BRM Reviews the 1st ep. of WrestleCentre Voltage (6/24/2014)

[Big Red Machine]

SOME GUY IS A JERK TO AJ STYLES- the guy says that by showing up to wrestle for this promotion, AJ is taking money out of his pocket. Yeah… sorry Mr. No-name Canadian Maritimes Indy Guy. I’m pretty sure that AJ Styles being here is drawing you a much bigger house than you normally have.


Yeah… so the first thing we heard from any of the announcer was a guy loudly asking his broadcast partner “did I just see AJ Styles enter the arena?!” in a way guaranteed to give you terrible flashbacks to the atrocious indy announcing of 2001-2004.

The announcers are also acting like AJ Styles has signed some sort of exclusive contract with them, which is utterly laughable when he’s been on ROH TV since the beginning of the year, and any fan who knows enough to find this little promotion surely knows about not only ROH, but also New Japan, where he is the IWGP Heavyweight Champion.

JULIAN YOUNG vs. “MR. SUAVE” MARCUS BURKE- 6.75/10
Good opener, but I almost considered knocking it down a bit because of the damn announcers, but that isn’t fair to the wrestlers. That being said, the terrible announcing really did take away from my enjoyment of the match.

Yeah. These announcers are really pissing me off. Generic statements like “everyone knows what's on the line here tonight!” that really don’t mean anything (in fact, when he said this, I immediately said “No. I don’t. It’s just an opener between two guys I’ve never seen before and don’t know anything about") and random shots at every other wrestling company on TV… I’m actually starting to think that these guys actually are indy announcers from the early 2000’s who just came out of suspended animation.


AJ STYLES & DEREK SIMMS BACKSTAGE- Simms is the champion of… Voltage? WrestleCentre? What is the name of this promotion, anyway? I’m pretty sure Voltage is the name of the TV show, and they say it is “presented by WrestleCentre” which makes it seem like WrestleCentre is the name of the promotion, but that can’t possibly be the name of the promotion because… I mean… that’s SUCH A SH*TTY NAME!
AJ was the guy who was kind of a dick this time, but I’ll chalk that up to AJ being in a bad mood because of the other guy. AJ is definitely getting across the fact that he is here with something to prove. Simms has very little charisma and claimed to be “good. Damned good.” AJ told him he’d never be “phenomenal” and I’m inclined to agree.

NICK DIGGS, DYLAN SHARP, AND THE PROMOTER BACKSTAGE- the promoter tells them that he only has one open spot, so these two hungry young lions with tons of potential will have to fight for it. Wait. No. Sorry. That’s the logical thing to do. In fact, that’s the sort of thing that ROH did early on that worked so well and gave the promotion that feel of something that was growing.
Here, though, the promoter just told them that he hadn’t had a chance to look at their video packages or “resumés” yet. He then scolded Dylan Sharp for wearing his gear because he hasn’t been booked in any matches yet. Really.

Apparently the promoter is also the less crappy of the two announcers.

TITUS PROMO- he says he doesn’t care if the fans cheer him or boo him. The fans responded by chanting “we don’t matter!” Then why are you chanting?
Titus then says that he is here to prove to everyone that not only is he the best wrestler in the Maritimes, but in ALL OF CANADA! He calls out JP Simms, whom he calls the “WrestleCenter Champion.” The announcer then identifies Simms as the “IFWA Heavyweight Champion.”
Titus then starts yelling at some blonde girl at ringside, who is apparently Coco Rose, a wrestler (well, actually the dumbsh*t announcer called her an “up-and-coming female performer” so maybe she’s the person who sings the national anthem before the shows). He calls her a tramp and says that he didn’t bust his ass for ten years so she could ride his coattails. He then says that the ring is his stage, and the she should go back to her stage. “Do you know where that is?” he asks her.
Okay guys. It’s game time! Complete the dis.
*cue Jeopardy music*


“The strip club.”
That’s what you guys all came up with, right? That’s what I came up with, too, because it makes sense. But what this guy actually said was “the kitchen.” Yeah. There is a stage in the kitchen. Seriously. HOW DOES THIS MORON MISS SUCH A F*CKING OBVIOUS LINE?!

Dumbsh*t announcer declared that this was not okay at all, and decried Titus as a “bigamist pig.” Yes. A “bigamist.” That’s what he said. Is Coco Rose one of his two wives, and that’s why she came out here and why he is yelling at her?

Dylan Sharp comes out to defend Coco’s honor and challenges Titus to a match. Titus says okay. Then Dylan and Coco go to the back while the announcer tells us that Dylan doesn’t even work here.

TWO DUDES MET OUTSIDE- one of them is looking for a bodyguard. Umm… okay. Who the hell are they? Can we get some graphics, please?

DYLAN SHARP AND THE PROMOTER BACKSTAGE- The promoter is unhappy with Dylan for what he has just done, calling it “unprofessional.” In fact, he threatens to have Dylan arrested for trespassing. He also threatens to fine him. How can you fine him if he doesn’t work for you? This whole scenario is dumb. A wrestler who got invited to the show by the promoter comes out FROM BACKSTAGE (he didn’t hop the guardrail or anything) and defends a woman’s honor, taking the initiative to challenge someone to a match… and the promoter is pissed at him for it? Has anything like this ever happened before? No. In fact, it’s almost always the opposite.
But, in the most predictable thing ever, he decides that the best punishment for Dylan is giving him exactly what he wants: a match with Titus. How can you book him in a match if he doesn’t work for you?! Either he works for you (in which case he didn’t do anything wrong) or he doesn’t, and thus you have no authority to punish him. CHOOSE ONE AND STICK WITH IT!


RIDDICK STONE vs. JACKSON FURY (w/Matt Bullen)-
Bullen was the guy being a dick to AJ at the beginning of the show. Bullen was introduced as the guy who was going to wrestle the match, but he couldn’t because he had a broken hand. If the guy has been walking around backstage all day with a broken hand, how did the announcer, ring announcer, and promoter still think there was a chance in hell of this match still going on?
Fury was much smaller than Stone. Stone squashed him in two moves. Then he hit a powerbomb after the match, just to be a douche. He went to celebrate, but Bullen attacked him with his cast. Stone just no-sold it, so Bullen ran away. Rather than go after the guy who attacked him from behind, Stone picked up Fury and threw him at Bullen.

JP SIMMS & THE PROMOTER BACKSTAGE- The promoter wants to books Simms vs. AJ tonight. Simms gets a text from his brother who says that Titus is at the gym (which they specified was in a different part of town), looking angrily at him. The promoter says that this is impossible because Titus was just in the ring a few minutes ago. Simms says that his brother would not lie, so he is obligated to go check it out.

THE PROMOTER BACKSTAGE WITH TOMMY STARR- Starr needs work because he needs to feed his family and pay their medical bills. The promoter says that tonight is too short of a notice. The promoter leave to go do something else. Tommy answers a phone call, and the guy who was looking for a bodyguard before spies on him, then strokes his beard in devious thought.

THE PROMOTER MEETS NICK DIGGS IN A STAIRWELL- he tells him not to bother coming back next week because he has filled the remaining roster spot.

THE PROMOTER AND THE BEARDED BODYGUARD SEEKER IN HIS OFFICE- bearded guy is named James. The promoter offers to book a match between James and Tommy Starr next week with the winner getting both the winner’s purse and the loser’s purse.

THE PROMOTER MEETS WITH TITUS IN A HALLWAY- he warns him not to take Dylan Sharp lightly. He also encourages Titus to really punish Sharp in the ring. Then Riddick Stone showed up and said that Titus would have to go through him to get to the top.
The promoter tells them that they will have to impress the board of directors. Stone walks away. The promoter tells Titus that the board of directors likes JP Simms, but thinks he has taken the company as far as it can go, and they want AJ Styles to be champion, so helping AJ win the belt would put him on the board’s good side.

TITUS vs. DYLAN SHARP (w/Coco Rose)- 5/10
Good storytelling in the match and a good nearfall. Titus Pillmanizered Sharp’s arm after the match.

JP SIMMS FINDS HIS BROTHER INJURED IN A GYM- okay, a mystery. If it wasn’t Titus, then who did it?

The play-by-play guy is atrocious. I’ve heard amateur stuff before, but this is worse than that. He sounds like a kid announcing the game of Smackdown vs. Raw he is playing.


The reason I looked this promotion up was an interview I heard with the promoter where he talked up their realistic characters and it sounded interesting. With the exception of the main event, I really hated this show, but I can sort of see the groundwork of what the promoter was talking about, so I think I am going to give it another few shows or so. From what I gather, AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels are both semi-regulars, and they apparently had an awesome match between Daniels and Lance Storm on one of their recent TV shows, so it can’t be all bad (even if Titus is the only guy on this show aside from AJ with any charisma at all).


Here's the link for anyone else who wants to check it out:
http://www1.bellaliant.net/communityone ... e1&mediaId