A recap of the "Occupy Raw" bit to start off. It's certainly an early contender Best Segment of the Year. I still think that police in riot gear would have made it even better than it was... Triple H starts us off with a promo
Triple H segment -- A-
God damn it. Not the "What" chants. I wish that never became a thing... Blames his eventual beating of Daniel Bryan on the fans... Other than that, standard fare for a promo... Now here comes Batista to interrupt Hunter... Batista has a problem with Bryan being added, stealing JBL's "Billy Goat-faced troll" insult... Good comeback by Hunter... Now Orton's out to air his dirty laundry with the potential triple threat match... Oh hey, 3/4 of Evolution is here. How about that?... Oh boy, Orton vs. Bryan No-DQ in the main event... "No disrespect, but when you left nobody cared." Ouch!... Dave gives a juvenile "NO U" response... Oooh! Hunter laying the hurt on Orton and Batista... Damn, son! Now if Hunter wins, he's in the triple threat match for the World Titles!... Orton finishes off with an RKO of Batista... Bitchin' segment! I'm diggin it.
Batistsa blows off an interview, taking his ball and going home.
The Real Americans (w/ Zeb Coulter) vs. The Usos -- A-
Still like the Usos' war dance... Odd to think that a man who was Very European would now identify as a Real American... Non-wrestling tangent time: Greg Popovich IS the greatest basketball coach of all time, not one of, THE greatest. For how he's dominated the NBA so consistently for his entire career, only Red Auerbach rivals him. Now back to the wrestling... Woo! Windmill backbreaker by Cesaro... Gut kick by Jay Uso that looked really close to a low blow... Cesaro distracts Jay, gets hammered, but makes an opening for Swagger to take over... Nice! Cesaro hops over Swagger to deliver a double stomp... Hot tag time!... Another one of those almost-low-blow kicks... For how much they talk up how The Usos are related to Rikishi, I now want to see them Stinkface an opponent... False finish with the Flapjack-to-Samoan-Drop... Swagger pulls Cesaro from the ring to take a double superkick... Cesaro does that amazing pop-up European Uppercut... And a Cradle Pedigree... Sweet match!
Urgh. Hawking WWE Slam City. Nope, I'm skipping this... Recap of the ending of Smackdown, where Kane orders The Shield to interfere on his behalf, takes a chokeslam from the distraction, tries to chokeslam Rollins, but Reigns making the save with the spear... Now a VERY P.O'ed Kane with The Shield... Bad News Barrett has something to say. Says Hornswoggle is a real-life leprechaun. Eeeeeehhhhhhhhh... Bad news: We spent the stupid holiday getting inebriated and vomiting on ourselves (I know I did the former, I can't remember the latter)...
Sheamus vs. Titus O'Neil -- C-
Don't move Titus, there's a critter on your face... Christian on commentary... Announces he's going to be in the Mania battle royal... Sheamus in control of the match so far... Aww jeez. Now Titus is going to bully Hornswoggle. I mean, he's annoying, but come on... What the? Hornswoggle spear, but that's not a DQ?! Sheesh. Interference or foreign object because Sheamus flung it at him... That's going to cost this match. Would have graded it a B-... Sheamus announces he's in the battle royal... Christian now assaults Sheamus for joining
John Cena responds to The Wyatt Family -- C+
3,500 matches? I guess I can see that... Just putting up the crowd early... Admits he's afraid of Bray Wyatt?
... Standard fare for a Cena promo, really... The Family now has some words... Wyatt wearing a Cena shirt? What even? :)) ... Crowd starts a Cena chant, the smarks try (and fail) to drown it out... I'll give it to Bray. He's one of the best promos right now.Randy Orton vs. Daniel Bryan, no disqualification match -- A
This should be the main event, damnit! Poo on you, bookers... Oooh, I caught the ref almost starting the countout there... This already looking to be good... Orton pulls a kendo stick and decks Bryan. No DQ ladies and gentlemen... Oof! Crotches Bryan on a ring post... Wow, you can already see the welts forming... Come on, this is no DQ, pull some stuff out other than just the kendo stick... Hurricanrana off the top. That was sweet... Alternating kicks and stick shots... Wow, two successful superplexes in two weeks. How often does that happen?... Oooh! Batista interferes with a spear, then receives a running dropkick for his effort... Sit-out powerbomb after the match... Sweet match.
Paul Heyman promo -- C
He points out that Taker has barely survived his last few challenges... Shows a video package... Points out Taker's age... Claims Lesnar has effortlessly destroyed the challengers who took Taker to the limit (but this was how long ago?)
Steph and Hunter having a husband/wife argument... Hoo boy, Hunter's going to be sleeping on the couch tonight...
Fandango vs. Goldust -- B-
Oooh yes, this should be good... Vintage Goldust, being a weirdo! C'mon Cole!... Goldust mocking Fandango withe the crappy dance moves... Good lord this is great. Oh yeah, so is the match... The opening was good, but the finish seemed kind of weak. I enjoy Goldust antics.
Kane segment -- C+
Comes out to decry "Occupy Raw"... Oh boy, he's pinned this on Jerry Lawler... Lawler being targeted by The Shield... This is a really long tease of a beating... Uh-oh, now The Shield has turned on Kane, Lawler quickly getting the hell out of dodge... And, now it's a three-on-one beating of Kane... Enziguiri by Rollins, Spear by Reigns, and finished off with the triple powerbomb...
The Funkadactlys vs. Tamina & AJ Lee -- D-
Bellas on commentary. Damn it all... Yes, I'll be watching this on mute... AJ makes a very good old-fashioned heel... Little his happening. Hot tag... I get the feeling that those pants that Naomi is wearing is going to end up showing too much of her rear... Boring match, really... AJ puts the blame on Tamina. Tamina looks like she's had enough of AJ's crap...
Mr. T is in the hall of fame. Oh god why... Replay of Hogan announcing the Andre the Giant Battle Royal...
Ryback, Curtis Axel, Alberto Del Rio, and Damian Sandow vs. Dolph Ziggler, Big E, Mark Henry, and The Big Show -- C+
The Big Show announces he's in the battle royal. Says he's been compared to Andre. Let's all forget that WCW tried to make us believe Show was related to him... Ryback and Big E to start off... Wow, Big E delivers a belly-to-belly to Ryback... WSM = World's Stretchiest Material?... Near brawl before the commercial... The heels working over Ziggler for a good period of time... Big Show gets the hot tag... Axel tries to get in only for an overhand chop... Now the brawl occurs... Match was decent for what it was.
Another interview with Batista... "Never quit anything in my life" Ha!...
Kofi Kingston vs. Bray Wyatt (w/ the Wyatt Family) -- C-
Not much to say about this one. Just a squash, really.
Triple H confronts Daniel Bryan -- A
Ha ha, Hunter's pulling out the sleeper sofa... "Daniel Bryan is best for business" sign front and center... Oh wow, he put over Bryan. Surprising... Continues to put him over! This is how you properly promo, boys and girls... Aww crap, here comes Steph... Oh boy, now Daniel Bryan is under arrest and a spousal argument... Excessive force? No way, this is Texas. Their punishments are medieval... Damn, son! Now Hunter beats the crap out of Bryan after he's been handcuffed... Steph screaming at them the whole time... Ooh, some waterboarding action... Bitchslaps from Steph... "You hit like a girl"... Pedigree in the middle of the ring to close the segment. And a reminder that they own it all.
Great show overall. Definitely a Pass.
