BRM Reviews the 10/5/2015 Raw (very bad)

[Big Red Machine]

PAUL HEYMAN PROMO- F*CKING AMAZING!

Then Big Show came out and tried to be a man and congratulate Brock for beating him, but Brock decided to be a dick for no reason, making Brock look like a heel. Big Show said he hopes Brock loses to Taker, so Brock gets in the ring and gives Big Show a suplex and an F-5. This is all intended to get us to want to watch the Hell in a Cell PPV, available on the WWE Network… except that the whole point of putting Brock vs. Taker on the MSG house show two nights ago and then broadcasting it on the Network was to tell people that if they wanted to see Brock throw Big Show around, they’d have to buy the Network… and then they just gave it away for free here on TV, so why should we believe they wouldn’t do the same with a big match (like, say, the one they are building to?)

SETH & STEPH BACKSTAGE- Big Show has taken on suplex and one F-5 and no Seth is convinced that this mean he won’t be able to wrestle tonight in their scheduled tag match and thus he wants the match to be called off. The whole point of this segment was to make Seth look like a whiny brat so Steph could make him look bad (like every segment with Seth talking to Steph or Hunter is intended to do). Stephanie also comes out of this looking like an idiot as she seems to believe that show is unable to wrestle, but isn’t willing to help Seth find a partner to SAVE HER BIG MAIN EVENT.

THE WYATT FAMILY vs. ROMAN REIGNS, DEAN AMBROSE, & RANDY ORTON- 6/10
Or maybe the match was better than that, but I have seen Dean & Roman vs. The Wyatt Family SOOOO MANY TIMES in the past few months with THE OUTCOME NEVER MATTERING so at this point it is just impossible for me to care about this match.

SHEAMUS PROMO- he runs down Neville and the city of Boston. Neville, the babyface, cheapshots Shemaus. Wait… why am I hearing Wade Barrett’s voice on commentary?! The bell rings and Neville won’t break in the corner so Barrett gets up and decides to talk to Neville in the middle of the match and is then shocked when this distracts Neville, leading to Neville eating a Brogue kick and being pinned. This was SOOOOOO bad. We came back from commercial and Sheamus is coming to out to cut a promo… and then we find out that Neville is already in the ring (no mention at all by them announcers)… and then we find out that Barrett is commentary. The presentation here made both Barrett and Neville look like sh*t, as did the finish (and the finish was all there was to the match).

KANE PROMO- he claims that Brock “decimated” Big Show earlier? Did I look away from the screen for a second and miss Brock shooting Big Show with a machine gun or something? Because all I remember seeing Big Show take was a belly-to-belly suplex and an F-5.
Kane announces himself as Seth’s partner. How could Kane possibly be cleared to wrestle with his leg in a boot? Seth comes out to protest this. They argue until Steph comes out and mommy sets her children straight. And of course she had to make sure she got the babyface pop by reprimanding Seth for his earlier insult of the local sports hero, and which point I just lost it and shouted “WHAT PART OF BEING A HEEL DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND YOU STUPID B*TCH!?”
So Steph says Kane will team with Seth tonight and also that Seth will defend the title against Kane at Hell in a Cell… and then she had to come back and randomly add that if Kane doesn’t win the match, he’s going to be fired. FOR NO REASON! WITH NO BUILD IN THIS DIRECTION WHATSOEVER! At the end of this segment I wanted to reach into my TV and just choke the life out of Steph the same way her ego has choked the life out of this show. If I never see Stephanie McMahon on my TV screen again, it will be eons too soon.

SETH & HUNTER BACKSTAGE- mommy punished him, so little Seth went to go complain to daddy. Seth Rollins has been written so poorly that I dread it every time he is on screen and isn’t in a match. I am certain that they have done permanent damage to Seth’s career at this point.

NATALYA vs. PAIGE- 6.5/10
Cole tells us that there is “long history” between these two. Really? I fund that hard to believe when you realize that Paige hasn’t even been on the main roster for eighteen months.
Apparently Nattie, who only reappeared on TV two weeks ago, is now trying to take credit for starting the Divas Revolution, which started back in July.
They had a very good match, but if they are building Paige up for a title match with Charlotte, she shouldn’t be losing.

RYBACK PROMO- decent.
During this promo I realized that if Tommaso Ciampa did a bunch of steroids, he would be Ryback.

KEVIN OWENS vs. SIN CARA (w/Kalisto)- 4.5/10
After the match, Owens beats up Kalisto, then runs away from Ryback when he comes out to make the save.

STEPH & NEW DAY BACKSTAGE- bad.
Another segment designed for Steph to emasculate champions. She also says she saw what New Day did at the MSG house show network special (i.e. getting DQed to retain the titles), so she books them against the Dudleys for the titles at Hell in a Cell. Okay… so what’s to stop them from just getting DQed again, like they did not only at MSG, but also at the last PPV?

THE DUDLEY BOYS vs. SETH ROLLINS & KANE- 4/10
Kane is no longer wearing his boot.
This match should feel like a big deal. You have the freakin’ Dudley Boys getting into the ring with the WWE World Heavyweight Champion- an up and coming star they have never been in the ring with before… but instead the match feels small because everything has been about Seth feuding with Kane. They could at least let the Dudleys cut a freakin’ promo to hype this up a bit and make it look like they actually matter in this match.
So Kane’s injured leg gets hurt and a doctor tells him he has to go to the back… so Seth pulls hadncuffs out of… somewhere (how the hell did he hide them from the referee when the ref checked him at the beginning of the match?) and handcuffs Kane to the rope. Then they IMMEDIATELY do a spot when Seth bumps into Kane, knocking him off the apron, and the handcuffs break and the doctor brings Kane to the back. So why even do the handcuffs spot?
Once again we get a Whazzup right in front of the referee. Then, instead of trying to pin the WWE World Heavyweight Champion, the Dudleys decide to go get some tables so they can get themselves DQed. Fortunately for the dumbass Dudleys, Seth was kind enough to dropkick the table into their faces so he was the one who got DQed.
Then DemonKane comes out to attack Seth, but the Dudleys randomly decided to save Seth by giving Kane a 3-D. After that happened, Michael Cole was nice enough to inform us that the Dudleys did this to get “revenge for what happened on Smackdown.”
1. Maybe you should have mentioned that they wanted revenge on Kane BEFORE they actually got said revenge, so that them getting that revenge might actually feel important.
2. What did happen on Smackdown? How about a replay or something? Or even just an explanation?

This all built to nothing and helped no one.

OH COME ON! IT’S STILL NOT OVER?!
Seth gets a table to put Kane through, but Kane predictably recovers and grabs Seth by the throat and Seth wins up eating a chokeslam through said table.

TEAM B.A.D. & THE BELLAS HAVE A CONFRONTATION IN THE PARKING LOT- idiotic, but at least we have found someone who Steph can go to for lessons in how to be a heel: Nikki Bella, who immediately put on her Yankees hat the minute she showed up in Boston.

TEAM B.A.D. & THE BELLAS SEGMENT- Sasha tries to cut a hometown babyface promo but Nikki immediately interrupts her. If you’re going to do this, then why even do the parking lot thing?
This was… better than usual, but still not very good.

TEAM B.A.D. vs. TEAM BELLA- 6.25/10
Michael Cole tells not to for forget the fact that Sasha defeated Nikki on Smackdown. Oh yeah, Cole? Well how about WWE tries not to forget the fact that Sasha pinned Nikki WHILE NIKKI WAS STILL THE CHAMP and nothing ever came of it. That doesn’t give me any hope for this win mattering.

RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS CHARLOTTE- good.
Also, Becky Lynch was there.

SUMMER RAE MAKES A VIDEO TRIBUTE TO RUSEV- So Summer Rae is a teenage fangirl on YouTube in 2006. They talk about how much they love each other. Then Summer drops to a knee, meaning she’s either about to propose to Rusev or blow him. Looks great for Rusev either way.
She proposes to him and Rusev says yes. Mazel tov to the happy couple. Or not. Rusev says “yes… but not yet.” Rusev says that Summer has to help him win a title first. Hopefully this new direction means this awful Rusev/Ziggler/Summer/Lana deal is over.

They’re advertising Orton & Roman vs. Bray & Strowman for Smackdown. No way in hell am I watching that.

JOHN CENA’S OPEN CHALLENGE- Dolph’s music plays, but it turns out he has been taken out by The New Day, who drag his carcass out onto the ramp with him. Then they start making annoying noises.

WWE UNITED STATES TITLE MATCH: John Cena(c) vs. Big E. Langston (w/the New Day)- 6.5/10
There was some post-match stuff with Cena, New Day, Ziggler, and the Dudleys. The New Day actually got to beat up the Dudleys and get some heat, so at least that was good. Of course I’m certain we’re not going to get the obvious match that we should get either on Smackdown or new week which would be New Day vs. Dolph Ziggler & the Dudley Boys.

A terrible episode of Raw. I am sick of Roman & Dean vs. The Wyatts. I am sick of these forced “Divas Revolution” matches, I am sick of this idiotic angle with Kane, sick of pathetic whiny man-child Seth Rollins and completely and totally sick of Stephanie McMahon.

[KILLdozer]

I'm so fuckin ' sick' of READIN' about the stupid freakin' horseshit Ziggler and Rusev chakanery. Bullshit to all of their women shit being over-you KNOW Lana is going to stop the wedding and then it all becomes so much more conviluted in an entirely different direction.

[Bulletclubfan2014]

="Big Red Machine"Kane announces himself as Seth’s partner. How could Kane possibly be cleared to wrestle with his leg in a boot? Seth comes out to protest this. They argue until Steph comes out and mommy sets her children straight. And of course she had to make sure she got the babyface pop by reprimanding Seth for his earlier insult of the local sports hero, and which point I just lost it and shouted “WHAT PART OF BEING A HEEL DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND YOU STUPID B*TCH!?”

Well in Steph's defense I can recall a few times she insulted other cities by saying the Patriots were better than that cities team so there is at least the argument that she is just a fan of the Patriots and she just insults the teams she doesn't like

So Kane’s injured leg gets hurt and a doctor tells him he has to go to the back… so Seth pulls hadncuffs out of… somewhere (how the hell did he hide them from the referee when the ref checked him at the beginning of the match?) and handcuffs Kane to the rope. Then they IMMEDIATELY do a spot when Seth bumps into Kane, knocking him off the apron, and the handcuffs break and the doctor brings Kane to the back. So why even do the handcuffs spot?

It was a failed attempt to keep Kane from doing what he did on Smackdown which was leave half way thru the match then come out as Demon Kane and destroy Seth.

Then DemonKane comes out to attack Seth, but the Dudleys randomly decided to save Seth by giving Kane a 3-D. After that happened, Michael Cole was nice enough to inform us that the Dudleys did this to get “revenge for what happened on Smackdown.”
1. Maybe you should have mentioned that they wanted revenge on Kane BEFORE they actually got said revenge, so that them getting that revenge might actually feel important.
2. What did happen on Smackdown? How about a replay or something? Or even just an explanation?

They actually showed a replay of Kane destroying Seth, New Day and The Dudley's on a preview for Smackdown roughly 10-15 minutes before the match started I'm not saying that's enough but maybe they did

WWE UNITED STATES TITLE MATCH: John Cena(c) vs. Big E. Langston (w/the New Day)- 6.5/10
There was some post-match stuff with Cena, New Day, Ziggler, and the Dudleys. The New Day actually got to beat up the Dudleys and get some heat, so at least that was good. Of course I’m certain we’re not going to get the obvious match that we should get either on Smackdown or new week which would be New Day vs. Dolph Ziggler & the Dudley Boys.

As long as at Hell In A Cell New Day takes the US Title and does something so horrible afterwards Cena is out injured for however long he'll be out I don't care if they follow up on it with Dolph or not

[Big Red Machine]

="Big Red Machine"Kane announces himself as Seth’s partner. How could Kane possibly be cleared to wrestle with his leg in a boot? Seth comes out to protest this. They argue until Steph comes out and mommy sets her children straight. And of course she had to make sure she got the babyface pop by reprimanding Seth for his earlier insult of the local sports hero, and which point I just lost it and shouted “WHAT PART OF BEING A HEEL DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND YOU STUPID B*TCH!?”

Well in Steph's defense I can recall a few times she insulted other cities by saying the Patriots were better than that cities team so there is at least the argument that she is just a fan of the Patriots and she just insults the teams she doesn't like.

But the point is that she's not supposed to be doing things that get pops, whether it is just from the people in the building or from the people at home.

So Kane’s injured leg gets hurt and a doctor tells him he has to go to the back… so Seth pulls hadncuffs out of… somewhere (how the hell did he hide them from the referee when the ref checked him at the beginning of the match?) and handcuffs Kane to the rope. Then they IMMEDIATELY do a spot when Seth bumps into Kane, knocking him off the apron, and the handcuffs break and the doctor brings Kane to the back. So why even do the handcuffs spot?

It was a failed attempt to keep Kane from doing what he did on Smackdown which was leave half way thru the match then come out as Demon Kane and destroy Seth. [/quote]
Okay but then don't break the handcuffs RIGHT AWAY. Also it doesn't explain explain how Seth managed to get the handcuffs past the referee's inspection.

[Bulletclubfan2014]

So Kane’s injured leg gets hurt and a doctor tells him he has to go to the back… so Seth pulls hadncuffs out of… somewhere (how the hell did he hide them from the referee when the ref checked him at the beginning of the match?) and handcuffs Kane to the rope. Then they IMMEDIATELY do a spot when Seth bumps into Kane, knocking him off the apron, and the handcuffs break and the doctor brings Kane to the back. So why even do the handcuffs spot?

It was a failed attempt to keep Kane from doing what he did on Smackdown which was leave half way thru the match then come out as Demon Kane and destroy Seth. [/quote]
Okay but then don't break the handcuffs RIGHT AWAY. Also it doesn't explain explain how Seth managed to get the handcuffs past the referee's inspection.[/quote]
I agree they shouldn't have broken them so quick but it kinda looked like Seth hid them in the ring apron