the match and Texano was just throwing him around, he didn't sell his arm at all. The finish saw Texano be a total dumbass, allowing himself to be seduced by Brenda even though everyone else in the building knew that she was just trying to distract him (and if she really did have the hots for him, why didn't he just take the three seconds to pin Famous B first and then go kiss her?). This allowed Famous B to roll Texano up and pin him with his feet on the ropes. So yes, Famous B cheated and Texano got screwed, but I still have no sympathy for him because it was his own damn fault!
This whole thing was completely idiotic to me. Like I said above, Dario doing this makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, and both the stipulation change itself and Dr. Wagner Jr.'s mere presence were grating to me. If you want to end up with Texano being forced to work for Famous B then wouldn't it make more sense to have Famous B win because some other wrestler- say h who wants to curry favor with Famous B so that Famous B will take him on as a client as well- would run in and cost Texano the match? That would not only leave the originally-announced stipulations in play and not require bringing in Dr. Wagner Jr., but it would also give you a chance to do something with someone on the main roster you're not currently doing anything with. Perhaps this wrestler and Famous B could team up with the unwilling Texano to go after the Lucha Underground Trios Titles, giving that division something new (the belts aren't even being defended at any point in this FOUR-WEEK Ultima Lucha!)?
We got a rundown of the remaining matches for Ultima Lucha III, during which several things struck me.
1. Sexy Star and Taya are having a Last Luchadora Standing Match... and I don't even think they've even cut a promo on each other.
2. Vamp was insistent that Crane, Mil, and Cage all "hate each other," but I think they do. I'm sure mil and Crane don't like each other, but I don't know if I'd call it hatred, and even if they did, I don't think either of them hate Cage or vice versa.
3. They tried to tell me that rivalry between Catrina and Ivelisse "has just kept building and building for three years," which is completely laughable seeing as how we havent' even seen Ivelisse in forever, and we've had no explanation of where she is. People don't even mention her when they're talking about Jeremiah Crane, who, as far as we know, is still her boyfriend.
4. They've added yet another match, a big battle royale for a "unique opportunity," and after the disaster at last year's show, I don't care about this one bit because I'm certain that whoever wins will just get screwed in some way or another.
We're already a third of the way done with the show and there has been maybe five minutes of wrestling, and the rest has just been recaps and plugs. We haven't even gotten any backstage segments.
HELL OF WAR MATCH:
Dante Fox vs. Killshot - a PERFECT 10/10!
This is LU's version of Three Stages of Hell, but they gave it a really dumb name. The three matches will be First Blood, then No DQs, then, (if necessary), a "Medical Evac" match, which is just an Ambulance Match. I have no idea where these first two stip are coming from or why this is best 2-out-of-3. It would make A LOT more sense to me to just do the "Medical Evac" Match, which is something that LU has never done before, something that has some thematic connection to the feud, and which, unlike horrifically generic and forced "Hell of War," is a name that actually gives you some sort of idea about what type of match it is.
Those were my thoughts going into this match, and on principle I still do stand by them, and if this situation ever came up again I would say the same thing. But...
Fox and Killshot deserve SOOOOOOOOOO much credit for everything they did here. They took a format that should have hurt the match and instead used it to make the match feel like one story that built more and more over time rather than three consecutive smaller stories.
They also put themselves through absolute hell, and I never, ever, ever want to see anyone do this again. They took tons of crazy bumps and both wound up as bloody messes by the end of it... and all of this blood completely uncontrolled hard-way blood from shard of broken glass absolutely shredding their backs. I spent most of the match afraid that one of them was going to wind up cutting and artery and bleeding out like Nick Gage. I cannot stress enough that I never, ever, ever want to see guys do this sort of thing again... but however uncomfortable it made me, I won't deny them the fact they had and extremely dramatic match and told and exciting and engaging story, and told that story perfectly.