BRM Reviews the 8/26/2015 Impact

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- the Hardys were fine. EC III was great. The end result of this was that the following match was made: Matt gets a title match… but if he loses, Jeff becomes EC III’s servant, because this is the dying days of WCW.

EY PROMO- bad. EY’s promos are so corny and unbelievable. He’s trying too hard, so he comes off like a joke.

IF EY WINS, HE GETS POSSESSION OF MELENDEZ’S PROSTHETIC LEG: Eric Young vs. Chris Melendez- 1/10
It only went a few minutes and wasn’t very good. EY won by cheating. He made Melendez give him his leg, then celebrated. This was both boring and terrible.

TNA X-DIVISION TITLE MATCH: Tigre Uno(c) vs. DJ Zema Ion vs. Sonjay Dutt-4.5/10
So… a match between a bunch of guys who haven’t won I forever, one of whom lost to the champion just two weeks ago in a non-title match. (And don’t give me the whole “Jeff Jarrett gave his guys title shots so they could win the titles” deal because if that was the idea, why wouldn’t he give Sonjay a singles match with the champ?) And either way, why the hell did they job Sonjay out to Tigre Uno two weeks ago if they wanted him to seem like a threat to the title?
The match got more time than I thought it would, and that German Suplex into the turnbuckle at the end looked sick.

JAMES STORM TALKS TO THE REVOLUTION BACKSTAGE- he says they will win the tag titles and tells Manik that there is NO DANCING ALLOWED!

TNA WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: The Wolves(c) vs. The Revolution (w/James Storm)- 6/10
And what, exactly, did the Revolution do to earn a title shot?
The match was very enjoyable. I thought Abyss was particularly good in his role, but it always makes the match feel like it is clicking a bit more when the announcers’ strategic suggestions actually do play out a bit in the match. Storm tried to interfere but Shera came out to stop him. They brawled away, then the Wolves won the match to retain the titles, with Manik eating the pinfall, so I guess he’ll be the next out of the Revolution.

KNOCKOUTS CALENDAR COMMERCIAL- Brooke tries to tell us about how the Knockouts are “strong, powerful, beautiful, smart,” while all we see them do in this commercial is pose in very little clothing like objects to be ogled. I wonder if they don’t realize how dumb they sound, or if they actually do realize how dumb they sound but think that we are all dumb enough that they will be able to fool us.

THE HARDYS ACCEPT EC III’S CHALLENGE- this match is happening next week.

TNA KNOCKOUTS TITLE MATCH: Brooke Tessmacher(c) vs. Velvet Sky- 2.75/10
Josh read a statement from Taryn, so at least we got some sort of follow-up on that. They had an unremarkable brawl until Jade and Marti attacked everyone for the DQ. Then Rebel came out to make the save, but it all turned out to be a pointless Russo swerve. Taryn cut a promo from the PandaTron while Velvet suffered an atrocious beatdown.

BOBBY ROODE PROMO- very good.

ANDERSON PROMO- very good

THE CAMERAMAN DECIDES TO BLATANTLY EAVESDROP ON DREW GALLOWAY- what a jerk.

WINNER GET S A SHOT AT THE KING OF THE MOUNTAIN TITLE: James Storm vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Bobby Roode vs. Mr. Anderson- 6.75/10
The finish didn’t quite click with me. It just kind of felt like a spot where someone should have come in to break it up, but that didn’t happen.

WHO WILL BE THE COVERGIRL OF THE 2016 KNOCKOUTS CALENDER?- here’s an even better question: WHO GIVES A SH*T?! In fact… why do they even waste time hyping this up?

EC III PROMO- good.

CLOSING SEGMENT-
Dixie Carter tells us about how successful companies work. As if she would have any experience with that. Dixie says that TNA’s best times have been when two people were working side-by-side. Obviously she is referring to herself and Jeff Jarrett. In reality, those two people would be Jeff Jarrett and Scott D’Amore.
She calls Jeff out. Jeff tells her that if TNA and GFW work together then everyone wins. They have a boring meeting of the Mutual Admiration Society until Drew Galloway comes out with something very important to say… and of course we have to go to a commercial right now. Fortunately, Drew was nice enough to wait a few minutes before telling Dixie this very urgent information.
Drew think it is very strange that people have gotten attacked backstage at a wrestling show, so Detective Drew is on the case! He used security camera footage to determine that the two getaway cars used in the attacks were both licensed to JEFF JARRETT!
GASP!
I really don’t know whether I like this or not. I commend them for having someone use detective skills, but the whole “getaway cars” deal doesn’t seem to make much sense. If a GFW guy did it why would they leave the building right afterwards? Why would they need a getaway car if there were no witnesses?
The other problem with this was that Drew’s delivery jut made it sound hokey. I’m not sure what he could have done to make it better but it just felt silly to me.

Drew then presented a whole bunch of circumstantial evidence to point out Jeff’s motivation for the attacks.
Jeff responded to this by calling Drew a “long drink of Scotland water.” I swear I didn’t make that up. He actually said that!
Jarrett swears he didn’t have anything to do with it. Drew then asks Jeff who did it. That’s dumb. If Jeff is going to lie and say he didn’t have anything to do with it, then why would he tell you who did do it if doing so would implicate himself?
Karen comes out and says that it was her, Austin! It was her all along! She says she did it for Jeff and their family and GFW. I guess Karen wants to destroy TNA because it was taken away from Jeff… except they established a few weeks ago that Jeff is still a minority owner in TNA, so would TNA going under hurt Jeff financially?
Jeff then kicked Drew in the nuts from behind and put the boots to him. The GFW guys came out and all beat Drew up while Jarrett cut a promo on Dixie. The TNA guys all came out one-by-one like a bad AI in a video game so they all got beaten up (that being Spud, Mandrews, Robbie E. and the Wolves). I guess no one else cars about TNA. Not Bobby Roode. Not Bobby Lashley. Not Eric Young. Not Matt Hardy. Not EC III or Tyrus. Not Ken Anderson. Not TNA X-Division Champion Tigre Uno. Not Mycah. Not Mahabali Shera. Doesn’t anyone give a sh*t about this company.


This was an okay episode of TNA. It flowed well and it was definitely more of a set-up episode, but it didn’t really give me anything to look forward to, either. I think the GFW guys giving more of a beatdown to bigger TNA names would have helped, as well as a spot where EC III and Matt Hardy are the two last guys left standing for TNA and are fighting alongside each other before getting taken down.

STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Josh Matthews tells us that “DJZ is certainly compelling.”
No. He’s not. He’s just a random dude. And an announcer should NEVER have to tell us that someone is “compelling.” It’s the responsibility of the booker- the storytelling- to SHOW, don’t tell.