BRM Reviews the 7/3/2014 Impact

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- Kurt Angle's Red, White, & Blue Throwdown
Kurt officially rehires Earl Hebner. That was fine, and it got a nice pop from the crowd. Kurt then called Hebner "the greatest official of all-time." That statement I must take issue with. This man has taken payoffs MULTIPLE TIMES to screw people out of titles. In fact, the most recent one was just a few years ago, AND HE SCREWED YOU, KURT!
I'm not trying to nit-pick. These things just jumped out at me.

Then Kurt did something amazing: HE RAN DOWN THE CARD! All of the matches were announced in advance, and Kurt even said that he had put thought into them today (what he was doing the other six days of the week I don't know, but we'll assume it was official TNA business). This just feels so much more realistic and professional than TNA normally does. One of the things that TNA has done over the past few years that annoys me to no end is that they seem to forget that there are 166 other hours in the week during which TNA Wrestling, the kayfabe corporation, kayfabe exists, and as a result, business that logically should have been taken care of during the week is always taken care of n Impact, making the company itself look rinky-dink and unprofessional. This was a good change from that. A good opening segmen-
Wait. Apparently it's not over.
Samoa Joe comes out and says that Kurt is no different from MVP and that he will book himself into a title match as soon as he is medically cleared. Then they say a bunch of stuff that didn't quite mesh together. Kurt goes into worked shoot mode and accuses Joe of half-assing it.
Joe responded by cutting a fiery promo saying that while Kurt was "being flown around in Lear Jets and limousines" (as if this was some sort of vacation rather than Kurt putting on awesome matches in WWE) Joe was "rebuilding the sport of professional wrestling" in Ring of Honor. He didn't mention ROH by name, but his references to "the Northeast," "Pennsylvania,"and especially "guard armories down the street" made it quite clear what Joe meant (and a number of fans caught on and tried to start and ROH chant, but Joe, being smart, talked over them).
Kurt is happy because Joe is fired up and says that this is the Joe that he wants to see. Joe then gets angry and says "be careful what you wish for." Joe came off as whiny and unlikeable here. Like a testosterone-filled version of an over-sensitive teenage girl.

MVP & ROODE BACKSTAGE- MVP lures Roode into a trap, and Roode gets beaten up by Kenny King. Kenny King is a f*cking STAR, and he carries himself that way in everything he does.

KURT & ROODE BACKSTAGE- good. They acknowledge their adversarial history. Roode thanks Kurt for reinstating him. Then Roode says that he wants a match against MVP, and Kurt says (paraphrasing) 'okay... let's go find him!' MVP IS ON CRUTCHES! Wouldn't it make more sense to book Roode vs. Kenny King! In fact, I would assume that MVP isn't even cleared to wrestle.

TNA WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: The Wolves(c) vs. Bro-Mans (Jesse Godderz & Zema Ion) vs. The Menagerie (Knux & The Freak) (w/Rebel & Crazzy Steve)- 3.75/10
Why are these chumps getting tag title shots? They have done NOTHING to earn them. Jesse and Zema are jobbers and Menagerie does not even have a tag team win yet!
I'd think that the Wolves would be eager to fight Bram and Magnus, even willing to put the belts on the line. Why not book that?
Rebel and the stilt guys are dressed appropriately patriotically. Crazzy Steve is apparently too crazzy to read the memo.
Eddie Edwards gave Bro-Mans perhaps the crisp and fluid double-Hurricanrana I have ever seen. The match was extremely short. The Wolves won easily. After the match, Mike Tenay's clearly post-produced voice cut in and said "Hey! Hold on a minute. Something's going on in the back."

MVP, ROODE, KENNY, & ANGLE BACKSTAGE-
Roode and Kenny are yelling at each other. MVP cracks a lame joke, then laughs uproariously at his own joke as if it were the funniest thing anyone has ever said. That's some good heel sh*t right there. Kurt declares that fighting is only to be done in the ring. Kurt tries to book MVP in a match. Once again, MVP IS ON CRUTCHES. We wind up with Kurt booking Kenny King vs. Bobby Roode in a street fight... less than thirty seconds after declaring that all fighting will be done in the ring. He didn't even TRY to book a regular match! Tenay informed us that this match would be next.

When we came back from commercial, we wasted show time with a segment clearly meant for the live crowd. Roode explained that Kurt and reinstated him, then demanded that Kenny King come out and fight him (which we at home already knew was going to happen anyway because Tenay told us the match was booked for next). This whole thing should have been cut. Just go straight to Kenny's entrance and save this time so we can see more of another match.


STREET FIGHT: Bobby Roode vs. Kenny King- 4.5/10
MVP came out with Kenny, but while they were on the ramp, Kurt Angle came out and ordered MVP to the back. King yelled a Angle, and Bobby Roode, the babyface, took this opportunity to jump Kenny from behind like a yellow-bellied coward. They brawled all over the arena. The match was good while it lasted, but WAY too short.

EC III PROMO- okay. He was standing directly in front of a spotlight, so every time he moved even an inch, the light shined into my eyes. It was very annoying.

BOBBY ROODE PROMO- okay

AUSTIN ARIES & KURT ANGLE BACKSTAGE- Aries wants a title match against Sanada. Kurt just gives it to him. Apparently in Kurt Angle's TNA, all you have to do in order to get a title match is ask for it. They also tease Angle vs. Aries, which would be SO F*CKING AWESOME!

BRITTANY & MADISON RAYNE SEGMENT-
Madison says that she tried to keep Brittany from "making all the same mistakes that I did." Ummm... care to explain this? What mistakes are we talking about here? And how did Madison stop Brittany from making them. All I remember Madison doing was being a b*tch for no reason. They hug and make up... before we get the standard TNA swerve with Brittany attacking Madison and beating her up. So Brittany is now a heel, but I really can't be too mad at her because Madison really was a b*tch to her for no reason.

BULLY RAY PROMO- very good.
He puts Ethan over for being tough, but points out that he would have won if it hadn't been for Dixie and Spud. He then vows to put EC III through a table.

MVP (& LASHLEY) PROMO- good hype for the main event.

TABLES MATCH: Bully Ray vs. Ethan Carter III- 4.5/10
Just like at Slammiversary, Bully was about to put Ethan through a table when Spud makes the save. Bully gets beaten down, but then Rhino returns to TNA to save Bully. Then he turns on him... so why even come out in the first place? GRRRR! This annoys me so much! Why not have Bully fight back (it's just Ethan and Spud, afterall), and do a double down, then have Rhino come out and Gore Bully as they are both getting up. You still get your swerve, but doing it this way WOULD ACTUALLY MAKE SENSE!

EY & BOBBY ROODE BACKSTAGE- bad.
They did a good job of putting over the fact that EY is 0-3 against Lashley, but the way that they did this (with EY worried and Bobby needing to give him a pep talk) was woefully out of character for EY. Just have EY cut the end of the promo and say "I might be 0-3 against Lashley, but I have more heart than him and I want hat title SO BAD!" It would both be shorter and more in-character

RHINO PROMO- he says he attacked Bully just because he wanted to. Well... that was informative.

SAM SHAW RETROSPECTIVE VIDEO- brings back bad memories.

SHAW & GUNNER BACKSTAGE- they immediately happen upon Ken Anderson, who was understandably unhappy at this. I was actually enjoying this until they brought up Gunner's military service. AGAIN. He was in the marines. WE F*CKING GET IT! ENOUGH ALREADY!
This also made Gunner look like a moron for not understanding that Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is not the same thing as being an obsessive creeper with an Oedipal complex and a jerk-off shrine!
Then they bring him to Christy, and this wasn't bad. Everyone played their roles perfectly. So overall, a good segment aside from their exploitative need to constantly bring up Gunner's military service, and in this case, they did so in such a way that made him look dumb.

THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE AND BRIAN STIFFLER BACKSTAGE-
Why would they allow the cameraman in the room when they are conspiring with a referee to fix a title match. Yes. Stiffler is being allowed to referee this match. DOES NO ONE IN TNA EVER LEARN?!
We then got a graphic for the Knockouts Title match while Mike Tenay said "well it looks like the Beautiful People have referee Brian Stiffler exactly where they want him." Instead of being outraged by this, he said it in a lighthearted tone as if to say "oh those kooky Beautiful People! What will they get up to next?"

KURT ANGLE & THE REFEREES- JUSTICE!
Kurt says that Brian Hebner will ref this match because every time Stiffler refs a women's match, he winds up looking stupid, which also makes TNA look stupid. HOORAY FOR LOGIC! He also said that TBP's distractions have been making him "look like a rookie" which made me laugh, because since when as being distracted by goings-on outside of the ring been a "rookie mistake" for a pro wrestling referee?

KNUX GIVES THE MENAGERIE A TALKING TO- He says they need to make money. The Freak flexes, and it really comes across like that is the only way he can communicate with people. Crazzy Steve is dumb. I really wonder why Knux brought him along in the first place.

TNA KNOCKOUTS TITLE MATCH: Angelina Love(c) (w/Velvet Sky) vs. Gail Kim- 5/10
Velvet gets caught trying to interfere and is ejected from ringside. It would have made much more sense to have Taryn come out and neutralize her. It both builds to Gail vs. Taryn and creates some important difference between this match and the match at Slammiversary so that people who bought Slammiversary don't feel ripped off by the title change. Gail wins the title on free TV just three weeks after a dumb screwjob on PPV. The lesson to learn from this is DON'T BUY TNA PPVS!

KURT ANGLE ANNOUNCES STUFF FOR NEXT WEEK- he says that all of the titles will be on the line aside from the world title, but there will be a 20 man battle royale for a world title shot. I was being sarcastic about that "all you need to do to get a title shot is ask" thing, but apparently it's true.

TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Bobby Lashley(c) (w/MVP) vs. Eric Young (w/Bobby Roode)- 5.5/10
Roode and MVP were almost immediately sent to the back. Lashley beat EY clean, as he should have. The match was nowhere near good enough for a main event.

This wasn't a good show from TNA, but it definitely felt like a step in the right direction. All of the matches felt important, and it felt like the wrestling was by far the most important thing on the show, which is a problem that TNA struggles with. For the first time in a long time, it really felt like TNA delivered when they claimed it would be "the start of a new era."