MEMBERS OF THE WINNING TEAM EACH GET AN ANCIENT AZTEC MEDALLION:
The Rabbit Tribe vs. The Worldwide Underground (P.J. Black, Ricky Mandel & Taya) (w/Jack Evans) - 3.75/10
The Rabbit Tribe- and particularly Saltador- made a number of untoward gestures towards Taya. I didn't like the comedy spot they did with the Rabbi Tribe all wanting to take Taya's move in the corner, and the fans chanting "LUCKY BASTARD!" only made it worse. It's a running knee strike! It's supposed to hurt! What I did like, however, the booking. The Rabbit Tribe win their first match after receiving the rabbit's foot good luck charm from their messiah, Mascarita Sagrada, while Ricky Mandel takes the pin, which can both further Jack Evans' claim (written on a dry erase board that he was carrying around) that they would have won with him in the team instead and also sets up for what should be an amusing segment where Johnny, Taya, and P.J. all berate Ricky for losing while Jack makes stern and yet comedic facial expressions at him because his jaw is still wired shut.
WORLDWIDE UNDERGROUND BACKSTAGE - I guessed wrong. It's not Ricky getting reamed out by everyone else, but rather all four of them getting reamed out by Benjamin Cooke for embarrassing Johhny Mundo and causing him undue stress before his huge title defense. He said that if it were up to him they would all be kicked out, but "Johnny Mundo has a heart of gold" and thus he'll let them stay. Mundo said that Cooke was getting him tons of offers to appear in "movies, TV shows, musical theater, other underground fight promotions." I laughed my ass off at this. Mundo tells them that they have to do better. I'm not saying that this Benjamin Cooke character doesn't have potential and that these segments aren't performed well by everyone (especially Jack, Johnny, and Taya), but it seems to be leading towards some sort of shakeup in the Worldwide Underground, and I think that's a very bad idea. This group is SOOOOOOO perfect together! Why would you ever change that?
CUETO CUP QUARTERFINAL MATCH:
Jeremiah Crane vs. Mil Muertes (w/Catrina) - 9.5/10
Mil jumped Crane from behind before he could even make it down the stairs. We then went to a commercial, and when we came back we were told that Dario came out to make this No DQs, but also that we didn't know where the wrestlers were because they had brawled somewhere backstage. This was all done to set up a dramatic entrance whereby Crane went flying through a door, which broke in half. It was pretty awesome.
Actually, the whole entire match was pretty damn awesome. No. More than awesome. This was FAN-F*CKING-TASTIC! It's highly unlikely that we'll see another brawl (especially a singles brawl) this good all year.
POST-MATCH SEGMENT - Good. Rather than her usual Lick of Death, Catrina slinked over to Crane and kissed him right on the mouth. The camera was in the perfect place to capture Mil Muertes' reaction to this, which was a shocked and angry "WHAT?!" Then he stomped on Crane's head. Then he grabbed Catrina by the throat and pulled her away, then then gave Crane another Flatliner, which Crane took as a DDT instead of a face-plant. Interestingly, Catrina seemed completely dispassionate while watching Mil do this to Crane.
DARIO MEETS F.B.I. AGENT WINTER - Interesting. Dario asks if Winter has come to arrest him, but instead Winter tells him that "The Order has named me as Delgado's replacement." Referring to Cage's murder of Delgado, Agent Winter said that "everyone who lets a god into their body goes through an... adjustment period." He also tells Dario that "Our friend in the limo has requested that I keep an eye on you, and The Temple." It turns out that Agent Winter is a big fan of Pentagon Dark, but "alas, his flesh will fry when the war comes. As will everyone else's." Well that's f*cking ominous. Also ominous was his response to Dario's comment that he "didn't know The Order had people in the F.B.I.":
"We're everywhere. And we will do whatever it takes to ensure that the gods rule again."
Once Agent Winter leaves, we pan directly to the red bull statuette for a nice big close-up. Then Dario picks it up, and puts its horns up against his own forehead.
I've been waiting FOREVER for a segment like this! More clues for the big background story!
CUETO CUP QUARTERFINAL MATCH:
El Texano Jr. vs. Pentagon Dark - 5/10
A few minutes in, Famous B and Brenda showed up in their cowboy and cowgirl garbs respectively. Famous B pronounced Texano's name in a such an awful southern accents that it came out as "Tay-ha-no." Not to be out done, Brenda then pronounced his name as "Tex-a-hano," pronouncing the X like you would in English. That made me laugh. These two are so great.
The match was fine for the time it got. The finish saw Famous B try to help El Texano Jr. by sliding him a horseshoe to hit Pentagon Dark with but his aim was bad and he slid it too fast to it went right to Pentagon Dark, who used hit poor Texano with the horseshoe instead, benefitting from the distraction of the referee that Brenda was creating in the hopes that it would allow Texano to use the weapon undetected.
POST-MATCH SEGMENT - Pentagon Dark was going to break El Teaxno Jr.'s arm but Famous B pleaded to him not to do so, so Pentagon Dark let Texano go and broke Famous B's arm instead. This part was fine. Then Pentagon Jr. came back and broke Brenda's arm, too, and the whole crowd- including the women- all cheered and chanted "CERO MIEDO." I thought that breaking Brenda's arm was extremely gratuitous. If he just likes to break a lot of arms, then why did he let Texano go at all? Why not break Texano's arm, then, Famous B's, then Brenda's, then go after Striker and Melissa, and random fans at ringside, etc. Is he breaking these arms out of pure sadism, or is he breaking arms after matches for some higher (perhaps ritualistic?) purpose?
CATRINA PAYS CAPTAIN VASQUEZ A VISIT - Catrina magically teleports herself into the office, behind Vasquez, but Vasquez shows no signs of alarm or even discomfort. Like she's used to people teleporting around. Hmm...
Catrina (angrily): I thought we agreed to stay out of each other's way.
Vasquez: I need your help. The gods are coming, and when they do, I will not be the only one that suffers.
Catrina: The gods do not fear me.
Vasquez: They should. The gauntlet- it is a gateway for the gods. Soon one will fully possess Cage.
Catrina: That's not my problem.
Then Catrina turns to leave, but Vasquez sternly says "I gave you life, Catrina. Twice." Then she pulls out her half of the medallion and Catrina pulls out her half, and they both let then hang there so the camera can get a cool shot.
Catrina: This is not life. I'm stuck between two realms. Like a ghost
Vasquez: There is only one man in The Temple who can get that gauntlet off of Cage. It just so happens he answers to you.
They make a deal that once Mil Muertes acquires the gauntlet, Catrina will trade it to Vasquez for her half of the medallion, at which point "you will have your life back, Catrina." Catrina points out to Vasquez that if this happens, "you will no longer be immortal," and we close with this exchange:
Vasquez: I don't fear death. I fear the gods.
Catrina: Well, the gods will soon learn to fear death. A thousand of them. Well. It seems like we have a deal... mother.
I just fell in love with Lucha Underground all over again.
STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Matt Striker- "That's why heavyweights don't fight middleweights."
Except that happens ALL THE TIME in pro wrestling.