PROGRESS Chapter 43: Tropic Thunderbastard





PROGRESS Chapter 43: Tropic Thunderbastard

By GARZA
From January 29, 2017

PROGRESS Chapter 43: Tropic Thunderbastard
Pre-Show - Sebastian William Eaver interrupt the facebook live feed, they're told they're not booked tonight, so they hijack the cameraguy and take him to the ring. Sebastian makes Will Eaver the captain...of the ring crew! Awesome heel move. The crew work for Eaver, and Eaver works for Sebastian, so the crew works now for Sebastian! Eaver looks pissed. Fuck Off Sebastian INDEED! This looked like something that could get super heat somewhere like NJPW, but it's too gimmicky for them.

annnd we're on!

Jim Smallman Intro - I think this is the first time in at least 10 chapters he is not wearing all black. Who notices this? Me for some reason. This intro talked about the weather, Fuck You Trump chants, and DON'T BE A DICK!

London Riots vs The Kings of the North - 5/10


Kings of the North. I love this name. Awesome entrance song too. First match in and they're already doing comedy, there goes that killer persona KOTN came in with, I mean, it's funny stuff, but don't expect anyone to take them seriously for a while. They redeemed a bit with their wrestling, they're good, but unfortunately, they didn't live up to the hype. Match saw KOTN get the heat on Davis for a while, followed by what could be one of the slowest hot tags you've seen courtesy of Lynch. Bonesaw from KOTN had a near fall broken up by his own partner, this was one of several spots that just had terrible timing, the wrestlers were good, but timing was screwed for a bunch of spots and so it hurt the match a bunch.

Natural Progression Series IV First Round Match
Chakara vs Laura Di Matteo - 7.5/10


Chakara (not to be confused with the wrestling promotion) won her spot in the tourny in the Freedom Road show and consequently retired Pollyanna, so now she enters PROGRESS as a huge heel. Di Matteo however, super over. Chakara is a really great character player, her acting and facial expressions are great, but she is still somewhat green in her wrestling, some stuff just looks fake, which is really contrasting with Di Matteo who makes everything look painful. Again the NPS delivers another great women's match, and we are finally over with the first round. Awesome finish sequence.

Eaver is still working the crew, but Jim tells him to fuck off, that he is a former champion, go back because he has a match tonight.

'Bodyguy' Roy Johnson vs "The Marquee Player" Jurn Simmons - 6.5/10


I'm not a big fan of Johnson, but he sure has a cool looking entrance with his LED glasses. Jurn Simmons however, is a whole other deal, it's something you just have to go out and see for yourself, I think this is what it felt when people saw Hulkamania for the first time, Jurn seriously won over the crowd with his entrance, he wend from heel to face to heel to face all before descending the steps. I don't need a match anymore.

Ok, we actually did get a match. As PROGRESS fans would say, this was a 'big lads' wrestling match. Bunch of body slams, bunch of shoulder tackles. Match was back and forward, that even in defeat, Roy Johnson looked good. This was a great showing for Jurn in his PROGRESS debut, he definitely got himself over and people will remember him.

Ringkampf vs The South Pacific Power Trip - 9.5/10


The PROGRESS cameramen are fucking prodigies! Their camerawork is just amazing, they leave every single promotion in the world far behind wondering that the REC button does. SPPT were announced as the PROGRESS Tag Team No 1 Contenders, so now I have an unofficial stipulation that if SPPT loses, Ringkampf for sure as hell deserve a shot at the titles. I was seriously about to call this a squash because of the utter dominance Ringkampf had over SPPT for a good chunk in the beginning, which they were only able to break after cheating. This was a heel vs heel match with a weird dynamic, since you can't help getting behind Banks valiantly taking on WALTER and going hold-to-hold with Dieter, but at the same time you hate TK Cooper so much that you hate SPPT and side with Ringkampf. Match got amazing with a bunch of awesome near falls, suicide dives, some good heel cheating, a crazy finishing sequence, that even though it was a dirty finish, i was on my feet. There were points in this match that Banks and Dieter reminded me of Danielson and McGuinness respectively, these guys are amazing.

Jim Smallman - Chapter 44 is called Old Man Yells At Cloud. Fans immediately made a song about it.

PROGRESS Championship No.1 Contendership THUNDERBASTARD Match
Trent Seven vs Jack Sexsmith vs Marty Scurll vs Mark Andrews vs Dave Mastiff vs Zack Gibson vs Nathan Cruz vs Pastor William Eaver - 6.5/10


Scurll is debuting new entrance theme tonight, not as awesome as Bloody Beatroots or Portishead. Thunderbastard match is technically an Aztec Warfare, but with less wrestlers and DQs, 8 wrestlers total, 2 start the match, then every 2 minutes someone joins, eliminations are via pinfall, DQ, or submission, last man starnding is the winner, duh. Former Thunderbastard winner Scurll and Andrews start the match. Seven is Third, Sexsmith is fourth. Fifth is Will Eaver, but yeap, Sebastian takes his place, who is immeditially is eliminated by Sexsmith, Sebastian attacks him and as he is gonna kill him with a chair, Will Eaver interferes! Sebastian slaps him and Eaver fights back to the huge ovation of the crowd! Zack Gibson comes out next. Nathan Cruz comes out, who is Gibson's stablemate, so they team up for a while, but if you'd been counting, you know who is next. Gibson actually makes Mastiff kinda work together until Dave does the Batista thumbs down and takes both Gibson and Cruz out.

Once everyone was in there, Marty Scurll was surprisingly eliminated first (after Sebastian), by Seven. Origin work together and eliminate Mastiff with a double codebreaker. Mandrews eliminates Seven. Now we're down to Andrews vs Origin, oh wait, I forgot that joke of a wrestler Sexsmith, he eliminates Nathan Cruz with a Crippler Cockface. Gibson eliminates Sexsmith and becomes my favorite wrestler. Gibson and Andrews are the last two, Gibson grabs a mic and starts cutting a promo while beating up Andrews, why do people hate him again? Match actually got pretty boring at this point, you just knew that Andrews was wining so they can do Dunne vs Mandrews because WWE did the match in their UK shit and Hunter's dick gotta get sucked. Pretty bad match considering the stipulation, talent, and what was on the line.

PROGRESS Championship Match
Pete Dunne (C) vs Jimmy Havoc - 8/10


Not gonna lie, I was really looking forward to this match because I really felt that Havoc could win this so PROGRESS had a champ that doesn't get pulled, but now knowing that Mandrews won the previous match, it kinda telegraphs who is leaving with the title now. Dunne keeps throwing around the title a la Naito, and it kinda bothers me that Smallman is not getting pissed at this.

Match started with Seven jumping Havoc, but being reversed and Seven gets knocked out with a title right to the face. We got a lot of brawling outside the ring at the start and later they transsitioned into the ring. Dunne worked Havoc's hand after biting his fingers (where they showed that he actually did cut Havoc), so Havoc couldn't get a good grip to hit the Acid Rainmaker. At one point, Dunne hit a Pedigree that Havoc kicked out of, so I'm sure Papa Hunter wouldn't like that, this prompted a 'You're not at the rumble" chant. Havoc was about to win after an Acid Rainmaker but Seven broke it up and Roberts threw the match out. Havoc wins by DQ, but Dunne retains.

Post-Match - Dunne and Seven destroy Havoc with chairs and Pedigrees. Suddenly, Flash Morgan Webster RETURNS! MARK HASKINS RETURNS TOO!!! Haskins locks Seven in a sharpshooter, Webster locks a guillotine on Dunne. Eventually they break it up and BSS retreats.

Mark Haskins Promo - Haskins calls out Dunne for being disrespectful bitch to the people and title. Tells Havoc that he can focus on Ospreay, because Haskins and Webster are both clear to wrestle!

OVERALL THOUGHTS:


First half of the show was great, including what could be PROGRESS MOTY between Ringkampf and SPPT. That Thunderbastard match really brought the show down, but the main event was a great match and the closing angle was huge. Overall I'd say it was a great show, most definitely worth checking out.

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