BRM Reviews the 6/23/2014 Raw

[Big Red Machine]

It's the 1,100th Raw... and this is the first time that has been mention. A big missed opportunity for WWE. I know this is the go-home show for MITB, but surely there was something they could have built up for this. Maybe title defense for the two undercard titles which won't be on the line at MITB?

STEPH & VICKIE STUFF- good, mostly because Steph is a great heel. I am just glad that they didn't show a replay of last week's vomit. The result of this was Steph vs. Vickie with Vickie's job as Smackdown GM on the line.
Vickie's promo really annoyed me. She basically said she was going to cheat. She is supposed to be a babyface! It has been established that she sucks at her job, and in this segment Steph sad that the only reason she even got the job in the first place was because of Eddie. If she is incompetent and she is a cheater, why would I want her to remain on the show?
I did like Vickie yelling "EXCUSE ME" and the idea that her dreaded catchphrase got a pop and elicited the first-ever chants of "VICKIE! VICKIE!" from the WWE Universe on her last show is pretty cool.


Okay, this is something that really bothers me: The Authority doesn't want Roman Reigns in the WWE World Heavyweight Title ladder match... so why don't they just suspend him. They have footage of him POISONING THEIR COFFEE! Surely that is all the justifiation they need! Hell... they could probably take it to the cops!


LUKE HARPER (w/Erick Rowan) vs. JIMMY USO (w/Jey Uso)- DUD!
Harper and Rowan apparently now have their own music for when Bray isn't with them. It is atrocious. A loud, screeching banjo-type deal that sounds like it should be playing in the background of scenic images of a farm in the beginning or end of a Civil War documentary. Michael Cole says that it "Sounds like something out of Phantom of the Opera, a show that Michael Cole has clearly never seen in his life.
Luke Harper squashed Jimmy Uso, who is one half of the tag team champions, and was having long battles with him just a few weeks ago. And if that wasn't bad enough, the f*cking music is back!
Harper and Rowan start to walk to the back when Jey grabs a mic and says "where you going? We're just starting to get a little Uso crazy!" Apparently getting "Uso crazy" constitutes getting destroyed in under a minute. Rowan comes back for the match, and Jey dives onto both Wyatts before we go to a commercial. When we come back, we have...

ERICK ROWAN (w/Luke Harper) vs. JEY USO (w/Jimmy Uso)- 4/10
Well... at least I have a reason to root for Jey: If Rowan loses, I won't have to hear that f*cking music again. Jey did win, but the Wyatts beat the Usos up after the match, and the whole time I was cringing in fear of that moment when their terrible music would start playing.
Thankfully it didn't come. Instead they posed with the belts, and Bray appeared on the TitanTron to address them. He put them over, then cut a good promo about the crazy stuff that would happen when he won the WWE World Heavyweight Title.

RUSEV & LANA PROMO IN FRONT OF THE CAPITOL BUILDING- Lana's promo was great, and Rusev looks SO F*CKING COOL in sunglasses.

ALICIA FOX vs. NAOMI (w/Cameron)- 3/10
Paige was on commentary. Cameron sat down to do commentary, too, and was a heel. With some real effort (more than WWE tends to give the Divas matches, unfortunately), they could build to a three way between Cameron, Naomi and Paige at Summerslam pretty well.

ROMAN REIGNS & SHEAMUS BACKSTAGE- Reigns came across as a total badass. Sheamus' job here was to say a bunch of things that didn't flow together very well in order to get across the points that the writers wanted to get across. Sheamus' lines felt extremely scripted, but not just that... they were scripted so poorly that no self-respecting writer could possibly have let them air on TV.

TITUS O'NEIL vs. "THE INSPIRATIONAL" BO DALLAS- no rating.
Short... but SO MUCH FUN! Bo's facials and screams of fear when Titus caught him? AMAZING! Bo's promos? MORE PLEASE!

TRIPLE H ANNOUNCER THE COMPETITORS IN THE REAL MITB LADDER MATCH-
You know... JUST ONCE... I would like them to come to DC and have NO ONE make dumb, open-ended cheap jokes about Congress. It's so easy to the point where it isn't actually funny anymore.
The participants in the ladder match will be: Kofi, Swagger, Dolph, RVD, and Bad News Barrett. Hunter then said that Rollins will win the match. He then brings out Rollins, and I have to say: Rollins new pants are WAY too shiny. They must be spandex. He cuts a good promo. Then RVD came out and Lawler said RVD was the "original Mr. Money in the Bank." Apparently Lawler has forgotten about WWE Hall of Famer Edge. Same with Cole and JBL, because neither one of them corrected him. Rob cuts a great promo and challenges Rollins to a match right now. Hunter okays it, and we get...

ROB VAN DAM vs. SETH ROLLINS- 6.5/10
They have a very good match for the time they got. Rollins was about to pick up the clean win when Ambrose attacked him for the DQ. Ambrose cut a promo afterwards saying that at Money in the Bank he will show up, bash Rollins' head in, and take the MITB briefcase whether he is in the match or not, so Triple H might as well put him in the match because if he doesn't, the PPV will wind up being ruined.

SETH ROLLINS & TRIPLE H BACKSTAGE- Rollins asks Hunter to put Ambrose in the MITB match because "I need him where I can see him." He also wants to see the look on Ambrose' face when he wins MITB. Hunter says okay, but warns him that if this "blows up in your face, it's gonna be on you."

WWE INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE MATCH: Big E. Langston(c) vs. Dolph Ziggler- 7/10
Holy sh*t what a great finish! Good nearfalls for Dolph, too. They actually had me biting on one or two of the roll-ups.

VICKIE PROMO- awesome!
Then Orton showed up to be mean to her and to say that he would win the WWE World Heavyweight Title at Money in the Bank.

THE MAIN EVENT FOR MAIN EVENT IS ANNOUNCED: Dolph, Kofi, & RVD vs. Swagger, Barrett, & Rollins? I know I'll be watching.

IF VICKIE LOSES, SHE WILL BE FIRED: Vickie Guerrero vs. Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley- DUD!
Vickie came out to Eddie's music, but it didn't get much of a pop. Steph comes out and tells us that their match will now be a "first woman thrown in the mystery slop loses" match, and she sics some heels (Alicia, Layla, & Rosa) on Vickie. Vickie avoids them because they are too dumb to try to surround the ring. Vickie charges up the ramp at Steph... and starts screaming and whining. WHAT THE F*CK?! If you want Vickie to go out like babyface, she needs to SLAP Steph or take her down or something. Having her act like a little baby does nothing for anyone!
The three henchwomen caught up to Vickie and dragged her to the slop pool, but Vickie "fought" her way out in an atrocious-looking manner (it looked like the three heels just put Vickie down). Then they all charged at her ONE AT A TIME and each took bumps into the slop. The Steph pushed Vickie in from behind. Then Steph starts singing and dancing and being a great heel as Vickie starts to sulk off, until she gets angry and turns around, and Steph is apparently too stupid to even try to move, so Vickie tosses Steph into the slop as well. Then they waste time with the referee getting puled in as well.
This SUCKED. It made everyone involved look bad. The henchwomen looked incompetent (these are three TRAINED WRESTLERS and they could barely even lift Vickie up... a then Vickie, who is not a trained wrestler, tossed them around), Vickie was whining in the beginning, and Steph not only looked like an idiot, but she got humiliated in the end, so this didn't even get her any heat.
Here is what I would have done: Have Steph actually come out in her gear. I'd have them do some gaga to avoid actually trying to wrestle too much (if you are 100% confident in Vickie's ability to do the Three Amigos, I'd do that spot). I would then have Steph for help from the back and Rosa Mendes would come out. A ref bump would ensue, and Rosa would try to attack Vickie with a chair, but Vickie would grab it away from her and hit Rosa with the chair (which is fine because Rosa is mostly a valet and is never on TV). As the ref is getting up, I'd have Vickie do Eddie's "pretend the other guy hit me with a chair" spot for the DQ win... (it really irked me that they brought up Eddie and the whole "lie, cheat, and steal" thing and then never did anything with it).

Then I'd have Hunter come out and overturn the decision and restart the match... as a No DQ's match. Then I'd have other heel Divas help Steph beat Vickie up and have Steph get the win with a Pedigree. This way Steph retains her heat, the other Divas don't look like chumps, Vickie goes down fighting, we have a match that, while probably not well-worked, would at least have a decent story to it... and you avoid having a f*cking MUD-PIT (and the popped for the Eddie thing and then the crowd's disappointment after the Dusty-finish restart would make it worth it).

BRYON SAXON INTERVIEWS GOLDUST & STARDUST- GRRRR.
Goldust is back to having weird mannerisms. I'm not a fan. I was very much enjoying Dustin the way he was.

KOFI KINGSTON vs. JACK SWAGGER (w/Zeb Coulter)- 5/10
Very good for the time it got

NAOMI VS. PAIGE FOR MITB IS ANNOUNCED- As my siblings asked, why were Naomi's lips green?

DEL RIO & CESARO BACKSTAGE- they both say they will win at MITB (well... Heyman said it for Cesaro). Del Rio and Cesaro then dissed each other.

SANDOW CRAP- I skipped it on principal. I did hear JBL's Capitol Wrestling Corporation joke.

BIG E. vs. DAMIEN SANDOW- pointless squash.

BIG E. PROMO- He cuts a great, patriotic promo and said it wasn't cool that Rusev and Lana were mocking the USA before. This would have worked a hell of a lot better if he hadn't recently gotten his ass kicked by Rusev in under four minutes on PPV. Lana came out and distracted him, allowing Rusev to jump him from behind and kick his butt. This would have all been perfect if they were building up the match for MITB and not Payback.
Also, what the f*ck happened to Big E's voice?

CENA PROMO- snore

HANDICAP MATCH: John Cena, Roman Reigns, & Sheamus vs. Alberto Del Rio, Randy Orton, Bray Wyatt, & Cesaro (w/Paul Heyman)- 6.5/10
The heels worked over Cena's back. Cena managed to tag in Reign who ran wild but the heels got the advantage again. Sheamus eventually got the hot tag and the win. Reigns seems to have disappeared, as he wasn't part of the flurry of finishers at the end. Then Kane showed up and assaulted the babyfaces, chokeslamming Cena and Sheamus. Then Hunter announced that Kane was also in the world title ladder match. Orton was standing next to Hunter and seemed fine with this. Then Roman Reigns reappeared and speared Kane, and was the guy standing tall at the end of the show.

This was a decent episode of Raw, especially once you got past the Usos vs. Wyatts stuff, but as a go-home show, it was pretty bad. Part of that is because there really isn't a good way to hype ladder matches without taking ladder bumps, and there are TWO ladder matches on MITB, but another big part of it was that they had so much hype to do. Going into this show, we only knew about the tag title match and the two ladder matches, and we only knew one participant in the MITB ladder match. By the end of this show they had filled out the MITB match and announced the Divas Title match... but that was it. We still only have FOUR matches announced for the card. I guess they set the stage for Big E. vs. Rusev, too, but that still hasn't been announced, and even if it was, that's still only FIVE matches for the PPV (and they normally do a pre-show match, too).

Oh... and could we have gotten some sort of segment where Roman Reigns maybe expresses some remorse for effectively getting Vickie fired?

[badnewzxl]

Steph' s dress made her boobs look almost Velvet Sky sized....almost

[badnewzxl]

And you're right, the Wyatt Family's new music is awful

[cero2k]

Vickie's promo really annoyed me. She basically said she was going to cheat. She is supposed to be a babyface!

a Guerrero cheat is a babyface cheat

Then RVD came out and Lawler said RVD was the "original Mr. Money in the Bank." Apparently Lawler has forgotten about WWE Hall of Famer Edge. Same with Cole and JBL, because neither one of them corrected him.

the 'Mr Money In The Bank' started with RVD, it was a play of the 'Mr Monday Night' moniker, Edge was never referred as 'Mr Money In The Bank'

[badnewzxl]

Vickie's promo really annoyed me. She basically said she was going to cheat. She is supposed to be a babyface!

a Guerrero cheat is a babyface cheat

Then RVD came out and Lawler said RVD was the "original Mr. Money in the Bank." Apparently Lawler has forgotten about WWE Hall of Famer Edge. Same with Cole and JBL, because neither one of them corrected him.

the 'Mr Money In The Bank' started with RVD, it was a play of the 'Mr Monday Night' moniker, Edge was never referred as 'Mr Money In The Bank'

Right on both accounts

[Big Red Machine]

Vickie's promo really annoyed me. She basically said she was going to cheat. She is supposed to be a babyface!

a Guerrero cheat is a babyface cheat

Except that every time Vickie has cheated in the past, it has been a heel action.

Then RVD came out and Lawler said RVD was the "original Mr. Money in the Bank." Apparently Lawler has forgotten about WWE Hall of Famer Edge. Same with Cole and JBL, because neither one of them corrected him.

the 'Mr Money In The Bank' started with RVD, it was a play of the 'Mr Monday Night' moniker, Edge was never referred as 'Mr Money In The Bank'

Oh. My bad then.

[KILLdozer]

They completely missed out on debutting Shaul Guerrero to the main roster-Pretty sure she's been back a while-what a squandered oppurtunity...as said, could have been so much more filled with serious emotion and intensity...have things actually go seriously instead , for lack of a better word-an over the top laugh fest...Vickie loses...on the end of a triple beating...when Eddie's music again plays....and who else rushes the ring...Three Amigos all around...Frog Splash on Rosa, helps Vickie up, triumpant embrace in the middle of the ring, and people on their feet thanking Vickie and screaming for Eddie.

I in no uncertain terms got a nice feeling typing all that just now.

[Big Red Machine]

They completely missed out on debutting Shaul Guerrero to the main roster-Pretty sure she's been back a while-what a squandered oppurtunity...as said, could have been so much more filled with serious emotion and intensity...have things actually go seriously instead , for lack of a better word-an over the top laugh fest...Vickie loses...on the end of a triple beating...when Eddie's music again plays....and who else rushes the ring...Three Amigos all around...Frog Splash on Rosa, helps Vickie up, triumpant embrace in the middle of the ring, and people on their feet thanking Vickie and screaming for Eddie.

I in no uncertain terms got a nice feeling typing all that just now.

One problem: Shaul asked for (and got) her release at the end of April.

[KILLdozer]

They completely missed out on debutting Shaul Guerrero to the main roster-Pretty sure she's been back a while-what a squandered oppurtunity...as said, could have been so much more filled with serious emotion and intensity...have things actually go seriously instead , for lack of a better word-an over the top laugh fest...Vickie loses...on the end of a triple beating...when Eddie's music again plays....and who else rushes the ring...Three Amigos all around...Frog Splash on Rosa, helps Vickie up, triumpant embrace in the middle of the ring, and people on their feet thanking Vickie and screaming for Eddie.

I in no uncertain terms got a nice feeling typing all that just now.

One problem: Shaul asked for (and got) her release at the end of April.

Yes I thought so but wasn't sure of her current status if she was still around, after typing that I had to look it up-no longer there. Interesting note and fact though I found out: She's literally only 3 days older than me.

[cero2k]

Except that every time Vickie has cheated in the past, it has been a heel action.

but that's a Vicky cheat, not a 'Guerrero' cheat

[Big Red Machine]

Except that every time Vickie has cheated in the past, it has been a heel action.

but that's a Vicky cheat, not a 'Guerrero' cheat

Well she didn't do any Guerrero cheats in this match, which really annoyed me.

[cero2k]

Except that every time Vickie has cheated in the past, it has been a heel action.

but that's a Vicky cheat, not a 'Guerrero' cheat

Well she didn't do any Guerrero cheats in this match, which really annoyed me.

well, she didn't cheat at all, but she did say she knew how to 'lie, cheat, and steal', and she surely stole all our hearts. she'll be missed.