By Big Red Machine
From September 14, 2016
COPS LISTENING TO DARIO MURDER MR. CISQO- good segment, but now I’m confused. Captain Vasquez seems to know a lot more than she is letting on… and certainly is a lot more concerned about some sort of bigger picture involving Dario than when we were first introduced to her.
DR. WAGNER JR. (w/Famous B & Brenda) vs. MASCARITA SAGRADA- squash
STUFF THAT HAPPENED A THOUSAND YEARS AGO- a dying Aztec chieftain gives his daughter a special medallion that makes the holder immortal… so long as the holding is an adult woman. Okay. That’s oddly specific but sure, why not. I just hope this poor little girls doesn’t die before she turns eighteen and the magical protection kicks in.
He also told her that there was a war coming and she had to fight against the gods. The language mirrored that used by Captain Vasquez earlier, and in another flashback to the night of Ultima Lucha II, we see her holding up half of the medallion. She quickly puts it away when Ricky Reyes walks in. It turns out Ricky gave the evidence tape to the police commissioner, who sent the cops to arrest Dario. This was against orders, so she suspends Ricky Reyes until he decides which side he is really on. She is upset because Dario was their link to the bigger picture. She talks about the “strange things. Unexplainable things” that Ricky Reyes has seen, and how they need to be solved. Wasn’t the she the one who said she wasn’t interested in stories about a monster eating Bael’s face off? Because she is coming across like a completely different character here.
ARGENIS vs. MIL MUERTES (w/Catrina)- squash.
Striker’s attempt to call the Flatliner like the beeps of a heart-rate monitoring machine was so obnoxious I almost shut the show off.
POST-MATCH SEGMENT- Prince Puma attacks Mil Muertes. Mil Muertes seemed to be doing fine but Catrina got between them and got Mil Muertes to back off.
LAST WEEK, DARIO RETURNS TO HIS OFFICE- he fiddles with the red bull statue, then adjusts a picture that we can’t see. Then Joey Ryan walks in. He outs himself as a cop and offers to be a double agent for Dario (in exchange for money, of course, [“I have child support to pay”]). Then he exposes that Ricky Reyes/Cortez Castro is a cop as well. This could be part of the plan, or it could be Joey being a selfish, treacherous piece of sh*t. Both are equally possible. Only time will tell which it is.
RICKY REYES IS BACK ON THE JOB- so yeah… I don’t expect him to survive much longer.
WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION MATCH: Marty “The Moth” Martinez vs. Killshot- 9/10
Marty the Moth comes out to the ring dressed like a soldier and CARRYING A GUN. Striker does not react at all to the gun, instead just casually explaining the significance of the dogtags that Marty stole from Killshot.
Striker then makes a reference to former UN nuclear weapons inspector/NMMOVIC head Hans Blix, which has got to be the most obscure reference he has ever made, which says a lot. I don’t think I had heard his name in at least a decade.
Apparently they have gussied up various parts of the Temple for this match, which, when combined with the wacky name for what is really just a No DQ’s match, makes this feel frighteningly Russo-esque.
I can’t take any more of these clumsy, forced military references. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’d rather have Striker go back to naming politicians from the early 2000’s. He just randomly shouted “Semper Fi.” The announcer from Wrestlicious didn’t use this many clichés over the course of an average episode.
Someone needs to go smack that fan dressed a like a jackass in a bandana who was doing the crotch chops.
Despite everything I have just said, the match was CRAZY, with one of those finishes that bumps a rating up all on its own. These two guys put their bodies through hell, and had a brutal, bloody violent blow-off. Make sure you see this one.
MIL MUERTES & CATRINA BACKSTAGE- Mil is punching sh*t because he is mad and wants to fight Prince Puma. Catrina tells him to be patient. She then says that she has “waited hundreds of years” to get what she wants, which is the other half of Captain Vasquez’s medallion. Now that that revelation is officially out, can we let MVP out of the doghouse?
This was a pretty damn awesome show from LU, but I did find the Captain Vasquez stuff to be a bit clunky. I think it would have been better if it had played out over two or three weeks.