BRM Reviews the 12/30/2013 Raw

[Big Red Machine]

Apparently Jerry Lawler is back from vacation. I didn’t even notice that he was gone.

OPENING SEGMENT- very good. Punk sews dissension in the Shield by asking to face the best one of them. They debate which one of them it is. The crowd chants for Roman Reigns. Then Brad Maddox comes out and decides that Rollins is the best one, so he will face Punk right now. This was a good segment, but I am worried the dissension in the Shield angle will mean that we will miss out on getting Shield vs. Dragon, Cena, & Punk at some point. I’d also love to get Sield & Wyatts (w/Bray) vs. Dragon, Cena, Punk, Henry, & Big E. For now, though, I’m fine with…

CM PUNK vs. SETH ROLLINS (w/the Shield)- 7/10
So Punk locks in some submission hold while Rollins is in the ropes (like Low Ki used to do with the armbar). JBL, the heel announcers, screams that it is illegal, while babyface announcer Michael Cole says “no it isn’t. He has until five before he is DQed.” SO BACKWARDS!
They put on a great opener. I kind of marked out for Rollins going for the Iconoclasm. Punk wins with the GTS, but Rollins actually gets a visual pinfall. At this point I think it would be awesome to have The Shield as the last three guys in the Royal Rumble.

MADDOX & PEOPLE BACKSTAGE- he starts by talking to a ref about some sort of IC Title match (edit: apparently this is the match that Fandango won a contract for on Raw last week. Some sort of reminder would have been nice). Then Hunter & Steph show up, so Maddoix sucks up to them. Dragon then shows up and demands a one-on-one match with Wyatt. Maddox says that Dragon needs to earn a match with Bray Wyatt by going through first Harper and then Rowan. I am not excited for this at all because I have seen these matches a million times. At least this angle sort of feels like it is going somewhere, now, though. Steph then says that she will go out and announce the main event of Royal Rumble 2014.

STEPH ANNOUNCES THE MAIN EVENT OF ROYAL RUMBLE 2014- confusing.
First she comes out and says that the Authority has done everything right in 2013. Then she introduces a video package looking at Orton’s career. Steph then announces that Orotn will defend the title against Cena in a regular match… but then she says “victory by pinfall or submission only.” So are there DQs and count-outs or not?


HUNTER & STEPH BACKSTAGE- bad. They talk about how this match between Cena and Orton at Royal Rumble will finally tell us who the “real” champion is… but we already found that out at TLC when Orton won clean. Hunter then decides that he is going to one-up Steph by having an announcement of his own.

CURTIS AXEL vs. DOLPH ZIGGLER- 5/10
I guess that vicious beating Orton put on him on Raw didn’t matter at all in any way. So what was the point of it?

Apparently next week will be old school Raw. Um…. Yay? I guess?

WWE INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE MATCH: Big E. Langston(c) vs. Fandango (w/Summer Rae)- 6/10

BOOKERT T & THE UNDERCARD CELEBRATE THE NEW YEAR- Apparently Booker has come out (and dragged all of these people with him) just to do a f*cking spinarooni. Then some music starts playing and I thought that my prayers had actually been answered and some sort of 911-esque figure was coming out to save me from this drivel… but then I saw what was really going on: WWE had spent what I’m sure is a ton of money on a new platform that rises up out of the ground for Bad News Barrett to announce things from. I could think of hundreds, if not thousands, of better uses for this money (and, for those wondering, the top of the list would be “hire someone who actually has a good idea about how to use Wade Barrett!”).
I guess this whole thing couldn’t have really been that important, anyway, because WWE didn’t even let Booker finish it after Barrett away.

RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS DAMIEN SANDOW- Sandow says that he is so tired of losing that he will quit if he doesn’t win tonight.

IF SANDOW LOSES, HE WILL QUIT: Damien Sandow vs. The Great Khali- 4/10
In something straight out of TNA, WWE will give us a retirement angle with LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES WORTH OF BUILD!

R-TRUTH vs. BRODUS CLAY- 3.5/10
The babyface set up an elaborate plan to distract the heel and cheat him out of a legitimate victory. What is wrong with this picture? (Hint: the answer is EVERYTHING!)

TRIPLE H MAKES HIS ANNOUNCEMENT-
BROCK AND HEYMAN ARE BACK!

HEYMAN & LESNAR PROMOS- AWESOME!
Sorry everyone, but I’m not quite fully functional at the moment. Too much of my brain energy is focused on marking out over the possibility of Lesnar vs. Batista. Unfortunately, part of me thinks this means that we are going to get Cena vs. Lesnar at Mania, but maybe they could do something like this:
Give Orton the win at Mania and then give Brock the title shot at Elimination Chamber (which takes place in his hometown). Then they could have Batista, working for the Authority, screw Lesnar out of the match, thus allowing the Royal Rumble winner (Dragon!) to have the title shot at Mania and still give us Brock vs. Batista.
Or they could just have Cena beat Orton then let Brock get his win back on Cena at Elimination Chamber and have Batista win the Rumble, which really is the better choice except that it doesn’t involve Dragon main eventing Mania, which would make me very sad.
The Mark Henry came out. Brock jumps him. They do about four moves, but it was still one of the most awesome brawls I have ever seen. I don’t know how many matches Brock has on his contract, but this would be a great match for Royal Rumble.
Also, that t-shirt that Heyman proposed? “Brock Lesnar: Eat. Sleep. Conquer. Repeat.” I would buy the hell out of that shirt.

TEAM TOTAL DIVAS (w/The Funkadactyls, the Bella Twins, & Eva Marie) vs. ALICIA FOX, SUMMER RAE, ROSA MENDES, KAITLYN, & AKSANA- 3.5/10
If Summer Rae wasn’t involved, I would have fast-forwarded through this match. I feel like I have this same match so many times already. Which women are involved on both sides might change, but that match never really does and you feel like this whole angle hasn’t gone anywhere. This horrible effect on the actual wrestling show product is not something I had anticipated Total Divas having.
WOW! That actually wasn’t bad. Eva Marie got to show some personality in the ring and… HOLY F*CKING SH*T! In what might well be the most surprising moment of the year, in a match that means nothing between the total Divas and the non-important members of team non-Total Divas… AKSANA PINNED NIKKI BELLA!

BRAD MADDOX & THE AUTHORITY BACKSTAGE- they plug Old School Raw.

DANIEL BRYAN RUNS THE WYATT FAMILY GAUNTLET- Dragon beats Harper and Rowan. Rowan starts to beet Dragon down, but Harper holds him back, almost fighting with him. Then Bray gets into the ring, and after teasing an attack, he turns his back on Dragon to let Dragon have a free shot at him… but Harper and Rowan charge in and attack Dragon, causing a DQ, then assault him some more. Bray cuts a promo saying that their story is over and he has no mercy left to give, and the beaten down Dragon agrees that Bray was always right… and decides to join the Wyatt family because, despite the fans’ wishes, “the machine” would never let him win…. Bray hits him with Sister Abigail, but still seems to be letting him join, as Harper and Rowan help Dragon up the ramp. A very interesting turn of events and a suitably big note to end 2013 on.

An interesting Raw.

[cero2k]

WOW! That actually wasn’t bad. Eva Marie got to show some personality in the ring and… HOLY F*CKING SH*T! In what might well be the most surprising moment of the year, in a match that means nothing between the total Divas and the non-important members of team non-Total Divas… AKSANA PINNED NIKKI BELLA!

i actually did fast forward this match, then when they were walking back i heard Aksana's song and was like 'da fack?' had to go back and re-watch what had happened.

Bray cuts a promo saying that their story is over and he has no mercy left to give, and the beaten down Dragon agrees that Bray was always right… and decides to join the Wyatt family because, despite the fans’ wishes, “the machine” would never let him win…. Bray hits him with Sister Abigail, but still seems to be letting him join, as Harper and Rowan help Dragon up the ramp. A very interesting turn of events and a suitably big note to end 2013 on. .

do you still think Dragon has a chance in winning the rumble if he has aligned himself with the Wyatts?

[Big Red Machine]

Bray cuts a promo saying that their story is over and he has no mercy left to give, and the beaten down Dragon agrees that Bray was always right… and decides to join the Wyatt family because, despite the fans’ wishes, “the machine” would never let him win…. Bray hits him with Sister Abigail, but still seems to be letting him join, as Harper and Rowan help Dragon up the ramp. A very interesting turn of events and a suitably big note to end 2013 on. .

do you still think Dragon has a chance in winning the rumble if he has aligned himself with the Wyatts?

Not really, but in some ways that has more to do with Heyman announcing that Brock is coming after the title than anything else... though now that I think about it, I can't see them wasting a Brock appearance in the Royal Rumble, so maybe they are planning on having him wrestle at Elimination Chamber. Either way, the only guy I can see Dragon facing for the title at Mania is Orton, and Dragon needs to be a babyface fighting the Authority for that.
They could have this all turn out as Dragon just playing along with Bray so he can find out what tips Bray has for beating the Authority, but that would be way too quick a turnaround from face to heel and back to face again. I also don't see Lesnar losing if he challenges for the title at Elimination Chamber because you don't want him losing clean heading into Mania, and because all of his matches have had clean finishes so far, so I don't see them doing a DQ or interference to keep the belt off of Brock.

[cero2k]

Bray cuts a promo saying that their story is over and he has no mercy left to give, and the beaten down Dragon agrees that Bray was always right… and decides to join the Wyatt family because, despite the fans’ wishes, “the machine” would never let him win…. Bray hits him with Sister Abigail, but still seems to be letting him join, as Harper and Rowan help Dragon up the ramp. A very interesting turn of events and a suitably big note to end 2013 on. .

do you still think Dragon has a chance in winning the rumble if he has aligned himself with the Wyatts?

Not really, but in some ways that has more to do with Heyman announcing that Brock is coming after the title than anything else... though now that I think about it, I can't see them wasting a Brock appearance in the Royal Rumble, so maybe they are planning on having him wrestle at Elimination Chamber. Either way, the only guy I can see Dragon facing for the title at Mania is Orton, and Dragon needs to be a babyface fighting the Authority for that.
They could have this all turn out as Dragon just playing along with Bray so he can find out what tips Bray has for beating the Authority, but that would be way too quick a turnaround from face to heel and back to face again. I also don't see Lesnar losing if he challenges for the title at Elimination Chamber because you don't want him losing clean heading into Mania, and because all of his matches have had clean finishes so far, so I don't see them doing a DQ or interference to keep the belt off of Brock.

On dragon, he could definitely go against Cena, play the 'can Cena def Bryan, can Bryan finally win the big one?'

on Lesnar, i guess he could play the same thing with golberg causing Batista to lose the rumble, then Batista costs Lesnar the title at EC, then WM.

[Big Red Machine]

do you still think Dragon has a chance in winning the rumble if he has aligned himself with the Wyatts?

Not really, but in some ways that has more to do with Heyman announcing that Brock is coming after the title than anything else... though now that I think about it, I can't see them wasting a Brock appearance in the Royal Rumble, so maybe they are planning on having him wrestle at Elimination Chamber. Either way, the only guy I can see Dragon facing for the title at Mania is Orton, and Dragon needs to be a babyface fighting the Authority for that.
They could have this all turn out as Dragon just playing along with Bray so he can find out what tips Bray has for beating the Authority, but that would be way too quick a turnaround from face to heel and back to face again. I also don't see Lesnar losing if he challenges for the title at Elimination Chamber because you don't want him losing clean heading into Mania, and because all of his matches have had clean finishes so far, so I don't see them doing a DQ or interference to keep the belt off of Brock.

On dragon, he could definitely go against Cena, play the 'can Cena def Bryan, can Bryan finally win the big one?'

Dragon already did that at Summer Slam, though.