BRM Reviews the Best Impact in A Very Long Time (5/29/2015)

[Big Red Machine]

EY PROMO- he says “weeks. Weeks and weeks, I’ve been waiting for: get Angle one-on-one.” You’ve had him one-on-one TWICE IN THE MONTH OF MAY ALONE!

EY AND ANGLE BRAWL IN A PARKING LOT- Kurt is pacing the parking lot waiting for EY. They brawled. It got broken up by security. It was stupid. Why the hell was Kurt pacing the parking lot waiting for Eric to show up? Did they do some big heat angle that I’m not remembering? If so, they should show a video package of it to start things off in case someone (like me, apparently) doesn’t remember it because it’s been not one but now two weeks since the last show.
Oh. And EY’s screaming t the end just sounded pathetic.

Why is there a cage set up in the ring?

It’s May Mayehm, which apparently means we’ll have a whole bunch of gimmick matches and title matches… so basically it’s a regular episode of Impact. Oh look. He’s a graphic telling u that Kenny King will defend the X-Division Title in a gauntlet match against the entire rest of the X-Division minus Low Ki? Why no Low Ki? Well… if I had to guess, it’s because unlike everyone in this match aside from Spud, Low Ki occasionally WINS MATCHES and is thus ineligible to contend for the X-Division Title. We also apparently have a new wrestler in the company, Argos. And he’s getting a title shot on his first night in the middle of this big clusterf*ck. Yeah… they didn’t even mention him (or anyone else) in their rundown of this.

So you know that short video has that is essentially the WWE’s old “sexy, smart powerful” slogan except that TNA did it right? Well that is apparently now the official intro video to all knockouts matches, which is absolutely the wrong way to use it. This is the sort of video package that is great as a commercial. As an intro video to Knockouts matches, it feels intrusive and annoying. It’s something that’s self-evident. Them making sure to point it out to me feels like their forcing it down my throat.
Oh sh*t. Al Snow is back in the booth.

Oh look. Now the Dollhouse’s entrance has some set pieces that they bought at a local Toys R Us.

STEEL CAGE MATCH FOR THE TNA KNOCKSOUTS: Taryn Terrell(c) (w/the Dollhouse) vs. Gail Kim- 3.5/10
Let’s look at the ingredients we have here in this feud:
1. A bitchy heel who wins via outside interference
2. Said bitchy heel’s weird but dangerous interfering friends.
3. A valiant babyface family-woman.
4. The babyface’s big scary ally
5. A VERY personal issue stirred up by the heel just to be a bitch and get under the babyface’s skin.
The steel cage match should be the match you build to for Slammiversary! Not a no-hype throwaway match on a random episode of Impact with a million other things going on! GRRRRR!

Interference in a cage match. Well… it is TNA. You’d think they would build a cage with smaller camera-holes already, but apparently not. In fact, Taryn won this STEEL CAGE MATCH because of interference. THIS GIMMICK IS DEAD.
The spot with Taryn trying to pull Gail’s wedding ring off was good… but I’ve got to ask why Gail would wear hear wedding ring on her finger during a match where it could easily get damaged. And in retrospect, it actually would have been better to not do this spot to make what was to come a bit more of a surprise.

POST-MATCH ANGLE- AWESOME!
Dollhouse grabbed Gail. Hebner tried to stop them, but Taryn gave him a clothesline which he took a terrible bump for. Kong came out to try to save Gail but Taryn locked the cage door. Taryn sat and watched while Jade and Marti beat Gail up (while Kong tried to break the lock on the cage with a chair. Then Taryn stole Gail’s wedding ring and broke her ring finger. Now THAT is some heavy heel sh*t! I need to file that one away for future use in my fantasy booking.

Josh decided to point out to us that TNA’s product “isn’t PG. This is grown-up stuff.” That it may be, Josh, but that doesn’t make it good.

MICKIE JAMES & JAMES STORM SEGMENT- great.
Her “one more match” is official! No word yet on when it will be or who it will be against.
As for the stuff for this angle, it was great, as it always is. Very real and very human.

KENNY KING PROMO- AWESOME!
The only flaw was that his whole thing about the ability to cash-in the title has never been explained to the Destination America audience, and I myself was left wondering when Destination X is.

KURT AND EY HAVE BEEN SEPARATED FOR THE NIGHT AND LOCKED UP ALONE- the idea was good and Kurt’s whole caged tiger body language was good, but the stuff with EY was bad. Headbutting the glass was just stupid, and the Tweet… IT’S A F*CKING TWEET! Big deal. What’s he going to do that’s so terrible? Flame Kurt on Twitter? Come on.

SHORT X-DIVISION VIDEO WITH BUZZWORDS- good, but I assume it will soon become just as annoying as the one for the Knockouts.

GAUNTLET MATCH FOR THE TNA X-DIVISION TITLE: Kenny King(c) vs. Rockstar Spud vs. Magnus vs. Manik vs. Argos vs. Tigre Uno vs. Crazzy Steve vs. DJ Zema Ion- 4/10
A complete and total waste of time leading to a title change. For those keeping track at home, this would be the fifth title change in twenty weeks they have been on Destination America. So basically the title doesn’t mean diddly squat anymore.
I also really have to question the logic behind booking a gauntlet match. If you want Spud to go over for the title, just book him in a one-on-one match with Kenny and have him win! It’s that simple! Maybe you can even have the BDC try to interfere but have The Rising stop them to it looks like The Rising are actually doing what they said they would do and stop the BDC from unfairly controlling the titles? A singles match would have been 1) a better match 2) felt bigger, and not like filler, 3) been able to feature the two wrestlers involved more, and 4) could have been to progress the BDC vs. Rising angle is they wanted to. Instead we got a filler gauntlet.

JOSH RUNS DOWN SOME IMPORTANT INFO- meanwhile, Al Snow stands there looking stupid. Can we please get Al out of the booth?

2ND MATCH IN THE BEST OF 5 SERIES FOR THE TNA WORLD TAG TEAM TITLES: The Wolves vs. Austin Aries & Bobby Roode- 7.75/10
Great, fast-paced action. Best match on Impact since Angle vs. Lashley from April 3rd. I really wish they had managed to find a way to give this match more than the mere eleven minutes it got.

CAMERAMAN INTERVIEWS ANGELINA LOVE- good set up for the upcoming segment.

KENNY KING PROMO- good for what it was, but it is entirely possible that they will get a letter from Mr. McDevitt because I believe that while MVP owns the MVP character, the actual name “Montel Vontavious Porter” is owned by WWE.

ANGELINA & VELVET SEGMENT- great heel stuff from Angelina. I laughed my ass off when she shrieked “FRIENDS! GET OUT HERE!” The bedazzled “Love’s Security” shirts were also great.
What wasn’t great was the fact that Velvet, the babyface, waited for Angelina’s back to be turned before jumping the guardrail and attacking her. I’m also not digging whatever they’re going for with this Velvet Sky stone-face gimmick.

ANDERSON PROMO- good. He explained why this match would be different. It would have been a lot better if they had actually hyped this match up earlier in the night.

SINGLES MATCH WITH TYRUS IN A CAGE AT RINGSIDE: Ethan Carter III vs. Mr. Anderson- 6.5/10
Wait… WHAT? Tyrus isn’t getting into the cage just because he doesn’t want do? Well that’s f*cking stupid? Either there is some stip to force him into the cage and he is just ignoring it… or Anderson was dumb enough to think the heels would just go along with his plan. Or was his plan always t just force Tyrus into the cage. I’m not sure. They should have been more clear on that.
This was the first time that nearfalls on Ethan actually felt significant. Like beating him and breaking his streak would be a big deal.

POST-MATCH- it took my brain a moment to snap out of Ring of Honor “ALWAYS SHAKE HANDS!” mode and realize that not shaking would be better for Ethan, but I got there before Ethan slapped Anderson’s hand away.

SPUD PROMO- GREAT!
I could be wrong, but I believe that he cut this promo in the same place he cut the promo after the losing the belt, which was a nice touch that elevated this just a little bit more.

I QUIT MATCH FOR THE TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: Kurt Angle(c) vs. Eric Young- 7.5/10
LET THEM FIGHT ALREADY! It’s a G-d damn I Quit match! Why is it so f*cking imperative that we do JB’s long-winded official introduction? Ah. There we go. Apparently they had to wait for the bell to ring to be allowed to start fighting. Just like happened in the Knockouts’ Title match, right? Whoops.
The tapping out spot was stupid. Tapping out IS saying I quit. Aside from that one spot, I thought this as a great match.

So that’s the whole show, with no follow-up whatsoever to EY ripping of war hero Chris Melendez’s prosthetic leg and beating him with it? How the hell do you not even mention that once?

Despite one or two booking missteps, this almost certainly the best episode of Impact in a very long time. Maybe since Destination X 2014, which would have been almost a year ago. I’d definitely call this a great show, but I don’t know I’d go so far as to call it awesome. It’s close, though.


STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Matthews- “This match will not be official until the champion and challenger are both in the ring, and the door to Six Sides of Steel is locked closed.”
Unfortunately for Josh, the bell had already rung when he said this.

[Big Red Machine]

Also of interest was the complete and total lack of commercials for ROH.

[cero2k]

Despite one or two booking missteps, this almost certainly the best episode of Impact in a very long time. Maybe since Destination X 2014, which would have been almost a year ago. I’d definitely call this a great show, but I don’t know I’d go so far as to call it awesome. It’s close, though.

by your writing, you can tell you came in with a lot of hate, good to see that by the end you thought it was an awesome show

[Big Red Machine]

Despite one or two booking missteps, this almost certainly the best episode of Impact in a very long time. Maybe since Destination X 2014, which would have been almost a year ago. I’d definitely call this a great show, but I don’t know I’d go so far as to call it awesome. It’s close, though.

by your writing, you can tell you came in with a lot of hate, good to see that by the end you thought it was an awesome show

I didn't come in with a lot of hate. I had a week off from TNA so the hate was all gone. It just immediately came shooting back when I saw the dumb EY-Angle segment and the pointless gimmick and titles matches.

[cero2k]

finally finished the stuff i was missing

EY AND ANGLE BRAWL IN A PARKING LOT- Kurt is pacing the parking lot waiting for EY. They brawled. It got broken up by security. It was stupid. Why the hell was Kurt pacing the parking lot waiting for Eric to show up? Did they do some big heat angle that I’m not remembering? If so, they should show a video package of it to start things off in case someone (like me, apparently) doesn’t remember it because it’s been not one but now two weeks since the last show.
Oh. And EY’s screaming t the end just sounded pathetic.
i loved this, it got me hyped for the main event

Oh look. Now the Dollhouse’s entrance has some set pieces that they bought at a local Toys R Us.
and thus it's now the best entrance in the company!

STEEL CAGE MATCH FOR THE TNA KNOCKSOUTS: Taryn Terrell(c) (w/the Dollhouse) vs. Gail Kim- 3.5/10
The steel cage match should be the match you build to for Slammiversary! Not a no-hype throwaway match on a random episode of Impact with a million other things going on! GRRRRR!
While i agree, i'm sure they'll have something meaningful, this match played out perfectly once I saw the post match stuff. I would imagine that by Slammaversary they'll wanna add something with Kong

Interference in a cage match. Well… it is TNA. You’d think they would build a cage with smaller camera-holes already, but apparently not.
aw c'mon, every company has those holes, I for once am happy that they used them, it pissed me off that they're always ignored.

Josh decided to point out to us that TNA’s product “isn’t PG. This is grown-up stuff.” That it may be, Josh, but that doesn’t make it good.
but it makes it different, the thing that most people bitch about WWE. It sounded bitter, like everything else that Josh says, but it's true



KURT AND EY HAVE BEEN SEPARATED FOR THE NIGHT AND LOCKED UP ALONE- the idea was good and Kurt’s whole caged tiger body language was good, but the stuff with EY was bad. Headbutting the glass was just stupid, and the Tweet… IT’S A F*CKING TWEET! Big deal. What’s he going to do that’s so terrible? Flame Kurt on Twitter? Come on.
i loved the window thing, completely unexpected and made eric seem extra crazy


JOSH RUNS DOWN SOME IMPORTANT INFO- meanwhile, Al Snow stands there looking stupid. Can we please get Al out of the booth?
if having Snow there means we get annoying heel Josh, i'll take it, i love annoying voice heel josh

2ND MATCH IN THE BEST OF 5 SERIES FOR THE TNA WORLD TAG TEAM TITLES: The Wolves vs. Austin Aries & Bobby Roode- 7.75/10
I really wish they had managed to find a way to give this match more than the mere eleven minutes it got.
it's a best out of 5 with no stipulations, i think keeping some of these matches short will make the rest seem different. it still felt like the longest match of the night (not sure if it was)

ANDERSON PROMO- good. He explained why this match would be different. It would have been a lot better if they had actually hyped this match up earlier in the night.
I saw hype during the week, but this was the first time i saw the cage thing, so as you point out later, i do believe this was never sanctioned and was just a plan from anderson, which actually looks cool because it's not illegal, he took matter into his own hands, and he actually managed to do it, and still lost making ECIII look legit.

POST-MATCH- it took my brain a moment to snap out of Ring of Honor “ALWAYS SHAKE HANDS!” mode and realize that not shaking would be better for Ethan, but I got there before Ethan slapped Anderson’s hand away.
found it really funny that ECIII was walking away without Tyrus, and he was just caged wondering who would let him out

SPUD PROMO- GREAT!
I could be wrong, but I believe that he cut this promo in the same place he cut the promo after the losing the belt, which was a nice touch that elevated this just a little bit more.
my memory fails me on some other promos this year, but could be TNA promo of the year or me, so much babyface power right there

I QUIT MATCH FOR THE TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: Kurt Angle(c) vs. Eric Young- 7.5/10
LET THEM FIGHT ALREADY! It’s a G-d damn I Quit match! Why is it so f*cking imperative that we do JB’s long-winded official introduction? Ah. There we go. Apparently they had to wait for the bell to ring to be allowed to start fighting.
if there was ever a reason to copy those Ishii starts, it was this one, i loved that there was security there trying to control the match until the bell rang
The tapping out spot was stupid. Tapping out IS saying I quit. Aside from that one spot, I thought this as a great match.
I've always hated that tapping out doesn't count, but it's something that has always been enforced, i think the argument is that you don't only beat down your opponent physically, but you beat him down mentally to the point where they'll swallow their honor and admit defeat in the most shameful way (case that made me hate Cena/Rusev and those matches with towels)

[Big Red Machine]

finally finished the stuff i was missing

Oh look. Now the Dollhouse’s entrance has some set pieces that they bought at a local Toys R Us.
and thus it's now the best entrance in the company!
Not sure if you're being sarcastic or not, but I hope you are.


STEEL CAGE MATCH FOR THE TNA KNOCKSOUTS: Taryn Terrell(c) (w/the Dollhouse) vs. Gail Kim- 3.5/10
The steel cage match should be the match you build to for Slammiversary! Not a no-hype throwaway match on a random episode of Impact with a million other things going on! GRRRRR!
While i agree, i'm sure they'll have something meaningful, this match played out perfectly once I saw the post match stuff. I would imagine that by Slammaversary they'll wanna add something with Kong

Interference in a cage match. Well… it is TNA. You’d think they would build a cage with smaller camera-holes already, but apparently not.
aw c'mon, every company has those holes, I for once am happy that they used them, it pissed me off that they're always ignored.
Yeah, but in TNA they're freakin GIGANTIc In other companies you can MAYBE fit your arm through, and if you didn't you probably wouldn't have a verY big range of motion, and would be at risk of cutting your arm on the cage. In other words, even if you did stick your hand through, it'd be extremely difficult to interfere. In TNA, these things are so big that you can fit AN ENTIRE HUMAN BODY through it.
The point of the gimmick is to prevent interference. Having these gigantic holes kills the gimmick.



Josh decided to point out to us that TNA’s product “isn’t PG. This is grown-up stuff.” That it may be, Josh, but that doesn’t make it good.
but it makes it different, the thing that most people bitch about WWE. It sounded bitter, like everything else that Josh says, but it's true
And "different" doesn't by default mean that it is good. The Storm-Magnus-Mickie stuff has been handled well so far, but many other things (EY vs. Angle or BDC vs. Rising) haven't been. I'm sick and tired of this delusion that PG=bad and non-PG=good.


KURT AND EY HAVE BEEN SEPARATED FOR THE NIGHT AND LOCKED UP ALONE- the idea was good and Kurt’s whole caged tiger body language was good, but the stuff with EY was bad. Headbutting the glass was just stupid, and the Tweet… IT’S A F*CKING TWEET! Big deal. What’s he going to do that’s so terrible? Flame Kurt on Twitter? Come on.
i loved the window thing, completely unexpected and made eric seem extra crazy
And to me, crazy Eric Young doesn't come off as crazy. He comes off as a guy trying to play someone who is crazy, and the result is corny and almost comical.

JOSH RUNS DOWN SOME IMPORTANT INFO- meanwhile, Al Snow stands there looking stupid. Can we please get Al out of the booth?
if having Snow there means we get annoying heel Josh, i'll take it, i love annoying voice heel josh
I don't think heel Josh is really a heel. He is only a heel when EC III is involved, and Josh has a 100% solid point. If the guy hasn't been pinned or submitted in over a year and a half, how the f*ck has he not gotten a world title shot yet?


ANDERSON PROMO- good. He explained why this match would be different. It would have been a lot better if they had actually hyped this match up earlier in the night.
I saw hype during the week, but this was the first time i saw the cage thing, so as you point out later, i do believe this was never sanctioned and was just a plan from anderson, which actually looks cool because it's not illegal, he took matter into his own hands, and he actually managed to do it, and still lost making ECIII look legit.
Agreed on that point

POST-MATCH- it took my brain a moment to snap out of Ring of Honor “ALWAYS SHAKE HANDS!” mode and realize that not shaking would be better for Ethan, but I got there before Ethan slapped Anderson’s hand away.
found it really funny that ECIII was walking away without Tyrus, and he was just caged wondering who would let him out
I didn't even notice that.
SPUD PROMO- GREAT!
I could be wrong, but I believe that he cut this promo in the same place he cut the promo after the losing the belt, which was a nice touch that elevated this just a little bit more.
my memory fails me on some other promos this year, but could be TNA promo of the year or me, so much babyface power right there
Spud's promo after losing the belt was better.

I QUIT MATCH FOR THE TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: Kurt Angle(c) vs. Eric Young- 7.5/10
LET THEM FIGHT ALREADY! It’s a G-d damn I Quit match! Why is it so f*cking imperative that we do JB’s long-winded official introduction? Ah. There we go. Apparently they had to wait for the bell to ring to be allowed to start fighting.
if there was ever a reason to copy those Ishii starts, it was this one, i loved that there was security there trying to control the match until the bell rang
If you're going to do that, do it right, like Hero and Kingston's blow-off in CZW, with a million security guys standing between them.
The tapping out spot was stupid. Tapping out IS saying I quit. Aside from that one spot, I thought this as a great match.
I've always hated that tapping out doesn't count, but it's something that has always been enforced, i think the argument is that you don't only beat down your opponent physically, but you beat him down mentally to the point where they'll swallow their honor and admit defeat in the most shameful way (case that made me hate Cena/Rusev and those matches with towels)
Then Kurt is an idiot for letting the hold go.

[cero2k]

Oh look. Now the Dollhouse’s entrance has some set pieces that they bought at a local Toys R Us.
and thus it's now the best entrance in the company!
Not sure if you're being sarcastic or not, but I hope you are.
ok, maybe not the best but i do like it. i like the dollhouse

Josh decided to point out to us that TNA’s product “isn’t PG. This is grown-up stuff.” That it may be, Josh, but that doesn’t make it good.
but it makes it different, the thing that most people bitch about WWE. It sounded bitter, like everything else that Josh says, but it's true
And "different" doesn't by default mean that it is good. The Storm-Magnus-Mickie stuff has been handled well so far, but many other things (EY vs. Angle or BDC vs. Rising) haven't been. I'm sick and tired of this delusion that PG=bad and non-PG=good.
no one (including Josh) is saying that non-pg is good and pg is bad, we're just saying it's different. People ask for different, TNA is giving it, that's all. and it's not a delusion, it's a personal taste people have, some don't consider PG to be good, some are ok with it

KURT AND EY HAVE BEEN SEPARATED FOR THE NIGHT AND LOCKED UP ALONE- the idea was good and Kurt’s whole caged tiger body language was good, but the stuff with EY was bad. Headbutting the glass was just stupid, and the Tweet… IT’S A F*CKING TWEET! Big deal. What’s he going to do that’s so terrible? Flame Kurt on Twitter? Come on.
i loved the window thing, completely unexpected and made eric seem extra crazy
And to me, crazy Eric Young doesn't come off as crazy. He comes off as a guy trying to play someone who is crazy, and the result is corny and almost comical.
wrestling IS corny and comical sometimes.

The tapping out spot was stupid. Tapping out IS saying I quit. Aside from that one spot, I thought this as a great match.
I've always hated that tapping out doesn't count, but it's something that has always been enforced, i think the argument is that you don't only beat down your opponent physically, but you beat him down mentally to the point where they'll swallow their honor and admit defeat in the most shameful way (case that made me hate Cena/Rusev and those matches with towels)
Then Kurt is an idiot for letting the hold go.
it's completely understandable to let go after seeing someone tap out, you'd been winning matches like that over 15 yrs already

[Big Red Machine]

Josh decided to point out to us that TNA’s product “isn’t PG. This is grown-up stuff.” That it may be, Josh, but that doesn’t make it good.
but it makes it different, the thing that most people bitch about WWE. It sounded bitter, like everything else that Josh says, but it's true
And "different" doesn't by default mean that it is good. The Storm-Magnus-Mickie stuff has been handled well so far, but many other things (EY vs. Angle or BDC vs. Rising) haven't been. I'm sick and tired of this delusion that PG=bad and non-PG=good.
no one (including Josh) is saying that non-pg is good and pg is bad, we're just saying it's different. People ask for different, TNA is giving it, that's all. and it's not a delusion, it's a personal taste people have, some don't consider PG to be good, some are ok with it
The way it came across to me was that PG=bad.

KURT AND EY HAVE BEEN SEPARATED FOR THE NIGHT AND LOCKED UP ALONE- the idea was good and Kurt’s whole caged tiger body language was good, but the stuff with EY was bad. Headbutting the glass was just stupid, and the Tweet… IT’S A F*CKING TWEET! Big deal. What’s he going to do that’s so terrible? Flame Kurt on Twitter? Come on.
i loved the window thing, completely unexpected and made eric seem extra crazy
And to me, crazy Eric Young doesn't come off as crazy. He comes off as a guy trying to play someone who is crazy, and the result is corny and almost comical.
wrestling IS corny and comical sometimes.
Main event programs shouldn't be comical

The tapping out spot was stupid. Tapping out IS saying I quit. Aside from that one spot, I thought this as a great match.
I've always hated that tapping out doesn't count, but it's something that has always been enforced, i think the argument is that you don't only beat down your opponent physically, but you beat him down mentally to the point where they'll swallow their honor and admit defeat in the most shameful way (case that made me hate Cena/Rusev and those matches with towels)
Then Kurt is an idiot for letting the hold go.
it's completely understandable to let go after seeing someone tap out, you'd been winning matches like that over 15 yrs already
I still don't like it. You'd never see that happen in a ladder match, and tap-outs don't count there.

[cero2k]

wrestling IS corny and comical sometimes.
Main event programs shouldn't be comical
Have you not been watching WWE since Lesnar lost the title? or all of Rollins vs Ambrose? or Sheamus's time as main event? or Cena's career?


it's completely understandable to let go after seeing someone tap out, you'd been winning matches like that over 15 yrs already
I still don't like it. You'd never see that happen in a ladder match, and tap-outs don't count there.
a ladder is a very particular match, but i've seen pins in submission matches or royal rumbles
And they're always dumb in the Rumble, too