BRM Reviews the 11/11/2013 Raw (bad)

[Big Red Machine]

Apparently Steph & Hunter are on vacation, and Michael Cole wonders who will be in charge. Isn’t Brad Maddox the GM? Shouldn’t he be in charge?

OPENING SEGMENT- Orton comes out and claims he is in charge. Then Brad Maddox comes out and claims that he is in charge. Then Kane comes out and says that his new title of “Director of Operations” means that he is in charge. Did Hunter & Steph really not designate who would be in charge before taking a vacation?
Kane and Maddox argue over whether Orton should wrestle Cody Rhodes or Goldust. Kane just seems so... un-Kane-like in this role. Vickie Guerrero then comes out and books Orton vs. Cody and Goldust in a handicap match… and apparently she gets to make the decision. WHAT THE F*CK?! Vickie even started off by reminding us all that she is the former General Manager of Raw. I don’t see George W. Bush calling in any airstrikes anymore. Why? Because he is the FORMER President of the USA.
And does Vickie really think that Hunter & Steph would consider it “best for business” to put their handpicked WWE Champion in a handicap match against two guys who they wanted to fire?!

HANDICAP MATCH: Cody Rhoeds & Goldust vs. Randy Orton- 5/10
So we have a 2-1 handicap match favoring the babyfaces. WHAT THE F*CK?! I don’t know if they thought it would be funny to have Randy accidentally suggest something that winds up with him in a handicap match, but it’s not… and even if it was, it would only be a short laugh, followed by people starting to feel sorry for Randy.
Anyway, Randy intentionally gets himself counted out, disappointing the fans. Then, just to make me feel really sorry for Orton, A THIRD MAN, who is not only entirely fresh, but also much bigger than him, comes out and attacks Randy, chokeslamming him through the announce table (so now the announcers have to spent the whole show without monitors). Whoever booked this should flogged.

BIG SHOW GETS IN A CAB- so after attacking a man who just went through a handicap match against the tag team champions from behind, the Big Show leaves the arena, exactly like a heel would. On a different note, if I were the Big Show, I would be very, very careful about doing things that could be legitimate grounds to get me fired, and leaving work early to go drink is certainly something that could do the trick. Also, shouldn’t Big Show, a babyface, want to wrestle in front of the great WWE fans here in UK, rather than leave the show as quickly as possible without wrestling at all?

THE UNION JACKS (3MB in disguise) vs. SANTINO MARELLA & LOS MATADORES (w/El Torito)- 0.75/10
Santino was wearing horns, as was the cobra.

RANDY ORTON IN THE TRAINER’S ROOM, YELLING AT THE GM’s- it is what it is.
What is this “Hey, Randy, listen…” bullsh*t? What the f*ck have they done with Kane?

KOFI KINGSTON vs. DAMIEN SANDOW- 4/10

WWE INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE MATCH: Curtis Axel(c) vs. Dolph Ziggler- 6.75/10

KANE & MADDOX BACKSTAGE- bad
Kane seems more Kane-ish here. A bunch of authority figures constantly arguing one of the most annoying things in the world. They think Vickie’s handicap match idea was good, but each book different handicap match main events. Maddox books the Real Americans vs. John Cena while Kane books the Shield vs. Punk and Dragon.

NIKKI BELLA (w/Brie Bella) vs. TAMINA SNUKA (w/AJ Lee)- 2/10
Tamina is heel powerhouse. She should not be using her father’s crowd-pleasing diving splash finisher. The British crowd wanted Layla, and they let their feelings be known. Brie attacks AJ after the match was retaliation for AJ attacking her during the match.

ORTON & THE SHIELD IN THE TRAINER’S ROOM- cryptic
Orton yells at the Shield for not saving him before. They tell him that they don’t work for him. I doubt this will actually lead to anything.

FANDANGO (w/Summer Rae) vs. TYSON KIDD (w/Natalya)- 4/10
To build this match up, they show us a clip of Total Divas that makes Tyson Kidd look like pathetically possessive of Nattie. If you want to get me to root for TJ, how about showing a clip that doesn’t make him look like an overbearing asshole?

HANDICAP MATCH: John Cena vs. The Real Americans (w/Zeb Coulter)- 6.75/10
Zeb cut a fantastic promo on the UK, referring to it as a land full of “imperialists, soccer thugs, evil monarchs, and people who found the antics of Mr. Bean hilarious.” I really wish Zeb would have cut a promo about how awesome democracy is and burying the UK as being a monarchy, ruled by an “evil monarch.” That would have been amazing.
Anyway, the match itself was great. The crowd was extremely anti-Cena, and given what the finish was, I can’t blame them. There is absolutely no reason for Cena to have won this match. He not only won a handicap match against two huge men, making the submission expert on the other team tap out, but he then fended off an attack from the other guy as well. Heroes need to look vulnerable or else the crowd will turn on them, just like an extremely large portion of this crowd already has on Cena.
So after Cesaro was unnecessarily buried by failing in his post-match attack on Cena, Del Rio jumps Cena, giving us essentially the same set-up we got on Smackdown, but Del Rio gets the better of Cena this time. Big E. Langston comes out to make the save for Cena.

AJ WILL DEFEND THE DIVAS TITLE AGAINST NATTIE ON MAIN EVENT- things that happen on Smackdown matter. Hooray!

DEL RIO & THE AUTHORITY FIGURES BACKSTAGE- pointless and confusing. If you want to have Del Rio jump Big E, just do it. Don’t spoil the surprise by telling us it is coming! I’m also not quite sure what happened here. Did they book Big E. vs. Del Rio or did they suggest that Del Rio attack Big E.

RYBACK vs. R-TRUTH- 3.5/10
Truth improvised a rap promo on Ryback to the tune of this theme song.
WHOA! Didn’t see that finish coming.

BIG E. LANGSTON vs. ALBERTO DEL RIO- 2.5/10
So apparently they made a match in the earlier segment. Why would you do this match now, with about ten minutes of hype, instead of doing it on Smackdown where it will have a few days of hype?
Del Rio works over Big E.’s head all match, and then locks in the Cross Armbreaker and Big E. taps right away. Why not just work over his f*cking arm? The crowd also didn’t not give a sh*t about this match, as evidenced by their decision ot start a wave in the middle of it.

PAUL HEYMAN PROMO-great
Heyman is in a wheelchair, wearing a neck brace, back brace, leg splint, arm sling, and carrying a crutch as well. Heyman blames Ryback for letting Punk hurt him, saying that Ryback was never a Heyman guy, so I guess Ryback is going babyface. He also blames the fans for encouraging Punk. He vows to “return with a vengeance” (which I assume means Brock Lesnar).
CM Punk comes out, beats up Curtis Axel, then dumps Heyman out of his wheel chair and assaults him with a kendo stick. Punk already got his revenge on Heyman at Hell in a Cell. This just made Punk look like a bully.

THE SHIELD vs. CM PUNK & DANIEL BRYAN- 6/10
Not good enough for a main event. I was completely psyched when this match was announced, but between the lack of time left in the show when it started and the general feeling of insignificance I got from it, I just couldn’t care. That’s very bad for a match with five of my favorite wrestlers in the company.
I also really didn’t like the Dragon and Punk beating up the Shield on their own. The Wyatt’s also don’t need teleportation powers. The Wyatts and the Shield fight for no real reason, so we don’t even get a finish. The timing for this brawl just seems completely wrong, too. Shouldn't they be a Survivor Series team against Dragon, Punk, The Usos and someone else, and then have a miscue that leads to them feuding? Why start a fight between two heel factions who appear to be working for the same person right before Survivor Series?

So the heels brawl, then Dragon and Punk clear the ring and get some babyface reinforcements in the form of the Usos and the Rhodes Brothers.

Overall, a bad episode of Raw with a great crowd. This "three authority figures arguing all the time" gimmick is straight out of the worst days of the skit-heavy 2008-2011 years. So painfully repetitive and stupid.

[cero2k]

thank god i read the spoilers before the show. i saved myself 3 hrs of bad raw

thou watching the shield/wyatt confrontation. yeah, i did mark out

[youtube][/youtube]

[Bob-O]

Kane and Maddox argue over whether Orton should wrestle Cody Rhodes or Goldust. Kane just seems so... un-Kane-like in this role.

It had a very Team Hell No vibe to it, and I didn't like it.

the Big Show leaves the arena, exactly like a heel would.

There were a few backwards moment tonight. There was this, and I don't know what they were going for with The Union Jack thing, but 3MB got a bigger pop than CM Punk.

they show us a clip of Total Divas that makes Tyson Kidd look like pathetically possessive of Nattie. If you want to get me to root for TJ, how about showing a clip that doesn’t make him look like an overbearing asshole?

To be fair, they both looked like idiots in that clip, but regardless I'm pretty sure the plan was to turn TJ heel when he returned on the exact terms you mentioned.

thank god i read the spoilers before the show. i saved myself 3 hrs of bad raw

thou watching the shield/wyatt confrontation. yeah, i did mark out

[youtube][/youtube]

I didn't think it was so bad, but I think the crowd saved the show for me. The Authority thing makes no sense, but I loved the Sheild/Wyatt scrap, and I thought it ended on one of the better schmoz's we've seen in years.

[cero2k]

I didn't think it was so bad, but I think the crowd saved the show for me. The Authority thing makes no sense, but I loved the Sheild/Wyatt scrap, and I thought it ended on one of the better schmoz's we've seen in years.

dude, the commentary was golden, I loved Lawler just wanting them to fight and then getting disappointed that it wasn't and then BAAM YES YES! Lawler and JBL Marking out!

[Bob-O]

I didn't think it was so bad, but I think the crowd saved the show for me. The Authority thing makes no sense, but I loved the Sheild/Wyatt scrap, and I thought it ended on one of the better schmoz's we've seen in years.

dude, the commentary was golden, I loved Lawler just wanting them to fight and then getting disappointed that it wasn't and then BAAM YES YES! Lawler and JBL Marking out!

I liked how Rollins started it, but wound up being the guy holding back Ambrose. In-Your-Face-Trash-Talking Ambrose is my favorite Ambrose...

It also left me wondering if Seth Rollins is bigger than I thought or if Luke Harper is smaller than I thought, because I feel like Seth should have been dwarfed next to him...

[Big Red Machine]

It also left me wondering if Seth Rollins is bigger than I thought or if Luke Harper is smaller than I thought, because I feel like Seth should have been dwarfed next to him...

Harper is probably smaller than you thought. I just made this discovery a few days ago while planning for my fantasy booking thread. I had always seen him against short CHIKARA guys, so I assumed he was a giant, but he is only 6'5 (only an inch taller than Hunter, Sheamus, and Orton). Rollins is 6'1.

[Bob-O]

I had always seen him against short CHIKARA guys, so I assumed he was a giant, but he is only 6'5 (only an inch taller than Hunter, Sheamus, and Orton). Rollins is 6'1.

Huh! Little of both then, I didn't think Rollins was over 6 foot and I'd have guessed Harper to be in the 6'8" - 6'10" range.

It reminds me of when Test made his debut. He was hyped up as a "giant", they even had him do the 'step over the top rope' thing when he got in the ring for a while. I remember thinking it looked a little awkward, later to find out Vince's new "giant" was only 6'6".