BRM Reviews the 10/10/2013 Impact (bad)

[Big Red Machine]

Mike Tenay welcomes us to Impact by hyping up two things for tonight’s show: A match between Jeff Hardy and Austin Aries, and the fallout from Hogan quitting. He then asks if TNA will descend into chaos without a GM. Well I should hope not. It’s not like they don’t have any authority figures at all because they still have Dixie and the road agents… but if you want to play it that way, Tenay, how did Aries vs. Hardy get signed if there is no GM?

OPENING SEGMENT-
Dixie starts off by referring to Hogan as a “self-absorbed, egotistical, fringe player who believes his own hype” and last week we all saw it. I absolutely love the irony that while she is getting booed for this and what she is saying is kayfabe false, it is 100% legit. In front of the camera this was a heel promo on Hogan, but backstage it was a babyface promo on Hogan.
Then Dixie goes on to say that she doesn’t need anyone to tell her how to run her company. Not Vince (she probably meant McMahon, but my mind actually went to Russo) or Eric Bischoff, or “Stephanie Levesque.” Really, Dixie? Of all the people in the world to bring up, you bring up Steph? She is probably the single worst person for Dixie to have brought up. And here’s why. If you trying to not appear like a second-rate WWE, and you have just turned your female boss into a heel authority figure, it’s not a good idea to bring up WWE’s female owner of the company who became a heel authority figure a month before yours did (and especially when Steph is so much better at it than Dixie), because it makes you look like a second-rate WWE rip-off!
So after all of that stuff Aces & Eights did to her company and her employees, Dixie has now decided to give Bully Ray, the President of the Aces & Eights, the ability to book AJ’s match for tonight.
Then Sting comes out and Dixie cut what would have been a decent promo if her delivery hadn’t felt so phony. She was trying to be sassy, but it just came off as so phony. Dixie books Sting and Magnus to take on Bad Influence tonight. Then she decides to give away the finish to that match by declaring that if they lose, they will be off of Bound For Glory.

Apparently someone in TNA actually wasted time coming up with a logo for this E.G.O. Hall of Fame, and Tenay talks it up like it is a real thing. A good announcer would have scoffed at the idea, called it ridiculous and said it was just something that the heels were doing to soothe their own egos.

AUSTIN ARIES PROMO- awesome. He was pretty heeelish here, though.

AJ STYLES PROMO- Good, but one thing really bothered me. AJ started off by saying “it’s nice to be let back in the building without security chasing you around.” Oh come on! You weren’t even banned from the building for an entire show. This is the sort of thing that would have worked better with more time.
If I were booking this, I would have had AJ win at No Surrender and do the segment where Dixie turned heel right there. At the end of the next week (9/19) I would have done the same segment they did with Hogan two weeks ago. Dixie says that with the way AJ is behaving, she doesn’t want him under contract, and since he doesn’t have one, he is now barred from the building and he won’t get his title match at BFG.
The next week (9/26) Dixie would try to name Magnus the new #1 contender, but Magnus says that he doesn’t want to be #1 contender that way. Dixie says that if that is the way Magnus wants it, then she will make the third and fourth place guys have a #1 contendership match tonight. Roode being a heel and Aries being a tweener, they agree to this. Throughout the night I would have various important people (Sting, Hogan, some road agents, Earl Hebner, maybe a representative from the knockouts) try to convince Dixie that the right thing to do is to give AJ the title match at BFG, but she refuses. The last person who tries to convince her is Hulk, and this results in Dixie giving Hulk her ultimatum. The #1 contendership match ends in a double DQ when AJ jumps the barricade and attacks both guys.
Dixie books Aries and Roode in a rematch on 10/3 to open the show and beefs up security, but AJ still manages to sneak in and attack both guys for the double DQ. Seeing that security is ineffective, Dixie books another rematch as the main event, and orders the entire roster to surround the ring to stop AJ from interfering. When the time comes, though, the vast majority of them (other than select heels) just let AJ through and interfere in the match. Dixie demands to know why they are disobeying her, and Sting, speaking for the group, says that AJ won the BFG Series fair and square, and if Dixie doesn’t give him the title match at BFG, they will all go on strike. Dixie calls Hogan out to back up her decision, but Hogan refuses. Dixie gives in, and tells them all to leave the ring, aside from Hogan, then we get the same segment with Hogan quitting.
The angle stays the same, but AJ’s comments about being able to be in the building and not be chased around by security feel more real, and Dixie’s tyranny seems to have a wider effect than just relating to AJ Styles, Sting, and Hulk Hogan.

AUSTIN ARIES vs. JEFF HARDY- 6.5/10
This was your MAIN EVENT OF BOUND FOR GLORY LAST YEAR! Why the hell is it your opener?!
Anyway, they did a super brainbuster for a finish, which is way too awesome a finish to just give away in your opening match on free TV. That is a f*cking PPV finish right there!
After the match, Samoa Joe comes out and books himself into the Ultimate X match for the X-Division Title at BFG. Two problems here:
1) If anyone can just book themselves into a title match, why doesn’t everyone do it all the time?
2) This stupid Ultimate X match is such a waste of Aries, Sabin, and Joe (and Hardy and TJP, too, come to think of it) that it is almost criminal. I don’t want to see these guys in some stupid “high-wire spectacle” (as Tenay is so fond of calling it). They are awesome wrestlers and I want to see them in a f*cking WRESTLING MATCH! Is that really too much to ask?

While hyping up the Ultimate X match, Tenay says that Option C makes the X-Division Title “so damn important.” While this is true, this is a perfect example of why I HATE Option C. The X-Division Title should be important all by itself simply because it is a title! It shouldn’t be just a stepping stone for a world title shot!

ROBBIE E. & JESSIE GODDERZ BACKSTAGE- good

ODB (w/Eric Young) vs. JESSIE GODDERZ (w/Robbie E.)- DUD!
So despite Spike TV’s ban of male-on-female violence, TNA decided to book a man against a woman anyway. From a non-kayfabe point of view, this was also dumb. Not only have they booked a match where it is almost impossible for the heel to get heat, but I actually started to feel sorry for Jessie because he has to stand there getting pounded on and is not allowed to fight back. I realize that this whole thing was just an excuse to have ODB be in the ring so Lei’D Tapa could attack her, but if that was what you wanted to do, then why not just put ODB in there with someone of her own gender?
Tapa laying ODB out was very good, though.

THE CAMERAMAN ASKS BULLY ABOUT AJ’S OPPONENTS IN TONIGHT’S “BULLY’S REVENGE” MATCH-
Why is this match being called “Bully’s revenge?” Revenge for what? (And to those of you who are going to bring up AJ attacking Aces & Eights with a hammer after he refused to join them, I say that 1) then why didn’t they try to get revenge on AJ before? Why is this totally forgotten thing from four months ago so important right now? And if this were the case, shouldn’t the announcers or the wrestlers be mentioning it?)

ACES & EIGHTS BACKSTAGE- I love how they keep saying that they are now down to just three members. It’s like Taz doesn’t exist anymore. Oh how I wish that were true. And what about Tito Ortiz? He doesn’t ride with them anymore? I thought this was a biker gang that happened to be made up of wrestlers, not a wrestling stable. Is Tito no longer a member of the club just because he isn’t allowed on Impact until after his Bellator fight?
Anyway, Bully says he is booking AJ against Garrett and Knux tonight, and I like the way that they did this because it created a reason for why Bully wouldn’t just book AJ against the entire roster (he is being diplomatic and showing trust in Knux and Garrett).

STING & MAGNUS BACKSTAGE- okay

BAD INFLUECE PROMO- the way they poked their heads out from behind the door was hilariously cartoonish. PERFECT!

BOBBY ROODE GETS INDUCTED INTO THE E.G.O. HALL OF FAME-
They get the ring all gussied up, and once again I have to ask why, from a kayfabe point of view, would TNA Wrestling LLC go along with this?
Kaz and Daniels are rocking solid color suits, Daniels in light gray and Kaz in f*cking ORANGE! AWESOME!
Oh. So now that the ceremony has started, Tenay gets all indignant and says “have you ever seen anything more self-serving than this?” Where was your f*cking indignation before when you were hyping this thing up like it was legit, Mike?
Anyway, Kaz made Roode a video package which I can only describe as AMAZING! The closest thing I can compare it to is Kurt Angle “interviewing The Rock” at No Mercy 2000. At one point they were talking about how good-looking Roode is and then they played a clip of Christy Hemme saying “who doesn’t want to kiss” and then a deep masculine voice says “Bobby Roode” while Christy’s mouth is moving, muted, but clearly saying something else. Completely fantastic.
Roode then cuts a promo saying that he deserves to be in the hall of fame instead of Kurt, and wouldn’t you know it, Kurt Angle shows up. What a completely unexpected surprise. The Bad Influence charge at Kurt ONE AT A TIME like an idiotic A.I. so he takes them each down with a suplex. Angle then challenges Roode to a match at BFG.

ANGRY BOBBY ROODE PROMO- good

WINNER GETS A KNOCKOUTS TITLE MATCH AT BFG: Brooke Tessmacher vs. Velvet Sky (w/Chris Sabin)- DUD!
So Velvet’s music plays and everyone pops and you can see everyone’s heads turn to look towards the entrance ramp… but the idiot director leaves the f*cking camera on Christy Hemme. It made you feel like you were missing something exciting.
During Velvet’s entrance, Sabin used his jacket to block Velvet’s fun-parts from the camera. Now that’s heel heat! Sabin was just fantastic here. At one point Velvet went to ask him for tactical advice, so he told her to “step on her throat and crush her larynx.”
Wait… WHAT? Tenay now tells us that the winner of this match will be “added” to the Knockouts Title match at BFG, and that “it has already been established that it will be ODB vs. Gail Kim.” When the f*cking did this happen? And what did Gail do to earn this title shot?
Brooke tries to taunt Velvet by doing Velvet’s ring entrance in the middle of the match… except that Sabin stopped us from seeing it before and Brooke is also really hot, so rather than boos this just got cheers. Despite Sabin’s hilariousness, this match was not good. It was poorly worked, and Velvet’s shoulders were clearly not down for the three count.
I also have to question the booking here. Why would you put Brooke in this spot and not Velvet? Velvet is much more popular. She is pretty much the face of the Knockouts Division (or at least the tits of the Knockouts Divison), so why not have her in the title match at BFG. Brooke can get on the show by interfering in Bully Ray’s match. Also, we can assume that Tapa will also be added to this match. She is a big monster, so the story should be about her, and ODB’s fight to overcome her. Having three heels against ODB will convolute that by adding that second layer on.
And what is gained by Velvet losing here? Surely whatever breakup or tease that you want to start by having Sabin’s unsolicited strategy session distract Velvet and cost her the match here can wait until after BFG, can’t it?
Now that I think about it, Gail probably got added to this match because TNA is hoping she can carry the others to a good match.

IF STING & MAGNUS LOSE, THEY ARE OFF OF BFG: Bad Influence vs. Sting & Magnus- 5.5/10

DIXIE CARTER & AJ STYLES BACKSTAGE- she tries to buy AJ off and bribe him to retire. AJ says he won’t do. What the hell was the point of this? Was there anyone out there who thought there was a chance that AJ would take this bribe and just retire ten days before challenging for the TNA World Heavyweight Title at Bound For Glory?

HANDICAP MATCH: AJ Styles vs. Garrett Bischoff & Knux (w/Bully Ray & Brooke Tessmacher)- 4.25/10
Bully kicks Tenay out of the announce booth, which I guess makes Bully a babyface.
AJ wins via roll-up, but gets beaten down afterwards by Bully Ray and his chain.

Another bad episode of Impact. Watch Bobby Roode HOF induction segment and Aries vs. Hardy if you really want to, but skip the rest.

[cero2k]

i'm thinking, what are the chances that Ethan Carter III will end up being Dixie Carter's spoiled son?

[Big Red Machine]

i'm thinking, what are the chances that Ethan Carter III will end up being Dixie Carter's spoiled son?

Hmmm... wouldn't be a bad idea, though one would assume that his last name would be Salinas, or at least Carter-Salinas. A spoiled nephew would work equally well, though.

[cero2k]

i'm thinking, what are the chances that Ethan Carter III will end up being Dixie Carter's spoiled son?

Hmmm... wouldn't be a bad idea, though one would assume that his last name would be Salinas, or at least Carter-Salinas. A spoiled nephew would work equally well, though.

nephew would be better, true. i'm not sure dixie is kayfabe 49 yrs old as in real life, so it could look weird. but a nephew would be great.

[cero2k]

AUSTIN ARIES vs. JEFF HARDY- 6.5/10
This was your MAIN EVENT OF BOUND FOR GLORY LAST YEAR! Why the hell is it your opener?!
Anyway, they did a super brainbuster for a finish, which is way too awesome a finish to just give away in your opening match on free TV. That is a f*cking PPV finish right there!

after looking at the brainbuster, i didn't think it was that impressive. not really a PPV finish IMO

[Big Red Machine]

AUSTIN ARIES vs. JEFF HARDY- 6.5/10
This was your MAIN EVENT OF BOUND FOR GLORY LAST YEAR! Why the hell is it your opener?!
Anyway, they did a super brainbuster for a finish, which is way too awesome a finish to just give away in your opening match on free TV. That is a f*cking PPV finish right there!

after looking at the brainbuster, i didn't think it was that impressive. not really a PPV finish IMO

Are you high? It looks f*cking vicious!