BRM Reviews the 8/19/2013 Raw

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- Cena was decent. I assume WWE wanted to be a “passing the torch” moment, but I think it would have been much better to just start with an angry Daniel Bryan in the ring, demanding an explanation. The crowd was really on Cena. When he said that he would be taking a few months off, they popped, and when he said he would return, the booed heavily.
Once this thing got down to just Steph and Dragon, it was FANTASTIC! Steph was awesome in her role as a corporate diplomat who was getting progressively more pissed at Dragon but wouldn’t let it show, and Dragon was absolutely amazing.

CODY RHODES vs. DAMIEN SANDOW- 5.25/10
We just had this match last night on PPV, with a clean finish! Why is this match happening?

BRAD MADDOX ANNOUNCES ZIGGLER’S MATCH- Ziggler apparently made some mean comments about Hunter, so now he will have to face the Shield in a handicap match… but Brad Maddox SWEARS that these two things are unrelated. I LOVE IT! That’s some McMahon-Helmsley Regime sh*t right there!

PAUL HEYMAN PROMO- decent

BELLAS & FUNKADACTYLS BACKSTAGE- boring, but it least it told us about a match for later.

THE FUNKADACTYLS vs. AJ LEE & LAYLA EL- 2/10
Or not. That segment made me think this was going to be the Bellas vs. the Funkadactyls. And if anyone is wondering how well Layla’s heel turn is going, when she came out I thought she was going to be teaming with the Funkadactyls in a six woman tag. They then had Layla get pinned, in what appeared to be horribly botched pin, then she acted like an idiot in the ring.

HANDICAP MATCH: Dolph Ziggler vs. The Shield- no rating. Good segment.
Shield gets heat, Ziggler looks like a fiery babyface. Rollins seems have hurt his knee, though. I hope he’s okay.

ALBERTO DEL RIO vs. SIN CARA- no rating.
Sin Cara gets hurt two moves into the match.

AFTERMATH- Del Rio cuts a promo claiming to be a Latino hero… and the crowd pops. This made Ricardo look stupid when he claimed that Del Rio wasn’t a hero to the Latino community because the crowd popped when Del Rio said that he was. Then Ricardo brings out his new client… the crowd (and me, too) was expecting a Rey Mysterio return, but apparently someone thought it was a good idea to put Ricardo together with Rob Van Dam. They fight and RVD lays Del Rio out, but Del Rio manages to get out of there before RVD can hit the Frog Splash.

ZEB COULTER PROMO- disappointing. I was hoping Zeb would actually cut a scathing promo on Disney Land.

THE PRIME TIME PLAYERS vs. THE REAL AMERICANS (w/Zeb Coulter)- 4/10
An abbreviated version of your standard tag match. Apparently coming out of the closet makes you Superman because, after winning just five matches in the first seven and a half months of the year, Darren not only wins a match, but doesn’t even take a single move! If it gets PTP the push they deserve, I’ll take it, though.

BRAD MADDOX & BIG SHOW SEGMENT- Renee Young asks the Big Show about “rumors” that Show and Henry might team up to go after the tag titles. “RUMORS?” They had a tag team title match scheduled for last night! Brad Maddox shoes Renee away, then books Show vs. The Shield in a handicap match where The Shield don’t have to make tags.

FOOTLOCKER COMMERCIAL- I’m confused. Fandango says that he likes Footlocker, but he is a heel so anything he likes is not trustworthy. But at the same time, there is no denying that he is a good dancer, and he seemed to think that Footlocker sneakers were good for dancing. I’m torn. I need a babyface to tell me what to do!

RYBACK BULLIES A NOBODY IN THE LOCKER ROOM- started out as just another dumb “Ryback is a bully” segment, but when they got into the shower, I was afraid we were about to get some Heidenreich-on Cole action.

HANDICAP MATCH: The Shield vs. Big Show- 5/10
This was every Shield beatdown you saw from last winter. Rollins’ knee seems to be perfectly fine, so that’s good news.

CM PUNK & PAUL HEYMAN SEGMENT- awesome!

PUNK & AXEL BRAWL- awesome!

R-TRUTH vs. BRAY WYATT (w/the Wyatt Family)- good squash

THE USO vs. HEATH SLATER & JINDER MAHAL (w/Drew McIntyre)- 4/10

WADE BARRETT vs. THE MIZ- 4/10
This went on for WAY too long.

THE CORONATION OF RANDY ORTON-
So the Shield is working for the McMahons now?
Hunter’s promo was great, but after everything Hunter said, Orton hugging Steph was too far for me. A handshake would have been fine. Orton said that no one saw his cash-in coming? COME ON! EVERYONE saw it coming!

No one helps Dragon? Really? Where are Ziggler and Big Show?

Anyway, this whole thing was great. Everyone knows how these segments go: Dragon is going to show up driving a giant truck and douse the heels with his beverage of choice. We've seen it a thousand times (okay, really only like four, but we've seen the replays of them a thousand times)... except that this time, Dragon didn't get the heat back. He got beaten, again. Triple H was FANTASTIC here. He was such an infuriating little sh*t! It really makes you remember why he was the top heel in the business for most of the time between 2000 and 2004.

Dragon not going over here was a GREAT move. Make no mistake, he is still in the Austin role. Whereas Austin represented everyone who ever just got so fed up that they wanted to flip their boss off, Dragon represents everyone who has ever been told they are too small. "Sorry, Timmy. You're a great player and all, but you're just not big enough to make it in this league." "Sorry, Stacy. You're very pretty, but you're not tall enough to be a good model." The thing is that whereas Austin almost always overcame the odds, Dragon is going to have to fight for it more, just like in real life. We're not in the era of the Monday Night Wars anymore. WWE can afford to hold back on letting the babyfaces regain their heat, and I think that this will help give this a slightly different feel than the Attitude Era "Babyface vs. Corporation" feud, which will be essential in preventing the obvious comparisons with Austin vs. Vince (which will beat almost anything you try to compare it to).

[cero2k]

BRAD MADDOX ANNOUNCES ZIGGLER’S MATCH- Ziggler apparently made some mean comments about Hunter, so now he will have to face the Shield in a handicap match… but Brad Maddox SWEARS that these two things are unrelated. I LOVE IT! That’s some McMahon-Helmsley Regime sh*t right there!

it is, and i love it!

[badnewzxl]

when was there a tag match scheduled for Summerslam? I know the Shield issued the challenge, but when did Show and Henry accept?

I'm sure we'll get it for NoC

[Big Red Machine]

when was there a tag match scheduled for Summerslam? I know the Shield issued the challenge, but when did Show and Henry accept?

I'm sure we'll get it for NoC

I was 99% sure that it happened, and many other people seemed to be under this impression, too.

[badnewzxl]

when was there a tag match scheduled for Summerslam? I know the Shield issued the challenge, but when did Show and Henry accept?

I'm sure we'll get it for NoC

I was 99% sure that it happened, and many other people seemed to be under this impression, too.

I was hoping they'd use the US title match to set it up as the beginning of the PPV; they def made us all look forward to it. But I never heard it booked

[Bob-O]

apparently someone thought it was a good idea to put Ricardo together with Rob Van Dam.

I didn't like this as it happened, but after some thought, I think the pairing could be outstanding.

Van Dam is not good on the mic. He's not "Lesnar Bad", be he isn't great. However, he's still got tons of charisma and he plays off of people very well, and I'm thinking of his time in ECW with Bill Alfonzo. The rumored pairing with Heyman would have been awesome, but if they're keen on keeping him a face I can't think of anyone better than Ricardo. Of course they'll need to tweak him a bit, but I think it's gonna be good.

My only issue is that Van Dam is a part timer, unless this means Ricardo might be getting another client down the road...

[cero2k]

apparently someone thought it was a good idea to put Ricardo together with Rob Van Dam.

I didn't like this as it happened, but after some thought, I think the pairing could be outstanding.

Van Dam is not good on the mic. He's not "Lesnar Bad", be he isn't great. However, he's still got tons of charisma and he plays off of people very well, and I'm thinking of his time in ECW with Bill Alfonzo. The rumored pairing with Heyman would have been awesome, but if they're keen on keeping him a face I can't think of anyone better than Ricardo. Of course they'll need to tweak him a bit, but I think it's gonna be good.

My only issue is that Van Dam is a part timer, unless this means Ricardo might be getting another client down the road...

what i find interesting is that Ricardo now went from being an announcer to a manager

[badnewzxl]

apparently someone thought it was a good idea to put Ricardo together with Rob Van Dam.

I didn't like this as it happened, but after some thought, I think the pairing could be outstanding.

Van Dam is not good on the mic. He's not "Lesnar Bad", be he isn't great. However, he's still got tons of charisma and he plays off of people very well, and I'm thinking of his time in ECW with Bill Alfonzo. The rumored pairing with Heyman would have been awesome, but if they're keen on keeping him a face I can't think of anyone better than Ricardo. Of course they'll need to tweak him a bit, but I think it's gonna be good.

My only issue is that Van Dam is a part timer, unless this means Ricardo might be getting another client down the road...

I think Van Dam is good on the mic; he at least plays his laid back, pothead character perfectly. I'm not sure how Ricardo could add anything on the mic besides the introduction; he's not even as good on the mic as RVD....

[Big Red Machine]

apparently someone thought it was a good idea to put Ricardo together with Rob Van Dam.

I didn't like this as it happened, but after some thought, I think the pairing could be outstanding.

Van Dam is not good on the mic. He's not "Lesnar Bad", be he isn't great. However, he's still got tons of charisma and he plays off of people very well, and I'm thinking of his time in ECW with Bill Alfonzo. The rumored pairing with Heyman would have been awesome, but if they're keen on keeping him a face I can't think of anyone better than Ricardo. Of course they'll need to tweak him a bit, but I think it's gonna be good.

My only issue is that Van Dam is a part timer, unless this means Ricardo might be getting another client down the road...

I think Van Dam is good on the mic; he at least plays his laid back, pothead character perfectly. I'm not sure how Ricardo could add anything on the mic besides the introduction; he's not even as good on the mic as RVD....

Spot on, Badnewz!