BRM Reviews the 8/18/2014 Raw (ROLLINS VS. AMBROSE!)

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT-
I was getting my dinner together during the opening video package. When I heard Dragon’s music, I ran from the kitchen back into the TV room… then figured it out about three seconds before Steph came out. This isn’t the first time they’ve done, this, and I think the best part is that they are going to keep doing it until people don’t react anymore… and then they’ll do it again and Dragon will actually come out, and the roof will blow off the arena.
Steph give us a heel-skewed run-down of the results of the PPV, then gave the now-obligatory WWE Network plug… and while she did, someone held up a sign that says “Raw is Infomercial.” Truer words have never been spoken.
Steph brought out Nikki who said that Brie has always been selfish. They actually played off of some comments that Brie made on Total Divas that were pretty mean (although Nikki was being very annoying at the time, and dumping on Brie and Bryan’s choice of wedding registry place). Nikki also dumps on Bryan for having no integrity because he allegedly cheated on Brie, but said that Brie deserves that.
Brie came out and recited sh*tty dialogue, and when I say this dialogue was sh*tty, I mean to the point where I, BRM, champion of babyface-ishness and hater of heels, actually popped when Nikki sucker-slapped her to shut her up. Brie slunk off to the back in tears. She came off as pathetic.

THE BIG SHOW & MARK HENRY vs. THE WYATT FAMILY- 5.5/10
If you wanted to do this match on Raw, why did you give it a clean finish with the babyfaces going over just THREE DAYS AGO on Smackdown?
They had a ticker at the bottom of the screen plugging Hogan vs. Andre on Wrestlemania Rewind (actually, the way they phrased it was “Hulk vs. Andre” I guess to clarify it to anyone thought there was an Andre the Giant vs. Horace Hogan match at Wrestlemania), and less than thirty seconds later, Erick Rowan gave Big Show a bodyslam. That’s some good timing right there.
Like on Smackdown, the World’s Superlative-est Scary Bald Men won clean.

FLAIR, DOLPH, & MIZ BACKSTAGE- I didn’t care for this one way or the other, until Flair laughed uproariously at Dolph’s clearly-scripted one-liner. That made me chuckle.

RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS SETH ROLLINS- awesome heel lying from Rollins. Then Dean Ambrose was even more awesome. Not only did he jump Rollins, but he did so while supporting awareness for ALS research. That’s how you be a f*cking BABYFACE!

NATALYA vs. PAIGE- DUD!
Nattie has new gear that looks more like something she might wear for TJ in bed. The heart-shaped boob-window is just a bit too stripper-y. Do you think anyone has ever bothered to tell the Hart Family that heart is spelled with an e, so that all of their gear has been wrong?
AJ distracts Paige, allowing Nattie to roll her up for the win. So yes the same finish from last week’s show, but with the rolls reversed (and a similar finish to last week’s Smackdown as well). Three weeks ago Paige PUSHED AJ OFF THE STAGE… and since that happened, they have “escalated” to distracting each other in meaningless matches. Cole making a big deal out of the fact that Nattie has pinned the Divas Champion almost seems silly now when you consider that Eva Marie has gotten both a pinfall and a count-out win over the Divas Champ in the past week, and there hasn’t even been so much as TALK of her receiving a title match for it.
AJ then mocked the promo that Paige cut before the match. Paige ran away from her.

THE AUTHORITY PRESENT BROCK LESNAR WITH A NEW WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE BELT- The belt is just as ugly as the old WWE Title belt was. Why do they insist on making these things so damn gaudy?

PAUL HEYMAN PROMO- AWESOME! SO. F*CKING. AWESOME.

WWE INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE MATCH: Dolph Ziggler(c) vs. The Miz (w/a HIDEOUS robe)-
5.75/10
Dolph fights through an injured leg but loses by count-out so that he retains the belt. Miz goes to beat him up, but Dolph fights back and lays Miz out with the Zig Zag? What is the point of Dolph laying Miz out here? All it does is take away Miz’s heat.

RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS JACK SWAGGER- good

JACK SWAGGER vs. CESARO- 5.75/10
Very good for the time it got. Cesaro won clean, working over Swagger’s injured ribs. After the match, Bo Dallas came out to make fun of Swagger, but says he will be okay if BOlieves.

CHRIS JERICHO PROMO- good

ROMAN REIGNS, SHEAMUS, & ROB VAN DAM vs. RANDY ORTON, RYBACK, & CURTIS AXEL- 6.75/10
A very fun trios match. TONS of support for Ryback tonight. I feel like I’ve been transported back to 2012. I guess everyone’s got to have a home town.

ORTON & FLAIR BACKSTAGE- looked like it could be interesting, but it was magically interrupted by a Bray Wyatt promo.

BRAY WYATT PROMO- great

GOLDUST & STARDUST vs. THE USOS- 2/10
The Usos dominate THE ENTIRE MATCH. And I mean the ENTIRE match. I think John Cena got more offense in last night than the Rhodes Brothers got in here. Stardust got the pin with a sunset flip. So they are winning now, but are being booked like losers who only got lucky.

LANA PROMO- Mark Henry interrupts her to defend the honor of the United States of America! Mark was awesome here. They had a staredown, and Rusev sucker-punched Henry. Mark eventually blocked a kick which hurt Rusev’s ankle which was still injured from last night. Mark hi the World’s Strongest Slam and a running splash. This match should be fun when it happens.

PROMO FOR SHIELD SPECIAL THIS WEDNESDAY ON THE WWE NETWORK- this looks to be all kinds of totally kayfabe awesome. I’m definitely watching it.

FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE MATCH: Dean Ambrose vs. Seth Rollins- 8.75/10
HOLY F*CKING SH*T! An AWESOME match tons of great weapons spots. If we see Dean in the ring at any point before Hell in a Cell, it will be too soon.


A very up and down Raw, but all that anyone will really ever remember is the main event.

[cero2k]

THE BIG SHOW & MARK HENRY vs. THE WYATT FAMILY- 5.5/10
They had a ticker at the bottom of the screen plugging Hogan vs. Andre on Wrestlemania Rewind (actually, the way they phrased it was “Hulk vs. Andre” I guess to clarify it to anyone thought there was an Andre the Giant vs. Horace Hogan match at Wrestlemania), and less than thirty seconds later, Erick Rowan gave Big Show a bodyslam.

and thus taking the only thing that Cesaro had left.

ROMAN REIGNS, SHEAMUS, & ROB VAN DAM vs. RANDY ORTON, RYBACK, & CURTIS AXEL- 6.75/10
A very fun trios match. TONS of support for Ryback tonight. I feel like I’ve been transported back to 2012. I guess everyone’s got to have a home town.

Ryback does deserve another shot at the top, he's been crazy entertaining. At least Rybaxel should get a tag title run

ORTON & FLAIR BACKSTAGE- looked like it could be interesting, but it was magically interrupted by a Bray Wyatt promo.

most random thing ever, but maybe just maybe the legend killer does come back

FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE MATCH: Dean Ambrose vs. Seth Rollins- 8.75/10
HOLY F*CKING SH*T! An AWESOME match tons of great weapons spots. If we see Dean in the ring at any point before Hell in a Cell, it will be too soon.

if there was need to book it today, I can see Dean Ambrose being the one to take the title from Lesnar, he has the hart
i hate to agree with Russo, but he's right about this one

[Big Red Machine]

ROMAN REIGNS, SHEAMUS, & ROB VAN DAM vs. RANDY ORTON, RYBACK, & CURTIS AXEL- 6.75/10
A very fun trios match. TONS of support for Ryback tonight. I feel like I’ve been transported back to 2012. I guess everyone’s got to have a home town.

Ryback does deserve another shot at the top, he's been crazy entertaining. At least Rybaxel should get a tag title run

This.
I wouldn't even have a problem if they actually made his idea for a reality show called "Total Big Guys" so long as the entire show was just Ryback cutting smug promos on everything he sees.