BRM Reviews the 10/17/2013 Impact

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- Great!
Dixie was decent, aside from one major flaw. If AJ can’t compete in the main event at BFG unless he signs a contract for the match, why would Dixie offer him the contract in the first place? If she hadn’t mentioned the contract signing and had just said “I am putting a bounty on AJ’s head. Whoever injures him badly tonight will get $50,000” it would have made a lot more sense.

Bully Ray comes out and says heel stuff, then Magnus comes out and says babyface stuff. Bully says more heel stuff, dissing Magnus and the crowd, so Magnus punches him in the face… so we have our main event. GREAT!

ACES & EIGHTS BACKSTAGE- Dull. Bully Ray utters the phrase “old-school Aces & Eights.” He might as well have said “vintage Aces & Eights.”

As some of you might remember, during last week’s Impact, EY and Joseph Park embarked on a road trip San Diego, where Bound For Glory is. I was going to make a comment in my review of last week’s show wondering how they could do this if it meant they were going to miss this week’s Impact, but I figured that because they were doing it for TNA, to hype up a TNA PPV, and they already had their match for the PPV signed, they probably got special dispensation from TNA to miss this week’s show so they could do it.
Well…
Apparently not. It seems that they were recalled from this road trip so that EY could compete in this match which will determine who gets to enter the gauntlet last on the pre-show gauntlet match to determine the #1 contender to the tag team titles. So if TNA knew this match was going to happen, why did they shoot the roadtrip video last week? All it does is make them look kayfabe stupid. Just shoot the stupid roadtrip video this week!
The reason that Taz and Tenay come up with for how it is that EY is here is that he and Joseph turned the car around and got back to Tulsa. Seems fine. Google Maps says that the driving time is under 21 hours, so it should certainly be doable on a three-day roadtrip... but if it is easily doable in three days, why did TNA give EY and Joseph TEN days to do it in?
I know what you’re thinking: “BRM, why do you let this sort of small inconsistency bother you?” And it’s not really the inconsistency that bothers me… it’s the clear and obvious lack of forethought to fix a glaringly obvious problem.
And if they are going to call out the problem (which Taz and Tenay did on commentary, and they pretty much had to), don’t just call it out… FULLY embrace it! I can buy that TNA would give EY and Joseph Park ten days to complete a three day road trip because they are comedy guys and EY is insane. I can totally see them getting lost... so why not shoot a roadtrip webisode where EY gets a call from TNA management saying they need to stop off at an airport so EY can fly back to Tulsa for his match on Impact this week… but being goofy comedy guys, they decide to turn around and drive back instead because they wanted their road trip together, and dammit they’re going to get it!
So, of course, they get progressively more lost until they have to drive all night to just make it to the arena in time for Impact (if this wasn’t the go-home show, you could even do a segment early on in the show where ODB is giving them directions over the phone to help them get back in time), and have EY arrive just before his match starts. Have him show up dead-tired in his street clothes, do some goofy EY stuff, before tagging out and falling asleep on the ring-apron, Let the other guys do some comedy based off of that, then have EY wake up and get pinned.
Your babyface loses (because the babyface shouldn’t have the advantage in a gauntlet match, anyway, unless events will conspire to make the heels fresh for the match, too), but doesn’t look weak because he was tired (and you have EY and Joseph drive this point home with a promo on the BFG pre-show, saying that now that they are fully rested, they will win), and you get some comedy in a match primarily filled with comedy guys.

Anyway, so we go on to the match itself…
FOUR CORNERS MATCH TO DETERMINE WHO ENTERS THE #1 CONTEDNERSHIP GAUNTLET LAST: Robbie E. vs. Christopher Daniels vs. Hernandez vs. Eric Young-
The match itself was fine, and I liked Robbie E. stealing EY’s pin on someone else, as it keeps the desire to beat EY & Joseph as a motivating factor for Bro-Mans and gives EY and Joseph a reason to want to face Bro-mans after BFG (I don’t see either team winning the gauntlet match). What I very much didn’t like, though, was the lack of tag team partners on the outside. If you are hyping up a tag team match, you should have the partners out there!
What I absolutely hated was that after Robbie E. got the pin, Tenay informed us that Robbie “hasn’t had a victory on Impact Wrestling in ages!” and then reminded us about how Bro-Mans spent the past few weeks getting constantly embarrassed by EY and Joseph. So basically Tenay is telling us that these guys are terrible… and yet somehow TNA decided to give them the chance to earn a TNA World Tag Team Title shot.

JESSE GODDERZ JUMPS AJ STYLES BACKSTAGE- perfect segment. It was short, sweet, and got its message across perfectly. AJ is going to have to fend off people trying to claim the bounty all night.

AJ STYLES PROMO- GREAT!
He says that the reason that Dixie has put this bounty on his is because she knows he is going to win at BFG. He then calls out anyone who wants to try to claim the bounty, and out comes Knux and Garrett who attack AJ. Storm and Gunner come out and make the save. Storm gets in AJ’s face a bit, but he lets AJ go, and when we come back from commercial, we get…

KNUX (w/Garrett Bischoff) vs. GUNNER (w/James Storm)- 4/10
The finish comes when Knux calls for help from Bully, but Bully doesn’t come out, and when Knux turns around, he eats a spear and gets pinned. Not a bad idea, but the execution was poor. For one this, the finish just a few seconds after Knux called for help. It didn’t look like there was enough time for Bully to get out there and help before finish, so it didn’t look like Bully lied and didn’t come out… it just looked like maybe he didn’t have enough time to get there.
Secondly, they did it at a time when James Storm was on the ramp, blocking what would have presumably been Bully’s path to the ring, and Garrett was down. If this was the finish they wanted to do, why do the spot where Storm got the best of Garrett on the ramp? Why not have Garrett do something heelish and shove Storm off of the ramp? Or at least have him brawling with Storm on the floor. This would not only clear the way for Bully, but it would also at least be an attempt to not make Garrett seem like a complete and total chump.
It also would have been nice to give the babyface tag champs a win without the chump heels needing to be distracted, but hey! At least they managed to make it on the show, which they have struggled to do since winning the belts. They have actually not been on the show almost as many times as they have been, which is pathetic.

CHRIS SABIN & VELVET SKY BACKSTAGE- Sabin wants to go collect the bounty. Velvet tells him not to do it because “it’s not you.” Sabin goes off to do it anyway. Good segment.

GARRETT & KNUX BACKSTAGE- they are frustrated that Bully didn’t have their backs, and say that next time Bully needs their help, they won’t help him.

TESSMACHER & GAIL BACKSTAGE- Gail proposes an alliance in case Lei’D Tapa tries to attack them. Brooke says no.

ULTIMATE X VIDEO PACKAGE- as much as I hate it, this was probably the best way to hype this match up on this show, as it saves you from needing to feature all of these guys on this show.

SABIN & JOE BACKSTAGE- Sabin is sneaking around trying to find AJ, but he bumps into Joe instead. Joe tells him that he needs to get his priorities straight, because apparently they are going to wrestle tonight, and that match is next. WHY HAS THIS NOT BEEN HYPED UP YET?!

SAMOA JOE vs. CHRIS SABIN (w/Velvet Sky)- 4.25/10
They teased Sabin walking out, but Sabin decided to use Velvet as a human shield to let him attack Joe, and he gave him a DDT on the ramp. They then did a count-out tease with Joe just beating the count back in… but the idiot ref didn’t even start counting until Sabin had gotten back in the ring, so if the ref were actually following the rules, Joe should have lost via count-out.
There was no reason to do this match unless they were going to end it in some sort of schmoz to hype up the Ultimate X match. Instead, not only did they have Sabin lose, but they wasted a great heel finish. If Sabin is going to be doing this heel stuff, it needs to help him WIN!
Then Aries jumps Joe, then Jeff Hardy makes the save… and pulls out A LADDER to hype up an Ultimate X match (BOOO!). Then Manik comes in. If you were going to do this schmoz anyway, why would you have Sabin lose here? And if you are going to use this to hype up the ultimate X match, why do the video package?
BAD INFLUENCE JUMP AJ BACKSTAGE- and they actually beat him up for a bit before he fights back and manages to give them the slip. Good segment. AJ gets beaten up a bit more, but uses his brain to escape the heels, thus not making them look like chumps for getting beaten up two-on-one.

ETHAN CARTER III PROMO- I say it again: THIS MAN WILL BE A F*CKING STAR!

MAGNUS vs. BULLY RAY (w/Brooke Tessmacher)- 4.5/10
Another finish that might have been a good idea in theory, but the execution failed. The problem here is that Magnus was about to get his butt kicked before Sting came out, so Sting’s presence at ringside allowing Bully to cheat to beat Magnus doesn’t actually affect the match because Bully was about to cheat to beat Magnus anyway.
I’m not particularly thrilled that Bully had to cheat to win here, but I guess it really doesn’t matter because he is losing the belt anyway.

STING & MAGNUS BACKSTAGE- good… but it doesn’t really fit into the angle. The angle is that Magnus wants to prove that he can do things alone, but I’m not sure why Magnus is so upset because, as Sting pointed out, he is getting his chance to prove himself on his own against Sting at BFG.

KURT ANGLE & BOBBY ROODE SEGMENT- fantastic! PERFECT hype for the PPV!

BFG MAIN EVENT CONRACT SIGNING- Bully Ray cut a boring promo. He tried to pull in some wrestling history, but it just didn’t work. At the end of this promo, he claimed to be the “Darth Vader of pro wrestling.” This is clearly untrue because Vader talking never made me wish that the scene was over. AJ was good, though not spectacular. Bully tries to attack AJ afterwards, but AJ gets the better of him. Not a particularly good segment.

Not a good show from TNA, and not a good go-home show either. There are only six matches on the card for BFG, but TNA still managed to not hype up the Knockouts Title match at all. One thing I will give them credit for, though is that they did a great job making the arena see full, despite miserable report attendance of a mere 800.

[KILLdozer]

Fuck Derrick Bateman.

I actually don't think Ive seen it around, that it's him.

[badnewzxl]

EY and Park stopped the road trip last week; when EY realized ODB had a match, remember? They never showed them get back in the car....

and Derrick Bateman? REALLY? Of all the free agents out there and all the guys TNA dropped, you're gonna pick up this guy? These promos suck....

My big problem with the Roode/Angle segment was the fact that NONE of the MEM came out to help Angle when he was being jumped NOR when he was locked in the crossface. Where the hell were Magnus, Joe, and Sting? They had numbers....

[Big Red Machine]

EY and Park stopped the road trip last week; when EY realized ODB had a match, remember? They never showed them get back in the car....

Tenay said that they have been doing webisodes of the roadtrip, and he specifically said that it has been happening because they had to get called back for it.

and Derrick Bateman? REALLY? Of all the free agents out there and all the guys TNA dropped, you're gonna pick up this guy? These promos suck....

With my hatred of the Shibata-Ishii match I can understand being the only person who holds a particular opinion... but how the hell do you not love these promos?!

My big problem with the Roode/Angle segment was the fact that NONE of the MEM came out to help Angle when he was being jumped NOR when he was locked in the crossface. Where the hell were Magnus, Joe, and Sting? They had numbers....

Good point. I totally forgot that Kurt was even in the MEM.

[badnewzxl]

EY and Park stopped the road trip last week; when EY realized ODB had a match, remember? They never showed them get back in the car....

Tenay said that they have been doing webisodes of the roadtrip, and he specifically said that it has been happening because they had to get called back for it.

and Derrick Bateman? REALLY? Of all the free agents out there and all the guys TNA dropped, you're gonna pick up this guy? These promos suck....

With my hatred of the Shibata-Ishii match I can understand being the only person who holds a particular opinion... but how the hell do you not love these promos?!

My big problem with the Roode/Angle segment was the fact that NONE of the MEM came out to help Angle when he was being jumped NOR when he was locked in the crossface. Where the hell were Magnus, Joe, and Sting? They had numbers....

Good point. I totally forgot that Kurt was even in the MEM.

1. I must've ignored Tenay, lol.

2. I just don't see what's so great about those promos; they're kinda amusing but nowhere near great. Plus, since I know it's Derrick Bateman, i don't really give a damn at all.

3. I almost forgot myself, lol. Until the crossface got put on, then I was like 'wait a minute! where the hell's the rest of the crew? Still, I LOVE that EGO is the strongest group going right now bc Aces&8s and MEM were getting pretty friggin boring....

[Big Red Machine]

2. I just don't see what's so great about those promos; they're kinda amusing but nowhere near great. Plus, since I know it's Derrick Bateman, i don't really give a damn at all.

He just seems to have this star-power. I can't wait to see him cut a real promo. Maybe I haven't had him spoiled for me by seeing him as Bateman so I am viewing him with completely fresh eyes.

[badnewzxl]

2. I just don't see what's so great about those promos; they're kinda amusing but nowhere near great. Plus, since I know it's Derrick Bateman, i don't really give a damn at all.

He just seems to have this star-power. I can't wait to see him cut a real promo. Maybe I haven't had him spoiled for me by seeing him as Bateman so I am viewing him with completely fresh eyes.

I think that his gimmick is that he has star power, but I haven't seen enough to get excited about. I saw him in NXT and there was absolutely NOTHING exciting about him.

Plus, I thought Joey Ryan's promos when he was coming to ROH were dozens of times better than these Ethan promos, and those weren't impressive either.

[cero2k]

I think that his gimmick is that he has star power, but I haven't seen enough to get excited about. I saw him in NXT and there was absolutely NOTHING exciting about him.

Plus, I thought Joey Ryan's promos when he was coming to ROH were dozens of times better than these Ethan promos, and those weren't impressive either.

did you never see the USA Guy promos?

[badnewzxl]

I think that his gimmick is that he has star power, but I haven't seen enough to get excited about. I saw him in NXT and there was absolutely NOTHING exciting about him.

Plus, I thought Joey Ryan's promos when he was coming to ROH were dozens of times better than these Ethan promos, and those weren't impressive either.

did you never see the USA Guy promos?

nope

[cero2k]

I think that his gimmick is that he has star power, but I haven't seen enough to get excited about. I saw him in NXT and there was absolutely NOTHING exciting about him.

Plus, I thought Joey Ryan's promos when he was coming to ROH were dozens of times better than these Ethan promos, and those weren't impressive either.

did you never see the USA Guy promos?

nope

it looked like a promising funny idea.

[youtube][/youtube]

[youtube][/youtube]