BRM Reviews the 1/3/2014 Smackdown

[Big Red Machine]

SHIELD PROMO- Did its job, which was to say “we absolutely swear on this stack of bibles that we are all on the same page and we 1,000,000,000% assure you that there is no internal dissension whatsoever”

THE USOS vs. SETH ROLLINS & ROMAN REIGNS- 5/10
Ambrose was on commentary for this match, and it really felt like the purpose of the match was for Cole to keep trying to get Ambrose to admit that there was dissension within the Shield (and for Ambrose to claim that there wasn’t any). The Usos won by DQ when Ambrose decided to get up and interfere, even though his team wasn’t really in any danger at the time. The Shield then beat the Usos down… because… um… in order to… um… just because. Remember when it felt like the Shield had some sort of agenda and how it made everything they did feel important? Well now they’re just another stable.
Oh. And then Punk came out to make the save for the Usos.

This all just felt like lazy booking to me. You don’t want the Shield to really lose but you want to have something that could lead to more dissension so you have Ambrose interfere, getting them DQed. Then they do a heel beatdown just for the purpose of having Punk make the save because Punk is also feuding with them and you figure it sets up a six man tag team match. It’s not incompetent booking… but it is just dull and lazy. We’ve seen this sort of thing a million times before (including very similar situations in just the last few weeks.
Why not do something different? Something a little more fresh:
Start off the show with a pre-taped message from Cody and Goldust saying that their new year’s resolution is to raise the prestige of the tag team title. They want to make the tag team title belts THE belts to have. The WWE World Heavyweight Title isn’t the only “world championship” in the WWE. These tag team title belts are the top tag team championship in the world, and they want to remind everyone of that by being the fightingest tag team champions of all-time (and while we’re at it, just for comedy’s sake, end the whole thing by having Goldust look at Cody, put his hand reassuringly on Cody’s shoulder, and solemnly say “we’re going to take these titles to the next level, brother.”)
Because of the Rhodes Brothers’ resolution, the opener is a #1 contendership match (with the winner getting a match against the winner of tonight’s tag team title match). Set it up just like they did in this match until the spot where Ambrose interfered. Have one of the Usos complete his dive onto Rollins, but have Reigns cut the other Uso off with a clothesline. Reigns has the match firmly in hand. The ref goes over to yell at Rollins and the Uso to stop fighting on the outside. The Uso in the ring is using the ropes to pull himself up, totally unaware the Roman Reigns is waiting for him to turn around so he can finish him off with a spear.
Then Ambrose leaps into action, clonking that Uso in the face with the US Title, knocking him out. Reigns is unhappy about this interference, and shoots Ambrose a look saying “I had it, man!” Ambrose just yells at Reigns to pin the Uso so he and Rollins can become #1 contenders to the tag titles. Reigns gives in and does so, and the ref counts three.
As the Shield walk to the back, have Punk come running out to tell the referee about the interference, but the ref says that he didn’t see it so he can’t do anything about it. To set up a six ma tag team match, you do a segment later on with Punk petitioning Vickie for the Usos to get a rematch against Rollins and Reigns, but Vickie books a six man tag for Raw instead. On the Shield side of things, you do a backstage segment with Reigns being unhappy that Ambrose interfered, risking at DQ, when he had things completely in hand. Ambrose says that he didn’t think Reigns had things so in-hand and says that Reigns should be thankful because HE (Ambrose) got the other two a title shot.
You wind up heading in the same place, but this is now something we haven’t seen a million times before, and the Shield actually get a win and we get a real finish instead of a DQ (you can have the Shield’s dissension play a big part in them losing the tag title match this win earns them).


Apparently during the commercial, Vickie came out and Teddy Long-ed us up a main event pitting The Shield against Punk and the Usos.

R-TRUTH vs. FANDANGO (w/Summer Rae)- DUD!
Xavier Woods was on commentary and claimed that he would be the only person in the history of the world to have a PhD and to wrestle for WWE. JBL immediately pulls out a whole bunch of examples of people who have already done so, at which point Woods says he will be the only one with a “legit” PhD. DON’T BREAK KAYFABE! I was quite surprised that JBL didn’t flip a sh*t at this.
Woods also said that he and Truth go way back, and that Truth really took him under his wing early in his career. So now not only has he broken kayfabe, but he has also reminded me about Team Pacman. I sweat he is doing this just to annoy me.
Then he gets up on the announce tables, orders his/Brodus/the Funkadactyls’ music to be played, and the Funkadactyls come out and the three of them distract Fandango, allowing the babyface R-Truth to pick up a tainted win over the heel. WHAT THE F*CK?! Brodus is certainly being a jerk, but Woods is coming off like a giant asshole, too. And what’s up with the Funkadactyls? They leave Brodus because he is being a jerk, but they are perfectly fine showing up in the middle of a match, both causing a distraction (which is pretty much cheating) and stealing the attention from the guys in the ring?
If you want to get over the fact that Woods is using Brodus’ music and has the Funkadactyls as his valets, JUST BOOK HIM IN A F*CKING MATCH!

BIG E. LANGSTON PROMO- Big. E. cuts a dull promo. Then Renee Young asks him for some comments about Brock Lesnar injuring Mark Henry, and Curtis Axel, who happens to be Big E’s opponent tonight, shows up laughing about it. Axel’s dialogue here was just horrible, but it did get some great emotion out of Big E., so I guess it did its job.


WWE TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: Cody Rhodes & Goldust(c) vs. The Wyatt Family- 6.5/10

Neither Bray Wyatt nor Daniel Bryan are at ringside. Makes you wonder why they brought the rocking chair out. This was just such a weird time to book this match. Why not book this for last week’s Smackdown so we can concentrate on the tag title match rather than on Bray & Dragon’s absence, and then allow the Wyatts to get their “heat” back (so to speak) by having Dragon join them on Raw.
During this match, JBL and Cole talked about Cody apparently doing a moonsault off of a steel cage at a recent house show at MSG. 1) MAJOR props to Cody. That is WAY above and beyond the call of duty. 2) props to JBL and Cole for bringing this up because this is the sort of thing that helps sell tickets to house shows. I myself am now seriously considering trying to get tickets for the next house show at the Garden.

NIKKI BELLA vs. AKSANA- 2.5/10
According to JBL and Cole, Brie Bella has talked to Dragon since he joined the Wyatts and he claims to be “okay.”
Commentary moment of the night:
(This came after JBL somehow compared Aksana to Hannibal Lecter)
Cole: Hannibal Lecter ATE PEOPLE!
JBL: (pause)… that’s a valid point, Michael.
Aksana seems to have to improved to the point of almost competence in the ring. That’s good.
CURTIS AXEL vs. BIG E. LANGSTON- 4.75/10
They did about as well as they could have with the time they got.

THE SHIELD vs. CM PUNK & THE USOS- 6/10
Not good enough for a main event.

BRAY WYATT VIDEO AT THE END- worth watching. He ends it by saying "your words mean nothing to him now. He only hears my truth."
Presumably this refers to Dragon, but you never quite know with Bray Wyatt.

A complete and total filler-episode of Smackdown. The Hannibal Lecter almost comment made it all worth it, though.