Kiel's thoughts on Summerslam as it happens!

[kiel297]

Already one match in, but I only just had the idea for this so why not!

Kane vs Bray Wyatt
This was a pretty disappointing match. We got a few flame leaps, but other than that there was really nothing noteworthy about it. I would have really liked Bray to go over clean here, because needing the Wyatt family to interfere only enforces the idea that Bray Wyatt isn't as destructive as those who've seen NXT know he is. I really don't want to see Wyatt become a chickenshit heel who needs his heavies to save him.

I am however excited by their abduction of Kane. I hope it leads to a conversion of Kane into the Wyatt Family.

Winner: Bray Wyatt by pinfall

[kiel297]

Damien Sandow vs Cody Rhodes
WHERE IS THE MOUSTACHE!!!!! D:
Been looking forward to this match, but I am a huge mark for Cody, so there's that. Some good action in this match, a nice clean finish with Cody picking up the win. No complaints from me. I would have had this be the opener and put Wyatt vs Kane higher up on the card with some more time, personally. I think this match did a way better job of warming up the crowd, no pun intended.

Winner: Cody Rhodes by pinfall

[Legacy54]

Anyone have a live link?

[Big Red Machine]

Crap. I think you might be ahead of me. Damn my desire for pizza!

[kiel297]

Christian vs Alberto Del Rio
It looks like Christian's finally getting his one more match! I'm not gonna pretend I'm overly excited for this match, because Christian's past his prime and really made it into the main event scene far too late, and to be honest I keep forgetting Del Rio is even the champion. I hope this match surprises me by being good.

Good God almighty Del Rio has some kicks. As boring as I find him sometimes, that is the one thing I will never get bored of. His kicks. They are fucking lethal.

So far this is alright. Del Rio comes off the top rope landing straight on Christian's arm. That looked like it hurt. Damn. He's working that arm nice and good, softening it up for the cross arm breaker. And there's a Del Rio bump. You know the one, where he just stacks it straight through the ropes to the floor without even touching them. It's brilliant.

I'm slowly realising that you guys will be reading this after the match, and it really wont make too much sense without the match playing while you read this. Apologies for that. I'll shut up a bit now and try and keep my comments clear enough so that you know what I mean without having to watch at the same time.

How did Christian fall for Del Rio's little time out trick? It's the oldest trick in the book. That backstabber from the corner just after though, that was brilliantly brutal. Same with these kicks and dropkicks that keep on coming. They bring out my inner thirst for someone getting their fucking head kicked in.

I guess the fact that I'm able to type so much about this match is a good thing right? I'm actually really enjoying it and enjoying putting my thoughts on it down. Also, whenever a sunset flip gets reversed by just not falling down, it just looks like a strange blowjob. Why not just roll through and then kick them in the face? It's a much better strategy.

Del Rio counters the spear by planting his feet firmly inside Christian's mouth. Love it. Del Rio's keeping control of this match and it's beautiful. I hope there isn't a word count limit per post here. That'd really suck at this point.

Christian hits the spear, "OW MY BAD ARM", Del Rio gets the arm breaker on, Christian taps. Bish bash bosh, pretty nice finish, making use of the work Del Rio did on that arm early on in the match. That was a pretty good match. One of the first WHC matches that hasn't featured Ziggler that I've thoroughly enjoyed in a very long time, but I guess a lot of that has to do with Sheamus vs Del Rio happening like 50 times in a row.

Winner: Alberto Del Rio by submission

[kiel297]

Here's the stream I've got:

http://thefirstrow.biz/boxing/wwe-summe ... 3-frs90b94

[kiel297]

All this stuff with The Miz and Fandango is really rustling my jimmies. If you're gonna have a comedy segment, at least make it fucking funny. More wrestling now pls.


Nattie's music hits, I guess it's time for the crowd killer.

Natalya Neidhart vs Brie Bella
I'm not expecting much from this match. Let's shoot at about 3 minutes.

Okay, so we're having a bitchslap contest in the middle of the ring before Nattie trips her up and makes no attempt to go for either a catapult or the Sharpshooter. Eva Marie and Alicia Fox pull her off the apron. The crowd is bored and is now chanting for JBL and Michael Cole. And Jerry Lawler. Shades of the night after Wrestlemania.

Has it been three minutes yet? Is the crowd chanting we want tables? During a divas match?

Sharpshooter locked in, Brie Bella rolls through, sends Nattie into the turnbuckle. I'm half impressed, something vaguely technical from a Bella. Followed by a weak ass submission move consisting of putting Nattie's arm round her waist and her arms round Nattie's neck. Where exactly are you inflicting pain?

Sharpshooter one more time, Brie taps, thank christ it's over. Half the arena now have new hotdogs, new sodas and they've been to the bathroom. Let's move on with the show now.

Winner: Natalya Neidhart by submission

[kiel297]

Segment involving Ryback bullying another random member of staff. This time the victim is member of the catering staff. Ryback doesn't like soup that's supposed to be cold, so he pours it down the guys shirt. And the rest on his head. Great, we've established for weeks now that Ryback is basically Bully Ray 2.0, now when are we gonna get to the part where he wrestles again?

[Big Red Machine]

Segment involving Ryback bullying another random member of staff. This time the victim is member of the catering staff. Ryback doesn't like soup that's supposed to be cold, so he pours it down the guys shirt. And the rest on his head. Great, we've established for weeks now that Ryback is basically Bully Ray 2.0, now when are we gonna get to the part where he wrestles again?

Yeah. This was horrible. I paid to see action, not dumb sh*t they randomly do on Raw to fill time.

[kiel297]

A nice video package for the best vs the beast playing now. I'm actually kind of looking forward to this match. Although I'm not too sure why WWE feels that in order for Brock Lesnar to be entertaining, he has to be in a No DQ match. It's almost like they've forgotten he's a good wrestler.

That being said however, I haven't found any of his matches since his return all that great to be honest. The thing I've found about Brock Lesnar, is that although he is a damn good wrestler, he needs to be carried. He needs to be against someone that's gonna make him look great. That's why he was so great against guys like Kurt Angle, because guys like Kurt Angle look good regardless, so they can focus on making their opponent look good. Guys like Triple H and John Cena are too concerned with making themselves look good to be able to make someone else look good, so when they're against a guy like Brock, it just makes for a dull afair. CM Punk however, he falls into the guys like Kurt Angle category. He has a way of looking good without really trying, so he can spend the match making his opponent look great. I will use his matches against John Cena as an example here (as a side note, I put Daniel Bryan in that category too, and as a result am really looking forward to the main event). I think this is gonna be the Brock match that I like since his return for that reason.

CM Punk vs Brock Lesnar
Off to a very quick start. That's what I like in a personal fued. No feeling each other out bullshit. Just straight up go for it and punch beat each other up. Brock gets the early advantage here and god damn is this crowd into it.

Brock is throwing Punk around like a damn ragdoll. But Punk brings his educated feet and knees into play, knocking Lesnar off his feet and out to the floor in just a few high knees. He goes for the steel steps but Lesnar just shoulder barges him like it's nothing.

Kayfabe-wise, Punk's got an equaliser in this match that Cena and Triple H didn't. CM Punk HAS that MMA training. He knows the counters, he knows how Brock thinks not only as a wrestler, but as a mixed martial artist.

He takes Lesnar down again and sets his sights on Paul Heyman. That proves to be a mistake as Brock rams him from behind, picks him up and straight up just throws him over the spanish announce table. He just took the wooden board off the top of the table, put it on Punk's back and jumped on it. That is something I've never seen before.

Lesnar's breaking out the suplexes. He executes one of his trademark belly to belly's on the outside. Punk gets back inside the ring and tries to mount some offence, but doesn't get much else before he's taken down again.

As you guys can probably tell, I've decided to go a bit more play by play for this match, since people are gonna want some context to my comments when they read it all. I'm really enjoying this match. Brock's kept complete control of it, but I didn't expect much else. Although I don't know whether they'll have Punk or Brock do the job. If Punk loses, they'll be following the same formula of Brock decimates, then opponent comes back and defeats Brock with his newfound will and determination. I think it'll be a pleasant surprise if Punk wins, because nobody expects him to.

Back to the action, and Brock's still toying with Punk the way I used to throw my giant teddy bear around when I was ten years old watching Smackdown taped from the night before. But as Lawler says, Punk goes all Mike Tyson and starts using his teeth as a weapon.

He starts laying into Lesnar a bit, leaving him dazed, allowing Punk to get up to the top rope for high knee. Brock's up in one corner, lights on but nobody home, Punk hits another high knees before Brock counters it. Punk goes over Lesnar's shoulders and hits him with a high kick to the head. Macho Man elbow drop connects! Punk goes for the cover but gets a near fall.

Man this is intense. I'm really into this match. I'm touch typing all this because I'm scared to miss anything. Punk goes for a GTS but Lesnar avoids it. He tries to turn it into an F5, but Punk avoids it and kicks him in the head. He gets him up for a GTS again, but Brock turns it into a Kamura lock!

As I mentioned before Punk has that MMA knowledge! He knows the counters! He turns it into an armbar and then into a triangle choke!

Good God this is brilliant! Brock lifts him and slams him down but the choke's still locked it! Heyman's screaming like Heyman does! Brock looks like he's gonna tap, but he lifts Punk up again! Punk raining elbows down on him but he can't get away from Lesnar's running powerbomb!

The crowd's chanting "This is awesome!" and I wholeheartedly agree! This is the Brock Lesnar match I have been waiting for since his return!

Both guys taking a brief rest before Lesnar goes back on the attack with a triple suplex. Three amigos in homage to one of his most notable rivals, Eddie Guerrero.

Brock heads to the outside, and he's eyeing up a steel chair. Taking his time about it as well, and I can see why. Punk goes up to the top rope, jumps but eats nothing but steel, but Lesnar still takes the fall.

Punk's up first, he's got the chair, he starts wailing on Lesnar. LESNAR JUST CAUGHT THE CHAIR IN HIS HANDS MID-SWING!

He brings the chair up but takes a low blow on the downswing for his troubles!

I think I've said it enough times but DAMN THIS MATCH IS GOOD!

Punk up to the top rope with the chair, points up, Macho Man elbow drop, featuring added chair! He goes for the cover but only gets two.

Punk's wailing on Lesnar again with that chair and those are some stiff shots. Heyman gets up on the apron and snatches the chair! Brock takes advantage of the distraction and brings Punk up for the F5, but Punk grabs Heyman's tie! He gets out of it, lift Brock up and connects with the GTS!

1! 2! and Heyman pounces on Punk, breaking the pin! Punk chases him out of the ring, back into the ring, Brock lifts him up for the F5 but PUNK REVERSES IT INTO A GOD DAMN DDT!

ANACONDA VISE IS LOCKED IN! PUNK HAS IT LOCKED IN TIGHT BUT HEYMAN RUNS IN WITH THE CHAIR!

Punk breaks the hold and stops Heyman in his tracks! A closed fist, straight to the mouth of Heyman. Punk puts the Anaconda Vise on Heyman now but Brock's recovered and gets him with the chair. Now it's Brock's turn to wail on Punk with the chair.

He brings him up for another attempt at the F5. This one connects, with Punk landing square on top of that chair, putting Punk down for the 3-count.

Winner: Brock Lesnar by pinfall

God damn. That match has legitimately exhausted me. That was a solid match from beginning to end. I would gladly pay to see that rematch. I am so glad that they kept Punk so damn strong against Lesnar. He EASILY looked stronger against Brock than Triple H or Cena did, constantly bringing the fight, giving Brock a beating to remember. If not for Paul Heyman that match would have been all Punk's. Amazing.

[Big Red Machine]

]
God damn. That match has legitimately exhausted me.

This. I'm sure I'll have any energy left for Dragon vs. Cena.

[kiel297]

AJ Lee and Big E Langston vs Kaitlyn and Dolph Ziggler
This is probably a good match to follow what we just saw. It's a throwaway match, we're not expecting much from it in the first place. So here we go.

Some basic back and forth action, Ziggler and Big E starting it off. They tag out to AJ and Kaitlyn, who give us a bit of the same. AJ takes control here, wearing Kaitlyn down slowly.

For a fued with so much animosity between the two teams I expected this match to be slightly more emotionally charged physically than it is. So far it's playing out like just another tag team match. But we all know it exists for no reason but to set up Dolph vs Langston, so it is what it is I guess.

Hey WWE, I don't care about some lucky guy who took a splash from Mark Henry and got seats in front of the announce table. Stop cutting to him and keep it on the match please?

Big E and Ziggler back in and Ziggler using his quickness to get this match accelerating a little! He hits his ten elbow drops and covers for a two count. Big E brings him up for a backbreaker of sorts, goes for the cover, and Kaitlyn runs in to break it up. Big E stares her down and AJ decides Kaitlyn's face looks better with footprints.

Langston goes for a spear on Ziggler in the corner, misses, hits ring post. Ziggler hits the ropes, AJ grabs his boot, Kaitlyn spears her, Ziggler hits his finish on Big E, 123 and we're done.

Winner: Dolph Ziggler and Kaitlyn by pinfall

Not really much to say about this match. Just a standard comedown match to keep the crowd from getting too exhausted.

[kiel297]

Another dumb Miz/Fandango segment that wasn't funny. Miz hits him with a cheap shot. Cool, the fued's set up. I can't wait for the underwhelming match they'll put on next month.

We've got the expert panel of Booker T, HBK and... Vickie Guerrero giving their predictions for the main event. Shawn Michaels putting his money on Daniel Bryan, and takes a moment to give props to CM Punk and Brock Lesnar for an amazing match.

[kiel297]

]
God damn. That match has legitimately exhausted me.

This. I'm sure I'll have any energy left for Dragon vs. Cena.

Normally after a match like that I wouldn't hold much hope for the main event to top it. But this is Daniel Bryan, and this is his chance to shine. I'll be damned if Bryan doesn't put on a damn good closer. The only thing that worries me is the Triple H presence, and whether or not he'll stick his nose in or not.

[kiel297]

Special guest referee Triple H makes his entrance. He's using King of Kings as his music tonight. I really hope he doesn't play too much of a part in this match. It's not his moment or his spotlight. It's Daniel Bryan's.

Daniel Bryan vs John Cena
I'm pumped for this match. Normally I wouldn't hold much hope for a Cena match to follow a match like Punk/Lesnar. But this is a Daniel Bryan main event match, so I'm holding out some hope.

This crowd is entirely pro-Bryan, and very anti-Cena. Not the first time we've seen it, but it should make for a fun dynamic nonetheless.

Introductions done, bell rings and they circle the ring. In for the tie up and we get a little bit of chain wrestling going. Cena comes out on top into a headlock. Bryan slowly counters out of it. Michael Cole referrring to this match as Daniel Bryan the wrestler vs John Cena the entertainer.

Both men lock ip for a test of strength. Cena sweeps the leg, gets Bryan's shoulders down, but Bryan bridges the back and counters out into a monkey flip on Cena.

Cena rolls out of the ring and lets the ringside doctor know his elbow's fine. It's worth mentioning that the elbow is covered up and injured, though not likely to be a problem.

I fully expected to see this match start out technical. Plays to his strengths and makes Cena look good by letting him keep up. Bryan goes for the surfboard but Cena wont let him have it. Cena knocks Bryan out to the announce table.

He jumps out and tries to whip Bryan into the steel steps, but Bryan counters it and send Cena into them. Bryan gets up on the steps to take advantage, but Cena suplexes him off the steps to the floor.

Back in the ring and Cena has control, taking the focus away from Bryan's favoured technical wrestling and bringing his brawler style in instead, throwing punches at Bryan.

Holy crap did Cena just do a sit out powerbomb? He did! He gets the two count, and immediately gets back on Bryan with a rest hold.

I'm really hoping this match speeds up a little bit soon. Wants me some action. Triple H has done a surprisingly good job at not even being noticeable thus far.

And just as I wish it, Bryan starts using his speed to shift the momentum. Cena's on his knees. We know what this means, Bryan takes his educated feet to the chest of Cena for a bit, but Cena dodges the head kick and busts out his five move sequence.

Shoulder tackle on the double, gets his suplex off, Bryan briefly counters but Cena gets another one. Five Knuckle Shuffle connects but Bryan counters the Attitude Adjustment.

Up to the top rope and Bryan connects with a missile dropkick.

This match is a little lacklustre so far compared to Punk/Lesnar, I'm gonna be honest. Bryan's unleashing his kicks all over Cena's body. Cena tries to counter for the STF, but Bryan counters into an STF of his own! The submission master making it known to Cena that he's got his number.

Bryan drags Cena to the middle of the ring, brings him up for a German suplex, bridges for the pin, gets a two count. He tries it again, another two count. Cena tries to overpower Bryan on the third one but ends up being put in the Yes Lock. He powers out of that but immediately finds himself with Cattle Mutilation locked in!

Cena slams Bryan into the corner twice but Bryan's still got his grip tight. So Cena flips him over his back and into the turnbuckle. Bryan runs at Cena and an AA from out of nowhere! Cena covers Bryan but only gets the two.

The crowd just isn't as into this match as they were Punk/Lesnar and neither am I. Cena going up to the top rope, but Ric Flairs it and get foiled by Daniel Bryan. Bryan joins him up to and hits a superplex. Bryan hangs onto the turnbuckle by his feet though, and climbs up for a diving headbutt! Covers Cena but only gets a near fall.

Cena rolls out of the ring to bide some time. Bryan goes for a suicide dive but runs straight into Cena's shoulder. Cena goes up high again and hits his leg drop, getting some major air.

They both end up on the top turnbuckle AGAIN, and Bryan starts hammering Cena with elbows. He attempts a frankensteiner, but Cena holds on. Cena jumps down still holding Bryan and almsost drops him on his head, but he locks in the STF. After a little rest holding, Bryan very quickly counters out, giving King what sounded like an orgasm, and locks the Yes Lock in again, but Cena makes it to the ropes.

Cena's resting in the corner, giving Bryan a chance to hit him with two high knees, but Cena turns him inside out with a clothesline on the third.

Time for standard yay boo punch off followed by both men clotheslining each other. This match still hasn't quite grabbed my attention. They definitely should've put this on before Punk/Lesnar. I know, I know "BUT IT'S THE TITLE MATCH!" but hey. It makes for a better show.

Bryan and Cena having a Japanese slap-off, Bryan going a bit crazy, backflip off the turnbuckle, caught by Cena, counters it into a DDT! That's more like it!

Bryan going back up to the top rope for another headbutt, but Cena's up! He catches Bryan, goes for the AA but Bryan rolls him through, gets the two count and follows up with a kick to the head.

Bryan's getting fired up now, yessing with the crowd AND A VICIOUS KNEE TO CENA'S FACE AND OH MY GOD HE GOT THE THREE COUNT. HE JUST PINNED CENA FOR THE THREE. DANIEL BRYAN IS THE WWE CHAMPION WHAT.

Winner: Daniel Bryan by pinfall

IF RANDY ORTON COMES OUT NOW I'M GONNA FLIP SHIT. I WILL HURT SOMEONE.

Cena cuts Bryan's celebration short, says a few words and offers his hand for the shake. He shakes Triple H's hand as well, causing me to remember that Triple H was actually there. It doesn't look like Orton's coming. Daniel Bryan's the WWE Champion. Confetti everywhere, the crowd is going wild. Daniel Bryan is at the top of the WWE. He beat Cena clean at Summerslam. I'm still having trouble digesting this.

NO ORTON WHAT ARE YOU DOING FUCK OFF. FUCK RIGHT OFF THIS IS BRYAN'S MOMENT YOU ASSHOLE.

Come on Bryan, kick his fucking head in!

WHAT! NO! TRIPLE H JUST PEDIGREED BRYAN. TRIPLE H JUST PEDIGREED DANIEL BRYAN. HE'S TAKING THE BRIEFCASE, ORTON'S CASHING IN. TRIPLE H YOU ASSHOLE. WHY. WHY THIS WAY. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?! FUCK EVERYTHING. FUCK THIS, AND THIS AND THIS AND THAT AND YOU. THIS IS SICK AND WRONG AND DANIEL BRYAN BETTER BE CHAMPION AT THE NEXT PAY PER VIEW YOU SICK CUNTS. LIKE, I WOULDN'T MIND SEEING EVOLUTION MAKE A COMEBACK HERE BUT NOT AT THE EXPENSE OF DANIEL FUCKING BRYAN.

WINNER BY MOTHERFUCKING TREACHERY AND SHENANIGANS: RANDY CUNTHOLE ORTON

[kiel297]

I've just realised that this is basically now Daniel Bryan vs Evolution and the McMahon-Helmsley faction mixed into one and that thought excites me

[Bob-O]

The mark in me is outraged. Bryan wasn't on his feet when the bell rang, damn it! Champ has to be coherent to cash in! That's been a stip to the mitb forever!

What an awesome show. I haven't enjoyed a ppv this much since Punk's Walkout/Bryan's MITB Win!

[Big Red Machine]

The mark in me is outraged. Bryan wasn't on his feet when the bell rang, damn it! Champ has to be coherent to cash in! That's been a stip to the mitb forever!

Since when?

[Big Red Machine]

I had a much different reaction to this than you guys did. Don't get me wrong, I am pissed, but I was waiting for it and waiting for it (mostly because I thought Dragon was going to go over Orton, too). I was actually surprised that Hunter didn't jump Dragon every time Dragon turned around. I think they really screw up here by giving Dragon his moment in the first place. Hunter should have jumped him right after the match so he never got the chance to hold the belt up. Don't just screw him out of the title, screw him and the fans out of their special moment.

[kiel297]

I had a much different reaction to this than you guys did. Don't get me wrong, I am pissed, but I was waiting for it and waiting for it (mostly because I thought Dragon was going to go over Orton, too). I was actually surprised that Hunter didn't jump Dragon every time Dragon turned around. I think they really screw up here by giving Dragon his moment in the first place. Hunter should have jumped him right after the match so he never got the chance to hold the belt up. Don't just screw him out of the title, screw him and the fans out of their special moment.

I dunno. I think it was a great move to give Bryan his moment. If it can wake the inner mark in me like that, think of the people that are gonna be at Raw tomorrow night. The second Triple H or Orton show their faces, it is going to be nuclear.