BRM Reviews the 9/13/2013 Smackdown

[Big Red Machine]

Someone has a sign saying “HHH nose what’s best for business.” I don’t think I’ve seen a Triple H’s nose joke in forever, so props to that fan for making me want to go back and listen to Jerry Lawler from the mid 90’s.

BIG SHOW IS FORCED TO READ AN APOLOGY- great. Then Hunter comes out and says that he didn’t think Show's apology was sincere enough, so he suspends him without pay for the night…
THAT’S THE ANSWER THEY’VE NEEDED! That’s the loophole! The way around this whole “iron-clad contract” problem! They can’t fire Show… but they can suspend him without pay because he still needs the money!
So The Shield attack Big Show. I think what they were going for here was that Show wouldn’t leave so Hunter had The Shield come down to force him out, but they should have done a better job of making that clear.
Anyway, Big Show beat The Shield up on his own for a while before the numbers game caught up to him.

BRIE BELLA, NATALYA, & NAOMI (w/Nikki Bella & Cameron) vs. ALICIA FOX, AKSANA, & LAYLA-No rating. Bad segment. AJ was kicking ass on commentary until she ran into the ring, causing a DQ. Nattie threw her down and then AJ was surrounded by her three challengers on Sunday. Natalya pointed at AJ and said “You… not a champion.” Apparently it’s Speak Like a Cavewoman Day.” Then all three babyfaces beat AJ up three-on-one. Then… and only then… did AJ’s newfound minions make any attempt to save her. It kind of got the point across that a go-home show needs to get (what the PPV match is and why we should want to watch it), but it really wasn’t put together very well.

DANCING WITH THE WWE SUPERSTARS
Vickie introduces Truth and Fandango (w/Summer Rae).
Miz wasn’t originally scheduled to be in this segment. He just interrupted Vickie right when she was about to start. This angered Vickie so much that she said: “How dare you interrupt me! But since you’re out here, you’re welcome to compete with the other WWE Superstars.” So, to paraphrase: “Miz, the fact that you interrupted me was rude and disrespectful. It has angered me so much that I am just going to give you exactly what you want.”
Now the reason that, as an authority figure, you can’t do things like this is because it sets a bad example for others. This has sent a message to then other superstars that if they are disrespectful to Vickie, she will cave and give them exactly what they want. The reason why this is a bad thing was seen immediately, because when Vickie was about to start this thing up again, The Great Khali came out and inserted himself into the contest, too. SEE WHAT YOU DID, VICKIE?! Now I have to sit through a f*cking Great Khali segment. I am placing the blame for this solely on your shoulders!
So the dance-off started. Truth did the same dancing he did a few minutes ago when he entered (and the same stuff we always see from him). Same goes for Fandango and Summer Rae. I have to ask, though, why was Fandango allowed to bring a dance partner, but no one else did. That seems horribly unfair, especially when you consider that if you put Summer Rae next to ANYONE, that person will win whatever sort of fan-voted contest they are in (unless it is some sort of “not being hot” contest).
Next up is Miz, who was wearing a an afro wig and calling himself “Mizco Inferno.” With a name like this, you would think that he would do some disco dance moves, but instead he starts twerking. This lead to the only redeeming feature of this segment, which was JBL saying “I wish he was in a Jimmy Kimmel video so he would catch fire.”
Khali did his same idiotic Khali dance, and I think Miz and Truth were actually mocking him in the background.
Predictably, Miz won the contest, and Truth… I’m not quite sure what he did. I honestly couldn’t tell if he was trying to celebrate with Miz or attack him. Fandango called all three of the babyfaces a “disgrace to the art of dance,” then went to cheap-shot Miz but didn’t even get to hit Miz once before the combination Miz and Truth kicked Fandango’s ass and tossed him over the top rope the like a piece of trash. While this was happening, Khali stood in the corner and did nothing. Then Miz and Truth celebrated with some dancing while Khali once again just stood in the corner. If he can’t f*cking dance, and isn’t going to participate in the beatdown, WHY THE F*CK WAS HE OUT HERE?
Also… this is the f*cking go-home show to a PPV. This segment did nothing to build up the PPV, so why the hell was it on here?

RYBACK BULLIES ROBERT EVANS!- disappointing
Vickie is apparently letting Ryback do some interviewing tonight, at Ryback’s request, so he can show off how multi-talented he is. He also claimed to be a concert pianist, and the mental image of that had me rolling with laughter.
Ryback asked Evans some questions, then just slapped him and kicked him once. I was disappointed with this because anyone who is familiar with the man’s work will tell you that R.D. has THE BEST body language and facial expressions in pro wrestling, and they didn’t even come close to using that to its fullest potential.
I’m not quite sure that Ryback knew what he was getting into, either, and I think he’ll probably wind up getting sued over this. I know for a fact that Robert Evans knows a good lawyer.

VICKIE & RICARDO- good.

DAMIEN SANDOW vs. SANTINO MARELLA- WHAT THE F*CK?! THEY JUST JOBBED SANDOW OUT TO SANTINO!

COLE INTERVIEWS HEYMAN & AXEL- good.
Cole says that Heyman was there “every step of the way” for Punk’s title epic title reign. This is false. Heyman joined up with Punk almost TEN MONTHS IN!
Heyman was awesome here, though. He encouraged fans to boycott the PPV so that they wouldn’t see Punk murder him!

ALBERTO DEL RIO vs. RICARDO RODRIGUEZ (w/RVD)- no rating. Eh segment.
Cole: Jon, give Ricardo some credit!
JBL: NO!
I LOVE IT!
I think this match would have been better if they had done some of the standard bullying spots like Del Rio pulling Ricardo up at two.

TRIPLE H VIDEO PACKAGE EXPLAINING HIS ACTIONS & HYPING UP NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS- great

DEAN AMBROSE vs. DOLPH ZIGGLER- 5.5/10
They have a nice little match until Reigns and Rollins interfere. Then The Usos make the save. Then Vickie makes it a six man tag match.

THE SHIELD vs. THE USOS & DOLPH ZIGGLER- 4/10
Hmm… of all of the tag teams in the #1 contendership match, the only one who is even on this show are the Usos… and they are involved in a match with The Shield. I wonder who will win the #1 contendership match?
Rollins pins an Uso clean. Because having the champs pin a potential challenger clean is a great way to build up a PPV.

THE CUTTING EDGE WITH SPECIAL GUEST DANIEL BRYAN & RANDY ORTON- awesome!
Edge was a great babyface. Orton cut a great heel promo but still came off like an entirely reasonable person and Dragon cut a fiery babyface promo about following your dreams. Orton cheap-shots Dragon, but Dragon overcomes it and makes Orton tap clean in the middle of the ring. A PERFECT go-home segment!

Overall, an okay show and not a particularly good go-home show aside from the Dragon-Orton stuff and the Heyman stuff.