BRM Reviews the 3/29/2012 Impact

[Big Red Machine]

BOBBY ROODE PROMO- not very good. Roode says that it has become a hostile work environment for him, and thus the reason for the cops. Then he says that the cops are there to protect Storm from him. WHAT?

JAMES STORM PROMO- eh. Storm makes a big stink about Roode putting his hands on Dixie… where was he a few months ago when Anarquia gave ODB a bodyslam? Hell... where was he at Victory Road when Bobby Roode ACTUALLY WAS TORMENTING DIXIE AT THE TIME!
Then Bully Ray jumps Storm from behind… but Storm still manages to deal with both Storm and Roode.

GAIL & MADISON BACKSTAGE- lame and stupid. I thought we were done with these two hanging out together.

MADISON RAYNE vs. VELVET SKY- 3/10
The boring match these two always have.

VELVET SKY PROMO- after five months, Velvet finally remembers that she never got her return match. Surely there is some sort of statute of limitations on these things. Hell… James Storm never even got an automatic rematch. So why should Velvet be entitled to one?

BOBBY ROODE & BULLY RAY BACKSTAGE- okay

DIXIE AND HOGAN CONVERSATION- For some reason, this is shot in that secret spy-cam point of view that TNA is so fond of. Meaning that someone is spying on the boss and then airing it on TV.
Even worse, before the break, Tenay hyped this up as saying “maybe we will get a decision.” This footage is from “earlier today.” If there was a decision made in this footage… we should already know about it.
Dixie says to Hogan (about Hogan leaving after BFG) “you did not leave me with a peaceful situation.” Of course not, it’s a wrestling promotion. But in terms of a war with Immortal, that was over. The promotion was about as “peaceful” as can ever reasonably be expected in a wrestling promotion.
Dixie says that Hogan is the only person who can “fix” TNA at the moment. Really? Why? What special influence does Hogan have that any other legend doesn’t? And wouldn’t Hogan’s presence be likely to antagonize Immortal, whereas some other legend’s wouldn’t?
This was painful to sit through. It was just the usual mutual admiration society crap we usually get whenever Dixie is involved in something. The only thing that came close to saving this was the way that Hogan played his character. It felt like he genuinely was happy with where he was in his life and didn’t want to get dragged back into the wrestling business.

KURT ANGLE PROMO- great

AUSTIN ARIES PROMO- a great promo, but I really hate the idea of turning Aries face.

MATT MORGAN vs. CRIMSON- no rating. Good segment.

ABYSS’ BROTHER- same segment as usual.

IF HARDY WINS, HE GETS A MATCH WITH KURT ANGLE AT LOCKDOWN: Jeff Hardy vs. Mr. Anderson- 3.75/10
Way too short.

DIXIE CARTER IS HERE- nice of you to finally show up, Dixie.

EY & ODB- MORONIC WASTE OF TIME! All of this for a few boob jokes. Was the standard Taz comments during the Knockouts’ match not enough?

BISCHOFF FAMILY SEGMENT- snore. Gunner & Garrett in a cage at Lockdown. I’m so excited that I might fall asleep right now.

JAMES STORM VIDEO PACKAGE- decent.

HULK HOGAN ARRIVES AT THE ARENA- earlier today Dixie asked Hogan to show up at the show. Apparently, to Hogan, that meant “show up just in time for the end of the show.” Boy, he really seems like he wants to be here, doesn’t he?

JAMES STORM & AUSTIN ARIES vs. BOBBY ROODE & BULLY RAY- 6.25/10
Not close to being good enough for a main event. Not bad, but way too short.
Like with the Jeff Hardy match, who made this match official? They have been making such a big deal about needing someone in charge, but the talent seems to be doing fine making matches on their own. It works for FIP.
If Roode thinks it is a hostile work environment, why did he leave the cops behind this time?

CLOSING SEGMENT- more crap. Hogan says no, but then Sting shows up with a whole bunch of the babyfaces. Hogan says yes, but only if Sting will watch his back. Sting says that he will watch Hogan’s back so long as Hogan is going to be his old self. If Sting didn’t know that Hogan was going to be his old self (i.e. a babyface)… WHY DID HE OFFER HIM THE JOB? This was crap.

Overall, another bad episode of Impact.

STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Tenay says that Hardy vs. Angle at Victory Road “ended in controversy.” KURT CHEATED! Just come out and say it. HE CHEATED!