BRM Reviews the 12/15/2014 Raw

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- There is one guy booing Jericho and holding up a sign that says “Eat, Sleep, Disappear, Repeat.”
Oh boy. They’re going back to the Jericho vs. Fandango feud. I’m so excited I think I’ll go make a sandwich. Oh boy. Now Jericho’s calling him names like “Fandumbo” and other things that sound like Fandango. Looks like I chose a good time to eat.
OH SH*T! Is that Heyman?
*runs back to TV at top speed, leaving silverware clattering on the floor in his wake*

Jericho claims Heyman owes him $200. Does anyone watching this really care? I mean… I’m sure Shane Douglas is popping for this (and angrily screaming at his TV, assuming he’s not on his shift at Walmart), but does anyone else watching really care?

Now they’re talking about Seth Rollins losing his chance to be a Paul Heyman guy. Oh. And here’s Rollins now, looking for all the world like a babyface. Rollins is complaining about losing on PPV because of Sting and Reigns and cut a good promo to build up to Rollins vs. Cena. Noble and Mercury are clapping for him because they are great stooges. Cena came out and cut a promo on Rollins and the end result was Jericho booking Rollins vs. Cena in a cage match. Jericho also took a shot at Punk, saying “as everyone knows, I always have an agenda.”
Damn. Just when I thought this segment was over, Rollins started cutting a promo on Jericho, which sets up Jericho taking on Paul Heyman. Paul isn’t a wrestler. How is Jericho allowed to do this?
Well… I guess Y2J will be the guy Brock murderizes tonight… and he’s completely going to deserve it.

And it gets better. When we get back from the commercial, we are told that we can use the WWE App to vote on what type of match Heyman vs. Jericho will be. The choices are Extreme Rules, No Holds Barred, and Street Fight… WHICH ARE ALL THE EXACT SAME F*CKING THING! (Later in the show, Lawler even said “maybe we should explain the differences between these matches” and the announcers proceeded to just move on to their next topic).

THE BIG SHOW & LUKE HARPER vs. ERICK ROWAN & DOLPH ZIGGLER- 4/10
Dolph is still carrying his Slammy Award around, which, if you’ll remember, was something Owen Hart used to do AS A HEEL.
Cole reminds us that “Harper and Rowan were once in the Wyatt Family together” as if this happened five years ago and would be easy to forget instead of three months.
Dolph was a great babyface in peril, then made the tag to Rowan, who was pinned cleanly in the middle of the ring by the Big Show about a minute later.

JERICHO & FANDANGO BACKSTAGE- He wants his Slammy back… but he doesn’t care enough to get it right now. He’ll wait until after the Heyman match. Well I guess the Slammy isn’t that important then, is it?

NEW DAY PROMO- They’ve been together for three weeks and already there is dissension within the group. Big E was good but Kofi and Woods stunk.

THE BELLA TWINS vs. ALICIA FOX & NATALYA (w/Tyson Kidd)- 0.5/10
Fox was the babyace in peril, then she make a hot tag to Nattie who beat the sh*t out of Brie lie she was a complete and total jobber. After the match, Tyson was either checking on or insulting Nikki, depending on which announcer you believe.

CHRIS JERICHO’S HIGHLIGHT REEL WITH SPECIAL GUESTS LANA & RUSEV- Lana was right. Jericho was completely juvenile and not funny in the slightest. Ryback wants to fight, but Rusev runs away.

ASCENSION PROMO- The purpose of developmental is to let these guys develop, both their in-ring skills and their gimmicks, right? Then why would you have them cut completely different promos when you bring them up to the main roster?

GOLDUST & STARDUST vs. THE NEW DAY (Xavier Woods and Big E) (w/Kofi Kingston)- 2.25/10
Kofi came over to do commentary and said the words “positivity” and “having a good time” about ninety times each. And that’s the problem with The New Day. They’re violating an important rule of storytelling: Show; don’t tell. Going on TV and saying “we are all about positivity” a million times is nowhere near as effective as SHOWING us that they are all about positive thinking. Have them lose a match, but then cut a promo about how they aren’t letting the loss get them down but rather are looking forward to their next opportunity to prove themselves.
The fans were so into this match that they did the loudest “CM PUNK!” chant in weeks. They then chanted “NXT!” The only thing in this match that I popped for was Goldust kicking out of Woods’ stupid finisher.

RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS THE MIZ & DAMIEN MIZ-DOW- Miz was great

ADAM ROSE & THE EXOTIC EXPRESS BACKSTAGE- SCARLETT! AND JIMMY JACOBS! And apparently they’re together because Jimmy is ALL OVER that girl. Kane then showed up and cemented his place as my all-time favorite by describing his hatred for the Rosebuds.

KANE vs. ADAM ROSE (w/the Exotic Express)- 10,000,000,000/10
I that f*cking Bunny is involved in this finish, I will throw something. I was giddy as a schoolboy while JBL was describing all of the violent things he wanted Kane to do to The Bunny.
YAY! Bunny and Rose both ate a chokeslam! Then Bunny got Tombstoned!

CHRIS JERICHO vs. PAUL HEYMAN- no rating.
I will admit that I chuckled at Heyman trying to write Jericho a check.
Oh look. To the surprise of absolutely no one, Brock Lesnar showed up and kicked Jericho’s ass. And Jericho deserved it for being such a dick.

FANDANGO PROMO- Reigns comes out and spears him.
ROMAN REIGNS PROMO- Big Show interrupts him. That was good. Show ate a Superman Punch as he tried to get into the ring, but didn’t get knocked off of his feet. That was pretty cool.

JIMMY USO (w/Jey Uso) vs. THE MIZ (w/Damien Miz-Dow)- 4/10
They show Naomi watching backstage. Why isn’t she at ringside like Nattie and Tyson are for each other?
The Usos need to cheat to win because they are bad babyfaces. Naomi likes it because she is a bad babyface, too. WHY NOT JUST LET JIMMY WIN CLEANLY?!

NAOMI, MIZ, & MIZ-DOW BACKSTAGE- Miz offers to let her come on Miz TV tomorrow night on Main Event to explain why she should get a shot at the Divas Title. He suggests that she not tell Jimmy about it. I guess they figure Jimmy doesn’t have any friends at all who watch WWE who would call him and tell him about this meeting.

RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS SETH ROLLINS- I didn’t like Rollins promo. I also don’t like his new gimmick as the Authority’s sockpuppet.

STEEL CAGE MATCH: John Cena vs. Seth Rollins (w/Jamie Noble & Joey Mercury)- 8/10
Rollins keep talking about how Cena cost him “two” of the biggest matches in his career. What was the second one?
The match was great until the finish, which saw Brock Lesnar just stroll right through an open door and into the cage. WHY EVEN HAVE THE F*CKING CAGE, THEN?!

Rollins and Heyman shake hands.

An okay show.

[cero2k]

CHRIS JERICHO’S HIGHLIGHT REEL WITH SPECIAL GUESTS LANA & RUSEV- Lana was right. Jericho was completely juvenile and not funny in the slightest. Ryback wants to fight, but Rusev runs away.
Jericho sure looked like a dick making fun of Lana and not actually fighting Rusev. I pop every time Rusev takes the mic from Lana.

ASCENSION PROMO- The purpose of developmental is to let these guys develop, both their in-ring skills and their gimmicks, right? Then why would you have them cut completely different promos when you bring them up to the main roster?
gawd, that face paint is cringy.

CHRIS JERICHO vs. PAUL HEYMAN- no rating.
I will admit that I chuckled at Heyman trying to write Jericho a check.
Oh look. To the surprise of absolutely no one, Brock Lesnar showed up and kicked Jericho’s ass. And Jericho deserved it for being such a dick.
I hated that they did this, they should have left the Lesnar return just to take out Cena, i don't see why this was necessary. I liked the Heyman stuff though

STEEL CAGE MATCH: John Cena vs. Seth Rollins (w/Jamie Noble & Joey Mercury)- 8/10
Rollins keep talking about how Cena cost him “two” of the biggest matches in his career. What was the second one?
The match was great until the finish, which saw Brock Lesnar just stroll right through an open door and into the cage. WHY EVEN HAVE THE F*CKING CAGE, THEN?!
Three hard German suplexes, an F5, a Blackout, and still...can't pin Cena.
Fucking dumb

[Big Red Machine]

CHRIS JERICHO vs. PAUL HEYMAN- no rating.
I will admit that I chuckled at Heyman trying to write Jericho a check.
Oh look. To the surprise of absolutely no one, Brock Lesnar showed up and kicked Jericho’s ass. And Jericho deserved it for being such a dick.
I hated that they did this, they should have left the Lesnar return just to take out Cena, i don't see why this was necessary. I liked the Heyman stuff though
It sets up Rollins promo, which, when combined with the handshake at the end and the way the announcers put it over, puts Rollins over for being a clever heel.

STEEL CAGE MATCH: John Cena vs. Seth Rollins (w/Jamie Noble & Joey Mercury)- 8/10
Rollins keep talking about how Cena cost him “two” of the biggest matches in his career. What was the second one?
The match was great until the finish, which saw Brock Lesnar just stroll right through an open door and into the cage. WHY EVEN HAVE THE F*CKING CAGE, THEN?!
Three hard German suplexes, an F5, a Blackout, and still...can't pin Cena.
Fucking dumb
I get where you're coming from, but Cena is the #1 contender, so why pin him at all if you don't need to? (and yes, know, if you don't wnat to beat either guy why book the match at all, but this is WWE and they are always going to do that because they're dumb).

To be entirely honest, I didn't even notice it, and I did think that Rollins looked like a huge jackass for just casually stepping over Cena on his way out of the cage.
This way you can set up something for later where Rollins gets to brag about beating Cena and Cena gets to point out that Rollins didn't pin him, so they get to have another big match down the line.

[cero2k]

GOLDUST & STARDUST vs. THE NEW DAY (Xavier Woods and Big E) (w/Kofi Kingston)- 2.25/10
Kofi came over to do commentary and said the words “positivity” and “having a good time” about ninety times each. And that’s the problem with The New Day. They’re violating an important rule of storytelling: Show; don’t tell. Going on TV and saying “we are all about positivity” a million times is nowhere near as effective as SHOWING us that they are all about positive thinking. Have them lose a match, but then cut a promo about how they aren’t letting the loss get them down but rather are looking forward to their next opportunity to prove themselves.
The fans were so into this match that they did the loudest “CM PUNK!” chant in weeks. They then chanted “NXT!” The only thing in this match that I popped for was Goldust kicking out of Woods’ stupid finisher.

with what you said, i'm realizing that's exactly it! they're taking Bo Dallas' positive champion gimmick from NXT and made a stable out of it, they wanna make these guys soo positive that they'll annoy everyone and become the delusional positive heel stable

[Big Red Machine]

GOLDUST & STARDUST vs. THE NEW DAY (Xavier Woods and Big E) (w/Kofi Kingston)- 2.25/10
Kofi came over to do commentary and said the words “positivity” and “having a good time” about ninety times each. And that’s the problem with The New Day. They’re violating an important rule of storytelling: Show; don’t tell. Going on TV and saying “we are all about positivity” a million times is nowhere near as effective as SHOWING us that they are all about positive thinking. Have them lose a match, but then cut a promo about how they aren’t letting the loss get them down but rather are looking forward to their next opportunity to prove themselves.
The fans were so into this match that they did the loudest “CM PUNK!” chant in weeks. They then chanted “NXT!” The only thing in this match that I popped for was Goldust kicking out of Woods’ stupid finisher.

with what you said, i'm realizing that's exactly it! they're taking Bo Dallas' positive champion gimmick from NXT and made a stable out of it, they wanna make these guys soo positive that they'll annoy everyone and become the delusional positive heel stable

I hadn't looked at it that way, but if that's what they're trying to do, they're not doing it right. Bo was just annoying. These guys just come across as being one-dimensional. Also, Bo had a face that you really just wanted to punch. These guys all don't.