BRM Reviews the 9/9/2015 Impact (boring)

[Big Red Machine]

This week there is a different show than usual on before TNA. Not sure if that means anything for ROH’s chances at possibly getting their prime time airing back.

Tonight’s main event will be Galloway vs. Mordetzky in a match to determine which team will get the man advantage. It will be a Lumberjack match because… um…

OPENING SEGMENT- EC III brags is mean to Jeff. It wasn’t like they were doing anything that was dumb or “bad” per se… I just found the whole thing boring, and it went on for way too long. TNA literally has four more weeks to put on TV good enough to impress somebody. They shouldn’t be wasting it on this. They should be going balls to the wall with the best action and passionate money promos they can put on.

Um… since when can Ethan book matches?

MATT HARDY & ROCKSTAR SPUD vs. ETHAN CARTER III & TYRUS (w/Jeff Hardy)- 4.25/10
So Jeff is EC III’s servant… except that when Ethan tells Jeff to do something Jeff doesn’t want to do, Jeff can just say “no” and not do it with no repercussions?

GALLOWAY & THE WOLVES BACKSTAGE- a lot of loud shouting.

DOLLHOUSE BACKSTAGE- Taryn cut a promo. It was not good. She ordered the Dollhouse to go injure one of the Beautiful People.

WOMEN’S BRAWL- this started out with the Dollhouse surrounding Madison… but instead of just getting down to it and beating the sh*t out of her, they had a dumb verbal exchange first. When the Dollhouse finally got around to kicking the crap out of Madison it was too late because, fortunately for Madison, Velvet and Angelina had been lurking in a nearby backstage corridor so they were able to quickly come to her aid. They had a very lame brawl until we got an off-screen chairshot to break Angelina’s arm and write her off TV because she can’t take bumps because she’s preggers. Velvet and Madison tended to Angelina, and rather than press the advantage, the Dollhouse just stood there.

JEFF JARRETT CALLS OUT BOBBY ROODE- he wants Roode to give the King of the Mountain Title to him. Does he really think Bobby would actually do this?
So Roode then cuts a patriotic promo saying that the belt belongs to him and to TNA! This would be the same TNA that he is angry at and said he didn’t give a crap about last week.
Karen tells them they are both acting like children. How, exactly, is Bobby Roode acting like a child?! Like he just said: he worked hard and earned this title. It’s his now. Why should he have to give it up?
Karen tells Jeff that if he fights Roode tonight, he might get injured and thus not be able to fight for GFW next week. She tells Roode that TNA is going to lose so he needs to start sucking up to them (in not so many words). What Karen said was good… it’s just the way they got there that was so stupid.

A RANDOM MEETING HAPPENS BACKSTAGE- It’s Drew Galloway, Kenny King, Jesse Godderz, and Eli Drake. Kenny and Eli accuse Drew of sucking up to get a “cushy spot.” Drew retaliates that it doesn’t feel so cushy when he gets his ass kicked every week… and all I can think is “hey! At least you’re getting booked! How do you think these three feel?”
The three random heels don’t seem to care if GFW takes over TNA because they’ll still have a contract either way. Drew says they disgust him for not wanting to fight for TNA. Well what would you like them to do, Drew?! There are four spots on the Lethal Lockdown team, and they got filled up quickly!
Did you want them to come out and join in the few brawls there have been? Well where the f*ck were you last week when Lashley and the Wolves were getting there asses kicked and GFW stole the tag titles last week?!
Drew then brings in three guys who he says are willing to fight for TNA: Tigre Uno, Robbie E., and Micah. And once again, I can’t help but notice that none of these guys ever came out to fight GFW guys, either. It might come off like I am picking on Drew here, but that’s because
1) I can’t stand hypocrisy, and Drew is being a hypocrite here, and
2) Watching this segment, it really felt to me like Drew was picking on these three. The Hardy Boys never came out to help TNA, but I can’t image Drew walking into their lockerroom and taking a similar attitude with them.
Now… I’m sure the reason that TNA didn’t have any of the guys I’ve mentioned so far come out to aid in the various brawls against GFW is because GFW only has like six guys, so if TNA has a million guys and GFW has six, that makes GFW feel like babyfaces fighting against the odds… but that’s just another reason why doing this as an invasion was doomed to fail from the start.
Back to the segment at hand… Robbie made some comments to Jesse, and then, as the three babyfaces walked away, Jesse hit Robbie from behind and a completely pointless brawl started. This was a bad segment whose only purpose was to lead to a pointless brawl which led to pointless match.

EC III, JEFF, & TYRUS BACKSTAGE- Ethan yells at Jeff for not obeying him before. Then he orders Jeff to go sell EC III merch to the fans. So what’s to stop Jeff from just- you know- not doing it? Just like the last time EC III ordered him to do something.

THE AFOREMENTIONED POINTLESS MATCH: Tigre Uno, Robbie E., & Micah vs. Eli Drake, Kenny King, & Jesse Godderz- 3/10
Tigre Uno is the X-Division Champion, so of course his team enters to Robbie E’s music. The match was a mess.
Josh and Pope talk about how this infighting will be detrimental to TNA in next week’s big war with GFW. What does it matter whether these six guys are getting along or not! The all-important match is a CAGE MATCH IN WHICH THEY ARE NOT INVOLVED! All six of these guys could defect to GFW and it still wouldn’t hurt TNA’s chances!

TNA KNOCKOUTS TITLE MATCH: Brooke Tessmacher(c) vs. Gail Kim- 5.5/10
The first time we heard about this match was right before the commercial break that proceeded it. I was enjoying this until the finish. I get that they want to set up something for the women for next week, but they already had that set up with Kong and Tapa. If they were going to have Tapa doing something here just to get Kong and Tapa on TV, I would have MUCH rather had a clean finish here and then had Tapa lay both women out before Kong makes the save.

GFW PEP-TALK- fine for what it was. Jeff claims he has a surprise for his team.

JEFF HARDY & DREW MCINTYRE BACKSTAGE- Jeff sucks up to Drew and says that he will fight for TNA if there is a fight tonight. Ethan shows up and tells Jeff he will have to clean their gear. Jeff tells Drew that we need a new world champion, so I guess this is the beginning of the build to Drew vs. Ethan.

TNA WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: Trevor Lee & Brian Myers(c) vs. The Wolves- 6.5/10
Myers did almost nothing in this match. Despite that, it managed to be pretty good, aside from the overbooking. What was the point of Sonjay’s run in? It didn’t affect the finish in any way. And if GFW wants to keep the titles to badly that they are willing to cheat, why not just get DQed?

MELENDEZ PROMO- oh come on! This feud is still going on?!

MELENDEZ & EY SEGMENT- Melendez calls EY out and wants to fight again. EY comes out with Melendez’s leg, which he has written “my leg” on. They waste time saying nothing new at all. I don’t want to sound like an ass here, but Melendez is starting to come across to me like the Black Knight from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. He keeps challenging EY to a fight and keep losing, and has now done so to the point where he has lost a limb… and yet he still comes out here and challenges EY to another match with just as much confidence as he had before all of these losses.
EY shoves Melendez down and vows to end his career next time. Is there anyone who actually wants to see this match?

DREW GALLOWAY PROMO- good

JOSH MATTHEWS INTERVIEWS MAHABLI SHERA- bad.
Josh starts off by saying that Shera has been on Impact “for almost a half a year now.” It’s actually been almost a year. No one made them re-shoot this. You’d think someone would have noticed this when they got dug up the footage of his first appearance to put into this video package and the airdate said 2014 on it!
The interview was tolerable until Shera started to speak in Hindi… and the f*cking idiots in TNA TRANSLATED IT INTO BROKEN ENGLISH, rendering the subtitles irrelevant

LUMBERJACK MATCH FOR THE MAN ADVANTAGE IN NEXT WEEK’S LETHAL LOCKDOWN MATCH: Drew McIntyre vs. Chris Mordetzky-
Apparently this was one of those “bring your own lumberjacks” match, and the only people Drew brought with him were Lashley and the Wolves. Mordetzky, being smarter than Drew, brought four guys with him instead of just three. Why didn’t both guys just bring their entire rosters out?
The whole point of the lumberjacks is to throw the wrestlers back into the ring. These guys just let them brawl on the outside. Then the GFW guys interfered at the end. This led to a schmoz on the outside and the ref being distracted, which in turn allowed Jeff Jarrett to come out and set up to hit Drew with a guitar… and then Eric Young came out for the pointless, obvious Russo swerve.
Pope referred to EY as “the bearded terror.” It made me want to punch a wall.

A bad, boring show from TNA.