BRM Reviews the 9/12/2013 Impact (No Surrender)

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING VIDEO PACKAGE- great!

OPENING SEGMENT- Bully says that all of his problems are Hogan’s fault. Then Hogan comes out and thanks Spike TV for allowing them to show No Surrender for free… because showing a major show on free TV where you don’t make any money off of it is a good thing for some reason. Hogan then calls Bully a “crybaby” (complete with a “waa waa waa”) and says that Bully should be worried about defending the belt against of one his own brothers (brother!). Hogan just came off as so pitifully lame in this segment that I have to wonder… do Hogan or TNA really think that Hogan’s mannerisms and lame insults are in any way cool? Because if they do, they are so out of touch it’s not funny, and if they don’t, Hogan shouldn’t be saying things that sound so damn lame.
Bully responds by saying that Anderson will “do the right thing” (that’s right, another f*cking Fingerpoke tease that everyone knows won’t happen) and Hogan responds to this by just repeating his previous sentence about Bully needing to worry about defending the title against one of his own brothers (brother!).
Bully then says that if Anderson is here, he would like him to come out and state his intentions. “If” he is here?! He’s getting a TNA World Heavyweight Title match! Why the f*ck would he not be here?! This shouldn’t even be a question!
Anderson then comes out (and snubs Hogan’s handshake, which was a good touch). While Anderson is on his way down the ramp, Tenay says “here’s the man who will challenge for the World Heavyweight Title later tonight unless he does the right thing, as Bully Ray just talked about.” This is a perfect example of why I hate Mike Tenay. He always says the same exact things that the guys cutting their promos just said, in the same exact words that they used, and as a result, it adds nothing to the show other than extraneous noise and makes the audience feel insulted because the lead announcer does seem to think that we can figure out the most obvious f*cking things without him telling us… and the fact that he feels the need to add “as Bully Ray just talked about” makes it even worse. If he just talked about it, then you shouldn’t need to tell us!
The thing that annoyed me the most here was that Tenay actually used the term “do the right thing.” Yes, we all know that this is supposed to be a Fingerpoke of Doom reference, but it is entirely possible that there are fans out there who don’t quite realize this reference. Tenay’s job is to explain things to us, and he failed at that here. Not only that, but we have the babyface announcer saying that lying down for someone in a title match is doing “the right thing.” WHAT THE F*CK?
So Anderson comes down to the ring and Bully tells him that all he needs to do is apologize, and this will all be over. Anderson does the standard TNA thing where he start to seem apologetic by saying that he was “out of line” last week, but then, in a swerve that fooled absolutely no one, he says that he “can’t wait to get out of line again tonight” and punched Bully. Hogan then says that the World Heavyweight Title match will now be a Last Man Standing match. So we have a gimmick match for no reason at all with less than two hours to hype up the gimmick. FAIL!
Only in TNA to then do a whole big angle where the babyface authority figures need to get the belt off of Bully “because the title gives him power” and yet the whole f*cking time it is Hogan throwing his weight around and forcing Bully into matches that he doesn’t want and there is nothing that Bully can do about it.
At the end of all of this, Tenay comments in his normal voice about how Anderson showed this week, just like last week, that he has “a mind of his own.” Not only did Tenay not sound excited about this new stipulation to the World Heavyweight Title match, he didn’t even seem to care at all. He just talked about Anderson as if he just plain hadn’t heard a word that Hogan said! He finally got around to mentioning it when he tried to provoke a pointless argument with Taz.

The biggest problem with this segment, though, was that it existed at all. This show would have been so much better without it. They spent fifteen minutes on Hogan totally failing at being cool, a swerve that fooled absolutely no one, and the addition of a completely random stipulation to a match. TNA has two hours (minus commercial time) to put on both BFG Series semifinals, the BFG Series finals, the World Heavyweight Title match, and the Knockout’s title match. That is less than two thirds worth of time than they would have on a PPV to put on FIVE matches (about two thirds of a PPV card). They just plain do not have the time to be wasting fifteen minutes on an entirely pointless segment (if they really needed to add the Last Man Standing stipulation, just announce it on your damn website).

BFG SERIES SEMIFINAL MATCH: Austin Aries vs. AJ Styles- 7/10
Remember how I said that TNA couldn’t afford to waste any time tonight? Well they did both entrances for this match before a commercial, then waited until after the commercial to start the match. Did they just stand there in the ring and pose for three minutes while waiting for the end of the commercial?
These guys but on a great match with the time that they got (14 minutes), but it really felt like they could have done something special if they had been given another eight to ten.


STING GIVES MAGNUS A PEP TALK- Sting says that Magnus is “two wins away” from being a world champion. Sting is wrong. Magnus is three wins away from being a world champion. Two wins only earns him the title shot. So one of the top names in the company… and a guy who used to be the freakin’ GM… cannot do basic math. Why was this not reshot?
Magnus’ little promo was good.

Tenay tells us that he has just noticed that neither Tito Ortiz nor Rampage Jackson are here tonight, then says “I wonder what’s going on?”… but he says this in such a casual tone that it is utterly impossible to make anyone care about this.

BFG SERIES SEMIFINAL MATCH: Magnus vs. Bobby Roode- 6/10
Seven minutes. A good seven minutes, but still just seven minutes for a BFG Series semifinal match. The sequence in the cloverleaf was great. So great that the roll-up finish right after it felt extremely anti-climactic.

EGO BACKSTAGE- they blame Roode’s loss on Hogan somehow and vow to get revenge for this perceived wrong. They say that if they can’t win the BFG Series, then no one can.

HULK HOGAN & MANIK BACKSTAGE- Hogan says that Manik has been “on fire.” So Hulk’s definition of “on fire” is having two matches in a month and a half, and only winning one of them. I would also like to point out that Manik is so “on fire” as champion that he has never once defended the belt since winning it back in late July.
Anyway, Manik wants a match with Jeff, so Hogan signs the match.

HOGAN & DIXIE BACKSTAGE- horrific
Dixie tells Hogan that Tito and Rampage aren’t here because Bellator’s lawyers pulled them and Dixie is fine with that because “they have to protect their Pay-Per-View.”
A few things here:
1) Rampage is signed to a TNA contract. What sort of BS is this that Bellator can just pull him whenever they want?
2) Bellator lawyers decided to pull these guys NOW, after the absolutely nothing that happened last week, but were fine leaving them on the show after Tito hit Rampage in the head with a hammer?
3) Hogan says that if he can’t have them fight on Impact before the Bellator show, then he will “feed Tito to Rampage on a silver platter” AFTER the Bellator show. So Hogan is going to let Rampage get his hands on Tito AFTER Rampage and Tito have an MMA fight? Huh? How is having an MMA fight not Rampage getting the chance to get his hands on Tito?

ACES & EIGHTS BACKSTAGE- don’t care.

LAST MAN STANDING MATCH FOR THE TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: Bully Ray(c) (w/Miss Tessmacher) vs. Mr. Anderson- 4.5/10 (your rating will probably be a lot higher).
So in yet another predictable swerve, the three Aces & Eights guys who seemed to be on Anderson’s side are actually on Bully’s side now, and they show up steal the Shield’s finisher and hit Anderson with. Anderson manages to get up at nine, though, and while he and Bully start brawling, the other three guys decide to just sit there and watch, rather than help Bully.
I can’t deny that the crowd was very into this match, but I really didn’t care one bit, and really didn’t find the match exciting. It definitely made Anderson look tough and it was a successful face turn, so I’ll give them credit for that. I just couldn’t get into it, though.

POST-MATCH BEATDOWN- totally unnecessary.
Anderson get’s stretched off but Bully flips the stretcher over and starts to mercilessly beat Anderson, culminating in a piledriver on the ramp… and this whole time, not one person lifts a finger to help Anderson. No babyfaces, no security, no one at all.

ODB PROMO- I thought it was a mistake last week, but this week, too ODB refers to the women’s title as the “knocked-up title.” If she can’t even get the name of the f*cking belt right, why should I want ODB to win it?
Also, apparently their match is next week, not tonight.

STORM & GUNNER PROMO- Storm did all of the talking, which was a good thing. Then Chavo and Hernandez came out. Chavo actually showed some charisma here, and was a passable heel. I actually might want to see this match. Maybe.
Wait. No. Too late. The clock struck midnight and Chavo turned into a charisma-less pumpkin in mid promo here just as he was making a challenge for the tag titles. I don’t care anymore.
And just for sh*ts and giggles, Chavo said that he thinks he and Hernandez can take the tag belts from Storm and Gunner because Storm and Gunner have been on a losing streak. As it turns out this is not true because a streak is, by definition, more than one, and Storm and Gunner have only lost one match in a row. And now that Chavo brings it up… why should Chavo and Hernandez get a title shot when the guys who actually beat the tag champs a few weeks ago haven’t gotten one yet?
Gunner then cuts a needlessly confrontational promo accepting a non-title match between these two teams for next week.

BFG SERIES FINALS: AJ Styles vs. Magnus-6.75/10
E.G.O. come out and attack them both… and then they just leave. If they wanted to make sure that no one would win the BFG Series, why not attack them with chairs and not stop attacking them until they are too injured to compete? It’s not like anyone would have stopped them. Sting and Joe had more than enough time to make the save, but didn’t.
Like the Aries vs. AJ match, this was great, but really felt it could have been something special if they had ten more minutes to work with. Cut out the pointless opening segment, the post-match beatdown in the title match, and maybe shave a minute or two off of the title match, and they could have easily had this time.

AJ STYLES PROMO- apparently Dixie didn’t try to talk to AJ in ANY WAY AT ALL after AJ’s tirade a few weeks ago. What a great, responsive boss she is. Anyway, AJ Styles just won a title shot at TNA’s biggest show of the year, but the angle that they close the show with is that AJ wants to talk to Dixie Carter about backstage stuff. Welcome to TNA.

Overall, Impact was a lot better than it usually was in the ring, so that was good. Actually, I’ll go ahead and actually call this week’s Impact a good show. Fantastic crowd, too.

STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. While running down tonight’s card Tenay tells us that one of the BFG Series semifinals will be Magnus vs. Roode… and transitions to the hype for the next semifinal by saying “but that’s not all.”
Well of course it’s not all! If there was only one tournament match, it would be called the finals, not the “semi”-finals!

2. “Professor” Tenay miscalls a Super Gordbuster as a “front suplex.”

3. Bully Ray tells Brooke to get him a steel chair. Taz then says “yeah, Brooke! Get him a chair!” After this, for some unknown reason, Tenay felt it was essential to say “steel chair; the request from Bully Ray to Brooke.”
WE KNOW, MIKE! We heard it TWICE already! I swear Tenay must think that there are people out there who are completely deaf to everyone’s voice but his own and it is his duty to make sure that they know what is going on during the show.

[cero2k]

POST-MATCH BEATDOWN- totally unnecessary.
Anderson get’s stretched off but Bully flips the stretcher over and starts to mercilessly beat Anderson, culminating in a piledriver on the ramp… and this whole time, not one person lifts a finger to help Anderson. No babyfaces, no security, no one at all.

why would anyone wanna come out and help a member, or former member of Aces and Eights?

[Big Red Machine]

POST-MATCH BEATDOWN- totally unnecessary.
Anderson get’s stretched off but Bully flips the stretcher over and starts to mercilessly beat Anderson, culminating in a piledriver on the ramp… and this whole time, not one person lifts a finger to help Anderson. No babyfaces, no security, no one at all.

why would anyone wanna come out and help a member, or former member of Aces and Eights?

1. Because he is an enemy of Bully Ray and getting the belt off of Bully is super-important
2. Because he is now no longer a member of Aces & Eights and could be valuable in the fight against them (especially with the MEM not having Rampage and Kurt anymore)
3. TNA security should have helped him because he is under TNA contract and them making no effort to help him whatsoever while he is being horrifically beaten in the midst of being stretchered off could open them up to a lawsuit

[cero2k]

1. Because he is an enemy of Bully Ray and getting the belt off of Bully is super-important
2. Because he is now no longer a member of Aces & Eights and could be valuable in the fight against them (especially with the MEM not having Rampage and Kurt anymore)
3. TNA security should have helped him because he is under TNA contract and them making no effort to help him whatsoever while he is being horrifically beaten in the midst of being stretchered off could open them up to a lawsuit

up until the swerve by the rest of A&8s, he was still believed to be part of the group. Last week he said to Bully "you're not bigger than the aces and eights, meaning that he wants the title for the group, but, not just bully. so it's not super important to get the title off Bully, it's super important to get the title off Aces and Eights, I can see no reason why to help him during the match because it doens't change anything, and i don't see how helping him afterwards helps at all since the match is over now.

2. would anyone trust the guy that once betrayed the company and joined A&8s? just let the tweener be taken out in case he decides to stay with his club.

3. you're looking to much into this, this is not ring of honor where bad guys don't shake hands. it's a beat down in a wrestling show, if anderson goes crybaby and sues, then he has no place in a wrestling show. it's just really wimpy storytelling.

[Big Red Machine]

1. Because he is an enemy of Bully Ray and getting the belt off of Bully is super-important
2. Because he is now no longer a member of Aces & Eights and could be valuable in the fight against them (especially with the MEM not having Rampage and Kurt anymore)
3. TNA security should have helped him because he is under TNA contract and them making no effort to help him whatsoever while he is being horrifically beaten in the midst of being stretchered off could open them up to a lawsuit

up until the swerve by the rest of A&8s, he was still believed to be part of the group. Last week he said to Bully "you're not bigger than the aces and eights, meaning that he wants the title for the group, but, not just bully. so it's not super important to get the title off Bully, it's super important to get the title off Aces and Eights, I can see no reason why to help him during the match because it doens't change anything, and i don't see how helping him afterwards helps at all since the match is over now.

2. would anyone trust the guy that once betrayed the company and joined A&8s? just let the tweener be taken out in case he decides to stay with his club.

3. you're looking to much into this, this is not ring of honor where bad guys don't shake hands. it's a beat down in a wrestling show, if anderson goes crybaby and sues, then he has no place in a wrestling show. it's just really wimpy storytelling.

2. He betrayed the company because no one came to help him or checked up on him after these same heels kicked his ass. The natural conclusion of the story is that he should be fully brought back into the fold by being saved.

3. It is a kayfabe concern for the promotion, and heels have always been whiny and used lawsuits to get what they want.