BRM Reviews the 7/11/2013 Impact

[Big Red Machine]

BACKSTAGE BULLY RAY PROMO- apparently in the four months since Lockdown, Brooke has gone out, met someone new and gotten engaged. I know the she is hurting, so I’m not trying to be an ass or anything, but Brooke, do you remember what happened the last time you rushed into an engagement? Yeah…
Anyway, Bully says that Brooke can’t leave him because their marriage isn’t over until he says it’s over. Yeah, because making your top heel a stalking, obsessed ex has always been a receipt for success in the past.

ACES & EIGHTS & MAIN EVENT MAFIA SEGMENT- Aces & Eights come out to the ring and Bully cuts a promo. He first warns Sabin not to cash in the X-Division Title for a World Heavyweight Title shot. He then tells everyone that Aces & Eights will elect a new VP tonight and then says that, despite being a big, tough biker gang with the numbers advantage, they do not want to fight the Main Event Mafia next week. Then the Main Event Mafia comes out… but of course only Sting and Kurt actually get to speak. Kurt says that they will beat up Aces & Eights next week, and Sting tells us that they will reveal the newest member of the MEM tonight.

THE JOKER’S WILD TOURNAMENT IS BACK- Yes, you read that right… JOKER’S WILD. Because when a concept PPV fails so badly that everyone derides it as one of the worst PPVs of the year… TNA thinks it’s a good idea to waste TV time on it!
Dear WWE and TNA… just because you are in Vegas does not mean that you are obligated to use some sort of stupid gimmick that references gambling! Just treat it like any other city!


JOKERS WILD TOURNAMENT MATCH #1: Jeff Hardy & Joseph Park vs. AJ Styles & Samoa Joe- 4.25/10

JOKERS WILD TOURNAMENT MATCH #2: Mr. Anderson & Magnus vs. Jay Bradley & Hernandez- 3.5/10

ARIES, ROODE, & BAD INFLUENCE BACKSTAGE- eh segment, though I chuckled at Bad Influence naming Roode and Aries “the Dirty Heels.”

JOKERS WILD TOURNAMENT MATCH #3: Austin Aries & Christopher Daniels vs. Bobby Roode & Kazarian-5.25/10
Yeah, I think we all saw this coming.

HULK & BROOKE HOGAN BACKSTAGE- bad. Hulk wants to talk to Brooke about Bully but Brooke wants to focus on her job instead because “we’ve got this ladder match coming up that we’ve worked really hard for.” Excuse me? WE? WHO THE F*CK IS “WE?” All you f*cking did was open your mouth and say “let there be a ladder match.” Don’t try to make yourself part of this, you talentless, time-wasting hack!

ACES & EIGHTS VOTE ON THEIR NEW VP- we are getting this via secret spy cam, but the only way Aces & Eights could possibly not see the cameraman is if they were all blind. I guess the big bad biker gang is okay with their secret club meetings being spied on. Anyway, they vote Anderson in as the new VP by a 4-3 vote. Knux cast the deciding vote and decided that he had to swerve everyone by bumping Doc’s bear with his own before voting for Knox. WHY?!


#1 CONTENDERSHIP LADDER MATCH: Taryn Terrell vs. Gail Kim- 6.75/10
I LOVED this match until the dumb finish, which involved Gail tying Taryn’s long, beautiful blonde locks to the ring ropes. I think I would have liked this more if they hadn’t teased me by having Taryn actually break out of it and almost stop Gail from grabbing the contract. I think they should have spent more time on the story of Gail working over Taryn’s leg.

STING & ANGLE BACKSTAGE- okay… you guys know that you’re not actually a Mafia, right? You don’t have to keep referring to it as “the family.” Also, they were being spied on by the secret spy cam in this segment (assumedly not aware of its presence)… and they still referred to their fifth member as “the fifth guy” rather than by name.

BATTLE ROYALE FOR 25 POINTS IN THE BFG SERIES MATCH- 6/10
They called this an “elimination gauntlet match,” but it was really a battle royale until the last match. More importantly, though, they are really serious about pushing Magnus here!

CLOSING SEGMENT- The Hulkster comes out (wearing a Leopard-print bandana, for some reason). Then he calls out “the unbelievable X-Division Champion” Chris Sabin. When Sabin comes out, Hogan tells him “you’re the greatest, brother!” Hulk Hogan should not be on TV.
Chris Sabin then cut a F*CKING FANTASTIC PROMO. Bully Ray then comes out and cuts a lame promo trying to intimidate Sabin, using such corny lines as “there’s no way a little boy like you can beat a man like me!” Sabin then goes on to cut another great promo. Bully then responds by saying “don’t you do it! Don’t you hand him that belt!” SNORE! Bully reminds Sabin that he will not just be fighting him, but the whole of Aces & Eights as well, but then the Main Event Mafia shows up and introduces Rampage Jackson as the newest member of the Main Event Mafia. This would have been a decent surprise if they hadn’t spoiled it at a house show a few weeks ago.

Impact was much better than usual this week. Almost good, even.

STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Tenay “Isn’t it nice that TNA, that Impact Wrestling, finally has an answer, a counter, to Aces & Eights, in the Main Event Mafia.”
“Finally?” These are the same guys who have been fighting Aces & Eights all along! Hell… Magnus, Joe, and Sting were all part of a team that BEAT Aces & Eights in the Lethal Lockdown match! What do you mean “finally has an answer?”

[cero2k]

THE JOKER’S WILD TOURNAMENT IS BACK- Yes, you read that right… JOKER’S WILD. Because when a concept PPV fails so badly that everyone derides it as one of the worst PPVs of the year… TNA thinks it’s a good idea to waste TV time on it!
Dear WWE and TNA… just because you are in Vegas does not mean that you are obligated to use some sort of stupid gimmick that references gambling! Just treat it like any other city!

The Joker's Wild concept is not bad, it's actually pretty good. it was just the PPV that sucked, kinda like an all Hardcore PPV is a good idea, but the PPV was bad.

I think they should have spent more time on the story of Gail working over Taryn’s name.

whut?

BATTLE ROYALE FOR 25 POINTS IN THE BFG SERIES MATCH- 6/10
They called this an “elimination gauntlet match,” but it was really a battle royale until the last match. More importantly, though, they are really serious about pushing Magnus here!

it's been like this for a long time, they call battle royales as gauntlets in order to not sound like royal rumble. it's weird since there actually exists a type of match called gauntlet, but oh well.

[Big Red Machine]

THE JOKER’S WILD TOURNAMENT IS BACK- Yes, you read that right… JOKER’S WILD. Because when a concept PPV fails so badly that everyone derides it as one of the worst PPVs of the year… TNA thinks it’s a good idea to waste TV time on it!
Dear WWE and TNA… just because you are in Vegas does not mean that you are obligated to use some sort of stupid gimmick that references gambling! Just treat it like any other city!

The Joker's Wild concept is not bad, it's actually pretty good. it was just the PPV that sucked, kinda like an all Hardcore PPV is a good idea, but the PPV was bad.

No... an all hardcore PPV is a bad idea. And I don't think that "random tag partners, then a battle royale" is a good idea. I would be much more interested in a tournament of random tag partners.

I think they should have spent more time on the story of Gail working over Taryn’s name.

whut?

Whoops. That will be edited.

[cero2k]

THE JOKER’S WILD TOURNAMENT IS BACK- Yes, you read that right… JOKER’S WILD. Because when a concept PPV fails so badly that everyone derides it as one of the worst PPVs of the year… TNA thinks it’s a good idea to waste TV time on it!
Dear WWE and TNA… just because you are in Vegas does not mean that you are obligated to use some sort of stupid gimmick that references gambling! Just treat it like any other city!

The Joker's Wild concept is not bad, it's actually pretty good. it was just the PPV that sucked, kinda like an all Hardcore PPV is a good idea, but the PPV was bad.

No... an all hardcore PPV is a bad idea. And I don't think that "random tag partners, then a battle royale" is a good idea. I would be much more interested in a tournament of random tag partners.

because there is supposed to be a prize for a single competitor, that's why you make the random pairing, then the winning tag teams got the battle royale to see who gets the final prize. it's like getting a qualifying match for the battle royale

[badnewzxl]

ARIES, ROODE, & BAD INFLUENCE BACKSTAGE- eh segment, though I chuckled at Bad Influence naming Roode and Aries “the Dirty Heels.”

Did you miss that match weeks ago when Roode and Aries came out with Shirts that said 'Dirty Heels' on them? It was around the time they were trying to win the tag titles back from Chavo & Hernendez; about a week or two before the Aries/Hemme incident...

[Big Red Machine]

ARIES, ROODE, & BAD INFLUENCE BACKSTAGE- eh segment, though I chuckled at Bad Influence naming Roode and Aries “the Dirty Heels.”

Did you miss that match weeks ago when Roode and Aries came out with Shirts that said 'Dirty Heels' on them? It was around the time they were trying to win the tag titles back from Chavo & Hernendez; about a week or two before the Aries/Hemme incident...

Apparently I did.

[badnewzxl]

I like the Joker's Wild concept; it was cool when WCW did the Battle Bowl. If they were gonna do this, it should have been an ENTIRE EPISODE so we could get better matches with better story. They coulda saved the KO's Ladder match for Destination X, since it will not be ALL X Division....

[Big Red Machine]

The Joker's Wild concept is not bad, it's actually pretty good. it was just the PPV that sucked, kinda like an all Hardcore PPV is a good idea, but the PPV was bad.

No... an all hardcore PPV is a bad idea. And I don't think that "random tag partners, then a battle royale" is a good idea. I would be much more interested in a tournament of random tag partners.

because there is supposed to be a prize for a single competitor, that's why you make the random pairing, then the winning tag teams got the battle royale to see who gets the final prize. it's like getting a qualifying match for the battle royale

I think that a tag team tournament of entirely random tag team partners would be much better as it forces the partners to work together the whole time to reach the goal, rather than just the first step.

[cero2k]

because there is supposed to be a prize for a single competitor, that's why you make the random pairing, then the winning tag teams got the battle royale to see who gets the final prize. it's like getting a qualifying match for the battle royale

I think that a tag team tournament of entirely random tag team partners would be much better as it forces the partners to work together the whole time to reach the goal, rather than just the first step.

i agree, but that would be a completely different thing, that wouldn't work for the BFG series since you still want to single out someone to give most points, but it would make for a better PPV than the existing Joker's Wild

[Big Bad Booty Daddy]

I don't mind the jokers card, what I don't like tho is the so called "random" draws


Jeff Hardy teams with Joseph Park. Then after the match they show a promo of Jeff Hardy from the week before saying he wouldn't mind teaming with Parks!!!

Magnus teams with Anderson

And Aries/Daniels face Roode/KAZ

It makes the whole "random" draw look like a complete fix (which it is but it isn't meant to be that obvious)


I will say tho, apart from SoCal Val, Bad influence and Roode/Aries make TNA worth watching

[Big Red Machine]

I don't mind the jokers card, what I don't like tho is the so called "random" draws


Jeff Hardy teams with Joseph Park. Then after the match they show a promo of Jeff Hardy from the week before saying he wouldn't mind teaming with Parks!!!

Magnus teams with Anderson

And Aries/Daniels face Roode/KAZ

It makes the whole "random" draw look like a complete fix (which it is but it isn't meant to be that obvious)

It's one of those things that we all acknowledge, but it doesn't bother me. Unlikely? Yes. Impossible? Certainly not. I probably wouldn't have had Jeff cut the promo, though.

[Big Bad Booty Daddy]

What I also noticed was at both this weeks Impact and Hardcore Justice is how dead the crowds were. There's no atmosphere or anything it's really sad!!!

If u take RVD's reception from last night it was a huge response

[Big Bad Booty Daddy]

What I also noticed was at both this weeks Impact and Hardcore Justice is how dead the crowds were. There's no atmosphere or anything it's really sad!!!

If u take RVD's reception from last night it was a huge response