BRM Reviews the 4/28/2011 Impact

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- Oh dear G-d. Never mind the fact that they are even DOING THIS, but no one actually said that they weren’t! None of them actually answered the question. They gave reasons for why they were doing what they were doing, but they never said “no.” And even if they did, considering how often Jeff and Karen have lied and cheated during this feud, you would think that it would occur to them that one of these women might be lying!
The straws Karen was pulling at were just SO MORONICALLY RANDOM! The timeframe Karen was talking about kept changing, too. For Velvet, Sairita, & Rosita, she was assuming that this was a recent development, but for Madison & Tara, she assumed that it took place at some point when Kurt was the TNA World Champion (only leaving a three month window for this to have happened in, which would have been two years ago, as Kurt has only been TNA Champion for three months during Madison and Tara’s entire TNA careers!) This segment was atrocious. It did nothing at all aside from establish that Tessmacher was back! Jeff comes out of it having been slapped by Velvet Sky (which helps no one), Karen comes out of it looking like a semi-insane moron, rather than the vindictive vamp she has always been, and Velvet gets beaten down by Angelina, which easily could have happened at any other point in the show. When Austin did this, at least he had a swinging light and an interrogation room. That made it slightly funny. This was JUST PLAIN STUPID! The only bearable part of this Sarita telling Karen to pay closer attention to Impact, which is advice that everyone in the TNA office needs to pay attention to.

And what the hell was up with that umbrella? It served no purpose whatsoever!

Apparently SoCal Val is the timekeeper and Christy Hemme is the ring announcer tonight. This should be good, as she’d have to try hard to worse than JB.

VELVET SKY vs. ANGELINA LOVE (w/Winter)- 4.5/10, but it did its job perfectly. Angelina using Winter’s finish was a great touch!

MATT MORGAN PROMO- GREAT!

CHRIS SABIN vs. ANARQUIA (w/Mexican America)- No Rating. This match was just a set up for Shelley to return from injury, which is fine, but it just didn’t work for me. Sabin’s injury seemed legit, and it seemed like they rushed the finish. If it is legit, that sucks. If it isn’t then Anarquia should have won cleanly, in a longer match, with a Mexican American (I had originally typed in LAX, then had to change it... what does that say about this faction?) beatdown afterwards, and Shelley making the save, because Sabin losing doesn’t hurt him as much, since that isn’t what people will remember about him from this week’s show (for you EWA fans out there, that is why Reaper lost cleanly to an already fatigued guy in the Gauntlet at the First Anniversary Show… because his entire involvement in that match is overshadowed by him throwing El Demonico off of the stage). Anarquia would come out of it looking stronger, but Sabin would come out if looking no weaker.
Does it look to anyone else like the giant Mexican flag is blocking a lot of people’s view of the ring?

STEINER PROMO- It worked

STEINER-MORGAN BRAWL- Morgan shouldn’t have won. There is no heat now.

STING SMASHES A CAR- WHY? He already has Hogan & Bischoff’s attention. He is the World Champion. How will smashing a car help him get them out of TNA? This is just Sting being a dick.

TNA TV TITLE MATCH: Gunner(c) vs. Christopher Daniels- 5.75/10. Good showing for Gunner, and amazingly, a clean win for a heel in the Hogan-Bischoff Era. I was dead sure that Daniels was going to win here, so props to TNA for getting one over on me cleanly.

STING, ANDERSON, RVD, & HOGAN SEGMENT- Eh. The smart-assed line in the beginning of the segment (“you left your windows down”) definitely suited Sting, but the whole denying it to be a jackass thing didn’t. I have to admit that letting Sting pick his own matches gives the whole “there is a babyface in the ear of the Network” angle that they are trying to run a lot of the supporting kayfabe evidence that it has been lacking.

CRIMSON vs. SAMOA JOE- Are we REALLY comparing Crimson to Joe? Crimson has been in the company for a few months, and barely ever wrestles on TV (and when he does, it is usually tag team matches). Joe went EIGHTEEN MONTHS as MONSTER in SINGLES MATCHES!
Anyway, they put on a pretty good match until Abyss ruined it. Joe turns tweener by leaving Crimson to Abyss. I am actually okay with this. Crimson definitely looked like could hang with Joe.
One thing that TNA does that really annoys me is that they make finishes like this one, which should have been a DQ, into a no contest, but they never ANNOUNCE THE RESULT! We at home find out that it is a no-contest because Tenay tells us this. In the arena, they all think Crimson won by DQ. It looks really dumb to not have the official result announced publicly.

KURT ANGLE INTERVIEW- pretty good.

MICKIE JAMES PROMO- good babyface promo. This should have been done last week, though.

BUBBA RAY PROMO- AWESOME!

TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Sting(c) vs. Mr. Anderson vs. Bully Ray- 5.75/10. Not very interesting or exciting. The finish was okay, but I would much rather Sting have used a finisher than the weapon. Still, I have to ask… why did Hebner leave the steel pipe on the ring apron? It is a dangerous weapon! His job is to keep it away from the match!

BUBBA PROMO- the guy asking the question is a moron. “Why don’t you tell me about Impact next week for AJ Styles?” WERE YOU NOT JUST LISTENING? Bubba just said that he is going to get payback! This interviewer is so dumb I have no doubt that he is related to Mike Tenay.

AJ PROMO- Good

SCOTT STEINER PROMO- I guess Morgan kicked Scottie’s ass so hard that Scottie forgot that Morgan won the fight.

They need to stop doing this Reaction crap on Impact. NXT gets cancelled- WWE puts the show on their website. Reaction gets cancelled- TNA takes time away from the show that didn’t get cancelled and turns that into the show that did get cancelled. This time should be used for WRESTLING! The wrestling on this show was good, but WAY too short!

Impact this week was bad, but it did feel like they are sort of getting back on track.


Stupid Announcer Quotes:
1. Taz- “when Winter first came here to TNA, it was kind of like she had an obsession with Angelina, which was kind of awkward, but HOT in my opinion”- So Taz is turned on by creepiness? I swear, Taz will call ANYTHING involving the Knockouts “hot.” This, Sarita & Rosita’s racism… Madison Rayne could murder an infant in the ring, then eat it raw, piece by piece, and Taz would call it “hot.” You would think a company that claims to treat women well would replace an announcer who gives off this vibe...

2. Tenay (about Mexican America)- “We are in the midst of a movement here in TNA. The Mexican American contingent; they’re not going to be happy until their situation in TNA mirrors what is happening all throughout the USA. They want the numbers to equate to power, just like they’re dominating the population growth all over the United States. Hernandez, Anarquia, Sarita, Rosita; they want control.”
A few things wrong here. They want the numbers to equate to power? There are more White people in America than Hispanics, so I’m pretty sure that ISN’T what they want. And what exactly do they want control of? TNA has just gotten lazy recently and decided that everyone’s generic motive is about “control,” despite the fact that it RARELY MAKES ANY SENSE!


3. Tenay calls Gunner Immortal’s “Ace in the hole”- GUNNER… is your ace in the hole? That is PATHETIC!

[cero2k]

OPENING SEGMENT- Oh dear G-d. Never mind the fact that they are even DOING THIS, but no one actually said that they weren’t! None of them actually answered the question. They gave reasons for why they were doing what they were doing, but they never said “no.” And even if they did, considering how often Jeff and Karen have lied and cheated during this feud, you would think that it would occur to them that one of these women might be lying!
The straws Karen was pulling at were just SO MORONICALLY RANDOM! The timeframe Karen was talking about kept changing, too. For Velvet, Sairita, & Rosita, she was assuming that this was a recent development, but for Madison & Tara, she assumed that it took place at some point when Kurt was the TNA World Champion (only leaving a three month window for this to have happened in, which would have been two years ago, as Kurt has only been TNA Champion for three months during Madison and Tara’s entire TNA careers!) This segment was atrocious. It did nothing at all aside from establish that Tessmacher was back! Jeff comes out of it having been slapped by Velvet Sky (which helps no one), Karen comes out of it looking like a semi-insane moron, rather than the vindictive vamp she has always been, and Velvet gets beaten down by Angelina, which easily could have happened at any other point in the show. When Austin did this, at least he had a swinging light and an interrogation room. That made it slightly funny. This was JUST PLAIN STUPID! The only bearable part of this Sarita telling Karen to pay closer attention to Impact, which is advice that everyone in the TNA office needs to pay attention to.

the only real thing i got from this was the heat between Tara and Madison

And what the hell was up with that umbrella? It served no purpose whatsoever!

it was just to play the thing from last week when she got dumped poop or something on top of her, it was ok IMO

TNA TV TITLE MATCH: Gunner(c) vs. Christopher Daniels- 5.75/10. Good showing for Gunner, and amazingly, a clean win for a heel in the Hogan-Bischoff Era. I was dead sure that Daniels was going to win here, so props to TNA for getting one over on me cleanly.

hrm and become a TV champ in both companies he works for