BRM Reviews the 5/26/2014 Raw

[Big Red Machine]

THE AUTHORITY CUT PROMOS- Steph puts over the angle with Dragon. Hunter cuts a promo on the Shield to build up to their PPV match. Then they call out Brad Maddox over his actions last week. They punish him by siccing Kane on him. Then they fire him.

These Bo Dallas videos are totally FANTASTIC!

ROB VAN DAM vs. CESARO (w/Paul Heyman)- 6.5/10
Before the match, Bad News Barrett came out to cut an okay promo. The match was good, and so was the build to both secondary title matches at Payback. Cesaro seems to be using the German Suplex as a secondary finisher.

SUMMER RAE vs. EVA MARIE (w/Nikki Bella)-
Summer is kicking ass and being an awesome heel, but then Layla and Fandango come out to distract her, resulting in Eva Marie getting a roll-up. How does a roll-up off of a distraction help Eva prove that Summer wasn’t wrong about her lack of in-ring ability?

RHODES BROTHERS & EVOLUTION SEGMENT- good segment to set up a match for later tonight.

DREW MCINTYRE (w/3.5 MB) vs. EL TORITO (w/Los Matadores)- no rating.
An okay match with a weak finish, but it was really a set-up for Honrswoggle to escalate this feud by first trying to take Torito’s mask off… then he RIPPED THE MAN’S OWN TAIL OFF AND WHIPPED HIM WITH IT!

BRAY WYATT SEGMENT- first he cuts an awesome promo. Then he goes and intimidates the announcers and JBL gets beaten up trying to save Lawler. As Bray said, Lawler and Cena and good friends… SO WHY THE HELL IS CENA NOT COMING OUT TO HELP HIM?! Or any other babyface, for that matter?
Oh. Well… it took him long enough.
Oh. And here come the Usos.
Forget I said all that.
Bray’s performance was awesome, but I hated this whole segment. I will be writing an article on why I have soured on this angle at some point this week. (Oh. And Cena cut a good promo at the end).

LEGENDS HOUSE COMMERCIAL- The blonde is hot… but other than that, why is Legends’ House even a thing?

OH COME ON! We lose JBL at commentary, but we have to keep Lawler?!

There a sign that says “I out-selfied Tyler Breeze.”

ZACK RYDER COMES OUT TO THE RING- Ryder wants to talk about our armed forces and has a flag, but he is interrupted by Lana, resulting in…

ZACK RYDER vs. ALEXANDER RUSEV (w/Lana)- squash
Big E. comes out to make the save for Ryder brawls with Rusev, managing to knock him over the top rope, then grabs the American flag and waves it proudly. GREAT stuff.

THE RHODES BROTHERS vs. RANDY ORTON & BATISTA- 6/10
Batista made one of the single ugliest covers I have ever seen.

HANDICAP NO HOLDS BARRED MATCH: Randy Orton & Batista vs. Goldust- no rating. Good beating.
Doesn’t making this a No Holds Barred match just allow others to interfere? Like Cody… or the Shield?
Wait… Evolution vs. Shield is an Elimination match now, too?

JBL is back. Yay!

SIN CARA vs. BO DALLAS-4/10
Why even do his debut on Smackdown if you are just going to do the same match on Raw?
Bo says that Raw is “the summit at the top of the mountain of my dreams!” Really? Raw? Not Wrestlemania? Great character stuff from Bo otherwise.

DRAGON & STEPH SEGMENT-
There were two assholes in the front row who thought it was okay to boo a man making his return from NECK SURGERY. I hope their cars got keyed in the parking lot.
Dragon’s promo was awesome. Steph threatens for fire Brie if Dragon doesn’t surrender the title on Sunday at Payback.

ALICIA FOX vs. EMMA- 3/10
Emma tried to stomp a bubble, but missed. Alicia Fox’s heel awesomeness continues. Then, for some reason, they decided to job ou the woman challenging for the Divas Title on Sunday! WHAT THE F*CK?! She beat Emma up after the match… but if you are going ot have her beat Emma up anyway, why not just let her get the win?!
ALICIA FOX FREAKS OUT- this was good in the beginning, but it went on for WAY too long, to the point where you have to wonder why no one is helping these people? Why not have Paige run down and make the save.

DAVY CROCKETT vs. ADAM ROSE- horrible segment!
So after weeks of being a disgruntled employee, Sandow is now back to being a goofball. WASTE OF TELEVISION!
The Exotic Express now includes a graduate with a lei and a woman wearing the skirt that Alexa Bliss uses for her entrances.
The Real Americans came out (to a much bigger pop than Rose), and they have apparently abducted a fat man in a yellow costume who was part of the Exotic Express. This causes a distraction and, in perhaps the most surprising moment of the year, SANDOW STILL COULDN’T GET THE WIN!
Rose beat him clean in the middle of the ring with his finisher, then got jumped by Swagger… but he made his own comeback, because its not like WWE would want to get heat on the heels or something.

ALBERTO DEL RIO vs. SHEAMUS- 7/10
Del Rio worked over Sheamus’ head, making him woozy. After the match Heyman cut a promo to distract Sheamus, then hit him in the head a lot. GREAT build to the PPV. Now I really want to see Sheamus get his revenge!

SHIELD VS. EVOLUTION CONTRACT SIGNING- Awesome angle.

A mostly good go-home show.

STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Jerry Lawler says that if Bray beats Cena at Payback “the movement will truly go worldwide.”
How does this even make any sense?! THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK, JERRY!

2. In an attempt to hype up the NXT Women’s Title match at Takeover, Cole said that “the reason this is important” is because Flair and Bret would be there. Way to completely bury the title, moron!

[badnewzxl]

I must be the only person who thought Sheild vs. Evolution was elimination from the time they made the match. HHHs whole promo about making an example out of Reigns; I thought it was announced right after that

[Big Red Machine]

I must be the only person who thought Sheild vs. Evolution was elimination from the time they made the match. HHHs whole promo about making an example out of Reigns; I thought it was announced right after that

Maybe I just missed it.

[cero2k]

I must be the only person who thought Sheild vs. Evolution was elimination from the time they made the match. HHHs whole promo about making an example out of Reigns; I thought it was announced right after that

Maybe I just missed it.

what i'm missing that they kept saying last night, is this a loser leaves town or losers can't tag anymore match? there was a lot of talk of 'going away'

[Big Red Machine]

I must be the only person who thought Sheild vs. Evolution was elimination from the time they made the match. HHHs whole promo about making an example out of Reigns; I thought it was announced right after that

Maybe I just missed it.

what i'm missing that they kept saying last night, is this a loser leaves town or losers can't tag anymore match? there was a lot of talk of 'going away'

I think Hunter was saying they would destroy the Shield so badly they would end their careers.

[badnewzxl]

Hopefully, Batista and Orton disappear after this

[Big Red Machine]

Hopefully, Batista and Orton disappear after this

I believe it is all but confirmed that Batista will.

[Bob-O]

LEGENDS HOUSE COMMERCIAL- The blonde is hot… but other than that, why is Legends’ House even a thing?

But you'll watch Total Divas? Seriously!?

Haha I love Legends House!

[Big Red Machine]

LEGENDS HOUSE COMMERCIAL- The blonde is hot… but other than that, why is Legends’ House even a thing?

But you'll watch Total Divas? Seriously!?

Haha I love Legends House!

Rarely.