BRM Reviews the 11/14/2013 Impact

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT-Not entertaining, but not actively stupid either, for a change.
Before getting into the ring, Bully Rat goes over to Tenay and tells him to “GO HOME!” Bully Ray is now my favorite wrestler.
Scratch that. He just asked “do you know who I am?” That is such a f*cking obnoxious and dumb catchphrase.
Bully says that he doesn’t have to be the world champion to be the most talked-about guy in TNA. That’s true. In order to be the most talked about guy in TNA, he had to go to Tommy Dreamer’s little rinky-dink indy promotion. Now what does that say about TNA?
Bully accepts Anderson’s challenge to a No Disqualifications match next week. Anderson comes out and makes Bully an offer for an addition stipulation for next week’s match: If Bully wins, Anderson retires, if Anderson wins, Aces & Eights must disband.
Why would Anderson make this deal when we have no reason to believe that Aces & Eights will abide by the stipulations! They are heels! They JUST conned Anderson last week. Even if Anderson wins, what is to stop them from coming back with new vests that say Sevens & Twos on the back?

Bully says he wants to piledrive Anderson’s pregnant wife, so Anderson starts a fight and manages to beat up the whole faction on his own. He then demands a match against one of them and when we get back from commercial, we get…

MR. ANDERSON vs. KNUX- 3/10

JOSEPH PARK PROMO- he wants a one-on-one match with Daniels next week.

BAD INFLUENCE BACKSTAGE- okay

VIDEO PACKAGE TO BUILD UP ANGLE VS. ARIES- AWESOME!

CHRISTOPHER DANIELS vs. JOSEPH PARK- 4/10

ACES & EIGHTS BACKSTAGE- Knux was upset about losing, but Bully and Garrett tell him is okay because Bully will win next week. They then head off to the strip club because I guess the strip club is much more fun and exciting than being on Impact. (probably true, but that’s not the message TNA should be sending). Also, Bully is apparently cheating on Brooke with some stripper named Lexis (or maybe Lexus?)

HANDICAP MATCH: EC III vs. Dewey Barnes & Norv Furnam-
I fast forwarded through this match because I am sick and tired of seeing EC III squash the same schmucks week after week.

FRIENDS OF AJ COMMERCIAL- good

DIXIE CARTER PROMO- her comments about AJ were great and got a fantastic response from the crowd. Then she forgot Chris Sabin’s name, inadvertently making him a babyface, and announced the stips for next week’s two world title tournament matches: Storm vs. Roode will be a bull-rope match and Magnus vs. Joe will be a Falls Count Anywhere match.
Storm cut a great promo. Then Joe cut a great promo on Dixie and vowed that if he wins the title, the first person he defends the title against will be AJ Styles, be it in TNA or somewhere else. Magnus then cut an eh promo. After that Dixie reminded everyone that this tournament is about finding her World Heavyweight Champion.

ANDERSON JUMPS GARRETT BACKSTAGE- he handcuffs Garrett to a piece of equipment backstage and then says that they have to talk, and we go to commercial with this exciting cliffhanger.

GAIL KIM (w/Lei’D Tapa) vs. HANNAH BLOSSOM- 4/10
The production team screwed up and accidentally played Tapa’s video and entrance music instead of Gail’s. They make a big deal about Gail’s opponent not being a TNA employee, and who do they give us? One of the chick’s from TNA’s British Bootcamp. The crowd chanted for Lei’D Tapa.

Tenay plugs the new set of TNA trading cards by Tri-Star as being “the most explosive set of trading cards ever produced.” “Explosive?” Really? That is not a good word to use to describe trading cards. I’m not going to by them if they might just spontaneously combust, destroying both my investment and my hand.

Before we go to commercial we are told that Aries vs. Angle is “up next.” It wasn’t. Apparently to TNA “up next” means after an in-ring promo, a cut to the back, and then another commercial. This is the second week in a row that this has happened. It really annoys me.

JOSEPH PARK PROMO- bad.
He starts off by saying that he had one goal when he came to TNA: to find his brother, Abyss. He later said that he has no idea where Abyss is… meaning that he apparently just gave up on finding his missing brother and decided to become a pro wrestler and take his brother’s spot on the roster instead. How nice of him.
Anyway, apparently Bad Influence’s claims that Joseph and Abyss are the same person bother Joseph for some reason, so Joseph makes an “Open Challenge” for next week: himself vs. Abyss. If he is deciding who his opponent is, then it’s not an open challenge!

TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE TOURNAMENT FIRST ROUND SUBMISSION MATCH: Kurt Angle vs. Austin Aries- 8/10
We had to interrupt Kurt Angle’s entrance to see Anderson unlock Garrett form the handcuffs and pick him up. How is this of any important?
The first time Kurt locked in the Ankle Lock, Tenay didn’t even change his tone at all. He just said. (paraphrasing) “oh. Look. There it is. Kurt might get the submission win now.”
Anyway, the match itself was awesome until the horrible finish. Kurt has been working over Aries’ ankle all night, so of course he gets the win with the Crossface, which targets the head and neck, in order send a message to Bobby Roode.

ANDERSON PILEDRIVES GARRETT ON THE STAGE- good build to the Bully vs. Anderson match from next week.

Overall, an otherwise bad show saved by an awesome match, but even that had a dumb finish. They did do a good jobn of making next week’s show seem important, though.

[cero2k]

HANDICAP MATCH: EC III vs. Dewey Barnes & Norv Furnam-
I fast forwarded through this match because I am sick and tired of seeing EC III squash the same schmucks week after week.

you're missing the point, this isn't about ECIII anymore, it's the rise of the next tag team champions!

Then Joe cut a great promo on Dixie and vowed that if he wins the title, the first person he defends the title against will be AJ Styles, be it in TNA or somewhere else.

i really do hope this is how it goes down

GAIL KIM (w/Lei’D Tapa) vs. HANNAH BLOSSOM- 4/10
The production team screwed up and accidentally played Tapa’s video and entrance music instead of Gail’s. They make a big deal about Gail’s opponent not being a TNA employee, and who do they give us? One of the chick’s from TNA’s British Bootcamp. The crowd chanted for Lei’D Tapa.

yes! blossoms in tna!

Anyway, the match itself was awesome until the horrible finish. Kurt has been working over Aries’ ankle all night, so of course he gets the win with the Crossface, which targets the head and neck, in order send a message to Bobby Roode.

i don't know why they wanted Angle to advace, why not just get rid of Roode and Angle so they can continue their feud and leave the rest build up

[Big Red Machine]

i don't know why they wanted Angle to advace, why not just get rid of Roode and Angle so they can continue their feud and leave the rest build up

This. I was going to say something along the lines of "this virtually guarantees that these two will meet in the finals, killing all interest in the rest of the tournament" but didn't for two reasons:
1. Nowhere on TNA's website could I find a bracket to confirm that this meeting was possible (I'm sure it is, because not even TNA can be that stupid, but if the tournament is important, its bracket should be very easily accessible).
2. They might have Roode and Angle screw each other in the semi-finals instead... which, of course, begs the same question you originally asked. Why not just have them screw each other in the fist round and let the tournament progress on its own after that with clean finishes and less predictable outcomes?