BRM Reviews the 3/10/2014 Raw (awesome!)

[Big Red Machine]

HULK HOGAN PROMO- he puts over the WWE Network and plugs the various great Hulk Hogan main events you can watch. Apparently watching his match with Andre gave him an idea: A 30 man over the top battle royale for the “coveted” Andre the Giant Memorial Trophy. Hulk then accidentally said that there will be “three” superstars in the ring at Wrestlemania who will want to win the trophy. He then concluded the promo by saying “whatcha gonna do, brother, when Hulk Hogan and the memory of Andre the Giant run wild on you.” That was really awkward.

Then Cena came out, cut a good promo, and said that he was going to enter himself in the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royale. I guess everyone is going to be working double duty at Mania. Then Bray Wyatt came out and cut a F*CKING AWESOME promo on Hogan and Cena. Cena responded by cutting a very good promo in which he challenged Bray to a match at Mania.
The Wyatts then advanced on Hogan and Cena… and we cut a commercial. When we came back, we got out scheduled match, but with Hogan in Cena’s corner!

JOHN CENA (w/Hulk Hogan) vs. ERICK ROWAN (w/the Wyatt Family)- 4/10
Rowan dominates the match, working over Cena’s ribs, but Cena wins with a not-very convincing schoolboy. After the match we get yet another tease of the Wyatts fighting Hogan and Cena, but they decide to walk away.
Then, for some reason, Hogan’s music plays. Hogan does his posing and Cena had some fun with it, trying to direct Hogan to various sides of the ring. Hogan invited Cena to pose with him, and after one or two poses, Cena waited until Hogan’s back was turned and then started briefly did the Emma dance!

AUTHORITY PROMO- Steph cuts a great condescending promo saying that they will fire Dragon tonight unless he apologizes for attacking Hunter last week.

THE USOS vs. RYBACK & CURTIS AXEL- 4/10
Ryback will apparently also be in the 30 Man Andre the Giant Battle Royale. The Usos win. The New Age Outlaws were fun on commentary.

KANE & THE SHIELD BACKSTAGE- good.
Kane books Rollins & Reigns vs. Cody & Goldust, then Rollins makes fun of Kane for losing to Dragon.

BIG E. LANGSTON vs. JACK SWAGGER (w/Antonio Cesaro & Zeb Coulter)- 4/10
During this match they showed an in-set promo from Big E. announcing his own participation in the Andre over the top rope battle royale. Did they really have to do this during the match? Isn’t little stuff like this what the WWE App or WWE.com is for?
The finish comes when Cesaro refuses to interfere on Swagger’s behalf (and in Cesaro’s defense, Swagger had said “I got this” at the beginning of the match). This wound up distracting Swagger, leading to Big E. rolling him up. Swagger and Cesaro argued after the match and Zeb yelled at them to shake hands. After a lot of shouting, they do so, but Cesaro squeezes hard enough to cause Swagger pain.

SCOOBY DOO WRESTLEMANIA MYSTERY TRAILER- JUST FITEEN MORE DAYS!

HEYMAN & TAKER SEGMENT- great
Lawler said that Brock has never been in the ring with Taker… and both JBL and Cole immediately jumped in and added “at Wrestlemia.”

THE RHODES BROTHERS vs. SETH ROLLINS & ROMAN REIGNS (w/Dean Ambrose)- 7/10
The Shield have this weird quasi-babyface thing going on because everyone wants them to stay together so we all root for them to win their matches.

Tomorrow night on Main Event, Nattie will challenge AJ for the Divas Title and Mark henry will challenge Ambrose for the US Title. Cool.

AJ LEE & TAMINA vs. THE BELLA TWINS- 4.25/10
THE TAMINA SUPERKICK IS BACK! I have the weirdest boner right now.
Is there anyone who HASN’T beaten AJ since AJ won the belt?
Anyway, Nikki picks up the Divas Title celebrates with it, which annoys Nattie, who is challenging for the title tomorrow. It seemed like something interesting was about to happen, but instead of letting us see it, we got a trailer for NCIS: L.A.
Renee Young then interviews the stars of NCIS: L.A. Ice Cub says “Undertaker is droppin’ thunder on some fakers.” I think it is much more likely that Taker will actually bring thunder and lightning down on someone than he would actually use the word “fakers.”

DANIEL BRYAN & THE AUTHORITY SEGMENT- F*CKING AWESOME!
Dragon decides to “occupy Raw” until he gets a match with Hunter at Mania. He invites a bunch of plants into the ring while JBL, rightfully, calls for the police.
It’s been an entire commercial break and no one has done anything about this yet?
Okay. Good. Here comes the Authority. Hunter cuts a good promo and threatens to have them all thrown out of the arena, so Dragon threatens to take the entire crowd and walk out of the show. Hunter & Steph send security down… but apparently security is only two people, so they can’t do anything. I really can’t explain how perfectly this worked. THIS is an example of being able to overlook a logical hiccup because the angle is working. I’ll just pretend security is marshaling their forces. Major props are due to Hunter & Steph here, too. They absolutely rocked.
So the end result of this was Dragon vs. Hunter at Mania… and if Dragon wins, he gets added to the WWE World Heavyweight Title match.

MEMPHIS STREET FIGHT: Christian vs. Sheamus- 8/10
Apparently for a Memphis Street Fight, you need to have a drum set and guitars at ringside. I wonder if the piledriver is legal?
Anyway, they had an awesome street fight. Christian really should have gone over, but that finish was F*CKING AWESOME… and yet it remains just the second coolest Brogue Kick of the year.

BRAD MADDOX BACKSTAGE WITH ORTON & BATISTA- Maddox has to deliver bad news to both Orton and Batista. He did a phenomenal job of looking like he was trying his bet not to wet himself, and only partially succeeding.

RUSEV & LANA STUFF- yeah, I just fast forwarded through it this time.

WYATT FAMILY PROMO- Great. Bray officially accepts Cena’s challenge.

DANIEL BRYAN & THE BIG SHOW vs. RANDY ORTON & BATISTA- 7.5/10
Michael Cole referred to the “thirty year history of Monday Night Raw.” MATH FAIL. On the other end of the announcing competency spectrum, JBL referred to Bryan’s fans as “goat-lovers.”
Batista accidentally speared Orton at one point. Dragon eventually got the win, pinning Orton clean with the running high knee. YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!

An absolutely AWESOME Raw!

[kirbs2002]

I like the old-fashioned heat with AJ having the title. It just wants the crowd to see her lose all that much more.

I still want to see Sheamus bust out the Razor's Edge once again.

[Big Red Machine]

I like the old-fashioned heat with AJ having the title. It just wants the crowd to see her lose all that much more.

I still want to see Sheamus bust out the Razor's Edge once again.

From what I heard, he stopped using it because it occasionally gave people concussions.