BRM Reviews the 6/9/2014 Raw

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- an extremely unfortunate situation, but Hunter and Steph made the most of it by being smug assholes about the whole thing.
They announce that there will be a big ladder mach for the WWE World Heavyweight Title at MITB. Then they announce that Del Rio's match on Smackdown was for this ladder match and not MITB. They also put Orton in the match just because they like him so much.
Hunter then clunkily transitions into talking about The Shield. He books Regins and Ambrose against the Wyatts, and tells them that they need to find a third man or else it will be a handicap match.

WADE BARRETT PROMO- AWESOME!

WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE LADDER MATCH QUALIFIER: Sheamus vs. Wade Barrett- 7/10
Yeah, they actually booked the US Champion vs the IC Champion for this, devaluing both titles, ensuring that one of these champs will have to lose, and ensuring that one of these belts won't be defended at the PPV.
They had a REALLY hard-hitting match, including what unfortunately seemed like Sheamus pretty much legit hitting Wade with White Noise. That must have hurt.

Someone in the crowd had a sign with big letters that said "PUSH CENA!" You'e got to give him or her credit for originality.

HEY! Look at that! I guess they are getting more than one use out of that fancy dual belt-holder for ladder matches.

WYATTS PROMO- good.

LANA PROMO- she refers to Obama as "a sissy" and a "girly-man," and calls Putin "virile" and "a man among men." I love Obama... but this was AWESOME.

ZACK RYDER vs. RUSEV (w/Lana)- squash

On commentary, Lawler insinuates that JBL knows a bit too much about Russian sports. JBL defends himself by saying that he knows a lot about sports in general. Michael Cole then says "It's too bad McCarthy isn't still around." Cole is supposed to be a babyface, and yet here he is advocating MCCARTHYISM!

RYBAXEL vs. R-TRUTH & GOLDUST- 4/10
Great for such a short match. It did it's job perfectly, and the announcers were pretty damn perfect here, too.

SUMMER RAE JUMPS LAYLA BACKSTAGE- great
First Layla insults the host city and its fans, then points out that this is Summer Rae's hometown. Then she talks about making out with Fandango. Then Summer jumps her and dumps crap all over her and shoves her into a wall.

3MB & SHIELD SEGMENT- good
3MB mock the Shield, the Shield come out and brawl with them, and win, despite the three-on-two disadvantage.

DEAN AMBROSE PROMO- PROMO OF THE YEAR.

ROMAN REIGNS PROMO- awesome, but but it still paled in comparison to Ambrose's promo.

THE USOS vs. FANDANGO & DAMIEN SANDOW (w/Layla, but w/out Sandow's dignity)- 1.5/10
I just don't get it at all. There is no way that they can possibly not realize how much they are just totally destroying Sandow with this sh*t.
HOLY CRAP the crowd is actually into Sandow! The match ends right after that with Sandow being made to look like a chump.

BO DALLAS vs. XAVIER WOODS- 0.75/10
Bo got heat by sating that the only way Bryan will be able to recover from his surgery and return to action is if he BOlieves,

PAUL HEYMAN JERKS THE CROWD AROUND- Paul E. rocks!

WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE LADDER MATCH QUALIFIER: Rob Van Dam vs. Cesaro (w/Paul Heyman)- 6.75/10

MICHAEL COLE INTERVIEWS SETH ROLLINS- GREAT!
Rollins is wearing a suit and has his hair in a tight bun... but it is still half-black and half bleached-blond, which looks pretty stupid.
Rollins lays out his reasons for turning. He says that he was the one who brought the Shield together and was able to harness Ambrose & Reigns talents into something great. Without him, they would never have made it. He also said that he turned on them because it was time for him to evolve and take the next step in his career. He never saw them as brothers- only as business partners... and he did what was best for business: the business of Seth Rollins. He says that people need to "believe in Seth Rollins."
He then calls Reigns and Ambrose out. They come out, but the Wyatts use their magic 8-| and instead of Rollins vs. Ambrose and Reigns, we now have Ambrose and Reigns vs. Harper & Rowan. I guess Bray must be in the bathroom or something. Rollins tries to help the Wyatts but the Shield fight through the Wyatts and almost get their hands on him. Bray then comes out as well and the Shield get beaten down until Cena comes out to even the odds, and the babyfaces send the heels scampering.

PAIGE vs. ALICIA FOX (w/Aksana)- 2/10
Yeah. We needed to see this one again.
"There's something wrong with her that even duct tape can't fix." Your latest "zinger" from a shadow of what used to be Jerry Lawler.

Okay... I take it back. He also said "marriage is like a deck of cards: In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond, but by the end, you wish you had a club and a spade."
The match was eh. It led to a Fox-ana break-up, which is fine with me.
Fox apparently believes herself to be one of Jerry Lawler's ex-wives.

SANTINO MARELLA vs. JACK SWAGGER (w/Zeb Coulter)- 0.5/10
Cole told us that this feud has become "extremely personal." I responded "what feud?!"

CODY & GOLDUST BACKSTAGE- Cody says he has a new partner for Goldust for next week, and it will be someone "who can match [Goldust's] star-power" but also "someone you've never heard of."
Okay...

HUNTER, STEPH & VICKIE BACKSTAGE- Steph isn't happy with Cena. Hunter assures that tonight will be the end of the Shield. Vickie shows up to suck up to them with champagne, but she sneezes on it, so Steph threatens for fire her.



THE WYATT FAMILY vs. JOHN CENA & THE SHIELD- 8.5/10
WOW! I spent the whole match absolutely dreading the certainty the the Authority would send people out to beat the babyfaces down and this would end in a DQ... but it never happened. We got an awesome main event with a perfectly clean finish! HOORAY! GREAT babyface in peril stuff from both Ambrose and Cena, and the place went absolutely ape-sh*t when Reigns got that hot tag.

An extremely up-and-down episode of Raw, but thanks to the awesome main event, I'm going to call it a very good show.

[cero2k]

LANA PROMO- she refers to Obama as "a sissy" and a "girly-man," and calls Putin "virile" and "a man among men." I love Obama... but this was AWESOME.

I really wanna see Swagger and Zeb try to take out Rusev in the name of America before the real hero *cough*PushKillerCena*cough* feuds with him

He then calls Reigns and Ambrose out. They come out, but the Wyatts use their magic 8-| and instead of Rollins vs. Ambrose and Reigns, we now have Ambrose and Reigns vs. Harper & Rowan. I guess Bray must be in the bathroom or something. Rollins tries to help the Wyatts but the Shield fight through the Wyatts and almost get their hands on him. Bray then comes out as well and the Shield get beaten down until Cena comes out to even the odds, and the babyfaces send the heels scampering.

i loved Rollins calling out the shield and actually staying in the ring enough

[Big Red Machine]

LANA PROMO- she refers to Obama as "a sissy" and a "girly-man," and calls Putin "virile" and "a man among men." I love Obama... but this was AWESOME.

I really wanna see Swagger and Zeb try to take out Rusev in the name of America

OH MY G-D THIS WOULD BE SO AWESOME!

[Bob-O]

OPENING SEGMENT- an extremely unfortunate situation, but Hunter and Steph made the most of it by being smug assholes about the whole thing.

I get that they're heels, so ANYTHING they do is going to be unpopular. But I'm on their side, and everyone should know by now that unless he's getting pinned by a 5 year old with cancer I really don't care for The Game. But I'm gonna need a logical explanation as to why I should be mad at the Authority about this. I got the feels for Dragon, but c'mon, Steph even brought up the long lost 30 Day Rule last week and got boo'd for it!

I did LOL when they were making fun of Brie quitting for no reason.

WYATTS PROMO- good.

"You guys used to say that the Shield ran the yard... funny... that's not how I remember it... *wink* "

I wonder if Bray got heat for bringing up things that happened before their current feud? I marked for it.

LANA PROMO- she refers to Obama as "a sissy" and a "girly-man," and calls Putin "virile" and "a man among men." I love Obama... but this was AWESOME.

I'm a little behind on current events, but what's the deal here? Are we mad at Russia? Is Russia mad at us? Did Russia rebuild into something respectable since everything fell apart? I don't know why I'm not supposed to like them. I'm not a huge Obama fan, so Lana's insults just... I dunno... they don't bother me. That Putin dude looks pretty cool though... pretty sure he'd beat Obama in a fight. Then afterward Obama could sit him down and teach him how to use Twitter.

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- an extremely unfortunate situation, but Hunter and Steph made the most of it by being smug assholes about the whole thing.

I get that they're heels, so ANYTHING they do is going to be unpopular. But I'm on their side, and everyone should know by now that unless he's getting pinned by a 5 year old with cancer I really don't care for The Game. But I'm gonna need a logical explanation as to why I should be mad at the Authority about this. I got the feels for Dragon, but c'mon, Steph even brought up the long lost 30 Day Rule last week and got boo'd for it!

I did LOL when they were making fun of Brie quitting for no reason.

Their actions are understandable. It's just the fact that they are being such smug dicks about it.

WYATTS PROMO- good.

"You guys used to say that the Shield ran the yard... funny... that's not how I remember it... *wink* "

I wonder if Bray got heat for bringing up things that happened before their current feud? I marked for it.

I would both highly doubt it and I would very much hope that this isn't policy.

I'm a little behind on current events, but what's the deal here? Are we mad at Russia? Is Russia mad at us? Did Russia rebuild into something respectable since everything fell apart? I don't know why I'm not supposed to like them. I'm not a huge Obama fan, so Lana's insults just... I dunno... they don't bother me. That Putin dude looks pretty cool though... pretty sure he'd beat Obama in a fight. Then afterward Obama could sit him down and teach him how to use Twitter.

Putin, being ex-KGB, has been doing a bit of restricting freedoms and using the state to seize rich people's money and stuff like that since his first term. Recently they've been acting a lot like a petty dictatorship in terms of foreign policy, trying to bully others (see: Ukraine)
Also, for some reason people are unhappy that he imprisoned a band with the idiotic name "Pussy Riot" (because being a punk band they decided they needed a name that would draw attention by by shocking people, being far-left they decided that needed to be include the word "riot", and being feminists, they needed to include a reference to vaginas), because these women thought it was an acceptable form of protest to got to a church and jump around like jackasses, and sing a song that called the Patriarch of the Russian Orthodox Church a "b*tch." Yes, they have been extremely critical of Putin, but these are the types of complete and total assholes who make me ashamed to call myself a liberal. They're like Pat Robertson, except that Pat Robertson was often portrayed as a Fundamentalist kook in the mainstream media, while these assholes are being portrayed as heroines.

Sorry for the rant, but the short answer to your question is: yes, we don't like Russia because their ex-KGB leader (who recently subverted term limits rules by getting a puppet elected and giving himself a lesser office before getting elected again) is acting a lot like Russia is still the Soviet Union with wonky elections, flexing muscle against his neighbors, and creating a cult of personality around himself.