All 3,311 TNA fans tricked into buying Wrestlemania

[Lynas]

In what can only be called an absolutely brilliant move on the part of WWE Chairman, Vincent Kennedy McMahon, all 3,311 fans of TNA Wrestling have pre-ordered the WrestleMania XXVII pay per view.

Mr. McMahon gloated as he discussed how his plan had played out. “Well, clearly, the first step was to take all of the focus off the championships at WrestleMania. We did not want people to pay any attention at all to the fact that the titles were even on the lines, particularly the one on the Raw show.” Mr. McMahon winked. “See, I won’t even call it by its name. That would be focusing on it. I want people to forget it’s even there. Hell, I couldn’t even tell you who is currently transporting the championship from show to show.”

He laughed to himself and suddenly stopped. “Step two in winning over the TNA freaks was to bring in a lot of older Superstars. You know, ones that are not actually planning on wrestling, but will come down, suck up all the cheers and hype from the crowd, and leave the arena dead for the other matches. We’ve got Austin. We’ve got The Rock. We’ve got Trish Stratus. And there are more to come, which brings me to my next point.”

Vince leaned in, as if he was about to reveal the biggest secret ever. “Step three involved getting people hyped up for all of our special surprises each Monday night. Each one was bigger and better than the last one. Each one was earth-shattering! I mean, when people read what the surprises will be three days before Raw, they are guaranteed to tune in and want to see the surprise for themselves!” Vince stared right into the camera as he said, “And this coming Monday will be no exception. We have the biggest, most amazing, most head-spinning, most Thelma and Louise ending type surprise for our fans ever! You’ll just have to tune in to see what it is. It’s going to be amazing.”

Vince stared at his fingers as he counted. “Oh, yes. And the final, most crucial step of all. We hired a Jersey Shore member to come in for one night one, do absolutely nothing except look stupid and be annoying, and then leave.” Vince smiled broadly.

While many would argue that stealing ideas from TNA is a terrible idea, the fact remains that ratings on Raw are higher than they’ve been in years. People are talking about The Rock. People are talking about Stone Cold Steve Austin. People have even mentioned Trish Stratus here and there. And, let’s face it, the plane worked. Every single one of the 3,311 TNA fans have indeed purchased the pay-per-view. But what about when WrestleMania XVII is over and WWE programming returns to what it was before the Royal Rumble? When asked this question, Mr. McMahon cut the interview short and power-walked out of the room. But hey, if Dixie Carter can make it work, surely Vincent Kennedy McMahon can do the same.

[Big Red Machine]

This article is clearly false. There is no way in hell that TNA still have over 3,000 fans!

[Chris Everlast]

I think he means 3 point 311, as in 3 and 1/3 of a fan. (who forgets that his DVR records iMPACT! every week.)

[Lynas]

This article is clearly false. There is no way in hell that TNA still have over 3,000 fans!

I'm sorry. These figures are from before Victory Road...

Afterwards that figure appears to have dropped to 11.

[Rabid619]

Afterwards that figure appears to have dropped to 11.

Those numbers are still too much.....

[cero2k]

Afterwards that figure appears to have dropped to 11.

Those numbers are still too much.....

they're all relatives of employees

[kiel297]

Afterwards that figure appears to have dropped to 11.

Those numbers are still too much.....

they're all relatives of employees

Plus the unicorns that Jeff Hardy regularly gathers with to watch iMPACT! every week.