BRM Reviews the 4/18/2014 Smackdown

[Big Red Machine]

BIG E. INSET PROMO- did his testicles drop at the end of that promo? Because that what it sounded like.

BIG E. LANGSTON vs. ALBERTO DEL RIO- 4.75/10
Cole told us that this match is happening because Del Rio believes that he should be #1 contender to the IC Title because he has beaten Big E. a bunch of times recently. And he’s got a pretty good point. So instead he gets yet another non-title match against Big E. Why should we care about this non-title match if the set-up for it has been that Del Rio is upset because he has already beaten Big E. in a bunch of non-title matches and nothing has come of it?
Cole and JBL tried to claim that Big E. has been “so impressive as Intercontinental Champion” (Cole) and “a great representative of the Intercontinental Title” (JBL)… but all I can think is that he keeps losing all the time!
They decided that they wanted to do a spot as a tribute to the Ultimate Warrior in this match, so what do they do? They have Warrior’s finisher get countered. Later Big E. actually hit the move… but then immediately went for a Big Ending which Del Rio escaped from… so Warrior’s finisher couldn’t even take Del Rio out for long enough for Big E. to hit the Big Ending? WORST. TRIBUTE. EVER.
They took a sick-looking spill to the outside and Del Rio worked over Big E’s shoulder a bit. Anyway, remember how Cole and JBL were talking about how impressive Big E. has been? Well Big E. couldn’t even beat Del Rio clean here. Instead, they had Del Rio get DQed for keeping a hold on too long. Then Del Rio attacked Big E. some more, but but Big E. came back and laid Del Rio out with the Big Ending.
What was the purpose of any of this? If you want Big E. to be standing tall at the end of this, JUST HAVE HIM WIN CLEAN! He is the f*cking IC Champion! Now that you have this tournament going on, how about trying to make the belt mean something by not having the champ be unable to beat a guy who couldn’t even get past the first round of the tournament! And to make matters worse, not having Big E. beat Del Rio clean here does absolutely nothing to dispute Del Rio’s claim, which was the whole reason for having this match in the first place!

TRIPLE H PROMO- okay. The important part is that he announces Shield vs. Evolution for Extreme Rules.

PAUL HEYMAN PROMO- bad
He just kept repeating the sentence “my client, Brock Lesnar, conquered The Streak.” It was really f*cking annoying in a “stop wasting my time. I’m changing the channel” kind of way.

Michael Cole tells us that “it’s been no secret” that Hornswoggle has been jealous of El Torito’s success. “No secret?” Well I didn’t know about it, and I’m willing to bet that very few other people did, either.
VIDEO PACKAGE FOR EL TORITO vs. HORNSWOGGLE- FANTASTIC! Apparently Hornswoggle turned heel and joined 3MB! You NEED to see how awesome this is! F*ck the rest of Smackdown. I’m going to go watch Main Event!
They have a graphic with a full statistical rundown on both guys, which was absolutely hilarious. The stats include weight, height, reach (both guys were listed as “bottom shelf”), favorite movie (Leprechaun: Origins vs. Raging Bull), and favorite drink (Guinness for Hornswoggle and Red Bull for Torito)


Okay. Done watching Main Event. Now back to Smackdown.

TAMINA PROMO- okay.
She says that AJ didn’t deserve to be champion, but at Extreme Rules she will defeat Paige and win the title for herself by any means necessary.

PAIGE vs. AKSANA- 0.75/10

RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS SHEAMUS- good promo by Sheamus

HORNSWOGGLE (w/Jinder Mahal & Drew McIntyre) vs. EL TORITO (w/Los Matadores)- FUN!
BULL-SAULT!

BAD NEWS BARRETT BURIES THE FANS FOR LIKING THE MINIS MATCH- dumb and pointless.

R-TRUTH (w/Xavier Woods) vs. ALEXANDER RUSEV (w/Lana)- no rating. Great segment.
Lillian introduces Lana as “the Ravishing Russian.” That was bad. Lana’s promo, on the other hand, was very good. The match was perfect fopr what it was, which was Rusev taking on a tougher opponent than he has in the past and still looking dominant in victory without it being a squash.

For some reason, they replayed the entire Axel-Back vs. Rhodes Brothers match from Raw.

SANTINO MARELLA (w/Emma) vs. FANDANGO (w/Layla El)- 0.75/10
This week, when Layla steals the Cobra, Emma takes her out. Then Santino rolls Fandango up for the win. I guess that’s the end of this feud.
Hilarious post-match antics from Emma.

ADAM ROSE VIDOE PACKAGE- feels more like a beer commercial than a wrestling hype video.

SHEAMUS vs. BATISTA- 7/10
Should have been longer. They should have gone at least twenty minutes.


A decent episode of Smackdown, though I would be much harsher on it if it wasn’t for the main event.

[cero2k]

SHEAMUS vs. BATISTA- 7/10
Should have been longer. They should have gone at least twenty minutes.
.

trivia, if i'm not mistaken, this is the first loss for Sheamus in RAW or Smackdown since 2011 or so

[Big Red Machine]

SHEAMUS vs. BATISTA- 7/10
Should have been longer. They should have gone at least twenty minutes.
.

trivia, if i'm not mistaken, this is the first loss for Sheamus in RAW or Smackdown since 2011 or so

Would not surprise me if it was his first clean loss. And if anyone knows for sure, it would be a helpful statistic for my fantasy booking.