BRM Reviews the 10/1/2014 Impact

[Big Red Machine]

AUSTIN ARIES MAKES HIS DECISION-
The Arena seems darker than usual. Like an overhead light is out.
Aries says that not only can he pick which champ he wants to face, but he can also challenge then at any time of his choosing. Since when was that part of the deal?
Joe comes out and wants Aries to challenge him. They put each other over and Aries puts the title over. Then they have the match…

TNA X-DIVISION TITLE MATCH: Samoa Joe(c) vs. Austin Aries- 6/10
HOLY SH*T! Aries actually failed to escape the headscissors!
Remember that thing with the lighting? Well it looked kind of weird during the talking segment, but I actually really liked the way it looked during the matches.

THE WOLVES & KURT ANGLE BACKSTAGE- the Wolves have an idea for the final match in the tag team title series that is something that “has never been done before” and will “make history.” Kurt tells the cameraman that he thinks this match will be Match of the Year. I’m guessing Kurt hasn’t gotten around to watching the G1 yet.

EC III IS MEAN TO SPUD- He says that Spud isn’t his friend because he isn’t rich enough. Then he asked Spud if bought his suit at “the toilet store.” What great wit this man has.
He also buried Spud for liking to watch wrestling. Because always a great thing to bury someone for.
Ethan keeps being mean to Spud. EY then comes out and encourages him to listen to the fans and stand up to Ethan. Ethan sucker-punched EY, and this started their match. This wasn’t bad, but I think Spud’s turn will be a lot better if he does it on his own, without a pep talk.

ERIC YOUNG vs. ETHAN CARETER III (w/Rockstar Spud)- 4.25/10

TNA KNOCKOUTS TITLE MATCH: Gail Kim(c) vs. Havok- no rating. The match never started.
Havok jumped Gaul from behind during her entrance. I didn’t like that. Havok is a monster heel. She shouldn’t need to do this crap. They brawled, but never got in the ring, so we didn’t get a match. Havok injured Gail’s shoulder.

TAG TEAMS SEGMENT- the Wolves talk. Then, all of a sudden, 3-D turns heel by being total douchebags. For some reason, Bully also thinks he can change the rules just because. Then the Hardys came out and Matt was also a douche. It does set up for the Wolves beating them in their own match, but it was extremely annoying to watch, and watching these guys come and take back the nice things they said about the Wolves just completely took me out of things.
Bully slaps Davey, so Eddie kicks Bully, and a brawl started. 3-D grabbed a table, the Hardys grabbed a ladder, and the Wolves chair. Kurt Angle then came out and demanded that the Wolves pick the stips for the final match in the tag team title series, with “no more BS.” Doesn’t Kurt already know what match they picked? Wasn’t that what was going on in that segment earlier?
The fans saw where this was going and chanted “TLC!” because. Eddie Edwards was not allowed to call it a “TLC match,” though, so he had to say “Full Metal Mayhem,” which came across silly because the fans seemed to be chanting for something else. You’d think that TNA fans would know to chant “Full Metal Mayhem!”

KENNY KING, MVP, MR. ANDERSON, & CHRIS MELENDEZ SEGMENT BACKSTAGE- they book a match or something. Melendez did no talking at all and was not even identified by name, making him look like a chump. The guy’s a war hero. He can’t talk for himself?

GAIL, KURT, & THE TRAINER BACKSTAGE- the trainer says Gail shouldn’t wrestle because she has a separated shoulder, but Gail says she will wrestle anyway, and Kurt lets her.


MANIK (w/James Storm & The Great Sanada) vs. WHALE BOY- DUD
Whale Boy was really Shark Boy. I’m just calling Whale boy because he got FAT. If he got any fatter, I’d have been able to just call him The Shark.
Taz says that James Storm has “rebranded” Manik. This makes no sense, as his name is still Manik. Well, I guess Taz could mean that Storm “rebranded” Manik as in “burned him with a branding iron a second time,”… which, now that I think about it, could be entirely accurate.
Shark Boy did the “ten punches in the corner” spot ridiculously slowly. The ref didn’t even TRY to count for the DQ. The match was a slow and boring squash.
Tenay told us that whatever this is exactly that James Storm is currently doing is “a takeover of TNA.” HOW?

TEAM 3-D PROMO- good.

MVP (w/Kenny King) vs. MR. ANDERSON (w/Chris Melendez)- 5/10
Good stuff using the guys on the outside.

ROODE & LASHLEY SEGMENT- bad
Can someone please call the WHHHHHAAAAAAAAAmbulance to take Bobby Roode away? “I would have won the match, but I tweaked my knee. I want a rematch. Waaaaaa!!!!!!” You want “one more chance,” Bobby? Then shut up, go to the back of the line and actually EARN it, you loser.
As if his couldn’t get any worse, he tries to steal Christian’s horrendous “one more match” catchphrase.
MVP speaks for Lashley and says know. The announcers try to convince us that Lashley really wanted to fight Roode. If this was true, why would he let MVP stand in his way?

TNA KNOCKOUTS TITLE MATCH: Gail Kim(c) vs. Havok- 4/10
The match went five minutes. I know that the angle is that Gail was hurt, but the whole thing was POINTLESS! Gail doesn’t need to look brave by fighting even though she is injured because she will already look brave by facing down the monster heel. Havok, for her part, shouldn’t have to rely on sneak attacks, so this whole thing made her look worse. This is the sort of thing that you do so the babyface has some excuse for losing (like what WWE does with Cena, except that Gail actually did lose her), but in a situation where it was COMPLETELY un-called for. If they had just taken the time from the earlier brawl, this match, and the two backstage segments and used it all for this match, they probably could have had a great match that was squeaky clean, too.

If I had a dollar for every time Tenay talked about how Havok has "turned the Knockouts Division upside down," I'd be able to buy myself... I don't know. Something worth eight or so dollars. The point is, eight times is WAY too many times to say something dumb like that.
At the end of the show Taz actually uttered the phrase "I cannot believe the turn of events this evening." He might as well have said "I am reading from a script.

A bad show from TNA, with pointless crap and character assassination. There’s the TNA I know and dread.