BRM Reviews the 3/28/2014 Smackdown

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- good stuff from Hunter and Batista. It results in Batista vs. Sheamus being booked for later tonight. WHY WOULD YOU WASTE THIS WITH NO HYPE?!

SIN CARA vs. DAMIEN SANDOW- DUD!
Sandow gets in all of the offense (about three moves), then gets rolled up. This helped no one in any way.
JBL claims that there were some “problems” with Scooby Doo in the back last week. Specifically, he tore up a couch, took a crap in Hunter’s office, and bit a security, resulting in the guard getting rabies because Scooby never got his shots. I’m sure I speak for all of us here at the Wrestling Revolution when I send our thoughts and prayers to the family of the infected security guard.
Michael Cole claims that this isn’t true, but I’m less inclined to believe him due to his claims that Scooby Doo is owned by “the Mystery Machine.” I’ve never typed this before, but G-D DMAN YOU, COLE! LEARN YOUR SCOOBY DOO!

RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS THE BIG SHOW- okay

THE SHIELD (Roman Reigns) vs. 3MB (w/Heath Slater)- squash. Then Kane comes out and books…

CURTIS AXEL & RYACK vs. THE SHIELD (w/Roman Reigns)- 4.25/10

GOLDUST vs. FANDANGO (w/Summer Rae)- 3.75/10
Summer Rae helps Fandango win.

SHEAMUS vs. BATISTA- no rating.
Sheamus was about to win, so Batista hit him with a chair, then beat him up. I just don’t see how Sheamus doesn’t try to get revenge for this, and there is no time for him to do so.

BRAY WYATT PROMO- great

AJ LEE & TAMINA vs. THE BELLA TWINS- 1.5/10
Vickie is on commentary and refuses to tell us what the rules of a “Vickie Guerrero Invitational” are. If I don’t know how the match works, how can I look forward to it.
AJ and Tamina shove each other, leading to AJ losing (AGAIN!). Didn’t I see this exact same thing a few weeks ago?

EMMA & SANTINO SEGMENT- bad. But hopefully this will be the end of it because Emma friend-zoned Santino.
I want NXT Emma back!

JIMMY USO (w/Jey Uso) vs. JACK SWAGGER (w/Antonio Cesaro & Zeb Coulter)- 1.25/10
Tag champ taps after taking two moves.

THE MIZ vs. MARK HENRY- 4/10
Miz managing to get Mark over the top rope was good hype for the battle royale. Mark won, as he should.


THE BIG SHOW vs. BRAY WYATT (w/the Wyatt Family)- 5/10
Not good enough for a main event.

A terrible episode of Smackdown