BRM Reviews the 7/29/2015 Impact (bad)

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT-
Aries says there is no one “in this universe” who is better than him. Then Earth-2 Austin Aries’ music hit and… oh. Sorry. That’s for my upcoming TNA/JLA crossover, Financial Crisis on Infinite Eaths.
Instead, Aries said that Bully screwed up by not putting him in the #1 contendership match last week. Aries tries lobby for title shots, but Bully points out that he has just recently lost both a world title match and a tag title match. Bully offers him an X-Division Title shot, but Aries turns it down and buries both the title and the entire division (and Spud in particular). Spud comes out and says that Aries saying these mean things and they had a great segment that led to Aries putting his career on the line against the “Rockstar” part of Spud’s name next week (also, Aries threw a sucker-punch because he’s an awesome heel).
I did laugh at Bully saying that Spud was “just starting out in this business.” He’s been in the business for fourteen years. Bully should consider himself extremely lucky that he’s dealing with Rockstar Spud instead of Kevin Owens.

KURT ANGLE & CHRIS MELENDEZ SEGMENT- eh.

CHRIS MELENDEZ PROMO- decent. He calls out EY, who cuts a bad promo. He is also still apparently carrying around the chain (and wrist-straps) from last week’s match for absolutely no reason.

ERIC YOUNG vs. SGT. CHRIS MELENDEZ (w/Kurt Angle)- DUD!
EY just completely beats the sh*t out of Melendez and pins him clean in four minutes. Way to make it impossible to give a sh*t about Melendez anymore.

JB INTERVIEWS MATT HARDY ABOUT WHAT STIP HE WILL CHOOSE FOR HIS TITLE MATCH- Why does Matt get to choose the stip? That doesn’t seem very fair to Ethan. He emphasized that he and a mystery person were going to make the decision together. This mystery might actually be compelling if they hadn’t had a commercial right before the show advertising that Jeff Hardy would return tonight.

TNA KNOCKOUTS TITLE MATCH: Brooke Tessmacher(c) vs. Marti Bell (w/the Dollhouse)- DUD!
What has Marti Bell done to deserve a title shot? And if you’re going to give an undeserving Dollhouse member a title shot, why not give it to Jade so that the match has a snowball’s chance of actually being good?
Pope asked “what is Taryn wearing?” The correct answer is that I don’t care what it is. I just care that she looked REALLY hot in it.
They had a dull-match until the Under-Gail-er took over the PandaTron and made the lights go out so Brooke could once again win a title match she otherwise wouldn’t have won.

TIGRE UNO VIDEO PACKAGE- very good.

CHRISTY HEMME INTERVIEWS TIGRE UNO- he calls Donald Trump a coward for not being here. This whole thing comes across SOOOO bad.

EC III BACKSTAGE PROMO- good.

EC III & HARDYS SEGMENT-decent.
The stip for next week’s title match is Full Metal Mayhem with everyone barred from ringside.

MAGNUS & MICKIE PROMO- good

MICKIE JAMES & MAGNUS vs. JAMES STORM & SERENA- 5/10
Shorter than I was expecting, but still fun. Khoya accidentally hit Storm with his wooden stick.

MIKE TENAY INTERVIEWS KEN ANDERSON- good

BRAM VIDEO PACKAGE- does TNA have any ideas that don’t involve talking about someone’s children? That complaint aside, this was a good promo.

JEFF JARRETT HALL OF FAME INDUCTION CEREMONY- decent for what it was, I guess. I honestly didn’t pay that much attention.

Overall, a bad show from TNA, but it did do a very good job of hyping up next week’s show.

STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Josh Matthews- “Brooke continues to stay one step ahead of the Dollhouse.”
No she doesn’t. It’s GAIL who has been one step ahead. Brooke is just benefiting from Gail’s planning and new-found magical powers.

[cero2k]

i know they don't have any big shows left like ever, but holy shit that Hall of fame induction was really underwhelming.