BRM Reviews the 1/26/2012 Impact

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING BRAWL- How do we know that Bobby Roode is a real heel? He parked in an area where there was a sign that said "No vehicle traffic." Anyway, this just felt goofy. Having Jeff & Bubba fighting and then having Roode drive up in his car, get out and join the brawl reminded me way too much of Al Snow during the Hardcore Title match at Wrestlemania X-Seven for me to be able to take it seriously. Then James Storm just happens to be walking by, so he joins the brawl, too. Same with Sting. If he had been running, I could buy that someone saw the fight and ran to tell Sting about it, but the way that he just walked onto the screen killed it. No urgency whatsoever.

I also think that the lack of commentary hurt the feel, here. We opened the show with a backstage brawl already in progress, but no announcing. We usually have announcers during a backstage brawl, so this made it seem like Taz and Tenay just were not at the desk yet (kayfabe inexcusable for any promotion). The fact that we just opened up with this, as opposed to having Tenay say "we just got word from the back that a fight has broken out between Bully Ray and Jeff Hardy, then having the camera-guy run there would have made this feel a lot more real. This felt like it was a part of the show, with the cameras already in place, and Roode and Storm both waiting for their cues... Compare this to Tupelo, folks. It's not even close. The way Tupelo was done made it feel like a real fight, rather than a part in a play. Having this air after the video-recap of last week's show, but before the opening music also stopped it from having that "real" feel to it. Tenay referring to it as "that chaotic situation that opened tonight's show" took away its remaining credibility. Saying that something like a kayfabe unplanned backstage brawl "opened tonight's show" makes it feel so scripted. Also, Tenay taking about it so calmly just a minute after it happened... where is the shock? The surprise? The emotion?

WINNER GETS A TNA KNOCKOUTS' TITLE SHOT AT AGAINST ALL ODDS: Velvet Sky vs. Mickie James vs. Tara- 4.5/10. Okay

GAIL KIM PROMO- eh.

THE BRAWL... AGAIN- not very good. This just plain wasn't interesting or entertaining in any way. It felt completely unnecessary. Just have Sting make a backstage announcement about it. This time would have much better been used for something else.

ALEX SHELLEY PROMO- okay

ALEX SHELLEY vs. ZEMA ION- 4.75/10 Ion's personality really shined here, though. He was GREAT!

AJ STYLES PROMO- good. I see what they are going for and it seems like it could work.

TARA PROMO- okay

BISCHOFF STUFF- stupid. First of all, no one cares about this feud in any way at all. Second of all, this was dumb. Why was Bischoff so afraid of everyone seeing who Garrett's trainer was? The only reason that Garrett hasn't told us is because he wants to keep it a secret from his father, so now that Bischoff knows, there is no reason that Garrett won't tell anyone anyway (we all know it will be Hogan, anyway, but the identity of the trainer is irrelevant from a logic point of view). Taz and Tenay tried to put this over as some sort of mystery and utterly failed.



ANGELINA LOVE & WINTER vs. ERIC YOUNG & ODB- kayfabe TV logic, please? Why would you have the entrances... then wait an entire commercial for the opening bell? What the hell were they doing during that time? Just standing around? Anyway, this was a HUGE dud. All of the comedy absolutely failed, the wrestling was poor and the match was nowhere close to exciting. ODB gave Angelina THE WORST airplane spin I have ever seen.

This feud has been doomed to fail from the beginning (even for those who enjoy EY's comedy), and the reason for that is simple. It has been well-established that Spike TV has a policy banning male-on-female violence... meaning that EY can't get any offense in on Angelina or Winter... and everyone watching knows it! This also presents an obvious kayfabe problem: Why the hell is TNA booking these match if they know The Network's policy (now referring to the kayfabe entity)? And why the hell is The Network not sticking their nose into TNA's business and stopping them from having matches that, by their kayfabe design, will result in a violation of network policy? The Network had no problem sticking their noses into everything when the heels were running the place.

BULLY RAY & BOBBY ROODE BACKSTAGE- dumb. All this does is telegraph dissension between Roode and Bully Ray in a moronic way.

SAMOA JOE (w/Magnus) vs. MATT MORGAN (w/Crimson)- 4/10. Some wrestling, not much of a story. Joe getting pinned after a clothesline was moronic. Joe loosing at all was bad booking (if Joe and Magnus can't get any wins at all against the champs, what chance to do they have of winning on the PPV?), but if Joe had to lose, and they wanted to do the same aftermath, why not have Joe get rolled up? It makes Joe look a lot stronger, and makes Morgan look better because he pulls out a move that no one would have expected him to pull out.

AJ, DANIELS, & KAZ SEGMENT- eh. They need to answer the question of "why?" very soon, or else this thing will lose all of its momentum.

TABLES MATCH: Bobby Roode & Bully Ray vs. Jeff Hardy & James Storm- 6.25/10. Not good enough to be a main event, and really wasn't very exciting at all. Bubba putting his foot through the table was cool, though. I didn't care for the aftermath at all. Jeff just doesn't do it for me as a babyface anymore.

Overall, a very bad episode of Impact.

STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:

1. Tenay- "Mutual respect between the three, but when you consider what's at stake; the title shot upcoming at Against All Odds, you know that they are going to compete"- they're going to compete? In a wrestling match? Oh, thank G-d? I thought that, because they were friends, they were all going to just roll a die to determine who would get the title shot. Thank you for clearing this up for me, Tenay. If you have any other insights as helpful as this one, do me a favor and unplug your headset before you say them.