BRM Reviews the 2/18/2015 Lucha Underground (bad)

[Big Red Machine]

MIL MUERTES vs. CHAVO GUERRERO JR.- 4/10
Catrina is not at ringside because I guess she is trying to do everything she can do to get caught and to get herself and Fenix murdered.
The announcers try to sell us that Mil Muertes looks “incomplete” and “lost” without Catrina at ringside, but there is no actual evidence of this in his performance, so I have no idea where they are pulling this from.
Striker said that Catrina appeared on the steps “like a nun in a rectory,” which shows that Striker knows nothing about nuns. Vampiro then called her “the devil incarnate.” Why? What has she done that is so horrible? And before anyone brings up kissing Fenix, let’s not forget Vamprio’s long history of making wild accusations about Catrina. At this point, nothing the announcers say about her should be taken at face value.
Striker is calling the fans “the believers.” It sound really stupid.
Mil then got distracted by Catrina doing nothing, allowing Chavo to hit Mil with a chair for the DQ. Mil no-sold it, which looked cool. Then he punched the chair out of Chavo’s hand, beat him up, and gave him a flatliner onto the chair. The match was short, but good for the time but got (until the finish).
Mil orders Catrina to give Chavo the “lick of death,” but she refuses. At this point I’m certain that she must have a death wish, and is just dragging Fenix along with her because she’s a jerk. Mil gabs her by the hair and tries to force her to do it, but she won’t, so he teases chokeslamming her before setting her up for the Flatliner. The people cheer for this because she’s a two-timing b*tch. This forces Fenix to come out and make the save. Then she makes out with Fenix in front of Mil because she doesn’t want there to be any doubt that Mil should kill Fenix, too.

BLACK LOTUS NINJAS AROUND THE CATACOMBS OF THE TEMPLE- got me excited for some sort of development in this “Matanza” angle.

DARIO CUETO BOOKS A MATCH THAT WOULD MAKE THE P.C. POLICE FREAK OUT- It will be The Crew vs. Sexy Star, Pimpinella Escarlata, and Mascarita Sagrada in a No DQ’s match so that The Crew can take them out.

IVELISSE PROMO- she has decided that she will wrestle Son of Havoc’s match against Angelico for him This whole thing has come about a bit too quickly for my tastes, but it does mean that we get another Ivelisse match, so that’s good news.
Vampiro has decided that this makes Ivelisse “a b*tch” because his treatment of women on commentary has been exactly the stereotypical way that feminists claim that all men see women.

ANGELICO vs. IVELISSE (w/Son of Havoc)- DUD!
Angelico is reluctant to hit a woman because that would be wrong… but trying to force yourself on her is okay?
This company needs to stop doing intergender matches. Striker says “we can beat you over the head with this gender equality stuff, but you can just watch the wrestling and see for yourself,” except that the way the matches are structured… you can’t! It’s clear that the men don’t want to fight the women, so the women aren’t proving their equality… just taking advantage of the men’s reluctance to fight. I could beat up Mike Tyson if Mike agreed to stay within the confines of a boxing ring and to never try to hit me… but if that’s the case, then what have I proved?
Meanwhile, the men can’t seem to help but do things like try to kiss the women, making sure that everyone is equally unlikeable.
The way that the announcers put it over also kills it (although that was more the case in the main event with Sexy Star). They need to stop saying “she is not backing down!” like it’s getting them aroused. It’s not supposed to make her seem hotter. It’s supposed to make her seem like a tougher wrestler. If you’re going to sexualize everything, that doesn’t put over gender equality.
Son of Havoc gives Angelico one kick to the head and he staggers around and trips over Ivelisse so she can pin him. Okay… where was this f*cker when Angelico was trying to force himself on his girlfriend? Ivelisse then celebrates like she did it all herself when just the fact that Angelico tripped over her like that shows there is no way that this is the case. Angelico then pointed this out in the most dickish way possible, so everyone comes out of this looking thoroughly unlikeable.

VAMPIRO INTERVIEWS TEXANO- good.

TEXANO (Jr.) vs. SUPER FLY- no rating. Eh squash. I didn’t even realize that this was a squash until it was over.
POST-MATCH SEGMENT- Alberto El Patron shows up and beats Texano up with a bullrope, just ike Texano did last week, so I guess they’re building to a bullrope match.

CAGE & CUETO SEGMENT- good. We have a match for next week, and an interesting little angle with Cage referring to the title as an “Aztec piece of crap.” I assume that whatever power from the gold of the seven tribes that lies within the belt will not be happy with Mr. Cage.

CHAVO QUITS- Cueto tells him he can always come back. (I LOVED Chavo getting pissed at that “future endeavors” line, because that’s what would happen in real life if some small-time indy promoter said that to a guy like Chavo.
Cueto mutters that “the gods are not going to be pleased about this.” I think he was talking about the ripped title belt, but it is always possible he was talking about the Chavo thing, too.

BLACK LOTUS FINDS MATANZA- soooo… did she kill him?

NO DISQUALIFICATIONS MATCH: The Crew vs. Sexy Star, Pimpinella Escarlata & Mascarita Sagrada- no rating, okay segment.
Striker says he hasn’t seen the swinging leg-hook fisherman’s carry since Donovan Morgan, which shows you how little wrestling Matt Striker actually watches because Jimmy Rave used to do it ALL THE TIME in ROH and TNA (as his finisher, no less), and I’m pretty sure Tyson Kidd does it all the time in WWE.
The match was good for what it was, and Sexy Star looked tough. The only thing I would have changed was that I would have had her take the pin and then have Ryck show up. There’s no reason to beat The Crew if you don’t need to, and Sexy Star is already getting put over by surviving against them three-on-one for as long as she did.


A bad episode of Lucha Underground, but I can’t wait for next week’s show to find out what happened with Black Lotus and Matanza, and to see whatever the deal is with the title belt (and the Cage vs. Prince Puma match of course).