BRM Reviews the 11/12/2015 Smackdown

[Big Red Machine]

WYATT FAMILY PROMO- Luke Harper said “the Wyatts show up and blood runs cold” and I burst out laughing because Glacier. The Wyatt-Reigns feud may have taken longer than it took Glacier to debut after those vignettes started airing. Also, apparently they are going to sacrifice the Usos tonight.
Then Erick Rowan cut a short promo that was actually pretty decent. Then Braun Strowman cut a promo which was also surprisingly not terrible, but that might be because he totally stole Necro Butcher’s “pile the bodies to the sky” line (though it sounded a lot cooler when Necro said it. Speaking of Necro Butcher… whatever happened to that guy? He seemed to just completely disappear once ROH stopped booking him. Erick Stevens, too, and they were both let go when Delirious took the book from Pearce. Did Delirious have them murdered or something?)
Then Bray started talking. He told us that we should all ignore the fact that he and his guys to their asses kicked by Kane and Taker on Raw because he has taken part of their souls which they can never get back… and my response to this was “so what? They still kicked your asses even though you have part of their souls, so it doesn’t really seem to matter, now does it?
Bray challenged the Brothers of Destruction a match that would be “my family vs. your family” and before Bray clarified that he meant two-on-two, my brain instantly came up with all four Wyatts vs. Kane, Taker, the ghost of Paul Bearer, and Michelle McCool, and I am certain I was not alone in this thought.

FANDANGO vs. BRAUN STROWMAN (w/the Wyatt Family)- squash
I don’t get it. It appears that in the UK, Fandango is somehow… over.


WORLD TITLE TOURNAMENT FIRST-ROUND MATCH: Wade Barrett vs. Adrian Neville- 6.5/10
Yeah. Of all of the possible permutations for the first round, they decided to give us this match. AGAIN. Because seeing it basically every week for the back seven months hasn’t been enough. (And if you are sticking the two Brits together because you’re afraid that otherwise the fans will boo when they lose… THAT’S WHAT HEELS ARE FOR! Have Owens beat Neville and Del Rio beat Barrett!

Listen up, Rich Brennan: I miss Trish, too, but that doesn’t mean you have to refer to EVERY SINGLE BRITISH PERSON as the UK’s “greatest export.” AND ESPECIALLY NOT WHEN WE ARE ACTUALLY IN THE UK!

RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS THE USOS- The Usos are really hyper.

KALISTO PROMO- terribly scripted. “This underdog will shock the world!” Who talks like that?

WORLD TITLE TOURNAMENT FIRST-ROUND MATCH: Ryback vs. Kalisto- 7.5/10
They had a GREAT big-man vs. little-man match.

WORLD TITLE TOURNAMENT FIRST-ROUND MATCH: Stardust vs. Alberto Del Rio (w/Zeb Coulter)- 6.75/10

RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS ROMAN REIGNS-

THE USOS vs. THE WYATT FAMILY (w/Bray Wyatt & Braun Strowman)- 6.5/10
The Wyatts magically teleport to ringside because I guess they can only walk down to the ring like normal people once per show. Lawler declared that things were “getting weirder by the minute” as if the Wyatts don’t magically teleport every single week.
The two teams start fighting, but for some reason the referee doesn’t order the bell to be rung to start the match. They had a fine match until Bray decided it was a good idea to order his guys to get DQed for no reason. If you’re going to have the Usos get beaten up, let them lose cleanly and give us a real finish… and if you don’t want to beat the Usos, then DON’T BOOK THE MATCH. The Wyatts beat the Usos down, and their cousin Roman Reigns did not come out to help them because… um… I guess he was in the bathroom or something.
Undertaker used his magic to cut a promo and to make lame lighting effects but didn’t bother using any of his magic to help the Usos.

STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Lawler calls the Ryback vs. Kalisto world title tournament first-round match the “biggest match in both these men’s careers” as if Ryback has been involved in ACTUAL WORLD TITLE MATCHES before.

2. Booker T- “It’s not about the money or the prestige. It’s about the title. About being called the WWE World Heavyweight Champion.”
And the glory of “being called the WWE World Heavyweight Champion” is exactly what prestige is.


K4