BRM Reviews the 8/23/2012 Impact

[Big Red Machine]

RANDOM VIDEO OF ACES & EIGHTS RIDING IN ON MOTORCYCLES- what the f*ck was the point of that? This was just awkward. And why the hell was the camera crew filming it?

OPENING SEGMENT- This was just so lame and over the top. Sting comes out with a group of wrestlers. Then he gives a speech about "remembering the victims" and haves the production crew show pictures of Aces & Eights beating people up. Then he starts talking again, building up to saying that that there is ow officially no more suspicion about James Storm leading Aces & Eights, then he brings out James Storm (with Storm's music playing and everything). Then he starts building up to bring out Hogan, but two (just two) Aces & Eights guys show up. The Aces & Eights guys get totally destroyed by just two Aces & Eights guys. Then Sting demands to know where the rest of them are, and one of the beaten-down guys says that the TNA guys are in for a "long painful night."

What possible advantage do Aces & Eights gain by sending two guys to get destroyed, just to deliver a cryptic message?

TESSMACHER PROMO- good

The referee has her own entrance music, and gets introduced AFTER the competitors. TNA really wants Taryn to be a big deal, but she just plain isn't.
MISS TESSMACHER vs. TARA- 3/10

STING DEAL WITH THE POPE'S BFG SERIES MATCHES IN HAND- good. This is the sort of thing that TNA usually ignores, and it drives me nuts. Props to them for actually dealing with it this time.

BOUND FOR GLORY SERIES MATCH: Robbie E. vs. AJ Styles vs. Rob Van Dam- 6.25/10

As we go to commercial, they show us Jeff Hardy walking backstage, and Tenay says something along the lines of "Is Jeff Hardy going to call someone out on Open Fight Night? We'll find out next!" All I can think of, at this point, is how great it would be if, when we came back from the commercial, we saw Jeff walking back the way he came, with a cup of coffee in his hand, making Tenay's over-dramatization hilarious.

JEFF HARDY vs. ROBBIE T- 3.75/10
Not long, but still enjoyable. Robbie T has been thoroughly neutered as a monster, though.

STING PROMO- not good, but not bad, either

THE RESULTS OF THE PATERNITY TEST ARE REVEALED- COME THE F*CK ON! Claire has an OFF SCREEN redemption! WTF?! And wasn't the deep, dark secret the reason for Kaz turning on AJ? So now it turns out that Kaz is just a douche bag? Anyway, this has to be the worst ending to any wrestling angle this year. Yes, even worse than ROH blowing off a big tag team feud in a singles match.
Now that we've gotten the booking stupidity out of the way, let's look at this from a logical point of view. The paternity test should have revealed that there was no baby! So either the doctors just handed the results of the test right to JB, rather than to the mother and father of the baby... or the doctors at the hospital were too dumb to tell that there was no baby!

HOGAN & STING TAKE OUT ACES & EIGHTS GUYS- I just didn't like it. Hogan's action-movie lines were just way too over the top, and the combination of heavy breathing and growling that he was doing made it seem like the doctors who did his back surgery also decided to play a prank on him and installed a Darth Vader voice box in his throat.

GUT CHECK MATCH: Chris Louie vs. Gunner- 3/10

ODB TALKS TO EY ON THE PHONE- funny.

ANDERSON CALLS OUT BULLY RAY- so it is Open Fight Night, but Anderson has to call out Bully Ray anyway?

BOUND FOR GLORY SERIES MATCH: Bully Ray vs. Mr. Anderson- 4/10
Why was Anderson going for any pins at all? It was made clear to us that he needed a submission match to be in the top four. Taz also talked up this win as being a good thing, but he has pretty much eliminated himself from having a chance at the title shot at BFG! Also, it looked way too much like Bubba purposely pulled himself into position so he could be hit by the Kenton Bomb.

GIANT BRAWL BETWEEN THE TNA GUYS AND ACES & EIGHTS- GIANT DUD!
The heavyweight wrestlers on the TNA roster (the X-Division guys were missing for some reason) beat up about 936 members of the Age of the Fail. Hell... one of these guys even got beaten up by Hulk Hogan, a 59 year old man who has had two back surgeries in the past year, including one just a few weeks ago... and another one got beaten up by Robbie, who hasn't won a match by pinfall or submission in about four months. Finally another bunch of them come and do something decently cool to injure Aries' arm, but then these six guys, armed with a chair, all run away from a completely un-armed Bully Ray. Yeah, they injured Aries, but in the overall scheme of things, they lost a fight when it was 942 against about 17.

Overall, a horribly booked episode of Impact.

STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. In response to a question from Tenay about Taz's thought on the Gut Check guy. as one of the Gut Check judges, Taz says that the guy "has made a few mistakes in this match that jumped out to me like a sore thumb."
Well I sure haven't noticed any mistakes... but that's okay because I'm not an expert on in-ring performance. But isn't there someone whose job it is to point these mistakes out to us lay fans at home? Oh yeah. The color commentator! So tell me, Taz, why hasn't the color commentator mentioned any of these mistakes?

2. During the big brawl at the end, Tenay says that he has never seen anything like this before. Anyone who was watching TNA before Hogan & Bischoff took clearly remembers the "riot at the Impact Zone" brawl between the Frontline, the Main Event Mafia, and the World Elite. So why doesn't the guy who was the lead announcer at the time remember it?

[KILLdozer]

what do you think about the whole Tessmacher losing to Tara thing? Its interesting,I suppose.

Daniels and Kazarian looked like fools so I couldnt help but laugh at them "Mr Daniels and Mr Kazarian"

Yea Hogan was snortin and breathin hard and shit like hes crazy like some kinda bull or somethin.

And I just completely passed out in the chair before the end of the main event,I woke up just at the start of Doom..

[Big Red Machine]

what do you think about the whole Tessmacher losing to Tara thing? Its interesting,I suppose.

They need a way to build a challenger. I would have preferred that Tessmacher not lose so she doesn't look weak, but I am okay with it.

[cero2k]

What possible advantage do Aces & Eights gain by sending two guys to get destroyed, just to deliver a cryptic message?

on the contraire, this was perfect. Aces and Eights, as it turns out are a motorcycle club (gang if you will). Those guys where not there to send a message, it was a test for them to patch up (get into the club officially). Gangs all over the world do this stuff.

The referee has her own entrance music, and gets introduced AFTER the competitors. TNA really wants Taryn to be a big deal, but she just plain isn't.

it usually happens with guest referees, problem here, i'm not sure if she is gonna be something else than a ref. eitherway, this was a nice set up for Tara vs Tess at No Surrender

BOUND FOR GLORY SERIES MATCH: Robbie E. vs. AJ Styles vs. Rob Van Dam- 6.25/10

loved Robbie winning over them, i knew it was gonna happen to keep control of the points, but still

As we go to commercial, they show us Jeff Hardy walking backstage, and Tenay says something along the lines of "Is Jeff Hardy going to call someone out on Open Fight Night? We'll find out next!" All I can think of, at this point, is how great it would be if, when we came back from the commercial, we saw Jeff walking back the way he came, with a cup of coffee in his hand, making Tenay's over-dramatization hilarious.

YES!!

THE RESULTS OF THE PATERNITY TEST ARE REVEALED- COME THE F*CK ON! Claire has an OFF SCREEN redemption! WTF?! And wasn't the deep, dark secret the reason for Kaz turning on AJ? So now it turns out that Kaz is just a douche bag? Anyway, this has to be the worst ending to any wrestling angle this year. Yes, even worse than ROH blowing off a big tag team feud in a singles match.
Now that we've gotten the booking stupidity out of the way, let's look at this from a logical point of view. The paternity test should have revealed that there was no baby! So either the doctors just handed the results of the test right to JB, rather than to the mother and father of the baby... or the doctors at the hospital were too dumb to tell that there was no baby!

I loved it when AJ apologized to the fans for 'all this mess'. honestly, i don't care it was a bad ending, i'm just happy it's over. But i really do want to see more daniels/kaz vs aj stuff.

HOGAN & STING TAKE OUT ACES & EIGHTS GUYS- I just didn't like it. Hogan's action-movie lines were just way too over the top, and the combination of heavy breathing and growling that he was doing made it seem like the doctors who did his back surgery also decided to play a prank on him and installed a Darth Vader voice box in his throat.

i was thinking like, dude, is hogan snoring?? anyway, props to hogan for taking out three guys with a single bat swing.

GUT CHECK MATCH: Chris Louie vs. Gunner- 3/10

this guys cannot get signed, he was terrible. BTW, did you noticed that there wasn't any judges segment this week? they usually have a little one after each match don't they?

ODB TALKS TO EY ON THE PHONE- funny.

i love it, it was funny...and i hate to say this, but...ahem ahem 30 day title defend clause ahem

GIANT BRAWL BETWEEN THE TNA GUYS AND ACES & EIGHTS- GIANT DUD!
The heavyweight wrestlers on the TNA roster (the X-Division guys were missing for some reason) beat up about 936 members of the Age of the Fail. Hell... one of these guys even got beaten up by Hulk Hogan, a 59 year old man who has had two back surgeries in the past year, including one just a few weeks ago... and another one got beaten up by Robbie, who hasn't won a match by pinfall or submission in about four months. Finally another bunch of them come and do something decently cool to injure Aries' arm, but then these six guys, armed with a chair, all run away from a completely un-armed Bully Ray. Yeah, they injured Aries, but in the overall scheme of things, they lost a fight when it was 942 against about 17.

- of course you're gonna get beat up by hogan, it's freaking hogan!! snoring!!
- What are you talking about, Robbie E just defeated RVD and AJ styles by pinfall that very same night
- Bully was swinging a chain!!

i thought it was a fairly equal match. A&8s where not there to kick ass, they just created enough chaos so that the main group could get to Aries.

i enjoyed the show a lot, even with only 4 matches

btw, aries getting his arm hurt was far more believable than Lesnar breaking HBK and HHH's arms

[Big Red Machine]

anyway, props to hogan for taking out three guys with a single bat swing.

I thought the other two ran away.

GUT CHECK MATCH: Chris Louie vs. Gunner- 3/10

this guys cannot get signed, he was terrible. BTW, did you noticed that there wasn't any judges segment this week? they usually have a little one after each match don't they?

I noticed, but didn't care. The less we see of the judges, the better.

ODB TALKS TO EY ON THE PHONE- funny.

i love it, it was funny...and i hate to say this, but...ahem ahem 30 day title defend clause ahem

Oh, it's been much more than 30 days. And remember how Brooke said that she was going to do something about it... you know... two months ago. Whatever happened with that?

GIANT BRAWL BETWEEN THE TNA GUYS AND ACES & EIGHTS- GIANT DUD!
The heavyweight wrestlers on the TNA roster (the X-Division guys were missing for some reason) beat up about 936 members of the Age of the Fail. Hell... one of these guys even got beaten up by Hulk Hogan, a 59 year old man who has had two back surgeries in the past year, including one just a few weeks ago... and another one got beaten up by Robbie, who hasn't won a match by pinfall or submission in about four months. Finally another bunch of them come and do something decently cool to injure Aries' arm, but then these six guys, armed with a chair, all run away from a completely un-armed Bully Ray. Yeah, they injured Aries, but in the overall scheme of things, they lost a fight when it was 942 against about 17.

- of course you're gonna get beat up by hogan, it's freaking hogan!! snoring!!
- What are you talking about, Robbie E just defeated RVD and AJ styles by pinfall that very same night
- Bully was swinging a chain!!

i thought it was a fairly equal match. A&8s where not there to kick a**, they just created enough chaos so that the main group could get to Aries.

Maybe better phrasing for Robbie would have been "earned a win"
I didn't see Bully's chain, but either way, it's six on one, and once the chain hits one guy, it will lose momentum and the others can beat Bully up. If they are willing to sacrifice a few hundred guys to get to Aries (which is just bad chess), surely they would be willing to sacrifice one to beat up Bully.
ANd if they wanted to beat Aries up so bad, why not just jump him in the parking lot?