BRM Reviews the 3/2/2013 ROH

[Big Red Machine]

THE FLATLINERS vs. STEVE CORINO & RHINO- 1.5/10
About four minutes of not very exciting action.
During this match Caleb Seltzer utterly pissed me off by saying “the Land of Extreme” instead of “ECW.” Everyone knows what you mean, so just f*cking say it! And don’t give me that “but WWE owns it” crap because they say “ECW” on TNA often enough… and if WWE owns ECW, it stands to reason that they own all of ECW’s trademarks, but Caleb referred to Corino bringing Rhino into wrestling as a member of “The Network” in his very next sentence.

NIGEL MCGUINNESS & MATT HARDY SEGMENT- Good. Nigel sets up Cole vs. Hardy, makes a kick-ass main event for next week (Hardy vs. Elgin vs. Roddy vs. Davey), and says that if Hardy wins, his match against Cole in two weeks will be changed to a title match.

Just when I thought that there was nothing that would make me want to see Mike Mondo in an ROH ring again, I am proven wrong. They had Mondo out on commentary and he was so damn obnoxious that I will even put up with his bland matches if it means that I don’t have to hear him talk anymore!
KEVIN STEEN vs. GRIZZLY REDWOOD- 3.5/10
This was originally supposed to be Grizz vs. Vinny Marseglia but Steen came out and hit Marseglia with a Package Piledriver, then offered Grizz a match. Grizz accepted. Steen beats Grizz pretty soundly but Grizz got some offense in (mostly in the form of reversing Steen’s signature moves). After the match Steen offers Grizz and handshake and Grizz accepts, while Mike Mondo pisses me off by saying “just you wait until Mike Modno comes back. Wait until No Fear Mike Mondo comes back. I’m comin’ after the Heavyweight Champion. I’m comin’ after Kevin Steen, and I’m gonna take the Heavyweight Title right here in Ring of Honor.” First of all Mondo, GET THE NAME OF THE F*CKING BELT RIGHT! There is no “Heavyweight” in there at all! Secondly, how about putting the angle over instead of yourself? Thirdly, drop the obnoxious, Tenay-esque repeating things. Finally you have one of the most annoying voices I have ever heard, so please refrain from talking.

INSIDE ROH SEGMENT- Truth and the Briscoes were both eh. Next time the Briscoes are scheduled for a promo, they should send Mark off to shave off his ugly beard while just letting Jay talk. Mark comes across as a complete and total buffoon. The build to the main event was decent.

ROH WORLD TITLE MATCH IN WHICH IF WGTT LOSE, THEY MUST BREAK UP: The Briscoe Brothers(c) vs. Wrestling’s Greatest Tag Team (Charlie Haas & Shelton Benjamin)- 6/10
Not good enough for a main event. It would have been, but I took points off for the utterly moronic finish. WGTT have the advantage. Shelton just hit Jay with Paydirt and is about to bin him when Charlie Haas gives Shelton an Olympic Slam, costing WGTT the match and forcing them to disband. The point they were trying to push with this is that Charlie is a dick. I get that, but I think this was very out of character for him. He might be a dick, but he’s not a self-destructive dick. Why would he just random attack his only friend and cost himself the tag titles? A much better way to do this would have been to have the Briscoes pin Shelton clean, then have Charlie attack Shelton after the match. This way you still set up Charlie vs. Shelton, but now Charlie has a reason to be pissed at Shelton, the Briscoes get a clean win, and the fans get a satisfying finish.

Kevin Kelly serious says that Rendell the ringside attendant and ROH Dojo Student (AKA Cheeseburger) should consider a different career than wrestling because Charlie Haas is bullying him. I don’t think any commentary team will rival how bad TNA’s is, but it seems like the ROH guys have decided to try their damnedest.

Overall, a very bad episode of ROH. If it wasn’t the major storyline stuff in the main event, the show would be entirely skippable, match quality is bad and main event has a moronic finish.

[cero2k]

THE FLATLINERS vs. STEVE CORINO & RHINO- 1.5/10
About four minutes of not very exciting action.
During this match Caleb Seltzer utterly pissed me off by saying “the Land of Extreme” instead of “ECW.” Everyone knows what you mean, so just f*cking say it! And don’t give me that “but WWE owns it” crap because they say “ECW” on TNA often enough… and if WWE owns ECW, it stands to reason that they own all of ECW’s trademarks, but Caleb referred to Corino bringing Rhino into wrestling as a member of “The Network” in his very next sentence.

i don't know much about these guys, but has there ever been a joke about this guys being called the flatliners because they bore you to death?

[Big Red Machine]

THE FLATLINERS vs. STEVE CORINO & RHINO- 1.5/10
About four minutes of not very exciting action.
During this match Caleb Seltzer utterly pissed me off by saying “the Land of Extreme” instead of “ECW.” Everyone knows what you mean, so just f*cking say it! And don’t give me that “but WWE owns it” crap because they say “ECW” on TNA often enough… and if WWE owns ECW, it stands to reason that they own all of ECW’s trademarks, but Caleb referred to Corino bringing Rhino into wrestling as a member of “The Network” in his very next sentence.

i don't know much about these guys, but has there ever been a joke about this guys being called the flatliners because they bore you to death?

Not to my knowledge, but I don't think it would be too inappropriate. I have really only seen them in Pearce-era openers, though.