BRM Reviews the 11/18/2013 Raw (hype fail)

[Big Red Machine]

Some not-so-clever fan has brought a sign that says “Triple H wants to play a game.” If you’re going to bring a sign, at least make sure it is worth the miniscule effort it will take to carry the flimsy piece of cardboard to the ring.
OPENING SEGMENT- Orton storms out and tells Hunter & Steph that he holds them responsible for all of the trouble he has had over the past two weeks. Randy says he doesn’t think he’ll be able to beat Big Show by himself at Survivor Series (so I guess we’re getting another f*ck finish). Orton and Hunter had a great shouting match that is ruined when Maddox and Vickie come out and try to blame each other. As punishment for their idiotic f*ck up last week, Hunter & Steph book them in matches: Maddox vs. Orton in a No DQ’s match, and Vickie vs. AJ. Lawler, a babyface, squeals with glee at the thought of Vickie Guerrero, non-combatant and single mother, being forced into a match against a woman who is not onlny the Divas Champion, but is also a psycho with a gigantic bodyguard.

NO DISQUALIFICATIONS MATCH: Randy Orton vs. Brad Maddox- no rating, decent segment.
Having Maddox get in any offense at all was a bad idea. Not only is Orton the WWE Champion taking on a (mostly) non-combatant, but he is your top heel. Let him be a giant bully and just kick Maddox’s ass, then vow to do the same thing to the Big Show at Survivor Series. I did like the ref stoppage finish here, though.

WWE INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE MATCH: Curtis Axel(c) vs. Big E. Langston-6/10
Why would you have the babyface win the title six days before a PPV which you sorely need to announce more matches for?

ORTON & THE SHIELD BACKSTAGE- they are on the same page.

DIVAS MUSCIAL CHAIRS- WHY THE F*CK IS THIS HAPPENING? I’m serious. Explain to me, from a kayfabe point of view, why this was booked.
We are already getting this sh*tty country song played as a buffer for every commercial. We don’t need to f*cking hear it during the show, too. I wonder how much money these “Florida Georgia Line” chumps paid WWE to get them to play their song this often.
Lawler has to explain the rules of musical chairs to everyone. Thanks Jerry.
Of course, because this is the country music themed Raw, all of the divas are dressed like Daisy Duke. In case you thought that any of this would actually build tom something important, the presumptive #1 contender to the Divas Title, Natalya, was eliminated first, and the only person who said anything to her on her way out was Summer Rae.
After one more round, it turned into a pointless schmoz, which Nattie ran out to join anyway, so what was the point of eliminating her. The people cared about this so much that rather than of the Divas, they started chanting for Jerry Lawler. A complete and total waste of a segment.
Does WWE really think that dressing all of the divas up like sexy cowgirls and having them play musical chairs and then have a sh*tty brawl that everyone knows is a work will get people to watch Total Divas?

RYBACK vs. BIG SHOW- 6/10
A good, strong win for Show going into his WWE Title match at Survivor Series. Orton tries to jump Show after the match, but Show gets the best of him. They are really building up the possibility of Show winning into a certainty.

XMB & THE COUNTRY MUSIC STARS BACKSTAGE- snore

ORTON IS PISSED BECAUSE THE SHIELD DIDN’T HELP HIM- okay…

KOFI KINGSTON & THE MIZ vs. THE REAL AMERICANS (w/Zeb Coulter)- 5.75/10
A whole bunch of fans have brought matching signs that say “Cesaro Section.” I hope this becomes a thing. Kofi does a really cool counter, then Miz turns on him by refusing a tag.

VICKIE FAINTS BACKSTAGE (presumably to get out of her match against AJ)- this seems to be in pretty bad taste, considering that AJ actually did faint a few days ago.

Ummm… did they just play a song that encouraged people to chew tobacco? That seems like a bad idea.

STEPH MAKES THEM TAKE VICKIE TO THE RING- I actually chuckled at Vickie’s reaction to this.

VICKIE GUERRERO vs. AJ LEE (w/Tamina)- I will admit that I actually laughed throughout this. Vickie is hilarious.

THE DIVAS SURVIVOR SERIES MATCH IS ANNOUNCED- You just had Nattie about to win the title from AJ on Main Event but Tamina interfered, causing a DQ. Then you had Nattie beat Tamina on Smackdown. The logical match for Survivor Series would be a rematch for the title between AJ and Nattie with Tamina barred from ringside. Or, if you really want to push Total Divas the way that WWE seems to want to, make it a Lumberjill match so the others can be out there.
Instead, WWE decides to cram fourteen women into one match, and rather than babyfaces and heels, they break the teams up along the lines of Total Divas vs. Not Total Divas. Of course, this means that the Not Total Divas team consists of Rosa Mendes, Kaitlyn, and five women who hate Kaitlyn. SUCKS TO BE KAITLYN!

HUNTER, SANDOW, & ZIGGLER BACKSTAGE- F*CKING MORONIC!
Hunter books them into a “Broadway Brawl” against each other. What is a “Broadway Brawl,” you ask? I don’t know. In fact, no one does. Even Hunter flat out says that he has no idea what a “Broadway Brawl” is. THEN WHY THE F*CK WOULD YOU BOOK IT!”
He tells them to “make it entertaining” and tells them that it is their chance to go out there and “make music together.” Because this is the country music edition of Raw. Get it?

BROADWAY BRAWL: Dolph Ziggler vs. Damien Sandow- 6.5/10
Well… apparently someone in WWE knew what a “Broadway Brawl” was (or at least took his or her best guess at it) because when we get back from commercial, the ring is filled with musical instruments.
Michael Cole appears to have even less knowledge of musical instruments than I do (no small feat), as he refers to a keyboard as an “organ.” Even I know that organs are those big-ass pianos that get played at baseball games and churches. Keyboards are the dorky little pianos.
They made good use of the weapons, and I laughed my ass off at Ziggler (especially being blond) doing the Jeff Jarrett strut before hitting Sandow with the guitar. The fact that Sandow’s shoulders were inside of a drum rather than on the mat means that the pin shouldn’t have counted, though.

JOHN CENA & THE COUNTRY MUSIC GUYS BACKSTAGE- Cena welcomes them to Raw… almost two hours into the show.
CENA & DEL RIO SEGMENT- Cena cut a good promo. Del Rio was lame. Then, despite all of the damage to his arm over the past week, Cena still manages to get Del Rio up for the AA. That didn’t help to build up to Survivor Series at all! They should have just left it after the Cena promo.

MICHAEL STRAHAH WILL BE NEXT WEEK’S GUEST HOST- WHY?! What does this get you?

R-TRUTH & XAVIER WOODS vs. 3MB (w/Heath Slater)- no rating. Good intro for Woods.
Woods looked like Al Sharpton’s mentally damaged cousin. Once he stopped trying to Dance to Truth’s rap he was fine. Truth’s rap poking fun at 3MB was good, though. Woods makes Drew Eat Defeat for the win.

HUNTER, STEPH & ORTON BACKSTAGE- more dissension among the heels. WHY? Show already has an advantage. No one wants to see Orton prove himself because he is a f*cking heel!

DANIEL BRYAN, CM PUNK, THE USOS, CODY RHODES, & GOLDUST vs. THE WYATT FAMILY & THE SHIELD- 7/10
The heels have a major disagreement when Harper tags himself in on Rollins. Rollins immediately gets in his face and starts saying “what’s your problem, huh? You don’ mess with me!” in a hilariously goofy New York accent.
The heels start working together, but the babyfaces win. Swagger and Cesaro come out and help the heels with a post-match beatdown, and who should come out make the save and beat up all of these gigantic men? Rey Mysterio. BOOOO!

A very bipolar Raw. The wrestling was good, but this show did very little to build up to a PPV that sorely needed it. This was the go-home Raw. Going into this show there were three matches announced. Coming out of it, there were four matches announced, and the match that was announced on this show had almost not build whatsoever. They really needed to build Survivor Series up on this show and it didn’t work.

[cero2k]

KOFI KINGSTON & THE MIZ vs. THE REAL AMERICANS (w/Zeb Coulter)- 5.75/10
A whole bunch of fans have brought matching signs that say “Cesaro Section.” I hope this becomes a thing. Kofi does a really cool counter, then Miz turns on him by refusing a tag.

you would imagine that this turn would be a bit more relevant other than just an excuse for a pre-show match.

THE DIVAS SURVIVOR SERIES MATCH IS ANNOUNCED- You just had Nattie about to win the title from AJ on Main Event but Tamina interfered, causing a DQ. Then you had Nattie beat Tamina on Smackdown. The logical match for Survivor Series would be a rematch for the title between AJ and Nattie with Tamina barred from ringside. Or, if you really want to push Total Divas the way that WWE seems to want to, make it a Lumberjill match so the others can be out there.
Instead, WWE decides to cram fourteen women into one match, and rather than babyfaces and heels, they break the teams up along the lines of Total Divas vs. Not Total Divas. Of course, this means that the Not Total Divas team consists of Rosa Mendes, Kaitlyn, and five women who hate Kaitlyn. SUCKS TO BE KAITLYN!

it was the natural break up, it's been the story ever since AJ cut her promo on the total divas. problem here is they never advanced the feud to the rest of the divas, it's been AJ vs total divas all this time, so it's hard to get why would someone like Kaitlyn or Alicia Fox would even give a fuck about joining AJ in this match other than being forced by the authority. that is my main problem with this.

[Big Red Machine]

KOFI KINGSTON & THE MIZ vs. THE REAL AMERICANS (w/Zeb Coulter)- 5.75/10
A whole bunch of fans have brought matching signs that say “Cesaro Section.” I hope this becomes a thing. Kofi does a really cool counter, then Miz turns on him by refusing a tag.

you would imagine that this turn would be a bit more relevant other than just an excuse for a pre-show match.

Yeah. Main show at least. unless they are doing a lame DQ or countout to build up to a real match at TLC.

THE DIVAS SURVIVOR SERIES MATCH IS ANNOUNCED- You just had Nattie about to win the title from AJ on Main Event but Tamina interfered, causing a DQ. Then you had Nattie beat Tamina on Smackdown. The logical match for Survivor Series would be a rematch for the title between AJ and Nattie with Tamina barred from ringside. Or, if you really want to push Total Divas the way that WWE seems to want to, make it a Lumberjill match so the others can be out there.
Instead, WWE decides to cram fourteen women into one match, and rather than babyfaces and heels, they break the teams up along the lines of Total Divas vs. Not Total Divas. Of course, this means that the Not Total Divas team consists of Rosa Mendes, Kaitlyn, and five women who hate Kaitlyn. SUCKS TO BE KAITLYN!

it was the natural break up, it's been the story ever since AJ cut her promo on the total divas. problem here is they never advanced the feud to the rest of the divas, it's been AJ vs total divas all this time, so it's hard to get why would someone like Kaitlyn or Alicia Fox would even give a f**k about joining AJ in this match other than being forced by the authority. that is my main problem with this.

That is kinda-sorta the natural breakup if you have to do a Survivor Series match... but they don't have to do one! That spot on the card is already covered by the Shield & Real Americans vs. Usos, Rhodes, & Rey match (which I suspect is only happening so that Rey can work a match where he will get to rest a lot), and even more importantly, THEY ALREADY HAVE SOMETHING ELSE PERFECT BUILD UP, and that something even plays into the AJ vs. Total Divas feud! As I said, if you want everyone on the show, make it a Lumberjill match.

[Bob-O]

As punishment for their idiotic f*ck up last week, Hunter & Steph book them in matches

Was it ever mentioned why Kane got a pass? I was kind of hoping his "punishment" would be a match against Santino or something, but I don't recall them ever bringing it up... even when Kane came out to bring Maddox back to the ring...

Having Maddox get in any offense at all was a bad idea.

Yes, a bad idea in theory. But I marked out like Brodus Clay in a buffet line when he did.

Does WWE really think that dressing all of the divas up like sexy cowgirls and having them play musical chairs and then have a sh*tty brawl that everyone knows is a work will get people to watch Total Divas?

I don't give a rats ass about Total Divas, but your aforementioned reasons kept my finger off the fast forward button. Also, after the Total Divas cleared the ring, Nattie called somebody a 'Piece of Sh*t' and I lol'd. It's funny when girls call other girls that.

RYBACK vs. BIG SHOW- 6/10
A good, strong win for Show going into his WWE Title match at Survivor Series. Orton tries to jump Show after the match, but Show gets the best of him. They are really building up the possibility of Show winning into a certainty.

Grrrr.... this is tentatively planned for Wrestlemania, and they made a big deal about how the two had never faced off before... it bothers me that this match was (A) Free and (B) In the middle of the show.

Miz turns on him by refusing a tag.

Thank God. Miz is a WAY better heel. That whole finish was GREAT heel work, Miz's expressions were great!

Ummm… did they just play a song that encouraged people to chew tobacco? That seems like a bad idea.

Country Music gets a pass for some reason. I think it's because all the people that would be opposed to corrupting our children with the mention of using tobacco or drinking beer or objectifying women don't want to shit where they eat. All those idiots like country music.

Even Hunter flat out says that he has no idea what a “Broadway Brawl” is.

I liked Hunter here. I got the impression he wasn't a fan of the concept.

HUNTER, STEPH & ORTON BACKSTAGE- more dissension among the heels. WHY? Show already has an advantage. No one wants to see Orton prove himself because he is a f*cking heel!

I don't think it's a matter of Orton proving himself, I think the intrigue is in what Orton is going to do to win without Hunter and Steph's help combined with the seemingly forgotten fact that The Authority doesn't like Big Show and won't want him as Face of the Company. I can't believe that'd they'd close the Pay Per View with another dirty finish, but that's what we're gonna get unless they do Cena/Del Rio last...

[Big Red Machine]

As punishment for their idiotic f*ck up last week, Hunter & Steph book them in matches

Was it ever mentioned why Kane got a pass? I was kind of hoping his "punishment" would be a match against Santino or something, but I don't recall them ever bringing it up... even when Kane came out to bring Maddox back to the ring...

Good point. In fact, I don't even remember seeing him or hearing him mentioned.

Having Maddox get in any offense at all was a bad idea.

Yes, a bad idea in theory. But I marked out like Brodus Clay in a buffet line when he did.

Really? I always found Maddox annoying and actually enjoyed seeing Orton beat him up.

RYBACK vs. BIG SHOW- 6/10
A good, strong win for Show going into his WWE Title match at Survivor Series. Orton tries to jump Show after the match, but Show gets the best of him. They are really building up the possibility of Show winning into a certainty.

Grrrr.... this is tentatively planned for Wrestlemania, and they made a big deal about how the two had never faced off before... it bothers me that this match was (A) Free and (B) In the middle of the show.

i was going to call WWE out on this (the free part,
The middle of the show part I was fine with. I totally understand a giant twelve man tag with maybe-feuding heel factions taking on the tag champs, to of your top four babyfaces, and two guys you really want to give the rub to being the main event.

As for giving this away for free... I was going to call WWE out on this, bu then I realized that I'm pretty sure I did the exact same thing in my fantasy booking, and I think that Ryback was even hotter in my fantasy booking when I did it then he is now. Sometimes you just have to give something away. Was there someone else Show could have beaten to look great? Maybe. The Waytts and Cesaro were all involved in matches, Big E. is a babyface and had another match, Kane apparently wasn't around, and most of the the rest of the roster is much smaller than he is and isn't seen as strong enough to be a real threat to him. The only other guy I can think of would be Mark Henry, but I think he is taking time off.

Miz turns on him by refusing a tag.

Thank God. Miz is a WAY better heel. That whole finish was GREAT heel work, Miz's expressions were great!

Agreed

Ummm… did they just play a song that encouraged people to chew tobacco? That seems like a bad idea.

Country Music gets a pass for some reason. I think it's because all the people that would be opposed to corrupting our children with the mention of using tobacco or drinking beer or objectifying women don't want to s**t where they eat. All those idiots like country music.

LOL.

Even Hunter flat out says that he has no idea what a “Broadway Brawl” is.

I liked Hunter here. I got the impression he wasn't a fan of the concept.

I'm not sure what you mean by this. I was surprised that this even happened just because it made Hunter look like an idiot and Hunter should be smart enough to veto any segment like that.

HUNTER, STEPH & ORTON BACKSTAGE- more dissension among the heels. WHY? Show already has an advantage. No one wants to see Orton prove himself because he is a f*cking heel!

I don't think it's a matter of Orton proving himself, I think the intrigue is in what Orton is going to do to win without Hunter and Steph's help combined with the seemingly forgotten fact that The Authority doesn't like Big Show and won't want him as Face of the Company. I can't believe that'd they'd close the Pay Per View with another dirty finish, but that's what we're gonna get unless they do Cena/Del Rio last...

Except they made WAY too big a deal out of the feud between Show and Hunter for anyone to possibly forget it, so unless this thing ends up being an idiotic swerve just for the sake of having a swerve, I'm not sure what they could do. Maybe have Orton cheat to win and Hunter and Steph be proud of him for "doing whatever it takes" or something like that. I think you're right that Del Rio and Cena will close then show, though.

[Bob-O]

In fact, I don't even remember seeing him or hearing him mentioned.

When Maddox tried to leave before his "RIGHT NOW IN WHAT YOU'RE WEARING" match with Orton, Kane came out and escorted him back to the ring.

Really? I always found Maddox annoying and actually enjoyed seeing Orton beat him up.

Yeah. Not in a "GO BRAD!!!" kind of way, but more of just a general underdog kind of way - like when The 1-2-3 Kid pinned Razor Ramone. Then I got to thinking about how Maddox would sell it if he actually did beat Orton, "OH NO! What have I done!? I did a good job, and Hunter's gonna be mad!"

Not a good way to move into the PPV, but it could have been fun.

The middle of the show part I was fine with. I totally understand a giant twelve man tag with maybe-feuding heel factions taking on the tag champs, to of your top four babyfaces, and two guys you really want to give the rub to being the main event.

As for giving this away for free... I was going to call WWE out on this, bu then I realized that I'm pretty sure I did the exact same thing in my fantasy booking, and I think that Ryback was even hotter in my fantasy booking when I did it then he is now. Sometimes you just have to give something away.

Fair enough, but I probably wouldn't be complaining if Big Show vs Ryback closed the show and they'd thrown the 12-Man in the 'Please Don't Turn It To Monday Night Football' spot. My biggest problem with it is the proposed Wrestlemania Match between these two would be WAY more intriguing had they never met prior... or, maybe even if Big Show had not already beat him clean for free.

As far as "what else could they have done?", with the Big Picture in mind, I'd have swapped Ryback for Sandow since they were both going under anyway.

Even Hunter flat out says that he has no idea what a “Broadway Brawl” is.

I liked Hunter here. I got the impression he wasn't a fan of the concept.

I'm not sure what you mean by this. I was surprised that this even happened just because it made Hunter look like an idiot and Hunter should be smart enough to veto any segment like that.

I liked it because I felt like Hunter was shooting a little bit. Like, it was something Vince wanted to do that Hunter thought was stupid. I'm also inclined to think the segment was meant for Maddox before they wrote him out of the show.


-"Hey Vince, we've got Maddox setting up that Broadway whatever. That's gonna be a problem."
-"Well Hunter, I guess you're going to have to set it up now, say whatever, but it's a Broadway Brawl and make sure you end it with them 'making music together'..."
-"Vince, this sounds stupid. We're already doing musical chairs tonight, do we really need to-"
-"JUST DO IT DAMMIT. You're up.

Except they made WAY too big a deal out of the feud between Show and Hunter for anyone to possibly forget it

I agree, but, it's not like them to ignore something that relevant for a week without them expecting us to forget it. No replays, no mention by the announcers, nothin'.

[Big Red Machine]

The middle of the show part I was fine with. I totally understand a giant twelve man tag with maybe-feuding heel factions taking on the tag champs, to of your top four babyfaces, and two guys you really want to give the rub to being the main event.

As for giving this away for free... I was going to call WWE out on this, bu then I realized that I'm pretty sure I did the exact same thing in my fantasy booking, and I think that Ryback was even hotter in my fantasy booking when I did it then he is now. Sometimes you just have to give something away.

Fair enough, but I probably wouldn't be complaining if Big Show vs Ryback closed the show and they'd thrown the 12-Man in the 'Please Don't Turn It To Monday Night Football' spot. My biggest problem with it is the proposed Wrestlemania Match between these two would be WAY more intriguing had they never met prior... or, maybe even if Big Show had not already beat him clean for free.

As far as "what else could they have done?", with the Big Picture in mind, I'd have swapped Ryback for Sandow since they were both going under anyway.

But beating Sandow doesn't make Show look good. Sandow is not only a chump, but it is a ton smaller than Big Show. Show gets more out of beating Ryback than he does out of beating Sandow, and based off of Orton's various segments, it seems to be like they are trying to pop a buyrate by building up the possibility of Show winning (and thus, Orton losing the belt).

I liked it because I felt like Hunter was shooting a little bit. Like, it was something Vince wanted to do that Hunter thought was stupid. I'm also inclined to think the segment was meant for Maddox before they wrote him out of the show.

Maybe