BRM Reviews the 6/7/2012 Impact (dog poop)

[Big Red Machine]

I really didn't like the "previously on Impact" leading into the recap. It's not a soap opera. It's pro wrestling.

The show starts out with backstage footage from last week with Dixie yelling at the guys in the production truck to "find out who did this!" Find out who did what? Who played the footage? Obviously one of the guys working in the truck. Who taped it? How the hell would the guys in the truck know?

Anyway, why is Dixie waiting a week to deal with this? Shouldn't she release a statement on the website?

OPENING SEGMENT- Dixie says that she is sorry for Kaz and Daniels and that they have hurt innocent people by reporting this alleged affair and that they are horrible people who enjoy murdering babies and would make an omelet if they came across dodo eggs etc.

At this point I already want to hit her. She is blaming KAZ AND DANIELS for this whole thing hurting people? That is like blaming Woodward and Bernstein for Watergate! Sorry, Dixie. If there was an affair (and it certainly seems like there is one, seeing as how no one has denied it)... then the only people who are to blame are YOU AND AJ!

CRIMSON vs. AUSTIN ARIES- 2/10
TNA is still billing Crimson as "undefeated," despite the fact that he lost the battle royale a few weeks ago. Joe attacks Aries for some reason, costing him the match against Crimson. Then Crimson makes an open challenge for Slammiversary. Not only is this boring, but there is an appalling lack of logic here. Crimson has been undefeated for almost a year and a half but he still has to go around making open challenges? He HAS BEEN UNDEFEATED FOR A YEAR AND A HALF! Why isn't he being given a title shot?

BROOKE HOGAN AND THE KNOCKOUTS- Brooke says that the knockouts are beautiful. Then she says that she hasn't had a chance to formally introduce herself to them. WHAT? You've been working there for over a week and haven't introduced yourself to the people you are supposed to be in charge of?
Anyway, this segment was stupid. All it did was tell us that Velvet will be in a music video for the guys who did James Storm's entrance theme. Oh. And Brooke made a #1 contendership match, but that was just glossed over because the music video is more important than the title. Right.

HULK HOGAN & BOBBY ROODE SEGMENT- Hogan says that this is the 10 year anniversary for "Impact Wrestling." This is factually incorrect. Impact is the SHOW. TNA is the company. Then Hogan says that the TNA World Heavyweight Title will be on the line next week, no matter who wins at Slammiversary. Then Bobby Roode comes out and whines about having to defend his title, then claims he is a better champ that Hogan ever was. Then Sting comes out and Roode takes him down until Sting starts no selling and kicks Roode's ass. Not only was this segment dull, but we had the fifty-two year old Sting beating the tar out of the "star of the future" Bobby Roode, who is almost twenty years younger.

JOSEPH PARK PROMO- A great promo for the angle, but I don't care because the angle sucks.

WINNER GETS A TNA KNOCKOUTS' TITLE MATCH AT SLAMMIVERSARY: Mickie James vs. Velvet Sky vs. Miss Tessmacher vs. Tara- 4.5/10
Good stuff, but it seemed slow. Mickie not pinning Velvet was awkward and completely telegraphed the finish. I was quite happy that Tessmacher won, though.

HOGAN YELLS AT AJ TO GET HIS BUTT BACK TO THE ARENA- FINALLY! Someone gets in trouble for leaving work early!

BULLY RAY & JOSEPH PARK CONTRACT SIGNING- you know, I was about to commend TNA for having some actual LOGIC in an angle when Joseph Park didn't want to sign the contract to fight Bully Ray and needing Bully Ray to goad him into signing the contract... then it went to hell in a hand-basket.
Abyss shows up on the PandaTron... HOW, exactly? Does he have Undertaker-style powers or something? Because that is the only explanation that doesn't involve him being in the arena right now. Then he yells at Joseph Park for snooping, and it occurs to me that this is the same damn situation as Sting and Nash not telling Dixie about Hogan and Bischoff's takeover. Abyss knew that Joseph would keep looking for him until he found him, so Abyss could have stopped this if he had just CALLED JOSEPH and said "hey, bro, I'm perfectly fine. Don't worry about me." Instead, he did nothing for months.

GARRETT BISCHOFF & DEVON BACKSTAGE- snore.

JOEY RYAN STUFF- at least this is a work, but it still makes TNA look dumb.

TV TNA TITLE MATCH: Devon(c) (w/Garrett Bischoff) vs. Robbie E. (w/Robbie T)- DUD!
Why the hell has Robbie E. been given YET ANOTHER shot at the TV Title? Seriously! Last week, Jeff Hardy was about to win the title but Robbie E.'s interference screwed him out of it. Shouldn't TNA be giving Jeff a rematch and telling Robbie E. that if he interferes he will be fired?
Anyway we get a crappy match with a stupid finish, then the Robbies try to go for a beatdown but once again get sent running by the babyfaces. For the third week in a row. The Robbies have never gotten the better of the babyfaces, so why should we expect any other outcome on the PPV? This would have been at least semi-competent booking if they had the Robbies come out on top after the match but I guess that shining Garrett Bischoff was more important. Great priorities there, TNA.

HOGAN MAKES HIS ANNOUNCEMENT- Hulk rambled and took entirely too long to announce that, at Slammiversary, there will be a triple threat match between Anderson, Jeff, and RVD to determine who gets the world title shot next week. Because it was so damn important for Hogan to call RVD and Jeff to the ring before making this announcement, we now have under twenty minutes for at least one commercial break, the entrances for the main event, and the main event itself.

BOBBY ROODE, CHRISTOPHER DANIELS, & KAZARIAN vs. STING, AJ STYLES, & KURT ANGLE- 5.75/10
Not good enough for a main event. Sting makes Roode tap AGAIN, and this time when Roode has barely taken any damage. COME ON!

Overall, a crappy episode of Impact, but it did a decent job as a go-home show. Now that this crap is over, I'm going to go watch CHIKARASaurus Rex: How to Hatch a Dinosaur.

[Serujuunin]

I'm only just watching the first half of Impact, but doesn't it make more sense to have Mickie in a Montgomery Gentry music video? o_O

[Big Red Machine]

I'm only just watching the first half of Impact, but doesn't it make more sense to have Mickie in a Montgomery Gentry music video? o_O

Since when has the fact that "it doesn't make sense" ever stopped TNA from doing something?

[Verdun]

I caught the latter half of this episode. It was quite appalling.

Roode taps out in like 5 seconds. He's supposed to be tougher than that.

[Serujuunin]

I'm only just watching the first half of Impact, but doesn't it make more sense to have Mickie in a Montgomery Gentry music video? o_O

Since when has the fact that "it doesn't make sense" ever stopped TNA from doing something?

It hasn't, I'm just speaking out loud lol.

[badnewzxl]

I really wish instead of a triple threat and a singles match they'd just put the five in a DAMN KING OF THE MOUNTAIN MATCH! That would be soooooo much better AND actually MEAN something bc it's the 10th Anniversary of the damn company! Hows abouts paying a lil homage, heh?

[Big Red Machine]

I really wish instead of a triple threat and a singles match they'd just put the five in a DAMN KING OF THE MOUNTAIN MATCH! That would be soooooo much better AND actually MEAN something bc it's the 10th Anniversary of the damn company! Hows abouts paying a lil homage, heh?

This. It seemed to me like they were even building to it since early winter:
Roode vs. Jeff vs. Bully vs. Storm vs. Kurt

[cero2k]

i actually enjoyed the show.

- the opening segment, i didn't what complete, but that part with Dixie, Kaz, Daniels, then AJ coming out and getting punched by Dixie's hubby was good.

- the knockouts match was probably the best KOs match i've seen on impact

- Aries vs Crimson was good, but it lasted nothing.

- the parks/ray thing had ups and downs. i liked everything parks said, ray was good, but he got annoying at a point. Abyss showing up does make me wonder why didn't he just come out, but this has always happened, so i'm willing to overlook it.

[Big Red Machine]

i actually enjoyed the show.

- the opening segment, i didn't what complete, but that part with Dixie, Kaz, Daniels, then AJ coming out and getting punched by Dixie's hubby was good.

- the knockouts match was probably the best KOs match i've seen on impact

You had no logical problems with anything Dixie said? Really?

As for the KO's match... Mickie vs. Tara in the cage? Tara vs. Kong? Gail & Kong's streetfight?

[cero2k]

i actually enjoyed the show.

- the opening segment, i didn't what complete, but that part with Dixie, Kaz, Daniels, then AJ coming out and getting punched by Dixie's hubby was good.

- the knockouts match was probably the best KOs match i've seen on impact

You had no logical problems with anything Dixie said? Really?

As for the KO's match... Mickie vs. Tara in the cage? Tara vs. Kong? Gail & Kong's streetfight?

like i said, the dixie thing i didn't see complete, i missed most of dixie's speech, but i liked all the action during the segment.

point taken on the KOs thing. best KOs match in a while

[RedSon]

i actually enjoyed the show.

- the opening segment, i didn't what complete, but that part with Dixie, Kaz, Daniels, then AJ coming out and getting punched by Dixie's hubby was good.

You had no logical problems with anything Dixie said? Really?

this. Dixie's promo was horrible, but the action was great!