BRM Reviews the 3/7/2014 Smackdown

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- Great opening promo by Batista, but the whole thing with him calling Dragon an “overblown fan,” along with Dragon saying that he is just like all of the fans (and Cole’s need explain to us that by calling the Yes Movement “dumb,” Dave was calling the fans “dumb”) really felt like they were trying WAY too hard to make sure everyone understands something that is supposed to be subtle, or even subconscious (that you are supposed to sympathize with the babyface- that’s why babyfaces can’t do heelish things without justification: because once the babyface starts to behave in a way that the fans would consider to be wrong, we stop sympathizing with him or her [I could go on about this for hours, but Lockdown is tonight and I have some fantasy booking I want to get done, so I’ll save it for another time- the point here is that often when you explicitly point out something that is supposed to be subtle or subconscious, it hurts its effectiveness]).
Anyway, this was great. Dave got to be an asshole, Dragon took him down fair and square, then Kane distracted Dragon, allowing Batista to get the heat. Then Big Show made a big return to make the save for Dragon (not too thrilled about two gigantic heels running away from Show), then Vickie makes our main event.

DOLPH ZIGGLER vs. CHRISTIAN- 6.25/10
Del Rio distracts Ziggler, allowing Christian to get the win. You see… the problem here is that I’m really not that angry about this because Del Rio was just doing the same thing that Ziggler’s buddy did to him.

RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS CHRISTIAN- He doesn’t get to answer her question because Sheamus comes out and beats him up a bit before sending him scurrying.

THE USOS vs. CURTIS AXEL & RYBACK- 5.75/10
Michael Cole needs to stop referring to Rikishi as legendary. I liked the guys work, but he is definitely not a legend but any stretch of the imagination.

EVA MARIE & NATALYA vs. AJ LEE & TAMINA- 2.5/10
So Eva Maria worked most of the match and she didn’t totally suck, so that’s progress. Nattie got a hot tag and ran wild, eventually making AJ tap. I really wish they wouldn’t book AJ like such sh*t.

SHIELD SEGMENT- AWESOME! They have it out, Rollins and Ambrose throw some punches at each other, they get it all out of their systems, and then they reunite.

WWE definitely seems to be doing a lot of quieting crowd noise, and I just don’t understand why. It only hurts the show.

ALBERTO DEL RIO vs. SHEAMUS- 7/10
Great match, but Del Rio really should have gone over. They built up all show that Sheamus had an injured arm. Tapping out here wouldn’t have hurt him at all, and he would have looked courageous for coming out and lasting as long as he did.

BRAY WYATT PROMO- standard awesome.

BATISTA PROMO- okay

RUSEV & LANA STUFF- START DOING SOMETHING WITH THEM ALREADY!

DRAGON & BIG SHOW PROMO- Dragon was awesome. Big Show… not so much.

BATISTA & KANE vs. DANIEL BRYAN & THE BIG SHOW- 6.75/10
Between Dragon’s kicks and Show’s slap, Dave’s chest was f*cking RED!
The match was very good, but I really don’t see what this finish does for anyone, unless they want to set up Kane vs. Big Show for some ungodly reason.

STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Michael Cole brushes off Aaron Paul distracting Del Rio on Raw as “just friends being friends.” This would be the same Michael Cole who, in the last segment, talked about how unfair it was that the Authority distracted Dragon in the main event on Raw.
2. Michael Cole calls AJ and Tamina’s relationship “unique”… then describes a hum-drum standard friendship.