BRM Reviews the 12/16/2013 Raw (Great!)

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT-
The whole roster (aside from Orton) is on the stage while Hunter and Steph are in the ring, talking up how historic the title unification match was. They then bring Orton out, and I can't help but notice the prominent placement of Daniel Bryan and John Cena here, as well as the significant stares Orton gave them.
Also of note is that The Shield was not standing in their regular guard positions at the bottom of the ramp. I didn't see them in the giant jumble, either.
Orton starts kind of rambling about things and taking opportunities. He even claimed to be the most powerful person in the ring. Cena interrupts him and abbreviates his promo. He then congratulates Orton and says he was the better man (though this was already after Cena had called Orton and idiot). Cena then tells Orton that Austin said that being the champ means you have to put up or shut up, and that Orton should give Dragon a title shot tonight because that is what the people want. Cena says it would help Orton prove his legacy. Prove his legacy? Isn't that what he did last night when he won the most important match in WWE history cleanly?
Orton says that he doesn't have to listen to anyone. Steph interrupts and says "except us." Orton tries to tell them that giving Dragon a title shot would not be best for business. Hunter agrees, but he and Steph book Dragon vs. Orton in a non-title match instead.

CODY RHODES & GOLDUST vs. BIG SHOW & REY MYSTERIO- 6.5/10
You know that bump Rey takes when someone used to slide him out of the ring and he would go out under the bottom rope and land on his stomach on the floor? Well he did that under his own power... as a splash onto Cody!
Anyway, they had a very good match, with Cody playing babyface in peril. Show looked like a monster here. Cody and Rey get a clean win over the tag champs... but if you wanted to set them up as contenders, why not have one of the heel teams eliminate them from the match last night. I'm not saying this doesn't make them contenders. It does. They beat the champs clean. But why "give away" the fact that Cody and Goldust can beat them?
I'm also not happy with how often Cody and Goldust have been losing tag matches.

ORTON YELLS AT THE AUTHORITY- I do like this dissent here. We know both are heels, but it almost feels like Hunter and Steph are coaches who are pushing Orton to work hard. They are heels doing slightly babyface things for babyface purposes that happen to benefit them as well because they make a lot of money off of it.

DOLPH ZIGGLER vs. FANDANGO (w/Summer Rae)- 4/10
Maybe I've been booking them wrong in my fantasy booking thread, but I assumed that these PPV kickoff show matches were supposed to be important. Stuff you would want on the PPV card that didn't fit. If you want to make them important, don't just give away a rematch on Raw.

BIG E. LANGSTON & MARK HENRY vs. THE REAL AMERICANS (w/Zeb Coulter)- 5.5/10
DAMN! Big E. can jump! That leapfrog was fantastic! That's the sort of ultra-athletic crap I expect form Cesaro and Swagger. Seeing Big E. do it two gives me hope that he can be more than just a power guy. We have only seen the tip of the iceberg as far as what Big E. can do.
Cesaro kinda-sorta got a deadlift gut-wrench suplex on Big E.
The match was decent, but I thought the heat was too short.

SANDOW CLAUSE- as hype for what it was supposed to hype, it functioned well, but I honestly cannot see Sandow's character going along with something like this. Heath Slater would have been SO much better in this role.

AXEL-BACK vs. TONS OF FUNK (w/the Funkadactyls)- 3.5/10
Truth and Woods were on commentary for this match. Brodus refuses to let Tensai tag him in, leading to their team losing. Brodus beats Tensai down after the match. Truth and Woods make the save. As Cero pointed out in his comment on my TLC review, not turning Tensai heel with Brodus is a big mistake for exactly the reasons he said.
Truth invites the Funkadactyls to dance with him and Woods, and they do... meanwhile, their friend Tensai is sitting around injured.

CM PUNK PROMO- great.
He calls out Hunter... and gets HBK instead!
They have a decent exchange, but ultimately it really seemed to lead to nothing. HBK brings The Shield out and then we reveal that Punk, who beat the Shield on his own last night, will now have The Usos as partners.

THE SHIELD vs. CM PUNK & THE USOS- 6.75/10

BRAY WYATT PROMO- good

THE BELLA TWINS & NATALYA vs. AJ LEE, TAMINA, & ALICIA FOX- 4/10
Excuse me while I go check the internet to find out if that kick did any legit damage to that Bella's face. PUSH TAMINA!


MARK HENRY AS SANTA- WAIT WAIT WAIT!
They are having a match next where the stip is if Sandow wins, Christmas will be cancelled? Can you imagine if Sandow went in to business for himself and shoot-pinned Mark, forcing Christmas to be cancelled? BEST! RIB! EVER!

RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS RANDY ORTON- F*CKING AWESOME!
Renee starts off by congratulating Randy on his history-making victory last night... and he yells at her because he has already heard people congratulate him enough tonight. WHAT A F*CKING ASSHOLE!
Then he just tees off on Dragon and cuts an outstanding promo on everything going on. he concludes this promo by saying that everyone in the arena and the whole locker room and the entire WWE Universe can "bend over and kiss my ass!"
AMAZING

RANDY ORTON vs. DANIEL BRYAN- 8.5/10
AWESOME match. Dragon works over Orton's leg, Orton works over Dragon's arm, and they both brought such an intensity to it! Dragon sold like an only the test-tube grown offspring Ricky Steamboat and James Gibson possibly could. They built it up and built it up and you absolutely KNEW Dragon was going to win... and then we got to the finish and I just screamed "F*CK YOU, ORTON, YOU F*CKING MOTHERF*CKER! at my television!
Anyone who doesn't think a DQ can be a good finish needs to watch this match, because this was the right kind of DQ finish. The kind that gets you pissed at the heel for unjustly escaping rather than getting you pissed at the booker for booking a non-decisive finish.

Then Cena came out and just ruined everything! Cena came out and attacked Orton, then went to check on Dragon and call for help, and then Orton got up and gave Cena an RKO. Cena's involvement here completely took the focus off of what it should have been, which was the main event (and, specifically, the finish). The focus should be on the fact that Dragon was going to beat the champ in the middle of the ring, but Orton intentionally got himself DQed to avoid losing decisively. Instead the focus is now on Orton coming up behind Cena and giving him an RKO.

A GREAT episode of Raw!

[cero2k]

Then Cena came out and just ruined everything! Cena came out and attacked Orton, then went to check on Dragon and call for help, and then Orton got up and gave Cena an RKO. Cena's involvement here completely took the focus off of what it should have been, which was the main event (and, specifically, the finish). The focus should be on the fact that Dragon was going to beat the champ in the middle of the ring, but Orton intentionally got himself DQed to avoid losing decisively. Instead the focus is now on Orton coming up behind Cena and giving him an RKO.

maybe they wanna add a little bit of weak link to the story again

[Big Red Machine]

Then Cena came out and just ruined everything! Cena came out and attacked Orton, then went to check on Dragon and call for help, and then Orton got up and gave Cena an RKO. Cena's involvement here completely took the focus off of what it should have been, which was the main event (and, specifically, the finish). The focus should be on the fact that Dragon was going to beat the champ in the middle of the ring, but Orton intentionally got himself DQed to avoid losing decisively. Instead the focus is now on Orton coming up behind Cena and giving him an RKO.

maybe they wanna add a little bit of weak link to the story again

But that doesn't work at all with the finish of the match itself.

[cero2k]

Then Cena came out and just ruined everything! Cena came out and attacked Orton, then went to check on Dragon and call for help, and then Orton got up and gave Cena an RKO. Cena's involvement here completely took the focus off of what it should have been, which was the main event (and, specifically, the finish). The focus should be on the fact that Dragon was going to beat the champ in the middle of the ring, but Orton intentionally got himself DQed to avoid losing decisively. Instead the focus is now on Orton coming up behind Cena and giving him an RKO.

maybe they wanna add a little bit of weak link to the story again

But that doesn't work at all with the finish of the match itself.

not the finish, but the fact that once again is Cena getting matches for dragon, once again it's cena coming out to deal with Orton after dragon gets taken out. it could be the start to it.

i too am a bit confused where this is going right now, especially with the Rumble closing in

[Big Red Machine]

maybe they wanna add a little bit of weak link to the story again

But that doesn't work at all with the finish of the match itself.

not the finish, but the fact that once again is Cena getting matches for dragon, once again it's cena coming out to deal with Orton after dragon gets taken out. it could be the start to it.

That would have worked if Orton was beating Dragon down after the match, but he didn't. He didn't even try. Orton was selling how close Dragon came to beating him.

i too am a bit confused where this is going right now, especially with the Rumble closing in

The Rumble isn't exactly "closing in." It's like six weeks away.