BRM Reviews the 1/5/2015 Raw

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- The whole roster is in/surrounding the ring because the Authority wants to have a talent meeting. I’m certain they didn’t mean anything by this, but I couldn’t help but notice that all of the women had to stand on the floor with a few of the male jobbers, aside from the women who either had husbands in the ring, or Lana, who is essentially attached to Rusev at the hip.
Cena then apologizes to everyone for bringing The Authority back and he was actually getting kind of annoying, saying that “2015 would be a hard year” so I actually popped when Triple H’s music interrupted him.
Hunter talks about “that face-painted goof, Sting.” Well… at least they didn’t call him “the Vigilante.”
Hunter makes some good points about how things have been ruled by chaos since they left (and I know I’ve been watching too much New Japan recently because I had originally typed chaos with a capital C and had to go back and change it). They bring out Rollins and add him to the World Heavyweight Title match at Royal Rumble. Well… now we know who is doing the job.
Hunter, Steph and Rollins were all fantastic heels during this. Just to rub things in, Steph declared tonight to be “John Cena Appreciation Night.”


JOHN CENA MOMENTS- The first one they showed was his debut against Kurt… and not only did they not show the finish, but the way they cut it implies that Cena actually beat Kurt after a DDT. How insecure do they have to be to not be able to admit that Cena lost his debut match to an Olympic Gold Medalist?
The rest of the moments they chose were pretty good.


WWE INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE MATCH: Dolph Ziggler(c) vs. Wade Barrett- 6.5/10
Wade gets this title shot because he never lost the IC Title. This could actually be a great starting point for Dragon’s road back to the title. They could have The Authority refuse to give Dragon a shot at the title that he never lost, with this title shot being used as evidence of them playing favorites. This would result in Dragon needing to win the Rumble and beat Rollins at Wrestlemania.
They did stuff. Dolph won with a roll-up, but Barrett beat the sh*t out of Dolph afterwards. Let’s pretend that security hasn’t come out to stop this because The Authority has ordered the not to.
AHA! I called it! Either that or Cole and Booker thought of this logic hole and tried to cover it on their own.
Then Kane came out and announced that the match was now 2-out-of-3 falls. Barrett wound up taking home both the match and the title off of a Bull Hammer after a distraction by Kane.

ROMAN REIGNS PROMO- is he wearing a Hardy Boys t-shirt? Well… whether he was or not, the sound effect he tried to make in his promo made this whole thing come off as dorky.

BRAY WYATT PROMO- good

ASCENSION PROMO- so lame it made me laugh.

ASCENSION SQUASH- dud on principle.
JBL buried them for beating jobbers rather than facing real competition.

LANA & RUSEV PROMO- they did their standard Putin stuff, then Lana claimed that Rusev was the only undefeated Superstar in the WWE.
1) Rusev has lost before.
2) We just saw the Ascension, who are also currently undefeated.


ROMAN REIGNS vs. THE BIG SHOW- 5.25/10
Show attacks Reigns with the stairs for the DQ, but winds up eating a spear in the end so there is no more heat. Is this even going to lead to a PPV match? Because if the big pay-off here is just Reigns eliminating Big Show from the Rumble, it really isn’t worth it.

NATALYA vs. NIKKI BELLA (w/Brie Bella)-
Nattie appears to have forgotten her ring gear aside from her boots. In fact, based on the way the shirt was cut, it’s entirely possible that she just borrowed an AJ shirt from the merch stand.
Paige came out to be at ringside with Nattie. This was done so Cole could play up some angle on Total Divas in which Nattie got pissed at Paige for playing a prank on her, but today Nattie Tweeted out that she might have overreacted. Do they really think that having these grown women engage in high-school drama makes them more appealing to anyone, either as sex symbols or as role models or even as characters on a TV show?
Nattie won quickly. Nikki laid her out after the match. Then Paige laid Nikki out.

DEAN AMBROSE PROMO- awesome. Best promo of 2015 so far.

SINGLES MATCH WITH NOBLE & MERCURY AS SPECIAL GUEST REFEREES: Luke Harper vs. Erick Rowan- no rating. Okay segment
Noble and Mercury played their role perfectly. Harper got beaten down afterwards as well. Joey and Jamie now appear to have a tag team finisher (sandwiching dropkicks to the head), so can we PLEASE put the tag titles on them already?

ALICIA FOX & NAOMI BACKSTAGE- Alicia Fox is mean to Naomi because she is replacing her on Total Divas. Naomi says it is fine because this will let her focus on her career. HOORAY FOR NAOMI!
Fox then assaults Naomi until Summer Rae, Emma, and Cameron broke it up.

AMBULANCE MATCH: Bray Wyatt vs. Dean Ambrose- 7.75/10
So they have been building up this match, the FIRST EVER ambulance match in the almost twenty-two year history of WWE’s flagship show, Monday Night Raw… but it isn’t even the main event? WHAT THE F*CK?!
Why are there folding tables in an ambulance? Seriously. Why not just use REGULAR F*CKING TABLES?! It makes the whole thing seem like a prop and thus makes the match feel phony. I would have given it an 8/10 if not for this. I’ll take Bray’s clean win as a sign that Taker is coming back for Mania this year.

NAOMI & THE USOS vs. ALICIA FOX, THE MIZ, & DAMIEN MIZ-DOW- 4.25/10
Team Uso were all wearing shirts for some reason. I thought the finish was very creative, and would explain why Alicia and Naomi suddenly look so much alike when WWE normally tries to not have people look too much the same.

RYBACK vs. SETH ROLLINS (w/Joey Mercury & Jamie Noble)- wait… no. Now it’s a…
HANDICAP MATCH: Ryback vs. Seth Rollins & Kane (w/Joey Mercury & Jamie Noble)- 5.25/10
Sad as it is, I was genuinely surprised that they didn’t either put Ryback over clean or do a DQ finish. Rollins pinned Ryback after two curb stomps, and the announcers put over that it took two straight curb stomps to beat Rollins.

They are promoting Nikki vs. Paige for tomorrow night’s Main Event.

ADAM ROSE (w/the Exotic Express) vs. Big E. Langston (w/ Kofi Kingston & Xavier Woods)- no rating. Okay segment
Scarlett is a Rosebud. Also, I had completely forgotten that The New Day was a thing. That’s how insignificant they have been after weeks of vignettes.
They have a boring match. Wait! Two Rosebuds jumped The New Day! This just got interesting. Wait. Never mind. It’s just Cesaro & Tyson impersonating Rosebuds.

THE AUTHORITY PRESENTS: JOHN CENA APPRECIATION NIGHT-
They call out Cena, then call out his Survivor Series teammates to discuss their punishments. In the end, they all get fired. Steph wants them to blame Cena for this. Hunter and Steph (especially Steph) were awesome heels with their gloating and Cena’s facials sold everything well, but I just don’t believe that any of this will stick for any length of time at all, so it comes off as cheap drama.

An okay episode of Raw, but mostly bolstered by the Ambrose-Wyatt stuff and Steph’s heel antics.

[NWK2000]

Admitedly, I'm curious as to how the last segment will manifest in the Royal Rumble. I'm thinking Cena will be number 1 in the rumble, with Ryback, Rowan, and Ziggler being 2, 3, and 4

[Big Red Machine]

Admitedly, I'm curious as to how the last segment will manifest in the Royal Rumble. I'm thinking Cena will be number 1 in the rumble, with Ryback, Rowan, and Ziggler being 2, 3, and 4

Cena's in the main event, so he's not in the rumble. If not for that, it'd be a good idea. They could play it up even more by making Big Show #30.

[cero2k]

Admitedly, I'm curious as to how the last segment will manifest in the Royal Rumble. I'm thinking Cena will be number 1 in the rumble, with Ryback, Rowan, and Ziggler being 2, 3, and 4

Cena's in the main event, so he's not in the rumble. If not for that, it'd be a good idea. They could play it up even more by making Big Show #30.

#1 spot HAS to go to Ziggler, and he will be one of the final four, it should be Dragon, but i don't think he'll interject with the authority storyline to make that happen

[cero2k]

since you didn't do announcer quotes tonight, there is one that made my eye twitch

Michael Cole - "Stephanie McMahon on the left, Triple H on the right" Well gee Michael, I had a hard fucking time trying to figure out.